Magic Lake House Lift Up (an intimate coaching group)

“The Magic Lake House is where prayers mix with quiet soft nights on the deck, overlooking water that holds magic fish, quiet moments and laughter that can be heard throughout the private island. It is where we create gentle, safe space for people to gather, boat, swim, eat, drink, create, dream and reconnect to their true soul whispers. ”

We are not here to simply live on this earth. We are here to experience, feel, evolve, desire, devour, share, dance and open.

I choose to live sensually. The choices I make must revolve around feeling good and bringing good.

We must circle with our people as part of the deep self-care work we will all be called towards.

This circling for me is a calling so that we don't disappear from our own eyes and dreams and desires.

It is filling a hole inside that often feels gaping and raw.

When you combine the beauty of self care with the kickass mastermind of others who love pushing the edges of heart-centered business you create swirling magic.

The Magic Lake House manifested from a dream that fell in love with another dream. Every prayer is held here. Every download is sent from the lake with bubbles of love. It is pure magic.

Our May/June Lift Up ::

We will start by gathering in a private group virtually (for May and June) where our first unfolding will take place. This is where we will start the vulnerable task of introducing who we are and why we came to this lift up together.

We will gather on two group calls to enter the lift up work. You may use this call in any way you desire; what you need to explore and talk about will be unique, there are no rules. These calls will be recorded. I promise that this is where the magic will first find you.

These calls will be coaching you around anything you are bringing to our circle to be lifted up around.

During May each of us will find the place in our lives where we are desiring lifting up around. As a group this will be nurtured, held and supported. I will be giving you personal inspired actions and coaching. The amazing thing for me is that when we do coaching in this way, we not only get the beauty of the magic that swirls around our own lift up, but benefit from everyone else's. We are all connected.

There is a power when women come together to lift one another up. Something huge shifts inside. We are no longer alone. This circle of women will take you into your next becoming. They will become part of your mantra towards healing, growth, change and desires.

I have been dreaming of a small group of women to lift up, where we go all in and find ourselves sitting on the deck of the magic lake house in the evening with soft music playing, a glass of wine, amazing food (we will do the cooking together) and conversations that become our prayers floating out to the magic lake that holds each prayer inside of her and sends it back to us in the form of downloads that change our next steps.

I have been dreaming of a small group of women where I could go deep, love hard, coach strong, guide in a new way. A group that is part intense coaching and part magical retreat. A group that lifts each other up while doing the work. A group that finds their way to the magic lake to dip their feet in her waters and heal how I have healed over the past year. A group that isn't afraid of going deep, and sharing, and trusting, and desiring together.

I have been dreaming of a small group of women who are ready to dream bigger than they ever have before. Who are ready to say yes, and this and now.

And so it is. We will gather. To do the work. To iterate. To share stories. To lift. To celebrate. To travel into our next becoming.

The magic lake house retreat ::

Thursday, June 9th, we will meet in Rindge, NH, on a small island in paradise (literally), at the magic lake house. We will settle in and spend time on the water or on the deck or walking in the woods as we integrate the slowness and magic that is around us. We will hug and laugh and chat and then gather together for a beautiful dinner overlooking the water and start a fire in the fire pit to warm us as the sun sets. (Skinny dipping has been known to happen during such moments!)

The kitchen will be filled with nourishing food for meals and snacks. I'll have a lose plan for meals, but our cooking will be collaborative, as time in the kitchen chopping and laughing with a glass of wine is one of my favorite ways of coming together. All food is gluten-free and low in sugar and as organic as we can be. You are invited to make yourself at home over the three days and help yourself and feel into the space in any way you need.

Friday will be our soul-work, lift up integration time. Every one will have focused time just on them. This is my favorite part of lift up gatherings. Time when you are heard and held and supported. This is when the next layer of magic happens.

We will have free time after the lift ups Friday late afternoon/evening. You might choose to venture into Keene for dinner and shopping or take a kayak/canoe out with a picnic packed inside and explore Lake Monomonac. You can stay and cozy up at the lake house, build a fire, have a dance party, shoot a bow and arrow, jump off the dock (let's manifest warm weather), go for a run, sit and giggle or anything else your spirit is craving.

Saturday morning we will have breakfast and our final lift up circle. Prayers and visions will be shared and sent out for the lake to hold for us.

It feels impossible for me to convey what the blend of lift ups, the magic lake and women who are willing to show up, do the work, feel into their becomings and step into fears and desires all at once can do to change your life. It is intense. It is pure magic.

This is what the magic lake house and lift ups have done for me. They have shown me that I have so many paths I could walk. And that it all comes down to my own vulnerability, compassion and choice.

The choice that I have made was of love, freedom, joy and constant iteration so that I may always be guiding others to change their lives, to become new, to be part of a wave of loving this life now.

 After the retreat ::

After we say good-bye we will find comfort in the re-entry inside of our virtual group. We will re-enter not just our lives, but our group together as new selves. The retreat will be our past selves having nurtured our future selves.

We will spend the remainder of June integrating, supporting and dreaming.

Some details ::

The deposit is non-refundable unless you or I are able to secure the spot with another participant. Much preparation happens ahead of time, so please, only sign up if you are 100% in! Airports in the area are Manchester (about an hour away), Boston (about an hour and a half away) and Providence (a little less than two hours away). Once the group is assembled we can work out carpools and support around travel.

Dates and Cost ::

June 9th, 10th, 11th (Thursday - Saturday)

3 payments of $477

Cost includes my gift to you of the 6 months in Magic Making Circle (a value of $474)

(if you have already joined the 2016 circle, your second payment will reflect the reimbursement)

To reserve your space inside the magic lake house lift up ::

Lifting up is vital to the movement. As women we crave this circling time together where we can nurture and be nurtured in a collective wave. We want to lead and be led, touch and be touched.

Lifting up is a form of healing when you stop fighting against feelings of jealousy, status, competition, judgement and open space for the truth inside of those feelings and allow yourself time inside of vulnerability, nurture, love, gentle power and forgiveness. Together.

Lifting up is showing up in truth and sharing in safety and love.

Lifting up is allowing others to lay hands on your wounds and then holding that hand in gratitude and love.

Lifting up is circling with other women which can become one of the deepest forms of fear for many of us who were taught that women are jealous and we cannot show up in our light. And we will move through this fear.

Lifting up is the rhythm of sharing meals, fears, dreams, prayers and giggles.

“I felt so lifted up and so held and seen and heard, in a way I had never expected or experienced. It gave me a feeling of connection that was something so new for me and now I know I can’t be without it. And I never realized the sheer power and strength and love without judgment that could be possible within a circle! My lift up time was amazing and I can’t wait to return for more. I yearn for it!”

"There was such freedom to share and spill and soak and release together. I am still basking in the overflow of the intentional self-care and sacred community that was birthed from my lift up time.”

Make a wish. {30 days of visioning into manifesting}

 

The first time I visioned my five beautiful dreams, among them were a space of my own, a disco ball and a trip to NC. I found the feeling inside of the dreams which was freedom.

I was seeking freedom. I had yet to understand what that meant, and somehow after years of a lot of tough experiences, I was open to receiving the message of freedom.

All of those beautiful dreams came to be so fast my nervous system was struggling to keep up.

Just 24 hours after I visioned the NC trip I was opening an email with an invitation inside of it to teach at a retreat in my childhood home of North Carolina.

The space manifested as The Loft which I have held as my heart space for three years and the disco ball was one of the first items ever put inside of it.

The wish that brought the magic was of freedom. I let go of what it would look like as the dreams started to come true. I held onto freedom.

I manifested him from sticky notes, vision pages and boards and my magical man jar. (More about that in the course!)

I didn't believe he existed, this man. I didn't believe I was lovable as a single mom with three kids. But he was my wish. I visioned him down to his name and hair color. The story is wild and crazy and blows my mind when I recall all the parts.

He was my wish. And he came to me. I didn't believe it but I wished it, I felt it, I focused on it. Until the day I knew it was true. Our focus becomes our reality. Our faith lets us make our wish while still being scared of what we want. Visioning is what takes us into that future self.

My wish that brought the magic was love.

When :: March 2nd for 30 days

Why :: A wish can become our magic.

How much :: (my gift to you when you sign up for the Magic Making Circle by March 1st) or... $59.00 for 30 days of inspiration, prompts, action and a virtual space where we will play together. This will be the most amazing warm up time for the Magic Making Circle that I could think of! If you have been wondering if that circle is where you belong to love up your life right now, start here, now.

$59.00

What I will ask of you for these 30 days ::

Make space to be here. Allow yourself the faith in wishes. Use these prompts to spend time with yourself. To light up in a new way. To discover a you that may have hidden out, buried by the stresses of daily living and lost dreams.

Create magical pages, cards, boards, gifts... filled with words and visions and feelings that surround them. As you do this, you harness the vibrations of the Universe. You vibrate in a new way. These creations become a way for you to align what you want with what you have. They create manifesting magic in your life.

I am going to ask you to make wishes. Each day in the form of visioning. The wishes become the prayer dust to manifesting what we desire in our lives. Our vibration of focus is creating the path of our future self.

The feeling inside of the dreams. The secret messages. The boards holding our monthly rhythm. The surprises.

The moment we blow out the candle and whisper our wish to the Universe...

• Wishes
• ‘I am’
• Beautiful dreams
• Wantings
• Desires
• Awakenings
• Words of spirit
• Secret messages
• Blessings
• Manifesting
• Spirit Guides
• Love languages
• Love and love and more love
• The sun and stars and moon
• Storytelling into the night

Through ritualized vision work we can allow each day to guide us towards living joyously, even (especially) when things are hard or challenges arise.

What will you need ::

• A blank journal, I love Moleskine XL Cahier, but anything you love works beautifully.
• Large pieces of cardboard or poster board or a bulletin board.
• Card stock. Start collecting pieces of thick paper from packaging that comes in the mail or you can cut up thin cardboard boxes.
• Some magazines. Ask people to start saving them for you. Go to hair salons and offices and ask for their old magazines. Check out libraries for magazine sales.
• A glue stick.
• Scissors.
• Some space and time.
• Faith that playing in this way can transform your wishes into magic.

the celebration after the surrender

 

my life is about to shift in big, huge ways soon. i don't like transitions or change and yet i am in a constant state of them. as a highly sensitive person it can sometimes feel like the ground isn't there. like you don't know what is keeping you here because surely gravity can't keep your feet planted in the chaos. and then you see where you are fighting. you feel it. name it. look at it. you love it up. and you surrender. in the last two weeks i have taken myself through this practice of surrender. and last night i cried. so many tears i felt depleted. and then i woke up and i prayed. and my prayer became action. i am new. i am now inside of a deep river of faith. ....... each time I look at my calendar and think about what program i’d like to run there is always a direct connection to where I am. over the last few years i’ve worked on creating a ritual, a practice of moving into surrender. and right now I am needing it again. i need to go into my practice, as I will again and again. we aren’t perfect, flawless. we are change. we are beginning and iterating and choosing often at a pace so rapid our nervous systems can’t keep up. surrender is the slow down. the space. the in between. the forgiveness. the prayer. ....... one of the things i have called in for this year is a monthly celebration. i want to look at what i have discovered, manifested, loved, dedicated, supported, lifted. i want to see and celebrate where i have been. and dream of where i am going. my first celebration will be that of surrender. of opening space to release, to feel, to pray. and i will do the work. i will feel all the things i have been putting a pin in to feel later. later is now. i will do the work. and together we will find our way into the celebration. ....... maybe there will be blue balloons. or bubbly. or both. or a table set with your most beautiful linens and plates. we will celebrate. because surrender is how we become. and become we must. i don't like transitions or change. and yet, now i am inside a deep river of faith. because i chose surrender. so become i will. and celebrate we must. i am ready to hang the balloons and plan the feast. when we do the work, on the other side is the freedom and joy we seek. and celebrate we will. xo

The open space of surrender. {A 5 week circle}

We start: February 1st, 3 emails a week Where: Virtual, wherever you are. How long: 5 weeks. Why: So we can take a deeper breath inside of our lives after the exhale. So we can say yes to that open space.

$49.00  

Surrender: To give yourself up to a new emotion or course or influence. To melt into and open up to...

2015

I was remembering a story about my boys from two years ago. One morning Eli (then 7) asks Lucas (then 4) who he loves more, himself or mama? Lucas being four and his world wrapped around his mother says, "Mama."

Eli then goes into a speech about how you have to love yourself the most. If you love yourself the most then you can love other people. He made a good case to the little one on why loving himself was the first step to mama love. The four year old just glazed over and I teared up.

This child is my little spirit guide in matters of the heart and spirit. He is so much like me. And we both struggle with explosive feelings and deep desires for surrender inside of the struggle that we tend to create for ourselves.

The other night as he was doing his homework he throws down his pencil and whines at me, "Mooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaam. I just can't finish my homework until I organize my chi." And then he asks to meditate. He has grown up watching Avatar and Korra as his source of spirituality and they haven't let us down.

I surrendered and lit the candle and put on the music and watched as his body calmed down inside of his own surrender. I have been feeling like such an unfocused, trying to be all things for everyone mom right now, my chi is pretty unorganized.

This is where we can make space for allowing, releasing and simply being in our now.

Each time I look at my calendar and think about what program I'd like to run there is always a direct connection to where I am. Over the last two years I've worked on creating a ritual, a practice of moving into surrender. And right now I am needing it again. I need to go into my practice, as I will again and again.

We aren't perfect, flawless. We are change. We are beginning and iterating and choosing often at a pace so rapid our nervous systems can't keep up.

Surrender is the slow down. The space. The in between. The forgiveness. The prayer.

Surrender is the intersection between acceptance and change.

As we find ourselves pushing against and fighting what we are feeling, we draw in more of that which we push. We continue to obsess, replay, hear the mind chatter that keeps us stuck. That old story plays over and over and over. We become trapped.

There is an ease when we learn how to embrace surrender. Feeling without fight. Fear and struggle are met with truth and grace. Releasing and allowing feel spectacular with the flow from stuck into surrender. Surrender is an entry point for joy. Surrender can guide you into stillness, moving, creating, acting and flowing.

Surrender is no longer pushing against :: My belly (insert body part of choice or flaw of choice) is so flabby I could never be loved (love myself).

Surrender is no longer playing the same old story :: I have nothing unique to offer the world because I'm not creative, smart, worldly, skinny, beautiful...

Surrender is no longer living in the what-if :: What if I could lose these last 10 pounds, be a size 4, make more money, get my partner to understand, have more time...

Surrender is melting into, opening up, releasing and that moment when you are ready to forgive yourself.

2016

i fell apart last night. one dash pms. one dash sickness. one dash feeling lonely while being sick. one dash entering into a huge unknown.

in a few months i will be stepping into my new life. a life that manifested from a story i long to tell. soon.

i haven't been praying in the morning. my warm coffee in hand, my quiet prayer for the day. lost inside the chaos of school vacation and holiday plans and a sickness that keeps swirling around my family.

prayer is my love note. prayer is how i stop feeling sorry for myself. prayer is a gift to the vibration of the day. prayer is vulnerable. prayer is surrender.

holding so tight to fears. so last night he says it is time to talk about it. and we did. and i cried. and fell apart. i still don't know how to talk when i am in fear. i am still afraid that i will trigger a fight or anger.

i am learning to talk. to feel safe inside the fear. but shit, it is so so hard.

prayer is my love note. safety is my prayer.

there is so much to surrender and i continue to hold on too tight and this body of mine can't breathe.

as we are journeying together into this new life we are in the space between. i am learning to surrender my need to be right. i am learning to surrender the fear of anger. i am learning to surrender to having to do it all alone.

i am learning to let go of always feeling like i am failing.

prayer as love note. knowing each other, learning, being vulnerable in the asking. sometimes it is the fear of the answers. i want to surrender into deep connection. a connection i have never known before until now.

after 13 years of parenting, 8 years of running a business, 1 1/2 years into a divorce and living on my own for the first time ever, 9 months into a new love relationship and 41 years in my body; surrender is showing up more than ever.

every time I think I 'get' it, a new lesson arrives. what brings me softness is the practice of surrender that we work with inside of this circle brings me back to my truth.

i seek surrender in new ways. inside of love. inside of deep deep truths i am holding inside.

"Hannah's program taught me how to shift my judgements into truths. Practicing this skill has profoundly shifted my thinking, reduced anxiety, and helped me experience greater joy in my everyday life. I highly recommend this program to anyone who is ready to surrender all the messy details of what's holding you back and start walking in the purity of truth." ~ Britta Alexander

Imagine your life if you could move past the stories that hold you in fear and excuses?

Imagine your relationships, your business, your spirit?

Where in your world is there an echo of surrender and what feelings does it leave you with?

Most of us are afraid to shine. We let our fear overtake us so we can’t move forward. We are paralyzed with shame, with trying to seem perfect and doing what is expected rather than what brings us joy.

We have a beautiful truth that wants to be heard. It is clogged by indecision, perfectionism, fear and doubts.

Are you ready to surrender to the struggle?

Would you like to allow and let-go without feeling like you are constantly pushing against and rather start to flow with?

Are you willing to allow grace (love, ease, fluidity, forgiveness, kindness) into that space?

We will release. We will move into our light. It won't be easy but it will bring us closer to the ease we desire each day when we wake.

The How:

• We will work with a weekly theme of moving from the story that is keeping us stuck and locked into fear and into writing our new one.
• Three emails from me each week to support your journey for each of the 5 weeks.
• Prompts with soulwork to take at your own pace
• Videos from me sharing my stories of surrender.
• A FB group where we will come together and share our journey and deepen our support, which will actively help to prompt you deeper into your knowing.
• Gentle power, that is how we will enter into surrender, gentle power.

Prep week begins Monday, February 1st...

    $49.00

 "Hannah has changed the way I breathe." ~ Maria

"Thank you for giving us your all, it allows us to do the same for ourselves." ~ Izabela

"I didn't even realize how far away I had traveled from my passions and joy until Hannah entered my life. What did I do without her?"~ Joanie

"The work you do is magical and impacts so much on the lives of the women that take part… including me." ~ Amy

"I value your words so much, they always speak to my heart. Thank you, I get so tired of reading other people's words all the time but yours are always special." ~ Jackie

safety as prayer. 17 questions to ask your beloved

i fell apart last night. one dash pms. one dash sickness. one dash feeling lonely while being sick. one dash entering into a huge unknown. in a few months i will be stepping into my new life. a life that manifested from a story i long to tell. soon. i haven't been praying in the morning. my warm coffee in hand, my quiet prayer for the day. lost inside the chaos of school vacation and christmas plans and a sickness that keeps swirling around my family. prayer is my love note. prayer is how i stop feeling sorry for myself. prayer is a gift to the vibration of the day. prayer is vulnerable. prayer is surrender. holding so tight to fears. so last night he says it is time to talk about it. and we did. and i cried. and fell apart. i still don't know how to talk when i am in fear. i am still afraid that i will trigger a fight or anger. i am learning to talk. to feel safe inside the fear. but shit, it is so so hard. prayer is my love note. safety is my prayer. there is so much to surrender and i continue to hold on too tight and this body of mine can't breathe. as we are journeying together into this new life we are in the space between. i am learning to surrender my need to be right. i am learning to surrender the fear of anger. i am learning to surrender to having to do it all alone. i am learning to let go of always feeling like i am failing. prayer as love note. knowing each other, learning, being vulnerable in the asking. sometimes it is the fear of the answers. i want to surrender into deep connection. a connection i have never known before until now. what do you appreciate most that i do for you? what desires do you have around us as partners? what touch do i give you that is your favorite? what touch do you crave? what do you need when you walk in the door after work? what do i do that most shows you my respect and admiration (masculine) adoration and protection (feminine)? when you are in fear how can i show up for you and hold you? what do i say or do that makes you feel like you are the most important person in the universe to me? what would you like more of from me (time, touch, words, etc)? what one thing can i support you with to ease your overwhelm? what is one celebration around anything you would like to have together? what do you see us doing together in one year? what is the thing i cook for you that you most look forward to? what brings you the most pleasure? what do you need more of from me? less of? what ways do/can i help you feel safe? safety as prayer. put each of these questions onto small strips of paper and keep them in a tiny bowl or jar. ask one in a quiet moment. let your partner choose one. pick a few for a long car ride. use one as word foreplay while you sit together naked and cuddling. ask one after you make love. pour a glass of wine as dinner cooks and really listen to an answer. let the answers come to you as prayer. really listen when they speak. hold their gaze. touch their leg or arm if that grounds them. think of other questions. add them in. ask the questions to yourself. are you resentful because you aren't getting more time or touch? close your eyes and instead of the resentment listen to the question...what would you like more of from me? let the answer soften you. pray as love note. surrender. find the safety in listening. in talking. in asking. in answering. xo

belly to belly

 

one of the most clever things i have read about sales/marketing was this :: "and the secret is: 'see twenty people belly-to-belly every day.'" (from the book How To Master the Art of Selling by Tom Hopkins) "put your belly button near twenty others each day." belly to belly. i have a million love languages but the ones that mean the most to me, that make me swoon and sway and often bring me to tears of happiness are words and time. a couple of years ago i had no idea that time was one of my love languages. now i understand that it is one of the biggest gifts i can give and receive from others. all i wanted for my birthday with my love was his time. just us. together. talking. naked. loving. eating. being. i wanted to curl up in his arms and wake up there too. belly to belly. (he also gave me words in the form of sticky notes hidden all over the loft that i found for weeks.) i think about belly to belly, and i have challenged my magic making business circle to spend more belly to belly time, in new ways each day. belly to belly is more than just marketing and sales relationship. it is the core of who we are as humans. we are meant to be together. to help. to love. to lift one another up. belly to belly can be an instagram post connecting to a shared dream. it can be amazing sex with your lover. it can be talking to 5 people at the grocery store. it can be snuggle time in bed with your kids reading and giggling. belly to belly is connection, relationship. ....... today on the eve of the year that calls us in, i asked my circle three things. i want to share them with you. to give you a little soul work as a way to ritualize and make space inside of 2015 for all that is to come. for the relationships. to make space for more belly to belly. ....... one. on this eve, what is one guide you want to draw in to walk with you? for me it is love. i am learning to love in new ways. i am growing my family, my heart. i am making more space for forgiveness and other's needs. so my guide is love. second. a wish. my women and i (and i am working on my lover and kids) believe that you must share a wish to help it manifest. on this eve, can you share a tender wish with someone? let's hold it up to the moon, to our people, to the year that beckons us to live with more joy and all the feelings we desire. one wish. third. celebration. here is something i never do inside of my work. i forget to celebrate. to give myself credit. to actually look at what i have created and drawn towards me. i am in awe of the women who circle, who write to me, who lift me up through their time with me inside of this soul work. so this year i want to create monthly celebrations. celebration as ritual. as a deepening of love languages. around my work. my family. my love. ....... one. two. three. ....... my love and all of our kids are together at the magic lake house for new year's eve. we have sick kids. fevers. some puking at 3 am. lots of crackers and blankets and juice and movie time. it will be our first new year's together. our belly to belly with our family, our wishes, our iterating into a love that neither of us can quite believe is happening to us because it is so big. so different. so raw. so crazy amazing and challenging all at once. we are creating a universe together that feels like it will change everything. we will make our wishes. we will make nachos and make the kids the most amazing banana splits one has ever seen (because he went to the store and let me just tell you, we have it all). and we will belly to belly inside of our gratitude for those who are in our life. who love us. who support us. who have walked these last few crazy hard months holding our energy while we have often spiraled out in fear. we will go to sleep belly to belly inside of love. and wake up with my belly pressed up against his back, or his against mine, as we do now, in our ritual of sleep and wake. ....... words. time. nurture. ritual. prayer. love. happy new year my loves. you all mean more to me than i can say. thank you for your words. time. ritual. prayer. love. thank you for showing up. for believing in my words. time. nurture. ritual. prayer. love. welcome 2016. welcome belly to belly. welcome love. welcome celebration. xoxo

love stories and a pack of wolves

sometimes my mind is so full of chatter that i can't find my stories. i sit and stare at the computer and i wait, willing the words to come. and bribing myself with another cup of coffee or a hot shower if i just get it done. my friends joke that everything that happens, all the words we speak to each other, become fair game to weave their way into my stories each week. these women keep time in my life. they change me and challenge me every single day because they see and hold my flaws and fears and imperfections and let me be incomplete. and incomplete some more. i have been purging my space. starting with the old prom dress and moving onto wall clutter. taking everything down. looking at blank walls. deciding what i love, what will stay. i pour another cup of coffee. the bribe didn't work. the screen blank. almost as though i am clearing my world of words just as i clear the walls. like i am trying to see something inside of the emptiness. what if i stopped talking and listened? asked more questions. witnessed with the feeling of white walls, bare. there are so many things i want to know to feel safe right now. i want to ask my partner questions and hear his stories. i want his stories to fill my walls. my heart. my future. i want to know that i will be safe when i move out from these walls in a few months. that i will find home and places for all the treasures i decide to keep. and to leave space for new stories inside the life we are building together. living inside of uncertainty is loud. noisy. high alert. i made escape plans that no longer hold truth because he is my family. the arms i want to run into, to hear him tell me we are safe. together. all i want is the energy to do the dishes. sick for days. still staring at a blank screen, tugging at my hair in a loop of ocd day dreaming. she texts me that she wishes she were closer and could bring me soup. she texts me and tells me to go take a nap, the words can wait. she texts me that maybe i should write about not being able to find the words. i open a bag of potato chips. it is 10:30am. i pull up the words he wrote last night while i wasn't feeling good and he told me he would write my newsletter. this man makes me laugh and loves me in a way neither of us have loved before. we talked last night about how scary it is to feel love in this way. the words he typed onto my blank screen while sipping wine as i put on my make up in the bathroom, trying to hide my sickness to go out and meet his friends for a drink. my body felt insecure, wanting to make a beautiful first impression (cause i can be a lot of fun on a good day) and feeling like i could pass out from exhaustion. i send a picture of his gift of words to the girls. he was writing about them for me :: "sometimes family is the people who love and support you" unconditional love the happy puppy to your bad day the rock the sun the truth And the love. Boom. And done. xo he calls us the wolf pack. we became a blended unit of team meets friendship meets co-workers meets mastermind meets slumber parties and thai food meets lift ups meets what has become family. and he is part of that family now. and we have a huge old farm table to hold this family. the wolf pack keeps my rhythm because we are working and loving all at once. there is no separation. they have no jealousy for the other wolves and foxes and beautiful creatures in my life. they adore them, and invite them, and love them up. they are different and hold space in a way i have never experienced women so seamlessly do. it isn't friendship. it is family of choice. the rock. the sun. the truth. and the love. last night after going out for drinks and feeling feverish and like i shouldn't have left the loft i stripped down and climbed under a blanket on the couch. he grabbed a beer and we sat talking. i asked him questions and he told me stories. we exchanged deep love in the form of words and i fell more in love. and awe of this man i called into my experience. and we told more stories. as i sip the coffee going cold and feel huge gratitude for salt and vinegar potato chips when nothing else tastes good the blank screen starts to find words. i remind myself that the dishes will get washed and they will continue to be dirtied and i am allowed to rest. the disco lights dance on the white walls and i am dreaming of the barn. where we will have dance parties and sip wine while our life unfolds. we laugh so much and have more fun than i wonder if we are allowed to be having. and we fight. we have crazy passion. and we eat crazy amounts of potato chips. and i think about the dinner i want to make tonight to comfort us from days of sickness, fevers, wild dreams and restless sleep. tears fell down my cheeks over and over last night while we talked. old bits were moving out as fevers ask us to sit in the shadows and release. his words of love were calling me forth to the blank screen i now fill with the stories that are words shared from tiny moments inside of one day. a day of bare walls. shivers from sick skin. screens without words. drinks in an irish pub. loving texts from all the beautiful creatures in my life. hot toddy conversations. getting lost in his naked skin. staring into eyes that hold my entire universe. one day. and the love. boom. done. xo

the parts of you in a list. an on the eve prompt

we are for eachother: then laugh, leaning back in my arms for life’s not a paragraph ~ e.e. cummings she said :: "i feel like i am so many different people in one hour. the little girl, the woman, the bad ass, the asshole, the warrior. they get jumbled together and instead of feeling them i'm trying to ignore them." she said :: "i feel that way all the time. and i have been thinking about it a lot lately actually... and how trying to allow space for all of it often leaves me feeling exhausted and depleted. so here’s my recent flip. we need all these parts of ourselves. they are vital. because how amazing is that we have these selves to call upon to guide us through what is in front of us in any given moment. and even the ones that appear to be wounds or gaping holes are guides too. big time." this is how my women talk, daily. these women are my team, my inspirations, my heart. and we don't let any part of who we are get away with not being seen and loved. these women know that when i invite them over for a business mastermind dinner it will be one part business talk, one part yummy food and one part crazy making with kids everywhere and laughter and stories and sometimes a few tears. one of my wishes last year was to be the most amazing mom i could be, meaning less anger and exhaustion and more fun and loving moments. i could see her. she used to be part of me. she is fun and spontaneous and she includes her kids in all the parts of her life, including her business dinners. he said :: "do you realize that you have created the most amazing life for yourself? do you realize really what you have done?" he said :: "we have too much fun together. it just really shouldn't be allowed." he said :: "i will take a nap at lunch while you write today." this is the man i love. i tell him all the time that i do know that i have designed my life, the life of my dreams. it was no accident. i know what i want. i dream it, vision it, find the feeling inside of it and then i live inside that feeling. and he knows. because he is doing the same thing. this is my freedom. our freedom plan. my life of design which is now our life of our design. sometimes we feel almost guilty for how beyond amazing it is becoming. i tell him that i feel like i have two different parts to my work. the part that is the coach, the guide, the writer and the part that has built in enough space and ease in her life to be there full time for her kids, for him, for my women. i may not get paid in cash for this second part but it is why i do what i do. why i create what i create. why i am so driven to live inside this life of my design. so that all the parts of me have time to be lived fully. to be seen. i need to love up others. to cook for the people i love. to wake up with my love and make him breakfast while he readies for work. to host my women. to pick up my kids from school and sit at the table doing homework while singing katy perry songs. this freedom plan is creating the life of my dreams. possibly better than what i could even let myself dream. because when we let ourselves let go of the details, the universe might just raise the vibration on the details that come forth. i adore the parts of me. i love shape shifting as needed. pulling forth the parts of who i am and mixing and mingling them is a superpower. and so instead of ignoring all the parts of who we are, we feel them. allow them. welcome them. learn from them. believe that they are all teaching us something. and the more we love them up, the more they will start to integrate and feel seen. then we get to choose. what parts do we love the most? i love the story teller who can't tell a linear story and often forgets why she was even telling the story. she said :: "babe. i have three reasons for this. wait. i can't remember the second. but i have three." i love the wild, funky, fun, a little too loud, talk to anyone weird mama/woman. she said :: "mom. do you have to ask everyone their entire life? can't you just buy the boys a pretzel and just buy the pretzel?"

an on the eve prompt.

make a list of all the parts of you. the ones you adore. the ones you wish you could kick out. the ones that others remind you or mirror for you. get out a big piece of paper. make the list. then next to each one find the feeling inside of it. my story teller part is the feeling of joy and adoration. the wild funky part is connection and freedom. the mom who has no patience and yells part is fear and exhaustion. find all the feelings. then circle the ones you want to dress up inside of? which parts of you hold the feelings of the woman you want to embody and be inside of right now? which parts of her are the ones guiding you towards your own freedom plan, the life of your design? find the feelings. then go dress her up. does she need a scarf in her hair, silver fake tattoos on her arms, long feather earrings or a suit with heels and red lipstick? does she have a signature color (i am gray) or scent? does she go the market in her leather jacket and sexy boots looking like the hottest mom or does she put on her leggings and big sweater and sit on a sheepskin rug to write? every day she can be new, change, show up for the parts that she is today. and she can find love and softness for the parts that aren't her favorites because they all belong. they all guide her inside of her life of design. her freedom. her joy. her heart centered business that becomes her freedom plan. who is she today? who is the woman who believes she can dream, vision, create and manifest the life of her design? dress her up. be inside of the feeling. send blessings to all her parts. she said :: "today is amazing. and it is only becoming more amazing with the support of all of you. my circle. the ones who i tell my dreams to and who believe in them often more than i do." he said :: "good morning beautiful. i am a powerful manifestor." she said :: "i am ready. i've got this." today make your list. find the feeling of the parts you want to embody today. dress her up. let her be seen and felt. she is you. you are her. and this is the life of your design.

magic making business circle starts in the morning.

4 months. all your parts. all the feelings. all the work and ritual and rhythm. all the women circling you and your dreams. join us.

shrimp. jim carrey. a hampster

 

(photo from ruthpclark.com) i soaked the brown rice in water and apple cider vinegar. defrosted the shrimp. rubbed the kale. rubbed it some more. watched for hours as it went from over flowing the bowl down to a small tight mound of green. the kids always know when it is a night when i need them to desire less attention from me. they push for just a bit more than they typically ask for. but they are so much fun. i had asked two of my dearest friends, ruth and melissa, to come over and i would feed them and do some business coaching/masterminding with their businesses. i am out of practice and i wanted some beautiful humans to work with. and i knew we would have fun, no matter what. i had an image of the night that didn't match up. what i received was a huge gift. laughter. my kids showing me how amazing they are and how good we are and how right i was making the choices i have made so i can be the mother i have always wanted. my life being designed beautifully after a whole shit ton of hard work. my boyfriend texting me saying he was thinking of me and wishing he was there with us. my friends loving each other up. talking about their dreams and visions and more dreams. and I sat there in absolute joy. i felt like i was home. because i am home. home in my skin, in my knowing, in my fear, in my failures, in my risks, in my love, in my mothering, in my dharma, in my sexuality, in my happiness. i am home. and the people gathering around me are manifestations of what i have desired for as long as i can remember. they let me nurture them and love them and hold space for them and laugh with them and then they ask me what i need and then tell me how they are going to show up for me. i am home. and we talk business as the kids show up in their own ways around us. accepting this, accepting me, accepting this life i have been dreaming of for them. we talk about hope and faith. we eat shrimp and rice and kale. and ruth googles jim carrey's famous speech. and he says, "hope walks through the fire and faith leaps over it." i feel like i am flying over the fire. i feel lifted and loved in ways i never thought i would be able to take in, to draw into myself. our hamster that has been missing and suspected of building her nest under our oven made some commotion as we were talking business in the living room. we miss her. she was my companion during the early days of separation when the kids would be at their dad's house and i would be with myself, struggling to know who i was now. we miss her. so my middle little one set up watch and waited for one hour until he finally saw her run out to taste an orange we set out for her. she saw him and ran away. and his tears slipped out as he slid into bed after his hunting for the little hamster came to an end. and we continued to laugh. and dream. we turned out the lights so the boys could sleep. and i sat on my chair and saw the texts from the man i am falling more in love with every minute that passes. i felt like i was glowing. my women. my kids. my man. even my hamster. faith. i walked through the fire for years. and it hurt. and i was lost. but now my faith is so strong i am flying. the hope brought me to risk. the pain of what i knew was not my destiny, the walking through fire, the hard work. it gave me wings. and joy. and here i am. leaping over fire. home. inside the giggles and snuggles and deep kisses and long talks. the simplest things bring me joy. cooking them dinner. listening to their silliness. rubbing his feet as he tells me stories of his past. knowing texts from friends i adore. my women leave and the kids are asleep. the house is dark and quiet. the hamster making no movement. i pour a glass of water and brush my teeth. i think about setting the coffee pot but am too tired. i text him back. the words that have become ours over the last few months. "i love you still." and at the same time we text each other... "i love you again." and we leap over the fire together. xo

i ask for so little

 

i have a story. in three bubbles.

part martyr bubble. part not allowing bubble. part fear bubble.

my story starts with these words, "well, i ask for so little, so..."

the martyr bubble has no idea how to receive. she only does. only wants to do. i mean, she asks for so little and does so much. please don't try to do for her. she has no time for that.

the not allowing bubble part of the story has not learned how to look inside and figure out what she needs. and she has needs. lots of them. she spent so long not having needs met that she doesn't even know how to search for them, so she asks for so little...

the fear bubble is an interesting one. the fear is that it is not safe to ask. it is not safe to want. it is selfish to need. and the biggest fear, that she doesn't deserve to need or communicate those needs.

i have been telling this story, with my little bubbles, for a long (long) time. a beautiful soul recently challenged me around my story. he challenged me to think about what i was really saying with those words, how i was triggering others and creating a system of my expectations from others.

and after he challenged my story i saw the bubbles fall down around me. and i realized how layered this story was. and how it was holding me down and creating disconnect in relationships.

i must learn how to receive and allow others to receive pleasure from doing for me. i also need to learn that i don't have to hold it all myself.

i am allowed to need. to want. to ask. i am allowed to go inside and figure out what feels good to me and communicate those needs. without fear.

and fear? teaching me so much. as fear does. it is teaching me that i am ready to feel safe. to ask for safety when i ask for what i need. my needs may not be able to be met the way i hope, i may have to adjust or call in patience, but they don't stand a shot if i don't ask. if i don't put myself out there.

so i wrote a new story. in three bubbles.

and it goes something like this, "i look inside for what i need. in safety i am able to share my needs. meeting my needs brings others joy."

boom.

Moving Day

 

she is grace, love and abundance. she has taught me how to receive, how to understand, how to know myself at a deeper level. and she is moving. leaving the country for a year. she is selling all her belongings and moving out of the country. she is bravery. risk. and gorgeous.

her bravery triggered my fears. about losing her, being alone, being left. she is one of my secret weapons in business, the person i talk to about playing 'small' rather than wanting to be bigger than what my life and heart can hold. i pushed her away when i couldn't hold the sadness around her leaving. my fears in life and love and business were all unearthed as she prepared to move. and she is moving.

she has set up her life and love and business so that she can be anywhere. at any time. she is letting go of all she owns so she can be free and stretch to a new edge. there are tears and nerves and growing pains for her, for him, for all of us. my love and i went and helped her, them, pack up their home. we took her furniture and her energy with us into the second half of our lives together. her energy and blessings are pulsing inside of the physical things she is releasing to us. and she holds my heart, as she prepares to move.

her moving day feels like the moment i knew i would have a third baby and had lost myself and had to find her again. her moving day feels like the moment i enrolled in school to start a business that called to me and scared me. her moving day feels like the moment i told him i was done and my heart needed to be set free. her moving day feels like the first moment i paid for rent and food and bills for my kids and i all on my own from the money i earned from the business i grew out of nothing into something. her moving day feels like the moment he asked if he could kiss me, our nerves were palpable and we were both shaking inside. her moving day feels like the moment i decided to trust him to be my life partner, because it scares me that he might be gone tomorrow. her moving day feels like the moment i launch a new program wondering if i will be able to pay rent and feed my kids and plan the next six months of income. her moving day feels like the moment i believed in me, in her, in him, in my life's calling, in my family.

her moving day is a good-bye and a hello. an end that is the beginning. a fear that is love.

her moving day is everything i have risked to set up my life so that i can be free and circle and be there for my calling.

her moving day is how we change our lives. how we risk it. how we call in the next vibration of who we are becoming.

her moving day is her knowing that her business will allow her to be inside of freedom and joy and release.

her moving day is a promise and whisper and reminder and vibration for all of us that it is worth it. the fear. the uncertainty. the chance. the unknowing that is the deepest knowing. the iterations that are now. now.

she is grace. she is my constant. she holds me tight as i cry into her neck. she tells me that i deserve all of it. she promises me as she stands there on her moving day that everything that blesses me now is because i give and now the return is a million fold. she squeezes me as i tell her how much i love her and that i can do this, i can let her go because her going is freedom for all of us.

and she is moving. and she is so blessed because she is risk, she is joy, she is the knowing inside the truth that movement changes everything.

xo

Magic Making Business Circle

I found out I was pregnant with Lucas, my third baby,  just as I was starting to feel like I was entering the world from a long deep stay inside of raising young children. I got scared that I would lose myself and yet I was so thrilled at the idea of another baby, surprise that he was.

I made a leap of faith to enroll in school to become a health coach. At that point in my life my second, Eli, was eating 'quesadilla pizzas' which were brown rice and seaweed in a tortilla, so food as health and medicine was my thing. (Disclaimer, no longer does quesadilla pizza filled with seaweed fly with my kids!)

I spent almost a year piling my whole family plus our dog into a tiny car (which is why we eventually got a minivan) and spending weekends in NYC going to school during the day, coming back at night to nurse the baby who would boycott a bottle all day long. He was four months old when I started and walking by the time I graduated.

I love food. I love food as medicine. But what really lit me up were the chunks of time at school when they would talk about business. I realized this was my turn-on. Marketing. Sales. Creating your own income based on your passion. Freedom.

My whole life I wanted my own business. I own a lot of domain names. A. Lot.

I come up with a new business idea almost daily.

When I started my business, called Hannah's Harvest, I didn't know how to send an attachment inside of an email. I had only just signed up for Facebook, clueless of the reach it would one day provide for my business. I had amazing mentors and coaches in my life. They patiently taught me step by step how to do everything from writing a blog post to editing a photo to starting a newsletter.

I studied businesses that I adored. I watched. I learned. I saw what I didn't like. I saw what I loved. I was patient. I accepted that I would fail a shit ton before I would succeed. Every 'failure' I flipped into a learning moment.

The second year of business I made about $2,000 and I was out of my mind happy. It took me 4 more years to make an income that provides my gorgeous home, my life, my freedom. More than anything I am so proud of myself. That I kept going. That I knew I would and could do this. I was born for this. I was made to create businesses that make others feel amazing, special, loved, understood, seen, held.

My dharma is making others feel special and know that they can do anything, anything, they dream of.

I am a manifestor of the life of my dreams. I am a magic maker. I am all I desire.

There are days when I worry. When I want to quit and give up and run away. When I am exhausted with single parenting three kids and running two businesses. Those days are part of the magic. The magic of knowing what we want.

I want more ease inside of my businesses and so I am constantly challenging my own business model. I still think most days that I am that tired mama making $2000 in the business she created out of nothing. Because she is my superhero. She is my motivation. She is my muse. I adore what she created for me. Because she never gave up. She doesn't give up. She knows she can do hard things and does them.

I am a magic maker. And so are you.

My invitation to you is to step inside a circle of women who are creating the businesses of their dreams or are dreaming of the businesses that will one day light them up, turn them on, create their freedom.

My invitation to you is to believe in your soulwork. In your dharma. In your joy.

My invitation to you is to become the magic maker who allows failure to fuel them, who tries, who doesn't give up. Who fights for what they know they were put here to do.

My invitation to you is to join our circle and find your magic. Your business. Your heart centered work.

My invitation to you is to say yes to all that you know you can create, inside of the most amazing circle of women you will ever meet.

My invitation to you is to say yes. And yes again. And again.

We start November 11th on the cusp of the New Moon and will circle together for four months. When you sign up the first payment comes out now and each month after there is an auto withdrawal on the same date each month for the three months following.

$89.00 for four months

Inside this circle ::

• monthly group coaching live calls which will be recorded
• a free invitation to join Community Grace if you sign up by September 1st, as preparation for the work we will be doing
• weekly prompts to help you move forward, take risks, open yourself to marketing, dreaming and creating in a new way
• a circle of women working inside of their heart centered businesses to inspire and support
• live chats inside of our Facebook group circle to ask me anything and share with the circle
• the invitation to celebrate yourself and all that you bring to the world, to celebrate your gifts and superpowers

We will explore ::

• marketing that allows you to feel authentic and true
• money. yes. money.
• communication with tribe and building that tribe
• blogging, newsletters, bios, sales pages... you know, the writing piece
• how to use social media for expanding and connecting
• failure and success
• upper limit ceilings and sicknesses (oh yes, this is a big one)
• patience and pacing and movement and inspired actions
• and you know, all the things that come up along the way

 What women who have participated in MMC for Business are saying:

"Exploring business with Hannah is like doing anything with Hannah – filled with magic! If you are into smart, sexy, sacred work then this is place for you. The ways that this program changed my business (and me) are too many to be named here but I will share that for years the biggest struggle in my business was how to market my work in this world without the ick factor. One of the most important things I learned from working with Hannah was how to connect with my tribe and share my offerings in a way that feels heart-centered and authentic. Hannah’s program is filled with soul-stirring prompts to fuel your business (and your life) and a creative community to support you along the journey. Imagine a virtual living room full of like-minded businesswomen who will become your dear friends! Hannah gathers some of the most amazing women on the planet and the connection I’ve found in her circles is unmatched."   - Mindy Scime 

"If you are ready and willing for your heart to lead the dance inside of your business... if you are ready to have faith in success that seems to have no roadmap but sure seems to have a lot of happy possibilities... If you are ready to surrender to the beautiful truth that your business, and your life, might in fact be better than you ever believed, then say OH YES and enjoy the ease that follows.     -Melissa Mulligan 

"Sometimes the bits and pieces of running or starting a business can feel so dry and overwhelming, but not in Hannah's business circles!  She taught me how to bring the magic of manifestation and of loving insight into my business. During our time together in the circle, she gave both loving encouragement and the occasional ass-kicking as needed. As always, she brings her honesty, spot-on intuition, and big, big love to her people. The participants in the group were amazing too and the circle provided such a rich support where I could bring my questions and issues to the table and receive a wide variety of incredible perspectives.

As a result of working in the circle, my own business continues to grow and I began a second one. I always love my work with Hannah and bringing the magic to my businesses has been a whole other level of awesomeness!"  - Marisa Donlin

Come home to me baby

I am learning to drive a boat. This is a dream. One I barely knew I held. In a place I now hold as another home. A heart home. A home where love is more than I ever imagined and twinkle lights tease the water as I sip my morning coffee and say prayers to the lake.

I am learning to drive a boat. I need constant practice and repetition to feel secure and safe when I am driving. Docking the boat can make me feel like a complete failure.

The first time I took the wheel it was going at a snail's pace. I couldn't control it. Every time I turned the wheel there would be a delay in the movement of the boat so I would think I needed to turn it more or differently. I didn't realize I had to be patient and wait.

When you are going slowly in a motor boat it is constant adjustments, it is harder than when the boat is on a plane, which might be one of my most intensely joyful feelings.

Every now and then when I get the boat into a plane (which means you go really really fast and the boat literally rises on top of the water and it feels like flying) and then I back off the speed the plane falls away. I am still learning to talk and listen to the boat and the water and the wind to find the speed that it is asking to be at to stay on the plane each time. And each time it is different.

You have to learn to feel it.

When I fall off the plane I feel frustration and like I will never get it. I like to get things right. I don't like to fail.

I have patience issues. I want everything I want now. I don't want to wait. I don't want to make constant adjustments because I don't like going slow.

I am learning to drive a boat. The boat is teaching me to feel speed and movement. The other night I drove my love and I out to the big basin during magic hour. I got up into a plane and the wind blew my hair and the sky was pink and I was watching this man sit on his boat and be driven, I watched him relax as I took control.

I cried as the wind stung my eyes.

Then we tucked ourselves into a spot where we could both sit and watch the sunset while the boat rocked us deeper into a snuggle.

The sky kept changing. From pink to purples to blues and grays. We were both in awe. It was one of the favorite moments of my life.

It is what I hold onto when we fall off of our personal plane. When we go from feeling so high and in love to fighting and being triggered from our past twenty years each of old stories and hurts and wounds and holes and fears.

We are scared. We are scared of how good this feels inside of a really fucked up time. Two divorces, kids, transitions, a time when neither of us expected to meet and fall in love in about two hours. We go from a snail's pace making constant adjustments for the other to being on the plane, tears of joy stinging our eyes and then we stop listening, hearing and we fall off the plane.

Boom. Ouch. Fear. More fear.

We have our old fears. The ones we carried from childhood into our past marriages and then created new ones inside of soul contracts that needed to end.

We have those fears and they are being challenged by the other that maybe they are no longer true.

When you challenge someone's deepest fears by giving them more love than they have ever felt, it should be easy, but, it kind of is like when I mess up docking the boat or I fall off a plane and I pull away from the wheel and say, "forget it, i can't do this."

It is that moment of wanting to run from what you want most because it means you have to be inside of the fear, challenge it for yourself because no one can confront it for you.

Every time I witness myself manifest my fears I am amazed at how powerful of a manifestor I am. Luckily I have a partner and friends who won't let me get away with the fears being more than my joy bubble.

After I refused to touch the boat again after messing up the docking and then turning the starter instead of shutting the engine down (yep, seriously) I made a choice to vision my next boat ride. I saw the planes, I saw myself feeling the water, the boat, the wind. I asked my love to talk me slowly through each thing as though I had never done any of it before so I could feel safe in my fear of messing up.

I docked perfectly. I understood and I visioned it before and during. And my love held space for my fear. He let me process then heard what I needed to move through the fear together.

And now I find myself needing to give him space for his fears. I need to let him process and hear what he needs from me.

We are making constant adjustments every time we slow down and make space so that we may find our way to each other.

We want to come home to each other. We want to dock the boat together. We want to create a new way of loving and nurturing and holding space.

We plane. We fall. We make love. We adjust again. We feel. We listen. We hear. We process. We dock. We make more love.

And we say...

Come home to me baby, come home.

xo - Hannah

Laughing Loon Retreat

We have only 4 spaces left at our magical retreat where loons swim and candles are generously lit.

And the food... well, the food will be amazing.

The Laughing Loon retreat from September 24-27th  in Maine.

Join us.

Community Grace. Magic in your hands.

 

A 30 day course in community, connection and gathering

October 13th under the New Moon

$79

The first idea came as I was walking the dog thinking about my weekly newsletter, Making Space, and my heart was overflowing with the gratitude for the responses I get from this gorgeous community each time I send one out. I thought, this is community grace. It feels like a long table under the stars, set with water glasses and wine goblets, bowls flowing with salads and soups and community gathering around in truth and harmony. Being together, sharing a common goal (that beautiful meal and conversation).

To me community grace is each of our hands showing the deep truth of who we are and what we desire. Our hands painting or cooking or writing or praying or holding or sewing or touching or planting or smoothing the table cloth on the long wooden table as we prepare for our meal.

They always have a story, each program I create. If my memory was better I would remember what the idea for this program first was. It wasn't as it looks now. It grew and expanded, it shape shifted into Community Grace.

The idea settled in and started to talk to me, as they all do. They almost create themselves as I witness what they want to become. My community without knowing it helps each program become what it needs to be.

Gathering your community, your audience, is finding those that deeply resonate with and need the words you are sharing with them. A community can start with just one other person or 100 people. Each person in your community is unique and helps you stand in your light.

I want to guide you towards creating your own community grace. I want you to see that creating community can be as simple as holding out your hands in trust and truth and asking others to walk with you.

(photo Ruth Clark)

For 30 days we will play::

• A prompt every other day for 30 days, a day to explore it and a day to talk about it within our private community.
• New ways to think about using your words, images, social media and other resources to build connection and audience.
• Intuitive strategies to start to create the community you want to guide and be a part of.
• Gentle pushes to move through the fear of your voice.
• A chance to 'play' with your words, images and connections through prompts that open you up a bit.
• Connecting the word joyful to your writing.
• Find a new way to view virtual connecting. (I adore it!)
• How to see newsletters, social media, blogging and marketing as amazingly beautiful tools, like love notes.
• Expand your safe boundaries, push your edges, explore how to assemble your community.
• Closed Facebook community group where we will hold our discussions and connect with one another

Who is this for::

• Women who are using their words to gather community and build tribe.
• Women who are blogging inside of businesses.
• Women who are writing and want to find a way to expand their connections and create a little community grace in their lives.
• Women who crave deeper connection and tribe within their work, online or off.
• Women who are ready to stop viewing social media and marketing as bad.
• Women who believe that creativity and intuition are vital parts of business and gathering.
• Women who desire tribe around their blog or business.
• Women who are open to exploring connection, bravery and vulnerability inside their work.

Words from women in my community::

"In the clamor and noise of marketing mayhem, Hannah Marcotti writes in a gentle yet fierce voice. In Community Grace, I turned my thinking around. Instead of trying to "promote to my target audience," I learned that I needed to attract the people I want to hang out with and who want to hang out with me. This was huge medicine for me as an online entrepreneur.

Hannah taught us how to find and envision the grace that is within, to honor it and express it. Even better, we came together as a community that was loving and supportive."

"This program came into my life at the exact moment I needed it. I was craving direction in my new business and blog, and Hannah gave us such a gift with helping us discover our voices. I found my way to connect to my tribe through my writing, and at the same time, dive deeper into my true self and embracing my vulnerability. I made life long friends with the other women who joined. This program expanded my business and my world. I am so grateful for my experience."

"The catalysts for my biggest a-ha moments during the program were pieces of your story and the stories of our Joy sisters - the reflection of self and possibility, connecting us all as one."

"I’m a writer who believes ARDENTLY in the power of community. I thrive when I’m connected to other writers who can just hold space for my work and share what it’s like to be living the writers life. The community you’ve created, Hannah, is so unique and so special. I think we’re all called to connect with others when we need it most– and I really believe the communities we find are the exact ones we need at that point in our lives."

"I am missing Hannah's daily emails, it had become part of my morning ritual. I would read them on my cell phone before getting out of bed every morning."

"Thank you all so much for your unconditional love, support, laughs and tears. Love being a part of this amazing group."

"I did not have any expectations going in and I learned this: to allow my creative side to gets its groove back, slow my roll and enJOY more of the *now* and gobble up all the inspiring stories of your daily letters and the fantastically beautiful, strong women in this group."

When will we start to play::

• October 13th under the New Moon
• A prompt one day, a group discussion around it the next. For 30 days. 15 prompts, 15 days to explore and discuss each prompt.
• This is play, fun, expanding your vision for the power of your blog or business.

Questions you might have::

Is this a writing course? No, I won't be critiquing your writing but I will be giving you prompts to explore using your words to gather the strength of community and connection around your writing. I know awesome writing coaches if you need a reference.

Will the prompts help me with blogging? I hope so! We will play and you will explore your words in different ways. My hope is that you'd get some great posts written inspired by writing for connecting and community building.

In 30 days will I have increased my community? If you connect with just one person in these 30 days the answer to this will be yes! And I will be asking you to connect.

Will you be telling stories of how you built your community and made such awesome connections? Why of course, thanks for asking, I love to tell stories! I will be sharing through stories written and some videos during the 30 days.

Is this about making more money with my blog? Nope, not during these 30 days. Eventually, yes. Our focus is not on money but on building connection and community around your blog or business. The money making bit is that next layer on top of the community. But if you don't have a community to sell to, you aren't making any money.

Do I need to be active on the Facebook group? Yes. This is where we will explore and discuss together. Not everyone will be as prolific as others on the group but to fully get the experience of the course (which is all about connection and community) you need to show up. If Facebook has never been your thing, let me convince you that this group is magical, but you have to show up and give me the chance to sway you!

What if I'm not playful in the online world? Then go ahead and sign up, I'll help you with that! We will play and I hope that at the end of these days you will view social media and marketing with new eyes.

A 30 day course in community, connection and gathering

October 13th, under the New Moon

$79

Because we love hard. Deep. Strong

 

My partner and I recently visited a neighbor who had lost his wife in January. They were together for fifty years.

For fifty years they were love.

For fifty years he worshipped her.

For fifty years a love affair.

For fifty years if their love is anything like mine, there was passion in the form of brilliant sex and fights and highs and lows.

And now he is angry that she is gone. He is angry that the end of her life was all about changing her diapers and lifting her when she fell and then she died and he is left with all the grief and nothing defining him anymore.

He put her love letters into a book with pictures of them over the years. He writes her poems every day.

I sat next to him on his chair on the sand and I cried and touched his arm as he opened the book of love letters to read us some.

He was one of the saddest humans I have held space for. I knew as we spent time with him that I was there to give him a chance to be heard, even though it was really hard for us to hear it all as he was lost in grief and anger at the loss.

I also knew that I was there with my partner, on the sand that day because love is my superpower.

I love hard. Deep. Strong.

When I am grounded my love is a gift. When I am scared, flailing in my life my love can be hard to hold, it can push people away.

I struggle with letting others love me. The receiving of love feels almost impossible some days. I can hear my love say, "I love you," and within minutes not be able to believe it or feel it. Like it gets flung into space the moment it is given to me and I look up to the sky curious as to what could be up there.

There is a little gap in my love superpower. It can't be truly whole unless I practice letting others love me, show up for me.

I think some days I am holding up the world and if I stop, if I let my guard down and show vulnerability or I ask for help or I just simply let others control some of it, the world will crack.

And in that crack everything I love and have worked for will fall into that crack in the world and I will be alone with no one to love.

What I am being taught through other's love for me is that the crack is actually there. The crack is mine. It is in my heart, my soul. It is my damage. My baggage. My old stories and fears.

The only thing I am holding up by trying to love without letting others do for me is an unwillingness to be free inside of love.

Love is my superpower. And there is a crack inside of it.

That crack is my healing place. It is where my anger flows so it may be released into fears that may be released into sadness that may be released into a smile that may be released into joy that may be released into melting into the love from others as I learn to feel it.

I love hard. Deep. Strong.

And I am loved hard. Deep. Strong.

Love is my superpower. And I will receive it. I will feel it.

We left our neighbors house and processed the experience together. We poured a glass of wine and sat outside and talked about the parts of his story that made an impact on us, and the way the love had turned into so many other feelings.

We talked about how our love had made us believe in a forever again. In fifty years, though I want sixty. Our love is changing me forever. Healing me. Our love is messy and raw and sometimes makes me want to run so fast because I am so scared of the anger and grief that comes up for us as we are healing our wounds.

I keep thinking about our neighbors love and sadness. His love affair and how I knew we needed to be there for him on this day.

Because love is how superpower.

Because we love hard. Deep. Strong.

Especially in the cracks.

Meet the Team

I am so delighted to introduce the team of women who will be supporting us at the Laughing Loon Retreat in September.

Kristen Davis - Intuitive Light Infuser and Logistics Muse

Kristen is a moment hunter & sacred navigator, writer and creator who believes in the power of connection, compassion and truth telling.  Kristen is an intuitive guide & supporter to women who are living the lives they desire.

She is a lover of details, sarcasm, laughter, reflection and sacred pause.  She can often be found reading a book, sipping really good tequila & hanging out near the water.

Jenny Dunham - Heart Space Holder

Jenny is attuned to whispers of the heart. She is a grounded and gentle holder of safe space, a firestarter, creative gypsy and bubble of joy.   She lives in the beautiful mountains of Vermont with her soul mate and three children, wears many hats at their family business, co-dreams at #coyoteloon and is full of surprises.

She adores her morning coffee, creative downloads, circling with her women, all the smiles, all the belly laughs and all the love.

Bernadette Vaughan - Dream Weaver

Born & bred in Rhode Island, Bernadette enjoys hard rock, smooth whiskey and reruns of Bewitched. She knits or sews or embroiders a little something everyday and feels most like herself when she's making stuff.

She is generally an animal lover but very much dislikes horseshoe crabs. She lives with her dashing husband, who makes her laugh and refers to her as "the Bad Roomate" and a young son , who hangs the stars in her sky and still acknowledges her in public (mostly).

Ruth Clark - Digital Visionary

Ruth Clark is a writer and artist residing in Providence, Rhode Island. Her work is inspired by deep connection, deep honesty, and deep love. (She's a Scorpio, after all.) She's into: being real and writing constantly, full moons and early mornings, wandering the woods and hanging with her siblings, social justice and connected conversation.

Marisa Donlin - Luscious Soul Illuminator

Marisa is an acupuncturist in Massachusetts, nourishing bodies and spirits through the wisdom of Chinese Medicine.

She is a spark holder and witness to transformation and change.  She believes in self love, truth telling and divine creativity.  She can often be found near the oceans, rivers and lakes, embodying the color orange, laughing till release and and wrangling her two (often pant less) boys. She has a not-so-secret love for all things Eddie Vedder.

Melissa Gaethofs - Vibration Coordinator

Melissa is a florist and collage artist who lives in Rhode Island with her badass husband and two kitties.  She is limitless energy,  bursting at the seams to be more.  She is light and airy, fun and fearless.    She is a creator and a doer… always on the move and always looking to create something extraordinary.

She believes in having fun and in belly laughing until we ache… and crying until we don't.  And her life begins again every damn day, with every new amazing soul she encounters.

Jamie Luzenski - Goddess of Loving Nourishment

Jamie is a vivacious free spirit on a journey to celebrate the idea that food can be love. She believes that the ocean speaks to her, trees whisper her name and wild things breathe her language.

Jamie is a Southern California native living in the San Diego area with her furchildren: two dogs and two cats. She is most comfortable in flip flops or ugg boots. Jamie is in love with sparkles, amazing food, belly laughs, hugs, and she never met a wine she did not like.

Melissa Mulligan - Soul Song Guide

Melissa is a vocal coach & creativity coach who believes in passionately creating the lives we are meant to live.  She is a permission-granter of unbridled dreams and a believer in the healing power of self-expression.  Her company, Melissa Mulligan Vocal Studios (MMVS), develops singers, recording artists, songwriters and musical coaches worldwide.

Mindy Scime - Magical Gathering Guru

Mindy is a mindful, badass truth-teller. She lives in Niagara Falls with her husband, two daughters, two cats, and a hedgehog. (All of which have names beginning with M because her family is cheesy like that.) She loves deep breaths, hot tea, and finding beauty inside the hard places.

Mindy believes that every time a woman steps into her truth it changes the world. Through her work as a therapist, yoga teacher, and writer she creates safe, sacred spaces for women to own their truth. When she’s not connecting with her brave tribe of dreamers she can often be found guzzling water, running to Florence and The Machine, and snapping a selfie, all in the name of badass self-care.

When you are failing everyone

 

For the last 9 months I have been living as a single mom. My kids and I are learning about constant transitions. It feels raw and like I am walking around without skin some days.

When the kids first started living in two homes I never knew where anyone was. I would wake up in the middle of the night panicked. Were they here in the dark or at their dad's house? Did I have to drive them to school or was my mom getting them?

I couldn't sleep. I still can't but I am more relaxed. My nervous system has been in constant firing motion. Keep us safe. Keep moving. Don't stop.

There is no one to take care of you. There is no one to take care of you. Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't sleep. Keep us safe. Keep moving.

The thing that has been the hardest over the past two years of getting closer and closer into separation and divorce is how overwhelmed I have been. And how selfish I have to be.

I am constantly living with the feeling of disappointing people. This used to happen regularly just as one of the hard parts of my work. I hold space for hundreds of women. I run 4-10 programs a year. I connect and support so many and often when those programs are over the women feel abandoned or lost without me.

Writing that feels vulnerable and scary. But this is what I have lived with for the last few years. I have learned boundaries. I know that I can't possibly hold more space than I already do without going a bit crazy or not having any personal space but it can hurt. People get mad at me. And all I want is to be able to bring my work to as many women as possible.

I have had to be selfish in these last few months. For my kids. For myself. For my future.

The consequence of that is feeling as though I am failing even more people. There are times when I want to put myself into a bubble and float away. Or buy a bus and put my family into it and drive away. I have dreams of opening a bar.

I feel like I am failing my frienships. My kids. My business. The man I have been with for 21 years, the most obvious fail. Because holy shit I fought. I fought so hard for years because I don't give up.

And then I started to feel like I was failing the man I am madly in love with. Because I have no idea how to hold onto a love like this. I have never ever felt this before and it makes me terrified.

Can we really be this scared of everything we want manifesting and wrapping us inside of love?

That's when I hit a wall. Overwhelm and this feeling of 'this just isn't who I am.'

What has happened inside of this overwhelm is realizing that I didn't know what I want. I know what others want from me. I know what people expect of me. I know what others want.

But me. I had no idea what I want in so many places. I thought I did. I thought I was crystal clear.

Freedom. Joy. Love. Truth. Trust.

But inside of each of those are decisions that must be made each day.

I go on Craigs list just to see what buses might be for sale. I mean I could live in a bus right?

What do I want?

I don't want to live in a bus. This is I am sure of.

I want to change my business model. I want to increase my income so that I can support my kids as a single mom. I want to be the best mom. I want to live in a house some day again with a beautiful kitchen waking up to the most beautiful man I know. I want to learn how to receive him taking care of me. I want to host dinner parties with all the kids running around and the people we love gathered to break bread and pour wine and laugh and share stories. I want to garden every day I can get into the dirt. I want to nurture and adore the man I love and his kids and hold him inside of our freedom. I want all the amazing sex. And then more sex. I want to speak my friend's love languages even more so they feel my love. I want joint custody with my kids in a way that lets them know how much they are loved and have far less transitions. I want big family dinners with blessings and all the yummy food and laughter. I want to run again (meaning fix bladder). I want to hold more in person retreats. I want to create a gorgeous store through coyoteloon.com so that everyone knows how fucking special they are. I want to stop feeling like I am failing everyone so I can continue to love people the way I know how. I want to show up as love because that is who I believe I am.

And I am really dreaming about that bar.

Love. #ourfreedomplan

I get scared. That everything I want will not be possible or I will be told no. I will be told I do not deserve it or that I am asking for too much.

But I know differently. I know I can manifest the hell out of this life. I have vibrated the most amazing people into my life. I am living inside of the freedom plan which feels like the second half of my life.

I can see the future in tiny doses and I can't believe this is my life. How can this be my life? It feels too amazing on the other side of all the work that must be done for #ourfreedomplan

I am ready to feel safe. To be love. I want my nervous system to relax so my body can feel free. Can feel love.

I want to be the vibration of love. And then more love. And giggles. And joy. And freedom.

I want to trust that I am loved. Deeply. And that I am not alone even inside of space and overwhelm.

[And I want to bake pie.]   All the pies.

xo

And loves, what do you want? What do you really want?

---

We have 9 spaces left at our magical retreat where loons swim and candles are generously lit. And the food...well, the food will be amazing.

The Laughing Loon retreat in September in Maine.

Join us.

The littlest spirit guide

There is a magic lake. It holds an island. In this lake are magic fish. Pink. Green. Kissing ankles.

One day the littlest spirit guide came to the lake. Her name is Hannah and she is 8. She is highly sensitive and soulful. She sits by herself near the woodstove and reads a book or draws a picture. She wants to set a celebration table with her spirit-aunt and build a fire with her spirit-uncle equally as much and usually the fire wins.

There is a magic lake. He said, "this is our place."

There is a magic lake. She said, "Hannah (me), do you know why the lake house is magic?"

I stood on the deck of the place that feels more like home than any place ever in the world, that holds my favorite people in the whole world.

I spread the table cloth over the other table cloth with her. "Why baby? Why is it magic?"

There is a magic lake. He told me that he wants me to be there with the people I love the most. He taught me how to drive a boat. He tells me I deserve the life that is unfolding and I struggle to believe him and I want to push so hard. So hard.

"It is magic because of the fish... and the people."

And she asks if I will sit next to her at the celebration dinner.

There is a magic lake. One day it will hold a family becoming. And I tell him what the littlest spirit guide said about the magic. It is the people.

The people.

There is a magic lake. And a magic lake house on the lake.

He gave us the gift of the time on the lake of his love of his generosity of his gratitude of his sacrifice of his dream of this lake.

We promise him magic. I promise him space to iterate into his becoming. We promise him our hearts as we grow into an extended family of magic. We have all known each other years in minutes.

There is a magic lake. And a magic lake house on the lake. And a man who makes the world more beautiful every time he smiles. And his laugh lifts everyone he touches up to joy. And the littlest spirit guide who changes us through her knowing and her sensitivity and her sadness at saying good-bye.

And I sat on the stairs of the magic lake with my coffee the morning after I told him I loved him. And I prayed. Deeper than I have ever prayed before. And she danced on the wall of the magic lake while we swam on the magic rock in the magic lake. And she stared at that fire deeper than she has ever stared before.

There is a magic lake. And a magic lake house on the lake. And a man and woman and fish and little spirit guides. And all the people who love the man and the woman and the fish and the little spirit guides.

Inside of the space she promises him so they may grow into their love she knows that she has found home.

In the people. The people. Who make the magic. Who are the love. Who promise her she can do this. Who promise her she deserves this.

And when I walked back from the magic lake with the empty coffee cup, after the prayers that changed my next steps, I layed next to him. And he buried his head in my hair and whispered, "I love you."

There is a magic lake. And everything is new. And scary. And turned-on. And changing.

The littlest spirit guide plans her return to dance on the wall and make the fire and set the table. We wait for her magic. Her awe. Her knowing that the magic is the people.

There is a magic lake. There is a magic lake house on the magic lake. And a story only just beginning to be written.

Making space cleanse. {for home, heart, spirit.}

• 10 days of Making Space for the most sensual you, through connecting with home, body and spirit
• August 5th - August 14th
• Soulwork, challenges, prompts that allow you to feel space and sensuality and carve out crazy amounts of beauty
• All leading up to the New Moon on August 14th where we celebrate the spaces we've created
• All new daily recipes

I keep saying, "All I want to do is bake pie." I love being a homemaker, a beautymaker, a spacemaker, a lovemaker. Creating meals and gatherings and a home that is all about the details brings me to life. Corners that shift from cluttered piles to open space with plants and candles or a meditation pillow can change the flow of our days. I believe in the details to make others feel special. I love to feed beautiful healthy food to those I love. I crave teaching the young ones about setting a gorgeous table and sharing a blessing before eating. I make the bed every morning as my current self taking care of my future self.

The details.

When I am connected to my home, to my body, to my sensuality I feel my spirit flying free. I can show up for others in my life fully when I am nurturing in these special ways. Making space is my mantra. Creating spaces that make others feel calm and held fills me.

Here is your invitation for the sacred and the sensual. To come dance inside the details. To create space and beauty and ritual and gorgeous living.

Join us $44.00

How do we get from where we are to where we want to be? We make space for joy in our now and watch the magic unfold.

It seems to happen without noticing. My drawers start to become tight, stuffed. Shoes spill all over my closet and none of my socks have a match. I start having more 'stay in jammies' days and less time feeling myself in the world. I gain weight. I have trouble seeing myself. Clutter finds me in piles of papers and kid stuff everywhere.

Home and body are temple. Our temple is sacred and calls forth our sensual self to nourish.

I remind myself that my life and my process are never linear. I will always be challenged by space and stuff and and a body that shifts under stress or joys. And when I start to feel so disconnected to my home I feel it in every part of myself. I see it in the corners, the piles, the tight fitting jeans and the groceries that don't seem to prepare themselves.

So I take myself back into the process of making space. It is slow. It is guided. And it is sensual.

Two years ago I tattooed the word home on my foot. I was claiming home inside of myself. I can feel and see when my physical homes, my temples (my house, my body, my spirit) need more from me, when they are calling out for time and nurture and space. This is when I need to be led by my sensual self through time as beauty increases around me.

This is only the beginning of inviting the magic in and dancing inside of rituals that feed our spirits and trusting that we are not only enough, but if enough could spill into overflowing, that is what we are.

Our homes, bodies and spirits are all a part of the journey. Focusing on those, we can then step into the loving task of finding our flow through our sensual nurture. Making space is seeking out ritual and beauty, knowing that you will fall out of alignment as part of life's dance and developing the skills to ease back when you do. A sensual woman has a sensual flow with space and the sacredness it holds.

Inviting the sensual woman out to play...

• One letter each day with a making space prompt :: visioning, photography, clearing and creating beautiful space
• Small, simple gestures that you can take on at your own pace
• Look at why you hold onto things or have trouble letting go of stuff, thoughts, habits
• 10 days of learning how to listen to yourself, through reflection and day dreaming meditations
• 10 days of setting aside soft space each day for dreaming, watching and simply being in your space
• 10 days to tease out your sensual woman by taking on simple rituals, space clearing and time that is about you and that temple of yours
• A online FB group of women going through the 10 days with you

Space for sensual eating, playing, living and feeling...

• Never once will you be worried about breaking a rule
• Daily recipes, straight from my kitchen, very few ingredients, gluten-free and paleo or raw and just yummy
• 10 days of starting each day with softness and ease for your body
• 10 days of learning that you are enough as you unearth your sensual woman
• 10 days of watching your body release the habits that are making you exhausted, frustrated and full of anxiety
• One letter a day for 10 days with a prompt to make more space and fill your cells with love and healing

Be improbable, beautiful...

• Anyone who is ready to celebrate their homes, bodies and spirits through a clearing and creation of sacred space
• Women who are feeling overwhelmed by the clutter in their home and body and wanting to make more space and create living spaces that are inviting, cozy and beautiful
• Holistic business owners looking to connect to a deeper understanding of themselves, developing a deeper rhythm of self care and create space for their beautiful work
• Mamas needing a support system and guidance in creating more rituals in the home and looking to connect to their beautiful sensual side that may feel lost inside of young children
• Women who are ready to make more space and allow their spirits to feel empowered sensuality

Before you sign up, please know...

• This is not a food cleanse but each day I share recipes that open up space and joy in my body
• This is about creating space in your life, opening up, expanding and connecting to your sensual woman
• This is about creating beautiful sensual spaces in your home and a feeling of space and freedom in your body and spirit
• This is about you, your process and timing

Ready to make some space like these amazing women?

"You can't ask for a more uplifting, motivating and spiritual cleanse! It was better and more inspiring than I ever imagined. You'll wake looking forward to a motivational email. It is all done in baby steps and achievable changes."

***

"I would recommend this enlightening, soul enriching experience, to all who believe there is more to this life that so easily becomes a rut. slightly resistant, I allowed and trusted in Hannah, one of life's angels (whom I had never met) and on this journey I evolved in so many positive ways."

***

"A favourite quote of mine is from The Buddha – Do not believe just because wise men say so. Do not believe just because it has always been that way. Do not believe just because others may believe so. Examine and experience yourself.

I experienced for myself the changes which occurred within me and my thoughts to myself and my home after the Making Space Cleanse and Hannah’s soft and beautiful wisdom. You will learn how making your bed with linen you love can become a sacred ritual. How de-cluttering your home and releasing those old toys and books can release you from old emotional patterns and ways of being. I learned that by de-cluttering my daughters old toys I had created a space that allowed me to prepare with ease and grace her moving away from home to University.

Yes, the simple act of releasing clutter from our homes can be that powerful. Through this connection, you will find new connections to your home and yourself. Do not believe, just because wise women say so, examine and experience yourself – welcome to the journey.

Love and Blessings to you"

***

"I loved Hannah's Making Space Cleanse. In this beautifully-crafted program, Hannah nudges you to make simple, gentle changes that give you room to breathe and feel more present in your daily life. This space-clearing doesn't feel like a chore and won't overwhelm you with more for your to-do lists. By adding simple, nurturing rituals to your routine, Hannah helps you to see the clutter that's occupying your physical space, dragging your energy down, and preventing you from inviting beauty and joy into your life.

I cleared a lot of clutter during the cleanse, and somehow this felt light and easy to accomplish. The more I moved away, the more energy I felt. I also discovered that I'd been storing some personal baggage in a place that felt stuck for me... a wedding album from an unhappy marriage stashed away in my office. I created a sacred space and stored the album there... I'm honoring the journey I've been on, with all its twists and turns, but now I've created the space to move on and allow new and wonderful opportunities into my career and personal life. I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next."

Join us $44.00

2015 The Making Space Cleanse ©

After sleeping five hours

 

The other night I slept for 5 hours straight. I don't do this. I move. I toss and turn. I wonder where I am, where the kids are, where my love is, what time it is, if I can wait to pee for one more hour...

I woke up at 5am and stepped right into a communication nightmare. Mis-firing and angry words and confusion.

I made a cup of coffee and walked down to the lake bordering the house where I had slept, for those 5 hours.

I put my feet deep in the water and the magic fish swam up to me waiting to see if I had brought bread crumbs.

The New Moon was void in the sky and I prayed. I told the lake I was exhausted. That I didn't think I was strong enough to get divorced. To fight if I needed to fight because all I crave is love.

The lists. The phone calls. The kids needs. I don't even know what I want anymore, and this used to be my super power. I always knew. But I rarely asked for it or believed I deserved it. But fuck, I always knew.

Now I am tangled in what everyone else wants or needs. I can't feel myself.

So I sat on her edge and prayed in my exhaustion, after sleeping 5 hours, in stillness.

A heron. A mama duck and five babies. A dragonfly. Spiders. Magic fish. Moths.

Moths were all over the twinkle lights I hung on the deck all night.

Animal medicine swirling.

The truth is I am scared. I have never felt so scared in all my life. That I am not strong enough to endure this process. A soul contract ends and the legality of separating on pieces of paper and custody and lawyers and all of it makes me feel like drowning when all I want is to rise.

I slept 5 hours. Then I prayed. Then I slept for another 2 hours. When I woke up I was scared that I didn't do what I needed. That my tasks weren't done. That there was so much unfinished. I knew I would be writing this love note to you all at midnight after transitioning the kids back to the Loft, dinner, pie, homework, work, showers that never happened, laundry that never happened.

Because all I want to do is sleep. Because I am afraid that I truly do know what I want and I can't have it. I am afraid to say it aloud. I am afraid that I am not supposed to want what I want right now, more than anything in the world.

I am afraid that I am letting people down. I called the one that is holding so much for me right now, that I fear I am letting down every day. She said I could remain inside of love. That I am love and that is the only way I would move through this. She keeps reminding me of my strength. I prayed for the day I feel stronger. When it feels easier.

Why is it so hard when it should be easy?

"Why my love?"

Because everything is changing. And it is the most magical experience I have ever felt wrapped inside of the hardest things I will ever face.

So let's sleep. And pray. And dream of the future because it is the future that is holding us in her arms and slowly pulling us towards her.

She keeps asking us what we want. She will not let us back down.

I discovered today that I like peanutbutter but I always eat almond butter because it is healthier. So I slathered an apple with peanutbutter and every bite was delicious and crispy and the butter was running down my fingers and it felt like joy.

My super power is love.

I must learn to mix in patience and ease and space. And stand still. Once again. I circle back to standing still so all that must happen before what I most want can manifest.

Let's sleep. For 5 hours or more. Let's nap. Let's find peace.

And then let's fight. Let's create the life we dream of.

Will you tell me what you want? What you like? What you most need?

Then will you tangle up in my arms and sleep?

I slept for 5 hours and then I prayed.

I remembered that I was love. Overwhelmed love at the moment, but love is my super power.

Maybe now I can find sleep.

xo

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And if he is love. If he can hold you, we made this shirt for him.

Because even when it is so tough and overwhelming and so damn hard, he is there.

Holding. Loving. Remembering. Adoring. Leading.

#loveismysuperpower tee available at CoyoteLoon.com