"Changing women. We begin again like the moon."
~ Terry Tempest Williams
For years I walked through the world looking down. I was afraid. Of eyes, of knowings, of sensuality, of owning my female wild-ish woman.
Looking up meant my entire world would start to change, open, shift. I was terrified of what that meant or would look like. For the last few years I have exploded inside of an awakening that has pulsed through me and given rise to a sexual, sensual woman who has, what feel like, wings.
A feathered torso of sensual understanding and faith.
At 43 (in one day), I am new. My body is changed, shaped newly and carrying years of abuse through dieting and not enoughness.
I look up.
In eyes that look back.
I face the camera towards myself and let myself look.
Even when it is hard. Especially when it is hard.
I look up. I see the colors, the black and white, the gray.
I look up. I am seeing the parts of me that held shame and stories that weren't mine.
I look up. I look at you. I see you.
Sexy and sanguine are the feelings we can capture together. There is never a right time, a right weight, a right relationship or a right age to be led by your sensuality, your sexuality, your gorgeous knowing of feminine self. It is a claiming of romancing your own skin, your physical body and your deeply gorgeous soul.
It is confidence in your own truth.
I have learned to paint my beauty by numbers so that every day, even the ones where I struggle to look in the mirror, I have a path to follow and see.
And my seeing is often most intense when my eyes are closed and I am feeling into this practice of devoting myself to my joy.
There is a tendency to complicate our journeys; a mixing in of too much noise, others words confusing our own feelings, believing that we can't truly know and adore ourselves until we do xyz.
Therapy and gym memberships and diet books and divorce can be true supportive needed and yet there are steps we are skipping along the way to build our own foundations of truth and beauty and awakenings.
We are ever changing like the moon. It is time to truly know her...
Wanting. Part 2.
I love cupcakes. Like serious love affair with a chocolate with vanilla frosting or a lemon with lemon frosting. Lemon. Lemon.
Gluten-free. That one bite.
For years I didn't allow myself to even have one bite of almost anything that didn't fit on my list of acceptable foods.
And then I started doing the practices that have become my devotional.
Now, if I pour a glass of Prosecco and maybe add some lavender bitters or cassis and I cut a piece of a cupcake, just one or two bites, I am in sensual heaven.
The colors and sounds of the bubbles, the feel of the soft frosting in my mouth, the taste of just enough sweetness without being overwhelmed.
This bite is sexy.
This bite feels sexy.
I stay in the bubble of sanguine when I don't drink too much or eat too much sugar. I stay in the bubble of sanguine when I don't deny myself things that bring me sensual pleasure.
My savory one bite (more like 3 bites) is a huge, juicy scallop, buttery and salty with a squeeze of lemon. I don't need a plate of them, I can have just a couple, letting each bite satisfy me and transport me into sensual bliss.
For a warm up think about your one bite.
Think about who is with you or if you are having a sacred quiet moment with just you.
Do you close your eyes for this bite or are you fully open in all your senses?
Those of you in the program we'll meet on FB and play around sharing our one bites with each other.
If you'd like to join, there is still time. We begin with this warm up. All you need is a camera (camera phones are awesome) and a blank journal for the soulwork prompts.
I can't wait for you to truly know her.