Each choice, every change.
/
When I hurt my knee and couldn't wear my cowgirl boots and started wearing flat soled shoes.
When I stopped drinking and no longer lived my life altered.
When I realized how much I pushed money away and started saving.
When I went through my whole (almost) house and started getting rid of half of what I owned.
When I took time off and did things that have nothing to do with 'work.'
When I unhooked from co-dependent behaviors and started living in my own skin.
When I decided to break my reliance on grocery stores and start growing my own food.
When I recognized social media as a drug like alcohol and made the decision to spend most of my time unplugged, away from the addiction to algorithms and like buttons.
When I began to eat rice and pasta and bread again without apology for a body that would become more.
When I stopped living in the fantasy of expectation and found grounding in each little moment.
When I let a dream flow into a new dream and not hold on to what would no longer lit me up.
When I woke up and felt calm inside of me and set my prayer for sacred roots.
It feels like a middle place. I suppose at 46 years that is a middle of time.
It feels like a chance to begin again, to choose, to work my hands into the earth and receive guidance from Wisdom Keepers born long before.
It feels a whole lot like love, moving alongside my partner, painting cabinets, hanging curtains, digging earth, making decisions together and watching tomatoes grow in a sunny window.
It is a house filled with teenagers (two-almosts but close enough) who can tend to themselves now fully, some even able to make chicken that is cooked all the way through.
It is a 'marriage' with a partner who is deeply in his becoming, who wakes up eager to find tasks to do that bring me joy, laughter and awe and fill our lives with magic.
It is intentional and rooted.
It is a place I have dreamed of and avoided.
It is the deepest devotion, hand wrapped around hot tea, fingernails dirty, laughter and bickering from children, a surprise kiss, lemon touched split pea soup, framed art work made by young hands, the promise of strawberries, bells blowing in the wind calling me by a name I am learning to recognize.
There are times when our identity will need to be released so we can find our place.
Our dreams are fluid and each one moves us to another knowing of who we are.
We grieve, surrender and bless.
We bless.
We bless.
We bless.
I honor you: each choice, every change, all your magic. Let's make some spring time soup.