Choosing. A to-do list of surrender.

Sitting in deep surrender today. Letting her wisdom wash over me. Letting the uncomfortable bits settle down into my belly as I take a deep breath, all the way down to my pelvic floor.

I feel my pelvis relax, open and then slowly I feel it gently close, without the tension.

Surrender's prayer, "I feel uncomfortable and I want to hide from it. Please don't let me hide, numb, run."

Tears. Smiles. A release of the jaw.

Texts full of the words that only women who love you without fear or judgement can send.

Thoughts of a friend whose words I miss and the knowing that time is a beautiful manifestation of space. The vulnerability of a healing relationship, the journey that is not yours alone. A house sitting in clutter and humidity, holding my space. Writing from bed with his little body next to mine, my constant shadow, the grounding.

Poetry spinning in my heart, words like blessings, insatiable for time to be seen.

Today I choose to be gentle in my words. Today I choose to go get my bangs trimmed. Today I choose to put on clothes that feel sexy against my skin, that may be yoga pants and flip flops. Today I choose to mix accomplishing with rest, a challenge. Today I choose to call in my spirit guides, to allow them to hold my unknown. Today I choose desire. Today I choose to cut out words in magazines and let them lead me, the practice that heals my heart.

Today I choose surrender's prayer as my starting moment.

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Second photo credit Vivienne McMaster. Third photo credit Chloe Marcotti.

Starting moments.

I am the kind of morning person who lounges in bed with a cup of hot coffee. I prefer touch in the mornings than at night. I need a slow start, a gentle awakening.

If I can find some stillness my head can integrate the dreams, the 3am mind wanderings, the longings for the day.

I wake up with feeling intentions. I wake up knowing how I want to feel each day. I pray for the guidance to somehow be in that. I will my boys to not fight for 10 minutes after my eyes open.

Always having said that I'm not a morning person was not true. We are all morning people. Waking up is gorgeous if we can do it the way our body craves.

A long time ago the clock was removed from the bedroom, that was a huge moment for me. I used to watch it all night. Now I never know what time it is but wake at almost the same time every day.

Rhythm. Morning ritual.

Starting Moments.

When I was feeling really ubruptly-wrong in the mornings I began taking a photo each morning that I called Starting. I don't have all the control over my waking. I have three kids and we live in a tiny house.

Often I found myself resentful of how I had to start my days, full of fighting kids and exhaustion after being woken up multiple times a night.

I needed to ground myself in gratitude. What other way right? We always circle back to being in the now with gratitude when we want to change.

So that morning picture is my anchor inside of what can be chaos.

It allows me to just show the truth of my mess or to take time to create a lovely scene that I carry with me for the rest of the day. It is all about the feeling.

I invite anyone on Instagram to join me with the Starting photo by tagging your own starting moment #startingmoments and to check out the pictures that are starting to collect over there. It isn't just me anymore with my bumpy mug!!

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There are a few spaces left for the FEAST Be Present Retreat hosted by my gorgeous friend Liz. I can promise some pretty freaking amazing #startingmoments pictures from WA. The group gathering has already captured my heart. I cannot wait. This is self care for the soul.

Surrender starts February 11th and we are almost at 70 women. It is going to send a vibration out to every part of ourselves when we dip into the sweetness of surrender. As we stand in the intersection between acceptance and change. Join us...