Choosing. A to-do list of surrender.

Sitting in deep surrender today. Letting her wisdom wash over me. Letting the uncomfortable bits settle down into my belly as I take a deep breath, all the way down to my pelvic floor.

I feel my pelvis relax, open and then slowly I feel it gently close, without the tension.

Surrender's prayer, "I feel uncomfortable and I want to hide from it. Please don't let me hide, numb, run."

Tears. Smiles. A release of the jaw.

Texts full of the words that only women who love you without fear or judgement can send.

Thoughts of a friend whose words I miss and the knowing that time is a beautiful manifestation of space. The vulnerability of a healing relationship, the journey that is not yours alone. A house sitting in clutter and humidity, holding my space. Writing from bed with his little body next to mine, my constant shadow, the grounding.

Poetry spinning in my heart, words like blessings, insatiable for time to be seen.

Today I choose to be gentle in my words. Today I choose to go get my bangs trimmed. Today I choose to put on clothes that feel sexy against my skin, that may be yoga pants and flip flops. Today I choose to mix accomplishing with rest, a challenge. Today I choose to call in my spirit guides, to allow them to hold my unknown. Today I choose desire. Today I choose to cut out words in magazines and let them lead me, the practice that heals my heart.

Today I choose surrender's prayer as my starting moment.

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Second photo credit Vivienne McMaster. Third photo credit Chloe Marcotti.