Venus marks the sun. We sat at the table tonight eating our bowls of rice noodles, broth, chicken and kale while listening to the scientists talk in amazed joy.
The energy or events of 2004 are coming to a complete cycle. What was beginning in your world in 2004?
I was pregnant with the baby that would be born in a car. Fast and furiously. I will say that it was terrifying, hearing my own screams echo in my head. I didn't feel the terror of it again for many months. Once it hit I was inside of PTSD for a rocky stretch of time that eventually led me to take zoloft to ease the pains. I eventually would spend 4 months numbed on an extremely high dose but the waking dreams went away. The waking dreams were the worst.
We walked through the house that would become ours in 2004. A tiny bungalow that needed lots of loving. We saw it as a rare opportunity to buy a house for $200,000 that was actually liveable. Most we had seen had holes in the floors or owners who didn't care about removing their enormous snake tanks from the rooms as you viewed them. It was a seller's market and we were amazed that anyone would even give us a loan.
Pretty sure you all know how that story goes. Our house is now valued for about $120,000 despite the time spent making it much more lovely and our family has grown from 3 to 5 and a dog since.
900 square feet has been my tiny dwelling with these munchkins, and I am proud for how we have made it work. I still dream about renovating the upstairs, the part of the house that called me to it when we first climbed those stairs 8ish years ago.
I am feeling Venus-y. Those completions of energy and experiences that I felt bound to are the birth of Eli and the belief that we would live in this house for 5 years, sell at a profit and move on.
I have a feeling inside of me like I feel when I see a synchronized gathering of birds in the sky, soaring, soft and united. I know that something larger than me is overhead. This is the quietness of magic.
The last few days Patrick and I have been fighting about the house. Silly fights. I'm dreaming and he's being realistic and doesn't that always drive both of us a bit wonky. I've had so many moments of wondering if I wouldn't just be a better mother back on the medication.
Inside of those moments I find the energy of what was started in 2004 simply wanting to find a way to settle and release.
Inspired actions can help us complete this energy cycle.
And a surrender.
I will be painting my shutters bright orange.
And perhaps it is time to make a little more space?
Have you ever been so focused on a goal that you are no longer clear in your vision?
Yes, I'm a coach, but goals are not the only way to achieve. I believe in visions, intuition (that inner knowing we all have but need help tapping into) and the excitement of our purpose. When I am so fired up about something I rarely need to set many goals, I just need space to create and make it happen.
Recently I was reminded of how we can get lost in a goal as my wisteria crept slowly up and around and was threatening to overtake my whole house. It's strong branches starting to pull apart my porch railing. I had a vision three years ago of my rather plain house covered in wisteria and other garden eye candy. So my goal was willing this tiny wisteria to grow and twist and tangle up. And so it did. I stood on my porch one day with my neighbor throwing my hands up as I showed her the tendrils threatening to keep us from entering our front door.
She says simply, "Prune it."
Prune it, prune, cut it. Cut the plant that was bringing me such twisted joy, that I had envisioned making me fall in love with sitting on my porch feeling surrounded by beauty. Cut the branches that were my ticket to picturesque cottage???? Yeah, cut it.
So I did. Once I got myself untangled from my goal I realized my vision was clear again. Tame the wisteria meant I was participating in where I wished to be. I said a little gratitude for it, and chopped some more.
We have to stop and see how much we have accomplished. Once we are there, often we are already changing course, moving in another direction. That is good. That is the movement of life. I'm just asking you to honor what has happened. You have so much to be proud of.
Say a quick gratitude. Then you can prune.