Venus marks the sun. We sat at the table tonight eating our bowls of rice noodles, broth, chicken and kale while listening to the scientists talk in amazed joy.
The energy or events of 2004 are coming to a complete cycle. What was beginning in your world in 2004?
I was pregnant with the baby that would be born in a car. Fast and furiously. I will say that it was terrifying, hearing my own screams echo in my head. I didn't feel the terror of it again for many months. Once it hit I was inside of PTSD for a rocky stretch of time that eventually led me to take zoloft to ease the pains. I eventually would spend 4 months numbed on an extremely high dose but the waking dreams went away. The waking dreams were the worst.
We walked through the house that would become ours in 2004. A tiny bungalow that needed lots of loving. We saw it as a rare opportunity to buy a house for $200,000 that was actually liveable. Most we had seen had holes in the floors or owners who didn't care about removing their enormous snake tanks from the rooms as you viewed them. It was a seller's market and we were amazed that anyone would even give us a loan.
Pretty sure you all know how that story goes. Our house is now valued for about $120,000 despite the time spent making it much more lovely and our family has grown from 3 to 5 and a dog since.
900 square feet has been my tiny dwelling with these munchkins, and I am proud for how we have made it work. I still dream about renovating the upstairs, the part of the house that called me to it when we first climbed those stairs 8ish years ago.
I am feeling Venus-y. Those completions of energy and experiences that I felt bound to are the birth of Eli and the belief that we would live in this house for 5 years, sell at a profit and move on.
I have a feeling inside of me like I feel when I see a synchronized gathering of birds in the sky, soaring, soft and united. I know that something larger than me is overhead. This is the quietness of magic.
The last few days Patrick and I have been fighting about the house. Silly fights. I'm dreaming and he's being realistic and doesn't that always drive both of us a bit wonky. I've had so many moments of wondering if I wouldn't just be a better mother back on the medication.
Inside of those moments I find the energy of what was started in 2004 simply wanting to find a way to settle and release.
Inspired actions can help us complete this energy cycle.
And a surrender.
I will be painting my shutters bright orange.
And perhaps it is time to make a little more space?