Sugar Candy Giveaway

“We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.”

~ Sir Winston Churchill

What if for one night you could play as though you were sugar candy? At ease, in the flow, giggling, hugging, lounging, creating and finding some of your own magic as you traveled through different worlds…

20 women gathered together at The Loft and traveled through worlds making their own magic and now one of you will receive a box in your home to journey through and play as though you were sugar candy.

What you'll win :: Sugar Candy Adventure at Home

A jar of brown sugar foot scrub created by Persephone Brown just for you to give yourself some divine comfort.

 

A mini altar with sparkles, intentions and a prayer written to you from Mara Glatzel which you can hold in the palm of your hand and feel guided and grounded and open.

 

Inside of the altar tin you will find a reiki charged crystal that Sarah Rubin filled with energy and safety and blessing.

 

A crown, handmade with vintage materials from Chelsae Biggs who also will be including a secret mantra hidden inside the crown just for you. (See picture down below for beautiful women wearing their crowns.)

 

Some sugar candy for color and inspiration.

 

And I have tucked in a mini vision book (if you win and have no idea what a vision book is, email me, I'll hook you up), a few pre-cut words and images to start your journey towards dreaming and asking yourself this question...

To enter the giveaway leave a comment at the bottom of this post playing with this question::

Close your eyes. Ask all of your senses, including intuition, to be present in that stillness. Enlist your senses as you ask yourself where you feel called to journey towards as you are pulled into your own fierce magic.

A haircut after a year of ponytails. A plane ticket. Tea with a soulsister. Tears with a lover to find deeper laughter. Opening your body even through fear. Giving away the clothes that don't fit. Setting the coffee pot in the morning as an act of love to your future self. Writing that poem that aches to be set free. Blowing bubbles as you stand on the shore. Taking the class that you talk yourself out of because of this and that. Finding a babysitter. Hanging up the vision board on the kitchen wall. The tattoo. Putting on the dress. Saying yes to the challenge. That nap.

(I know what you are thinking. Why didn't I just ask you to share it on FB and Twitter and blah blah! Because I want you to journey, I want you all to feel your sugar candy magic and claim that one thing.)

 

Sugar Scrub

2 cup sugar of choice (white, brown, raw)

1/3 cup olive oil

1/3 cup coconut oil

2 Tbl vanilla

2 Tbl of lemon zest

 

Blend all ingredients in a bowl using your hands.

Transfer to a pretty little jar.

 

Eggplant Fritters

Dice one large eggplant and lay onto a baking sheet. Cover it generously with olive oil. Add half of an onion, diced and a sprinkle of sea salt. Roast in a 350 degree oven for about 40 minutes or until soft. Allow to cool.

Give the eggplant a quick chop, this will be about 2 1/2 to 3 cups of eggplant.

Add eggplant to a mixing bowl with one beaten egg.

Add in 2 tablespoons of capers.

One cup of Romano cheese, grated, goes into the mix.

One cup of finely chopped kale leaves (about two kale leaves) and gently mix it together adding in 2 cloves of garlic, chopped and 1 1/2 cups of almond meal (or flour).

Place generous tablespoon sized balls onto a greased piece of parchment paper on a baking sheet. Press down slightly on each ball. Bake for 20-25 minutes until golden and firm to the touch. Allow to cool. Serve warm or room temperature. These are great topped with a yummy dressing and over salad. Often I make a dip for these with some Veganaisse, lemon juice, honey, salt, pepper and italian dried spices. So good.

 

Rosemary Cassis Bubbly

In a long stem glass layer in 3 blackberries, a splash of cassis and a stem of rosemary. Pour your favorite bubbles over and sip while laughing, playing, visioning, bathing, putting on sexy lipstick or cooking dinner with Bublé.

 

To enter the giveaway leave a comment at the bottom of this post playing with this question::

Close your eyes. Ask all of your senses, including intuition, to be present in that stillness. Enlist your senses as you ask yourself where you feel called to journey towards as you are pulled into your own fierce magic.

Winner chosen next week, 2/11/14  Congrats to Veronica who said, "I have quit teaching 2nd grade. I made a list of all I am and all that I am not. I was scared for a moment. It was like a reset button. In all the pain, transparency, acceptance……there was freedom. I am learning to dream again.

This fierce magic……right now……is calling me to Begin Anew!!!! SHINE!!!!! And photograph with dedication to create!!!!!!"

 

(Photo credits Chelsae Biggs, Sarah Rubin, Persephone Brown, Mara Glatzel and Gina Parker)

An open invitation.

I choose white sheets and duvet covers, despite the children and dog.

I love the sexy wash of white touched with fluffy invitations to surrender.

Just the right pillows to prop back with coffee in the morning and melt into at night.

Mixed patterns, always changing with my mood.

A present self nurturing and smiling at the future self.

Perspective shifts from opening space and beauty.

The three minutes of care and time. Peace with every glance.

The woman sipping coffee sending love to the one with tired bones and full moments seen.

The woman thinking of her lover as she puts a tiny bit of her favorite scent on his pillow.

The woman walking by the room each day wishing she could just pause and take the time, taking the time. Today.

The woman who knows how she wants to feel at the end of the day finding it now.

The woman creating her rituals to keep time with her visions.

The woman leaning into a sexiness that with one glance you can feel down to your toes.

The woman who is practicing not to leap, but to simply sip her coffee, make her bed, look at her own eyes in the mirror and create a doorway for who she is becoming.

***

 

From Sexy and Sanguine. Want more? Join us.

I am inviting some of my special sexy friends and colleagues to join each day of the prompts with something special of their own. I'll tell you who they all are soon!

Gotta hold tight baby.

In childbirth they tell you to let your jaw release so your pelvic floor can relax and you can open.

I have chronic jaw pain and pelvic floor pain. I am a holder. A stuffer. The physical manifestation is the way I lock all the things that are easier not to talk about inside two really special places of my body.

Gotta hold tight baby.

Don't tell the truth of how you feel, they will leave you.

It isn't safe to say how that made you feel, you'll be told you are wrong. Shamed.

So maybe you aren't happy now, but who said happy was your thing? Just be safe, lock it up.

Gotta hold tight baby.

No one will ever see it, you've hidden it so well.

Make sure thier feelings come first, protect them from yours, yours aren't safe.

Your sensitivity will drive them away. You are too much for them. You are too needy. Just do for them, do for them, do for them. 

Gotta hold tight baby.

And then I went into physical therapy for my pelvic floor and everything started to flood through my body. Each session after the muscles would be triggered into release I would go home and want to crawl into the fetal position and cry. But I wouldn't. I held it all together.

Gotta hold tight baby.

My world started to shift with each session. I couldn't hold the way I used to. My body was being taught that it could release or relax or just be its own beautiful self.

I started to tell my truth. I got uncomfortable. I made others uncomfortable. I challenged the ways I showed up in the world. I didn't know what I wanted and somehow am still alive in that unknowing.

Opportunities for learning boundary work showed up, over and over. It began to exhaust me and challenge me again, in a deeper way and all I knew to say was...

Gotta hold tight baby.

Telling your truth hurts others.

You can't be nurturing if you put your needs first.

Run. You aren't safe.

Gotta hold tight baby.

I remember being in 3rd or 4th grade and being picked on by a group of girls. I was the sensitive one and it impacted me deeply. I internalized being left out from a group, it became unsafe for me to share my feelings. I had to pretend it didn't matter. I had to hide my tears. My sensitivity left me raw and open and vulnerable to pain.

Gotta hold tight baby.

Every full moon I think about release. It just isn't my thing. I've tried floating things out to sea, burning words, meditating. I'm a holder.

My physical therapist (who I have not been to see in a long time and I so need to go back, little note to self) said to me once about my anxiety, "It isn't happening to you, it is happening within you."

Um, hello.

I started practicing more boundary work, shaking each time I had to face it.

The thing about not taking on someone's feelings as your own. Yep, my new practice. Hard as shit but holy life shifting.

It isn't happening to you, it is happening within you.

I get to decide who holds my truth. It isn't all for everyone. Some of it is mine, parts of it can be shared. Safety allows for truth.

My sensitivity is a superpower if I learn to slow down. Stay grounded. Feel my way through.

Sometimes it is going to get tough. Speaking my feelings. Sharing my vulnerability. This is OK. This is a practice. I will screw up and start again.

It isn't happening to you, it is happening within you.

I don't have to release the holding. I have to integrate the feelings inside into my body in ways that don't cause pain. I have to learn that no one makes me this way, that I have the control over it.

That voice that says, gotta hold tight baby may never go. But she is being loved up by the new one reminding me daily, multiple times a day that it is happening within me. That it is mine. I can hold tight or I can open, open, open.

Gotta hold tight to your spirit baby.

Those feelings? They are beautiful. They are within you. They are walking you home.

*** *** ***

This post is part of the Let it Go Project: a collection of stories leading up to a beautiful releasing ritual, hosted by Sas Petherick on the 30th of January. All the details for this free event are here. And you can take part! Be inspired by other posts in this project, and share what you are ready to let of of on the Let it Go Project Community Page!

How we breathe in circles.

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”  ~ Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

I am warm spiced surprise.

I am the opulent lip.

I am passion rising.

I am sweet morning.

I am built with artistry, feeling, wonder and soul.

I am possible. I am champagne bubbles.

I am finding inspiration everywhere.

I am the sacred spirit.

I am song of devotion.

I am rewriting what's expected.

I am the strong sensitive type.

I am fire and crystal untold.

I am love and lust.

I am the high and low.

I am displaying layers of meaning.

I am evolving one wild and precious life.

I am luminous in the dark.

I am hungry for change.

I am open for fun.

I am tender.

I am integrating new ways.

I am Phoenix Rising...with a touch of self adhesive.

I am the evolution of connection.

I am found.

I am unbroken.

I am kaleidoscope alchemy.

I am soulflower.

I am a new degree of possibility.

I am ready to make it happen.

I am a cake for every occasion.

I am radiant nude.

I am the hungry traveler.

I am finding creative freedom.

I am a traveler of delicious comforts.

I am a part of it all.

I am absorbing delicious self discovery.

I am destined to be dazzled.

I am a magical place.

I am room for a miracle.

I am the co-existence of light and shadow.

I am beginning.

I am tender warrior.

I am intense and light at the same time.

I am glitter and glass.

I am a player of light.

I am first, gooey, sensitive.

I am a soul of light, all aglow.

I am the only centerpiece.

I am today.

I am (fill in yours here).

(Compiled from the circle of women in Spirits of Joy, A vision book course running through January. Can you feel the breath, the pulse, the safety and the penetration into a deeper spirit? This is how we breathe in circles.)

Often the best way we can see ourselves is through the reflection not in a mirror but in the eyes of compassion, empathy and fierce magic. Someone who has walked in our story. And then we become that for another. And the breath we exhale becomes their inhale and we need not push or judge because we find ourselves in safety.

And the 'I am' that surprises us from found words. Another's words becoming where we are traveling to next or holding us in a pause that is about to transform into tomorrow.

In a circle is where breath can expand and flow from one to another and words are held by the hands and hearts of community of choice. It is where space can be held to listen. Space where you are heard and no one is trying to solve you, just see you.

Soulwork is how we commune. Story is how we gather. Prompting is where we grow. Listening is how we feed. Prayer is how we ask and accept. Surrender is what leads us to change. Showing up in our now is how we embody all we desire.

 

“There is a community of the spirit.

Join it, and feel the delight

of walking in the noisy street

and being the noise.

Drink all your passion,

and be a disgrace.

Close both eyes

to see with the other eye” ~ Rumi

***

Questions keep floating in about Magic Making Circle ::

The number I hold inside of a circle always carries an energy for me. 100 is my sweet spot. When the group is given boundaries and accountability and freedom and modeling it thrives.

Magic Making Circle will be capped at 100. There seems to be a lot of fear around this number. We may or may not get to 100 but that is the number I am visioning as the maximum of sweet spot energy and community. I love 100. It also will be the only group you'll be able to work with me inside of for 6 months, so my desire is that for those who love prompts and soulwork and the circling with women, that they choose to take this journey with us. My goal was to keep the investment affordable and open the access to a powerful circle to those who believe in the work and the practice. Masterminds with 20 or less tend to average in the thousands and I want to create a model that works for me and my life, and what I know is your life. So I am creating circles, rather than masterminds. I am finding ways to keep the mastermind option open but not vital to the circle.

A circle holds power because it is a community of choosing. This cannot be underestimated.

Can 100 people be intimate? Well, I decided to ask my circle of 409 women, who have all been part of one or multiple programs I have run over the last few years, to talk about this. Here is what some had to say.

"The unique power of Hannah's circles, even the very large Alumni group, feels as though I'm sitting in a cozy living room with my most precious, loving friends, with their arms around me." ~ Lisa

"You are a beautiful soul, through and through authentic and you have the gift of bringing women together to make magic in their lives and hearts . It is felt so viscerally no matter the size of the group." ~ AnaLisa

"There is something so important and so soul-filling about having a strong circle of love, support, and stretch." ~ Xandra

"There is something very different about how Hannah's groups form. There is an unspoken congruence that is felt within this safe space. Hannah is not in your face every single moment, seeking attention, in fact she has the balance right, she passes it over to us. She's there to guide, facilitate, prompt, nudge and cajole us. Everyone is incredibly supportive in ways that are hard to describe. These are a band of women who want to create good in their worlds to turn around their thoughts and perspectives, and ultimately be surrounded by love and joy rather than be faced with negativity and hate. What I have experienced here is that when you begin to flourish, the group holds you and prods you to move even further into your light, stretching yourself without breaking. All of this refers to a group of approximately 400! With Hannah at the Helm, it will be magic." ~ Julia

"We are all walking a different path and whenever i have reached out to this group i have received an abundance of unique responses. it's like drawing on the deepest, most beautiful and loving wellspring of knowledge and experiences! when i circle with these women i can be my true self. there is no criticism, judgement or negativity. i have only ever received love, understanding & constructive feedback. i can go deeper with my vulnerability within the open arms of this group and grow even more from witnessing the journey of others." ~ Jenny

"Wherever you are in the world, whatever time of day , if you need to talk, someone somewhere will answer. We are global." ~ Mary

I hope these voices help you to glimpse what this circle will feel like.

Other questions ::

Can you explain the monthly calls?

Yes!!! We will do the 6 monhtly calls via a Spreecast. Spreecast is a video feed that allows me to either talk and receive questions via a live written feed or I can bring someone on with me in person. Most of the Spreecasts will be with me addressing the written feed, but there may be times I arrange to have someone come on as a guest if appropriate. These will be recorded.

Often a question from one is a question from many. That is what these Spreecasts will hope to achieve, a way to in live time address where you are, what is coming up, what questions you have. You will be able to chat with eac hother over on the side in live time. If you miss the feed live you can watch and then come to the group page later and we'll still be talking about all of it.

How much time will we need to commit to the circle?

What you put in is what will be returned. For some that will be a large investment, for others it will be smaller. We all land and show up in different places. There is no wrong or right, there is what you need, what you desire. I cannot create this investment for you, you must decide this.

Some of you may be inside a 'cave' right now in your lives or a highly sensitive bubble of protection, as I was for years. You may be inside of raising multiple children while wanting to foster a passion or desire or skill. Some will be inside of already thriving businesses and looking to have a place they can go to for support and perhaps a new direction. There are some who may be quietly reading and processing inside of the group while others are out there, asking, probing, sharing. We all are able to gain such insight and movement from those who have more time or are more open to posting in the group.

I will ask of you that if you feel shy or quiet that you push your boundaries just a bit and spend some time learning to connect in this way that will draw you to the story of others and they to you. I will ask of you to learn to hold space for each other without trying to fix or compare, but to listen and create safety. I will ask that you show up. I will ask that you learn to land outside of comfort zones into desires.

For those who are ready to commit even further to their work or passions there will be gathering weekends at the Loft in Rhode Island for seriously fun and productive masterminds. You'll get all of me for a weekend to explore, question, hold space and prompt you forward. This is a beautiful opportunity to gather a friend or colleague or two and create a fantastic weekend together. (These will be announced in February.)

Having a circle like this to hold you, the talkative or the shy, the open or the cautious, is a gift. One that we will adventure inside of for half of a year. I am beyond grateful to have this time together.

This circle will become a network of women lifting you up, seeing you, listening to you, pulsing along with your unique vibration. You will discover how we breathe in circles.

And it will be beautiful.

Sugar Candy

What :: A night of journeying through crafts, delicious foods and spirits, and the creation that happens inside of spiritual fun

Why :: To gather, relax, restore and play within a magical, fiercely feminine community

When :: January 31st, 7-10:30pm at The Loft, Hope Artiste Village, Pawtucket, Rhode Island

Cost :: $65 Register below, spaces are limited to 16 and we expect them to fly!

 

SOLD OUT!

"We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy."

~ Sir Winston Churchill

What if for one night you could play as though you were sugar candy? At ease, in the flow, giggling, hugging, lounging, creating and finding some of your own magic as you traveled through different worlds...

A few times a year the hosts of this Sugar Candy adventure gather at The Loft in Pawtucket, Rhode Island and have a weekend where we lift each other up. Part fun, part mastermind, part open to what the days bring us. There is bubbly and the city lights, there are vision books and beautiful meals. There is giggling and tears. We leave the weekends restored, relaxed and flowing in our own fierce magic.

These weekends have become my grounding because gathering in person when living such an online life shifts everything around for me. It is like being inverted so the blood can flow away from tired feet. And I adore these women. We like to theme our weekends and as we were planning our next gathering the thought of how we could bring some of this energy to our larger magic community came up.

And Sugar Candy was born.

Come journey through different worlds and all of your senses at The Loft with the magic of women around you. There will be extra twinkles for this one.

Little Altars Station

Our altars are the physical representation of our internal landscape. They are the tender keepers of our innermost wishes and prayers for ourselves, turning corners of our home into small escapes or beautiful reminders of who we are deep inside.

During Sugar Candy, you will be charged with creating your own travel sized altar, so that you might begin to bring the inspiration and reminder of an altar to moments when you need it the most - on the go and moving about the world. During this mini-workshop, Mara will guide you and your creative spirit in cultivating a mini altar in a small tin box, perfect for putting in your pocket or purse. Using feather, sand, magazine clipping, fabric, glitter, and color, constructing these mini altars provide the perfect momentary escape and benefit of taking your bits of inspiration with you, everywhere that you go. 

 Sugar Glow Skin Station

 Make your own skin softening body scrub using therapeutic oils, natural fragrances, and raw sugar.  Coffee~vanilla, lemon~peppermint, and grapefruit~sage are just some of the decadent flavors you’ll play with, as you hand mix a delicious body scrub to take home.  Join Persephone as she guides you to discover your unique blend, knowing it is just another little something that adds to your shine.

You will feel like raw vibrating sugar candy!

Superpower Your Intentions! Reiki Station

Do you have a guiding word for 2014? An intention you’re working with? A newish practice you’re incorporating into your now?

Let’s reiki that shizz together! Throughout the evening, Sarah will be offering 10-15 min private reiki sessions in the yummiest, most relaxing corner of the Loft. Come and bathe in this delicious energy work, receiving just what you need to support you on your path: physically, emotionally, spiritually. You’ll come away with a special reiki-charged treasure to remind you of your superpowers, as well as written notes of the questions you are asking and the insights you receive. Get superpowered with me!

Mini Visioning Station

Soulwork is about connection to self, to the now and that future woman we see and want to flow into. We come alive as we find a part of ourselves that has been lost or longing to come out.

Hannah will guide you to create mini pages filled with words and visions and feelings that surround them. As you do this you harness the true magic of the Universe. You vibrate in a new way. These books that you'll tuck in your pocket become a way for you to align what you want with what you have. They create manifesting magic in your life. Visioning allows you to love this life now while creating a future of your dreams. 

Prosecco Bar

You know the ice cream sundae bar right? Well, we like to drink bubbly during our weekend gatherings. Create your perfect glass of bubbly to travel with you through the stations with all the little treats and treasures we'll have out for you. Infuse beauty into your sugar candy cocktail. We think we are pretty brilliant with this one.

Savory and Sweet Station

Feasting with all of our senses, not just taste is pure pleasure. Yes, pleasure. Eating sensuously. Making a gorgeous plate. Simple foods. Feeding ourselves when hungry and feeding our desires. We will show you some of our tricks and secrets for creating a beautiful table and plate. So be ready to nibble.

Meet the women who will be joining me as your Sugar Candy hosts :: Sarah, Persephone and Mara. My Lift Up women who will be guiding you into the sweet adventure.

Meet Sarah Rubin

Hi, I'm Sarah, yogi and healer, queen of compassionate listening and living, deeply devoted to rocking my most authentic, connected, and fun life. I am beyond thrilled to be collaborating with these three beautiful friends/supreme magic makers to create an evening of epic sweetness for those who are ready to taste their own beauty!

Meet Persephone Brown

Hi, I’m Persephone, an inspired chef & coach, lover of pretty food, and master of the gluten free brownie.  For Sugar Candy, I am putting aside my chefs knife and grabbing the mixing bowls, oils & natural fragrances.   We will use the processed sugar that our bodies don’t love on the inside to make something our bodies (and anyone who touches them) will super love on the outside. 

Meet Mara Glatzel

I’m Mara Glatzel. I am an intuitive coach and writer. I work with brave women that have a sacred (and stubborn) desire for evolution by guiding them home to themselves and teaching them how to cultivate lives grounded self-love, self-trust, and radical self-responsibility. Quite simply, I believe that is your birthright to show up in your life brilliantly and with unbridled joy.

In creating this sacred space for women to thrive, I’m bringing a Masters in Clinical Social Work with a trauma specialization, my spot-on intuition, and the lessons that I’ve accumulated learning to fall madly in love with my own beautifully messy life. I believe that when you love yourself and have your own back – anything is possible.

 

 

Day 10 ~ My reboot.

 

My business 6 years ago started as a Health Coaching practice. I ran cleanses which were mostly elimination diets to help my women understand the foods that worked in their bodies and the foods that hurt them.

What started to happen for me over time was this tricky little thing I was doing, replacing my old dieting lifestyle with cleansing. If I was feeling a few pounds too heavy, I would cleanse. Women who would sign up, their number one goal was to drop weight. While it is amazing to lose weight when you don't feel like yourself, losing weight doesn't translate to falling in love with who you are and how you see yourself.

This created a conflict inside of me. I believe deeply in cleansing, in rebooting the body, in fasts, in giving the body space to breathe and reset. I don't believe in restriction as punishment for how we look or perceive we look to the world.

My work has been highly iterative, as it is for those of us following our passion and spirit. It must shift and grow. As I moved from the world of food and into a stronger soulwork/business focus I left the cleansing behind. I needed to reconcile falling in love with my body before I could move into any sort of restriction or rule following with eating.

I gained weight. I learned to dress myself in a new way. I felt for the first time sexy, not starving myself or following rules.

I finally could say, "I am beautiful."

I stood in the woods and took off my clothes and let myself be seen, knowing that it would be hard for me to look at the pictures after having lived in a much smaller body for so much of my life, but part of my practice of loving me.

After all the changes of 2013 I was in crazy emotional wonky land. I was in unknowing. I was in deep sadness and longing. I was scared of so much of it. I ate and drank in ways I never had before. I turned to wine and potato chips and tequila and tacos to numb what I didn't want to feel. Or say. Or know. Or face. Or challenge. Or just simplly be inside of. And I had quite a bit of fun. It felt wild and young. My metabolism however is that of a 39 year old. Nothing like really being inside of the truth of your physical body, it is a soul visit.

I gained about 13 pounds. I rarely weigh but I needed to face what I had been doing to my body. I no longer felt good in my skin. My digestion was suffering. I created an entire drawer for clothes that no longer fit.

When you don't feel beautiful in your own skin it is impossible to feel sexy. And I want to be guided from a gently sexy place. I want to be turned on by my choices, my friends, my relationships, my work, my finances, my clothes, my touch, my desires, my food. All of it.

Dreaming about creating a course called Sexy and Sanguine for months but not being able to launch it, knowing that I couldn't feel my sexy anymore was my turning point. I was too numb, too scared of feeling everything. The Highly Sensitive Person fear that the feelings will be too much, will overcome us and we won't survive it. (Seriously, that is a huge fear.)

I had journeyed through so much this past year, starting with the prayer that opened me to a radical awakening. I saw myself with eyes of love and then needed to match my life to that love. It was hard. It still is most days. Awakenings are not sugar coated so much as they are the sweetest opening, ripening, raw and exciting and terrifying.

Not feeling right in my skin and needing to ground the wildness of the past year I woke up one morning knowing that it was time to return to the medicine and the magic that is a part of my spiritual practice of living the gorgeous life. And I needed a reboot. Food is our most powerful medicine. It creates our cell's wisdom. It creates roots.

No longer living inside of the need for deprivation there is a freedom. Letting my body shed weight that it holds to hide is a freedom. Grounding myself inside of the beauty of what I put into myself is freedom. Getting rid of that drawer of clothes that don't fit is freedom.

Every body has its own intuition of what makes it feel gorgeous. For me, I have a tendancy towards candida and so my reboots are specific towards rebuilding the balance of good bacteria in my gut. The gut is my spiritual home. If it is strong and thriving so is my spirit.

As I moved into knowing that for the month of January I would take myself through a modified candida cleanse I had to check in with myself.

I knew I needed to break the need for nightly wine to get me through the toughness of parenting and feeling. I love wine and I envision its return, but for now I have to know I can breathe without it.

I knew that if I didn't allow myself my morning decaf with coconut milk that I wouldn't last. It is so deeply part of my morning routine and joy. So I use a coffee with very low mold content and I have one morning cup. My intuition was strong on this one.

I knew that I would need to cocoon myself for a while. Restaurants and night life would be too challenging for me to be part of while I was going through the tough first few weeks. I also knew from the past that so much stuff comes up while you cleanse out the nasty bits. The cocoon is essential for me.

I knew that I would start to supplement with anything that my body seemed to have a knowing it needed. Evening primrose, lysine, pro-biotic, New Mood, zinc, red raspberry leaf tea, those kinds of things.

Today is Day 10. I have a cold sore which always happens to me when I cleanse. I have no cravings and my blood sugar feels so calm and stable. My dreams have been wacky weird. According to my clothes I have shed about half of the weight gained these last few months. My body feels so comfortable. After 10 days I woke up knowing myself in my skin.

Day 5 I felt like shit. Day 7 I started to feel a shift. Day 8 and 9 brought a return of energy and I was a raw emotional puddle.

The foods I am eating are beyond beautiful and rich and filling and also sometimes piss me off, haha.

I am eating all vegetables minus potatoes, mushrooms and corn. Onion and garlic and peppers I have only occasionally, I just listen to my body and its need for calming foods. I make a butternut squash for the week to add sweetness when I need it and roast carrot sticks like french fries with salt and pepper. There is no sugar at all from any source, even fruit, so the butternut squash is heaven! I do use lemon for chicken and fish and salad. Lemon so far seems to work well along with small amounts of raw apple cider vinegar. No other fermented foods.

Protein is chicken, turkey, fish, beef, lamb, eggs, walnuts, cashews and almonds. No soy, no beans. No grains with the exception of occasional rice pasta. I have been using some goat cheese for snacks or to thicken broths of soups. This week I'm trying goat yogurt.

The grounding for me has been in the return to the kitchen, a place where my soulwork began. The rhythm and ritual of preparing foods. The dance of the messy kitchen getting cleaned each night before preparing supper. Chopping and keeping time with my body through the medicine it asks for. Opening the fridge and creating magic from all the pieces before me.

The chicken soup that became a new creation when I blended the broth with cauliflower and added goat cheese and coconut milk and green curry to layer it. With eggplant and carrots it was a gorgeous cold night slurping.

Burgers on lettuce with guacamole and carrot fries, hold the tequila for now.

Stuffed peppers with beef, cauliflower, tomatoes, cumin, yellow curry, butternut squash, coconut milk, thyme and love.

Chicken thighs sauteed with olive oil, lemon, salt and pepper then sprinkled with almond meal and green olives as it finished cooking. Served with acorn squash and roasted vegetables.

Frittata with celery, artichoke, carrot, salt and pepper. Freshly grated Romano on top served over baby greens.

These with a homemade mayo dipping sauce with broccoli and cucumber salad.

Trying these with my coconut flour. Thank you Pinterest.

Playing with food, drinking herbal tea at night when I normally would pour the wine, connecting to home through standing in the kitchen. This is where I am. Letting my body return to its knowing. Listening to what it needs from me. Feeling my gut get all spiritual on me again. Feeling the things that I stuffed as each one feels safe to come out in its own timing.

Seeing my skin and hair and belly smile and shine.

Feeling so sexy. So gently sexy.

Desiring this fierce, loving, guided medicine.

And looking forward to a glass of wine once my spirit and body are ready.

In February I'll be guiding the Sexy and Sanguine course that I was dreaming all fall about. There will be soulwork and prompts and challenges to bringing out your (and my) hot confidence. We will embrace the romance of waking up in our own skin. We will explore your rogue ecstasy, your story of fantasy, your beautiful spaces.

And it will be delicious.

For January, I'll be continuing on my journey to feel kick-ass in my body. Emerging sexy and sanguine and ready to explore the magic inside of our ripeness, our beauty, our yes.

***

Resources that may speak to your spiritual medicinal needs inside of cleansing or rebooting your body::

Candida

Persephone - if you want to discover what it feels like without sugar and learn some sweet alternatives she has a free 3 day, kick sugar's sweet ass challenge happening and will be running her crazy popular cleanse in the Spring. She is my support system during this reboot and one of my most amazing friends. On 24 hour text support. Well, kind of...

Elana - her recipes are so simple and encouraging. I discovered her years ago and her recipes change the way I feel in the kitchen. (Again, freedom.)

The Urban Poser recipes I just discovered and am going to sink into this week. Variety is key baby.

From my sweet friends Mara and Cookie, Feed Me. They both are beyond amazing.

My rockstar client Jennifer has been guiding this 5 day detox and she is honestly pure light.

***

And now the very quick note where I say...this is what works for my body and in no way is intended for others. I am dipping into some transparency around this in hopes that doing so inspires others who feel off or blocked or numb to start to listen to their body and its intuition. So, yeah, the disclaimer!

Sexy and Sanguine

What :: 2 weeks of sexy and sanguine soulwork prompts, challenges and explorations

Why :: Confidence is freaking HOT.

When :: This program will return in the FALL!

Do you truly know her?

Your rogue ecstasy, your story of fantasy, your beautiful spaces?

Have you embraced the romance of waking up in your skin?

Can you feel the sensuality inside of grey, the rawness of an orange sky, the taste of a kiss full of red wine?

Do you reflect your light in others and draw their curiosity of pleasure into you?

Have you ripened? Have you ripened?

In a past life/future life have you stood in the blossoming of your sexuality with your senses exploding, in the gift of feeling?

And from that self that was or will be can you feel her guiding you?

Are you sexy and sanguine?

Do you feel belly passion?

Can you close your eyes and paint your beauty by numbers?

Is there a knowing in your toes, your ears, your breasts that each piece of you is loved and sacred and on the journey towards whole?

Is there a candle waiting to be lit that is celebrating you, celebrating her, celebrating this gorgeous life that you have claimed?

And where can you whisper ‘oh yes. oh yes. oh yes’?

Let me take you there. To the yes. To the roughness of your edges and the dance of your awakening.

This. This is where we travel next.

Sexy :: Stimulating. Erotic. Desirable. Appealing. Hot.

Sanguine :: Bloodred. Temperament of cheerfulness. Confidence.

When I was 22 I was out walking with a friend. I had long blonde hair, worked out often, was a champion dieter, known for really good skin and living in Seattle pursuing acting, 2 years away from marriage. My friend said to me, "Whenever we are out I just watch men look at you, turn their heads."

2 days later I went to a Salon and cut off all my hair. Not in the cute or sexy-declaration-of-myself-as-a-woman way, in the I-don't-want-to-be-seen way.

It terrified me. My sexual self, at 22, she scared me. I wanted to hide from her. While many 22 year olds were out exploring their sexuality and beauty I found myself wanting to stuff it into a little box and find a hiding place for it. Part of my dieting history had so much to do with not wanting to be seen.

I was terrified of myself. Of my skin. Of my beauty. Of my yes.

This may not have been your 22 year old story. It may have happened after your marriage vows. Or when your first baby made her appearance. Maybe it was a story of a younger age or the fear of turning 50. Or maybe your sexual confidence just slowly faded as the role of young woman turned into wife, mother, worker, nurturer, tender, multi-tasker.

Confidence is alluring, hot, sexy.

Each year many of us choose a guiding word or phrase that will be the feeling we want to draw into our experiences, and it is a powerful practice. This year my guiding phrase is gracefully sexy. All to lead me further into hot confidence.

Confidence is gracefully sexy. Managing finances is gracefully sexy. Feeling delicious in your skin is gracefully sexy. Creating healthy boundaries is gracefully sexy.

Sexy and Sanguine Woman know...

• boundaries are beautiful.
• dreams come true from feelings.
• closets are sanctuaries.
• the shade of lipstick that lights them up, or the perfect lipgloss to plump.
• just when breakfast is for dinner and that bubbly can happen anytime, anywhere.
• the part of their body they always hated can actually guide their pleasure.
• pleasure.
• how to hold a gaze.
• how to receive. Really.
• how to stand in front of a mirror naked.
• to kiss and say hello before listing off complaints.
• beauty is in the details.
• how to hold space.
• feeling sexy is inside and out.
• that iterative living is gorgeous.
• how to take risks.
• saying yes is a turn on, after learning to say no.
• that listening changes everything.
• how to follow their animal spirit guide or tarot card into sacred space.
• that hot confidence is a practice.
• how to walk into a room and really see.
• how to ask the questions that flip it all around.
• that hot confidence is fierce magic.
• that an awakening is non-negotiable.

What you'll need for this course...

• A camera, iphone is great
• A journal to poem and vision in, I love Moleskines
• Some white space, clear the calendar a bit for some sexy and sanguine prompts
• A hot date, with yourself, with a girlfriend or many, with your lover... in celebration

if you travel far enough.

"If you travel far enough,

one day you will recognize yourself

coming down the road to meet you.

And you will say

YES."

~ Marion Woodward

An answer to a beautiful question...

Sometimes I wake up and I have pains from my head down my jaw and into my shoulders. Maybe sinus,maybe clenching, maybe stress but most likely all three. I should take stock in Motrin.

I get panic attacks. They have become more like waves than sitting outside the emergency room waiting for the impending heart attack. Those were last year. This year the waves.

My kids fight a lot of the time and it brings me to my knees. And then I yell and knees aren't low enough for how I fall.

I put on weight when I am in a place of unknowing, or cocooning, or feeling scared. And then looking in the mirror is hard. I do it anyway and it can feel like physical pain to know that I am back here again. Learning the same thing over and over and over.

And over. And needing the next size jeans.

I forget to drink water. I wish I could be hooked up to an IV and hydrated once a week. Sometimes I even buy a gatorade and drink it as fast as I can.

I am driving on two flat tires because making appointments to have things or teeth or body parts fixed is not my strength.

I killed my daughter's fish, got mad at Patrick last night because I didn't think he was being supportive (think being the word here) and let my 8 year old stay home because I didn't want to be alone today.

When I got my circle tattoo on my finger they didn't close the circle. I thought they did. But they didn't. And I believe it is the Universe giving me a sign and maybe someday I will close it. Or not.

Sometimes I hurt when I think friends no longer like me or don't need what I give. When I put my heart into things and then feel sad. The fear of losing relationships a constant and getting lost in that, but more than that. Knowing that it does happen and I will be OK. I will be OK.

Some days I can't find my gratitude and I feel like I complained and hid and threw tantrums.

There are memories that haunt me and cycle back into my body and I want to free them.

I am intense and it can be a lot for others to hold.

At 6pm I realize I have nothing for dinner.

This is why my hot cup of coffee each morning made for me with love is sacred.
This is why I wear beautiful jewelry every day and dress myself for how I want to feel.
This is why I pray through words, altars, surrender, tea bags, giggles, connection, texts.
This is why fresh flowers matter.
This is why I send love notes through Fb, texts, the mail, feathers, lipstick, emails.
This is why the picture of the feather my daughter drew for me reminds me that she is watching.
This is why I circle with women who believe in magic and risk and doing things that feel out of their comfort zone.
This is why I keep trying and hoping when every sign points to the shitstorm.
This is why soulwork saves my soul.
This is why there are so many pictures of me on Instagram.
This is why one bite of a chocolate cupcake wearing a vegan leather jacket can feel like a tiny piece of bliss.
This is why gratitude looks like a piece of pie or meeting your girlfriend at the mall on a Wednesday night or patience for feelings you have inside.
This is why I often send out the SOS text for a bottle of red around 5:00pm.
This is why that hug on the beach, barefoot and crying will happen. Over and over.
This is why when I find a shirt that feels like heaven on my skin I buy 4. And then 5.
This is why I don't have to ask how you feel but rather how you want to feel inside of your beautiful dreams.
This is why your stories are mine. Mine yours. And every word is precious.
This is why beautiful is one of my favorite words and joy lives in my gut.
This is why I no longer try to make everyone happy but rather live in my truth.
This is why the irony of scared and sacred isn't lost on me.
This is why there is no doubt magic exists.
This is why love takes so many shapes. Even an unclosed circle.
This is why I love this life now.
This is why I say thank you to my own heart.
This is why when I go to bed I think about who I want to be the next day.
This is why waking up to that coffee is my starting moment, with each sip telling me a story of now.

This is why.

Because it isn't happening to me, it is happening within me.

This is why.

The shifts that I can make blow my mind. So can the sadness I feel. So can the love.

This is why seeing how much beauty exists, even inside of pain, forever guides me.

This is why I travel.

This is my yes.

***

(From Thursday morning love letter from me to you. Sign up in the box up there on the right to receive your little Thursday morning love.)

My answer.

Photo Ruth Clark Photography.

So hard to let go. And say good-bye.

The yes I am always guiding others towards.

The yes of intuition and making your body feel at peace, release.

The yes of taking care of you, over all else so that you can show up as the brilliant gorgeous you.

The yes of knowing when you don't know and settling into the pain and prayer of that moment.

The yes when a decision is made, even if it is saying good-bye.

This Holiday Joy Up will be the last official Joy Up. There will be a celebration of all that has been and all that will be. We will honor the beauty that has held a tribe born out of the question, "Can you increase the amount of joy in your life in just 10 days?"

That was 2 1/2 years ago.

Hundreds of women have lifted themselves up inside of the space and days traveling through Joy Ups.

My life has been changed and twisted and loved up and pulled into joy.

And now my yes is saying good-bye and honoring the beauty of these travels together.

This December we will journey as a group into the final live group Joy Up program.

I am ready for the new creations that are inside of me wanting to be born. But mostly I desire going deeper and asking that of you. The you who is ready to find your own yes. In 2014 I will spread my wings and take us together on new adventures through magic and gorgeous living and truth.

When this yes became clear to me I fought it for a bit and tried to find ways around it. And everything in my body kept leading me back to the joy of a decision made inside of growth and change and surrender.

This December we will journey as a group into 24 days of the magic of Joying Up.

We will spiral together through prompts that allow us to see each moment through the eyes of joy. Joy doesn't mean being happy, joy means feeling it all, having access to everything that you hold inside. We will spiral.

Finding the yes that is waiting to be born inside of you is beauty.

This December come along with us. Into a Joy Up.

The yes can lead to a moment that is hard to let go of.

The yes might mean saying good-bye.

The yes could lead to a celebration of all that was, is and will be.

And so it is.

The Holiday Joy Up

The Loft Autumn Series ~ Chocolate Night

Persephone Brown hosts Chocolate Night!!!

I am thrilled to welcome Persephone back to The Loft after her sold out (and then a few more squeezed in) Spring Feast where she brought us gorgeous food and wine and the understanding of each food's preparation. One of the women reported to having more fun than she thought possible at a cooking night!

The idea for chocolate night was cooked up I'm pretty sure as the Spring Feast dishes were being washed! I love food. I love Persephone. And I love bringing women together at The Loft, to feel kindred, to laugh, to rest while being nurtured.

Date: Friday, November 22nd, 6:30pm-10:30pm

Cost: $85 (includes a spot in The Holiday Joy Up, oh yes!)

 

"Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.”

― Joanne Harris

Celebration of life, settled on our tongue. Chocolate.

At the Loft we laugh. We celebrate. We dine, and wine, and sigh at the beauty and the goodness of it all. This chocolate night will be a heightened experience brought alive from the flavors, scents, and fluidity of this food from the Gods. The menu will vary from rich and raw to savory and simple. Wine is paired to take you further into the evening’s experience. Leave with a little something to take home with you, and an arsenal of new recipes which will bring love into your kitchen, the way only chocolate can.

 A perfect recipe starts with flavor, then color. A perfect dish grabs hold of all of your senses, you smile at the sight of its beauty, the textures dance on your tongue. A perfect meal nourishes you beyond healthy nail beds and belly, with story, and laughter, and soft colorful cloth napkins. A perfect meal is messy, and simple, and lovingly prepared. The first bite you dance, the last bite you sigh, and every moment in between, all that exists is love.

~Persephone

 

 

Our amazing menu:

Marinated Brussel Sprout Salad

White Chocolate Baba Gannouj

Cocoa ~ Mushroom Caponata

Cacao and Red Wine Braised Beef

Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

Lover’s Mousse

Wine, & plenty of surprises.

All dishes prepared will be gluten and dairy free.  Please let us know of any dietary restrictions you may have, and we will do our best to accommodate you.

 

 

 

 

Persephone Brown is a Certified Health Coach, with certification from the American Association of Drugless Practitioners. A graduate of the Institute of Integrative Nutrition and Columbia Teachers College of New York City. Spending a number of years cooking for herself (as a vegan, vegetarian, and now carnivore) and as the baker for the Juice and Java Cafe she learned the art of making healthy beautiful food that tastes good and warms your core.

Persephone uses her education and experience with food, to support women to clear the static and get real clear on what works for them. She has guided hundreds of whole food cleanses, teaching people to take that first step for their health and their life. Clarity is a beautiful thing when you're deciding where it is you want to go. A healthy digestive system and healthy mind help you get there.

 

 

The Holiday Joy Up 2013

When you dance in the magic something opens up inside and the desire for more joy, dreams and passion becomes the mission of the heart.

December 1st to the 24th

Magic. Sparkly nights. Soft space. Blessings. Hope. Sexy shoes. Red lipstick. Glitter on the floor. Gluten and dairy free pumpkin pie. Memories. Beauty. Now.

These 24 days are about connecting to daily gratitude, creating everyday magic, feeling filled with connection (rather than sugar), truthfulness, radiating love and that twinkle of inspiration for creating a season of joy.

Gratitude + Love + Magic = Holiday Joy

24 days of holiday letters holding inside of them:

• Inspiration towards making more daily magical moments
• Reminders of what truly matters to us through holiday joy affirmations
• Gratitude makers - think noise makers full of gratitude - through soulwork assignments
  
• Recipes that make your taste buds joyful and your body gorgeous
  
• Daily sparkles, tingles, twinkles, fluttering...magic of the season

 

Reminders to dance in the magic of the season:

• Support from your joy tribe
• Inspirations for sharing the love of the season
• Twinkles of gratitude
• Joyful giving and receiving
  
• Gorgeous holiday living

Shifting into joy for the present moments:

• Feeling love for who we are now, yes, now
  
• Simple ways of showing love through the sharing and receiving of gifts and gestures
• Mindfulness and joy that come from the simple, ordinary tasks of our life
• Transforming the everyday into joyful holiday magic through Soulwork
  
• Fully being inside of the joy of the season

Recipes to connect you deeper to your health:

• Grain-free and mostly dairy free, like me!

Here is how we move into the magic:

• A letter each morning delivered to your email, like a daily gift of gratitude
• 24 days of inspiration
• A Facebook Joy Tribe Group to chat in, share inspiration, pictures and the magic of the season
• Magical guests contributing their sparkle and gratitude
• Watch your holiday joy start to sparkle as you dance in the magic
• I celebrate Christmas but this is for celebrating the season, not a specific holiday
• Share the magic we will be dancing in, sign up with a soulsister
• $49.00
  
• Or join and gift to a soulsister $70.00
• December 1st to the 24th
  

I always smell joy and the excitement in the air, see it in the lights that start to sparkle and taste it in the homemade applesauce simmering away on the stove. This time together is about focusing on those special moments and making memories. Taking the stress and pressures and flipping them into gratitude, love and joy! Let's discover the magic of the twinkle together.

Here is my love note to you:

• I believe you are amazing
• I believe in you connecting to the special
• I believe in the magic of all you are
• I believe in you

"Hannah has changed the way I breathe." ~ Maria

"Thank you for giving us your all, it allows us to do the same for ourselves." ~ Izabela

"I didn't even realize how far away I had traveled from my passions and joy until Hannah entered my life. What did I do without her?"~ Joanie

"The work you do is magical and impacts so much on the lives of the women that take part… including me." ~ Amy

"I value your words so much, they always speak to my heart. Thank you, I get so tired of reading other people's words all the time but yours are always special." ~ Jackie

"To feel that connection that exists between all of us, everywhere, is so refreshing and joyful." - Emily

"This time has been wonderful. I met Joy like an old friend coming back into my life. I am really enjoying the visit and hope that she stays." - Laura

"This has been the most precious of days ♥ !" - Stacy

"Thank you for these days, they will ripple into many more days to come." - Jenn

"Focusing on joy has allowed me to encourage and old friend and totally change the way I think about situations. I'm usually negative but these past days I have learned to speak the truth in my head out loud instead of letting the negative situations take over. It has been really amazing." - Rachel

Full Moon ~ Celebrations into Surrender

Calling my wild women!!! from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.

I want to share Day 1 of Making Space for Surrender with you. In this video you'll get the prompt we'll be starting with as way to practice being on our edge. In a fun, wild woman way.

Many use the Full Moon as a time to release, to feel wild and free, to let go of something that no longer serves. Sounds a bit like surrender, yes?

Here are some ideas for your wild woman edge::

Skinny dipping

Moon walk with singing/howling

Laying under the moon in soft blankets and pillows, maybe naked...

A late night date in bed

Fire pit circling, burn something you no longer need to hold onto

Spicy colored lipstick all day long

Walk on the beach, release strips of paper with old stories on them, allow them to float away

Give away flowers to strangers

Lay your crystals in the moonlight and wash your hands and face in rose water (leave the water out under the moon too)

Leave a surprise crystal or beaded jewelry for a friend

Make a really spicy dinner

Drink Prosecco with fresh strawberries while bathing in moonlight

Dance in the moonlight

Commit to looking deeply in people's eyes all day, let them be the first to look away

Compliment people all day, tell them why they are glowing, gorgeous, amazing

What are your wild woman full moon ideas?

When the quiet seeks you.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going - but the enlightened? They surrender."   Martha Beck

when you want to spend the day sipping miso broth and making videos in pink lipstick and he throws up all over your bed.

the time you think you are being open to their needs. and receiving. and it turns out you were blocking it all.

the to-do's and stresses piled high like a stack of papers balancing for this moment, but if you look away, falling, spilling, everywhere.

hormones. hemorrhoids. weak bladder. red tent desires.

the moment you realize you must make the decision about their life. you can see it in their eyes. and know.

the dreams about babies and water and your fish dying. circle of life. waking up with tears.

the spirit guide pointing you in a direction you never wanted. or did you?

and so...

bake the cookies.

eat them warm.

snuggle him and use hot cloths.

map it out. see it.

practice

surrender

practice.

bake the cookies.

eat them warm.

***

We will be moving into the practice and the surrender. Starting on the full moon, October 18th. We will be having some wild, free, sexy kinds of fun. And maybe making cookies.

My favorite chocolate chip cookies:

1 jar nut butter
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/4 cup palm sugar
1/2 (or more) of dark chocolate chips
1 TB vanilla

So simple, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Place the dough on the sheet in TB sized scoops. Gently pat each one down a bit. Dough will be sticky. Cook for 8-10 minutes. They will continue cooking when you take them out so err on the side of looking a bit under done.

When we make these with peanut butter, we use tsp sized scoops, making a smaller cookie. They tend to be more moist when made smaller. When making these for ice cream sandwiches you want to make sure they do not get too crispy. Cook them on the shorter side, allow to cool really well and then carefully put softened ice cream on the underside of one cookie. Gently place another cookie on the top, wrap in parchment paper or put in a glass container into the freezer.

The processing and #meatloaf

Not so much a processor, this body and mind of mine. Somewhere in my heart, my spirit I must take it all in. I am so quick to move on, to forget to share some words or moments. With all of you or myself.

This was the final #operationselfcarelikewhoa event. Actually, there was a first and a last! Nothing in between but a bit of a confidence crisis. The first #osclw filled up within 24 hours with 15 women. The second was cancelled due to low enrollment. The last one made it by the skin of its teeth.

I had heard filling events in person could be tough. I didn't realize it would be tough on my spirit. So when the final event came and some of the women had to cancel, we had a circle of 5. Sarah and I guiding and 3 women bringing all of themselves to form our circle.

I got scared. My confidence hit a low. I worried about energy output and how a small circle would work, if the women would feel too 'on the spot' or if it would just be too intimate. My favorite number to gather friends is about 5-7 so I knew that if the energy of each woman who walked through the door was open and ready it could be magical.

But I was nervous. I was feeling a bit of uncertainty. Right where I needed to be.

Hours before the event I embraced the intimacy of our gathering. I wrote up an intimate photo hunt that we would all share and invited my community on social media to play along. The Instagram community had posts before any of us did. Bringing my larger community into feelings of intimacy with these events makes me soar.

 Months and months ago I wanted to start to move into smaller intimate gatherings. I visioned having 3 women come to The Loft together to dream, to do some power work on their businesses, to shop, to eat, to have an experience of biz meets #osclw. I got scared of the price I would need to put on that time together. I worried no one would come. I worried and knew it wasn't time.

This last gathering of #osclw was the signal, the download from the Universe that it is time to follow my longings of my soulwork.

My confidence crisis brought me back so I could focus on where I'm headed. My energy is shifted #likewhoa.

I am willing to invest in myself, my self care, my business, my heart, my spirit, my needs, my desires. I am willing to believe that others will too.

I loved witnessing Sarah inside of her fierce and gentle gifts of circling women. I love collaborating when it feels so damn good. And easy. And grounding. Her energy and friendship are light to me. We don't have pictures from her healing circle because it is inside of an Urban Spa and lights are low and phones are not invited in. Let me just say; think pink salt room glowing with the energy of giving and receiving. Think goddess glowing. Think shift.

From the moment these women walked through that Loft door each of us started to shift, to shed, to crack, to heal. Yes, this can happen in 24 hours, in 15 minutes. If you believe. If you show up. If you want it.

One of the women left to applause as she announced a huge knowing that she was leaving with. We all cried and laughed a lot during the weekend. Sometimes it really only takes 15 minutes.

If you believe.

If you show up.

If you want it.

I spend days, weeks, prepping for each event. I spent the week before getting meatloaf in the freezer and squash roasted. Finding the right wine. Setting it up just so. I am learning to honor the time and love that I put into these events, I love it so freaking much. It is part of what I must do.

And I make a damn good meatloaf. I'll share the recipe.

Turkey Meatloaf

2 pounds dark turkey meat, 2 eggs, 1/4 cup or more almond meal, chopped parsley, chopped kale (like 1/4 cup of each), 1 TB tomato paste, 1/2 cup finely diced red onion, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes. Mix it all together in a bowl then place on an oiled baking sheet. I usually form two meatloaves out of it. On top spread some ketchup and bake at about 375 for 35-45 min. Check internal temp with meat thermometer to be certain.

Photos::

1. Flower set up. Every event, even my fun friend weekends, have flowers everywhere. Sometimes I am guided by a color, this time PINK! I fill all my little jars up and spread them around The Loft. Once the flowers are out I feel like everything can happen now, the magic can arrive.

2. Dear Universe Wall. I have a string of twinkle lights with little clothes pins and cards and a sharpie waiting on a table. The invitation is to write a prayer, to commune with the Universe. To ask. To be heard. To practice surrender. To say gratitude.

3. Intimate Photo Hunt. This was so much fun, we'll do it again. When you have events with people who have never met, one way to take the fear out is to give them a project, a task. This was a beautiful way to see moments together, to have some fun with our cameras after the more intense circles and conversations. And it connected us with the community that has grown to thousands on social media. On Instagram go to #intimatephotohunt to see all the gorgeous pictures.

4. Set a gorgeous table. You could do meal serving beautifully in brown paper bags, on a picnic blanket, anywhere. Just make it beautiful. Let everyone eat with their eyes first. Take time with the food prep and the eating. Have a conversation starter ready for the meals so they are being guided along with the flow of the gathering. Clean up. Always clean up quickly, I learned this one over time. Clean up time is now my processing time.

The details matter.

5. Make a mess. Always. Get messy with paint, glue, dirt, sand, water, something during a gathering. Dirty equals play and movement. These are essential to the gatherings. And yeah, clean up.

6. Share little things during events. I have a few handouts usually and pages of prompts, etc that I give to my women at gatherings. These prompts and pages can help anchor. This was a gorgeous photo copy page of a person with a feather dangling down their naked body. We all wanted to vision around this image and see what it meant to us.

7. Vision book. The main way I coach or guide is through vision work. Sharing this time together is special and we were blessed by seeing one of the most gorgeous vision books I've ever held. We learned the secret to making the book pop is by making sure the cut outs overlap into the seam. Pop!

8. The group shot. Don't forget to grab that photo of all of you together. This one was accidental and we loved it so. These women were truly amazing. (Photo by Kelly Ann)

Spirits of Joy:: Give it a name.

"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful."

~ Mae West

Give it a name.

(Here is the link of my favorite Moleskine.)

I name each month, with words like, "and so it is" or "the light from the shadows." A guiding phrase to help me focus. A mantra to poem out or photograph in stills of my life.

Words are guides and memories. They soothe us when spoken with the softness we long for. Words can pull me out from the depths of a panic attack or send me into a rage of anger. Words hold power to open and gentleness to yield to. Words are delicious.

Today find a name to give your book, to guide you.

Perhaps you open up a magazine or get a card in the mail and there it is. Let the words find you. Play and discover. Try to open to a message being found, a phrase you resonate with or puzzle together from word bits floating around your table.

Give it a name.

A gift waiting to be found.

We start September 1st. Learn more about this course, here.

“Hannah, what you do is take women who don’t even know how to believe in what they already are, don’t know that they should, and you give them hope, give them the tools, introduce them to a way of looking at themselves, the world, each other – that illuminates ILLUMINATES the path that we failed to notice was beneath our feet all along.”

 

What do you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams?

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” ~Rumi

I've arrived at several. My beautiful dreams come at me fast now, making me almost intimidated to do the work I teach; guiding women how to vision these dreams and connect to the magic inside of them.

This is a discussion we are having over in my Magic Making Mastermind Circle and I want to bring it to you. I'll wax a bit on it, but I am most interested in what you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams.

How do your thoughts start to shift and how do you integrate the arrival into the place you may have been visioning for so long?

Once I have stepped into this 'new reality' to quote one of my Mastermind women, I am often quick to move on. Lingering in the celebration of it isn't always my way. There is a depth of the shadow work I have done to arrive at many beautiful dreams and I am one of those people who craves the discomfort that growth and trusting the inner voice brings.

When I was 25 I lost my first pregnancy. Then two more. A baby was my beautiful dream and I walked through shadow after shadow, deep sickness and disconnect in my marriage to finally give birth to my daughter on Sept 15, 2002. For two weeks I was pretty blissed out. Even with the extra 40 pounds I was still holding, the swelling that refused to go away and the struggles with nursing.

At the end of week two she started to cry and didn't stop for about 4 months or so. I was inside of my beautiful dream and it kind of sucked. I was sucked into a deep depression, I felt alone and scared and disconnected from everything I had known.

My beautiful dream, everything I had wanted, to be a mom, to hold my babe. Here she was and my new reality filled me with fear.

It took me a long long time to dream again. Shell shock or high-anxiety or just pure exhaustion. I loved that little being to the core of my soul and I just couldn't imagine how a dream could feel so different. Looking back I know that I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to fill a piece of myself that felt empty, raw, exposed. I believed a baby would fill it.

I wanted to feel whole.

What the baby did was become one of my greatest teachers. All of my children become deep love in my soul but never filled me up. Never made me whole. Thank God I have them, thank God I looked to be filled through them so that they are in our life.

And thank God I saw the truth inside of the dream so that I could begin to dream again. I wanted to feel whole.

From that feeling inside the dream I have visioned my way into so many new realities. Each one lifting me up, each one teaching me that feeling whole is me becoming light. And so I dip into shadows, I come out and shine stronger, brighter.

It is the Awakening that becomes a layered goddess of story and experience and squeezes me in her fiery wild circle, refusing to let me go. "This," she says, "this is where you journey to feel and become whole. This is home."

And I love her. She found me at 19 when I longed to become whole through the love of a man. She found me at 38 when I longed to become whole through the love of my soul. She walks each day with me, visions the next beautiful dream, tells me stories of home.

As I journey and dream I am learning to celebrate the manifest of the dream, of the feeling. Teaching others how to celebrate the beauty and the joy and the desire in their lives is part of this dream.

Whatever shame I held in celebrating this life I am creating is floating away, popping like the bubbles in my celebratory glass of bubbly. This was a beautiful dream. Shining so I may give permission to others to shine. That is beautiful right?

Now that I understand it is the feeling inside of the dream that guides us, I draw these visions into my life at a pace I must account for. My world has been rocked over and over.

And I am also OK with the not knowing. There are some feelings that I want and have no way of knowing how it will look. Releasing expectation.  Arriving in perfect alignment. Finding ways to be there now.

What do you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams?

Breathe into it. Notice how you feel. Remember how you wanted to feel. Lean into the new reality. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the hell out of it. Keep visioning.

That is me. What about you?

(Spirits of Joy, the 30 day course towards creating a vision book where you will dream and dream and dream will come out of hiding for September. And the vision book will rock your whole world.)

A bit of truth about my programs.

"I can't believe that," said Alice. "Can't you?" the queen said in a pitying tone, "try again; Draw a long breath and shut your eyes." Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said. "One can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

~ Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll

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Typically creating my own programs terrifies me. When I am called to go into the depths of the creation process and the writing I feel paralyzed.

I become blocked.

Words don't flow. I feel like I shot out a bubble that surrounds me and doesn't allow for Universal magic to flow through me.

I procrastinate. I get sad. Tears are all around me. I question every decision in my life. I look for the cave door so I can crawl inside.

I gain weight around my middle.

Maybe this sounds a bit dramatic, but I am, so keep going with me here.

I go from the initial high of the launch and then get stuck in the hard stuff. So as I am trying to draw women in, to sign up, to commit to themselves in a way that they may never have believed possible, I also feel resistance to my being the guide of the journey.

Looking at the 5 fundamentals that built the foundation of the first Joy Up 2 years ago I think how silly it is that they created this program. And then I remember their impact and realize how many of them I am not doing. I realize that once again I am calling forth the programs, the practice that I need to fill up on Joy, to call her name and listen to her as she reminds me that it is all a choice.

I read my own words which I will never remember writing. I find stillness. I clean up the space around me. I pour a cold glass of water.

Placing my left fingers on asdf and my right on jkl; I close my eyes and pray. I type and delete.

I go back to my vision book and remember why I am here. I feel my fear in the form of bladder flare ups and yeasts infections and brain fog (how my emotional manifests in my physical body) and I return to food as my medicine.

A huge bowl of salad sits next to me with a fresh squeeze of lemon and salty cashews.

I wonder why I haven't been able to share words and then I remember my process. I don't skip steps. I desire one day to morph the process just enough so that maybe I don't put on those extra few pounds or disconnect with my family or stop looking for the cave door each time creation is holding my hand.

But these are my steps. This is how I begin my journey. I play in the shadows of my why, the darkness that I lived/live so that the light of my work may shine.

The practice and choice and calling forth of joy is not without the caves we must crawl into. It is knowing that both shadow and light are received and seen and held by joy.

And so I go back and read words from a year ago that my left hand and right hand typed. A note from my past self to my future self, awaiting me just when I needed her. Through my own program.

I step into my process. My practice.

I'm in the cave but for the first time I am leaving the door open for light, for support, for space.

I opened the door so I could be here now. Sharing a little bit of truth.

Remembering why we gather...

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And so we begin.

Our embrace and heart connection to joy at times can seem impossible. So can the presence of magic, abundance or fairies dancing outside while we sleep, rearranging little seeds and sleeping under flower pedals.

And what if we never chose to believe, even for 5 minutes in the impossible. The impossible in our own minds.

I have decided to believe in it all. Making impossible, possible. Embracing magic as a value, a power, an everyday possibility.

This time and space, where we step into choosing joy, is to me - magical.

This is not a simple choice. Often it comes from being in a place in our lives where we feel a disconnect to joy; caused by other choices or circumstances where we feel powerless or broken.

Joy becomes our light. The light that has always been inside.

 Joy's light, her softness, is a part of us. She is our muse.

Our gorgeous, magical, soft muse.

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Are you ready?

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We start August 1st. I will be out of the cave and into my light so that I may guide you towards finding or simply being YOU inside of yours.

The August Joy Up ~ An Event to Remember

Story Whispers ~ Vivienne McMaster

 I find myself eager for settling in with a cup of tea or glass of wine with those who I admire and hearing their story whispers. I crave these stories and voices.

The magic inside of the words, the treat of the truth and that moment of ‘yes, me too’ are why we must keep sharing our stories. I am making an effort to hear stories in person and through connection as well as tell my stories in whatever ways the words wish to flow out.

Oh this woman. From standing naked in a forest with her snapping pictures of me to her raw truth and self love that comes through in her course. I am blessed to have Vivienne McMaster in my life.

 

I took Vivienne's course, Be Your Own Beloved, a few months ago and I was completely in awe of her way with words, photos, prompts. I take very few courses and this one I would take again and again. We are both at a similar place in our careers, gathering tribe, working on sharing more words and growing at a pace that is so fiercely magical and a little bit scary sometimes.

 

I am thrilled to be part of her life and watching her journey. Please fall in love with my girl, Viv.

Take us through your gorgeous life in terms of your senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound and any others that you possess.

Sight is always at the forefront. Noticing the way things sparkle, the words written in the pavement, the shift of one texture to another, the way light falls on the ground.

The other senses weave their way into the story too. The scent of lilac on the tree next door, the texture of a flower petal I can’t help but stop to feel, the sounds of a vibrant neighbourhood with lots of people engaging with one another saying ‘Good Morning’ and the very loud purr of my side­kick kitty Ladybug. The taste of really good coffee, apples and kale from the farmers market.

The moment you knew you had found your thing, the one that would propel you forward because you can’t not do it?

I feel like I’ve been on a journey towards my one thing, but it took a lot of little brave steps towards it. Right from the start of doing work around self­portraiture and inviting people to turn their cameras on themselves it has felt like my one true thing but it was only back in late last year when I made some shifts in the work I was doing to have more of a focus on self­love and the words ‘Be Your Own Beloved’ rolled from my pen to paper. It was the clarity of those words and the work that followed them that really made me feel like I really found my soul mission in life and I couldn’t not bring it to the world.

Feeling phrase: how do you want to feel when you are inside of your creative life?

At home, that it is a part of me the way when you’re riding your bike and it feels like an extension of your limbs.

In love, I want to continue to follow the lead of the places in my creative life that I feel head over heels for, that I just can’t wait to dig into.

Resilient. I want to be able to work through rough patches, blocks or fears as they are truly part of the process of living a creative life and allowing it to evolve and grow.

Magical moments: what are they to you and how do you open to receiving them?

I feel like our cameras can be an amazing tool for being open to magical moments. Sometimes they happen as I’m being open to finding a moment to take a photo and find something serendipitous on my path. Other times the magic happens within the camera where you capture a magical moment or something unexpected. I’ve also learned along the way (both with photography and life) the most magical moments happen when we thought we might have made a mistake, or we are outside our comfort zone!

Is there a ritual that you start your day with?

The morning is when I feel most alive, most clear and when I feel like I connect most with the writer in me and when the ideas are at the forefront. So to be honest I dive right into my work in the morning ... so my morning ritual is coffee and diving into the work that makes me feel really alive! I have other rituals within my day and week for self­ care but have learned to listen to that bright morning spirit in me that just wants to dive into work (and feel grateful that my work often feels like play too).

Favorite part of your body, tell us why you love it?

I’d have to say my eyes, which is kind of funny because I have really bad eyesight, but I’m not really talking about their physicality...rather the way they allow me to see the world.

I also am finally, after a long stretch of healing body image, am able to see the woman I am becoming and I am appreciating her curvature and shape as a whole....finally able to see the beauty in myself right here and right now.

Favorite quote:

One of my favourite quotes these days is about beauty and self­love, but I return to it so often and remember that in any moment we are the beholder of what is manifesting in our lives and  how we want to look at it.

People often say that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where other have not dared to look including inside ourselves.
­~ Salma Hayek

A mantra or affirmation that guides you:

One of my personal mantras that I use in my work and in my everyday is that ‘Playfulness is an antidote to fear’. I love being able to take something that might overwhelm us or bring out our inner perfectionist and find a way to reframe it or get past it through just accessing our creative or playful side.

Your guiding word/s for the year:

I feel like I’m still living and learning about the word I chose last year which was actually Confidence. I’m a fan of choosing words that really get to the nitty gritty of the changes I want to make in my life. Confidence wasn’t a poetic word but it absolutely transformed my life to choose it.

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Vivienne McMaster is photographer and teaches online and in person workshops helping people to be their own beloved and see themselves with kindness through their cameras. Having found her way back to herself after a rough patch through the magic of photography, she believes that self­ portraiture and creative exploration can save our lives. She shares her colourful visual stories over at her website (http://www.beyourownbeloved.com)

See me.

(Photo credits. 1. Ruth Clark 2. Vivienne McMaster 3. Lori Massie 4. Vivienne McMaster

This space for visioning.

Months of slowly gathering furniture, fabrics, dishes, twinkles. Pieces that felt as though they were showing up just for this time and space. The antique store finds - blue glass and old crates, the oversized Target lights, white rocks from the beach and rugs from Ikea. Letting this gift of place come alive in those last few days and hours and hours of preparation. Standing back and watching the lights glow and that moment of knowing the deep trust that I found, the huge risk to have this space to heal and bring joy to myself and my tribe.

Circling with women I hadn't seen in a month or 17 years or was just meeting for the first time. This circling, my spirit's calling to gather us. To sit women down in a space together and show them how safe and gorgeous and divine our shared words can become.

The visioning workshop held at The Loft came from my personal vision work in January. The prompt 5 beautiful dreams. I wrote, "Physical space to discover my layers. Disco ball." In February a gift from the man who is helping me discover my layers and freedom, a disco ball. The prompt following the 5 beautiful dreams, find the feeling inside the dream. I wrote, "To feel free." My visions manifest so quickly now because I always know how I want to feel and go find a way to feel it. I call it magic making.

Circling for me always involves the nurture and rhythm that sharing food and drink provides. I love 'breaking bread' with others. And doing so under twinkles in a warm space fills me. Fills me.

When I guide circles I feel my soul whispers. This is where I was meant to stand, sit, be. Allowing others the safety of getting a bit uncomfortable and holding the truth of the future they may not be able to see yet. I am hungry for this work.

Words spill out from pouches in my purse, letters, vision books, magazines, every area of my life. The guiding words, images, visions of where we want to go, who we are. Feeling stuck, vision yourself through it. #likewhoa

And trusting that I don't have to do it alone. That I can ask for support. Another of my 5 beautiful dreams that I manifested in about 2 hours after gluing it into my book. Women who I could call in to be my guides along these journeys. It scared me to ask for help. To be needy in that way. To receive is my practice. So that I may continue giving and circling.

At The Loft.

Please join us June 6th for the last class in the Spring Series, Tastes of Spring, In the kitchen with Persephone Brown. The summer series will be announced soon with so much for you to enjoy. Thank you for being here in this virtual circle.

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(Ruth and Persephone and Chelsae, thank you, love you!)