Sugar Candy Giveaway

“We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.”

~ Sir Winston Churchill

What if for one night you could play as though you were sugar candy? At ease, in the flow, giggling, hugging, lounging, creating and finding some of your own magic as you traveled through different worlds…

20 women gathered together at The Loft and traveled through worlds making their own magic and now one of you will receive a box in your home to journey through and play as though you were sugar candy.

What you'll win :: Sugar Candy Adventure at Home

A jar of brown sugar foot scrub created by Persephone Brown just for you to give yourself some divine comfort.

 

A mini altar with sparkles, intentions and a prayer written to you from Mara Glatzel which you can hold in the palm of your hand and feel guided and grounded and open.

 

Inside of the altar tin you will find a reiki charged crystal that Sarah Rubin filled with energy and safety and blessing.

 

A crown, handmade with vintage materials from Chelsae Biggs who also will be including a secret mantra hidden inside the crown just for you. (See picture down below for beautiful women wearing their crowns.)

 

Some sugar candy for color and inspiration.

 

And I have tucked in a mini vision book (if you win and have no idea what a vision book is, email me, I'll hook you up), a few pre-cut words and images to start your journey towards dreaming and asking yourself this question...

To enter the giveaway leave a comment at the bottom of this post playing with this question::

Close your eyes. Ask all of your senses, including intuition, to be present in that stillness. Enlist your senses as you ask yourself where you feel called to journey towards as you are pulled into your own fierce magic.

A haircut after a year of ponytails. A plane ticket. Tea with a soulsister. Tears with a lover to find deeper laughter. Opening your body even through fear. Giving away the clothes that don't fit. Setting the coffee pot in the morning as an act of love to your future self. Writing that poem that aches to be set free. Blowing bubbles as you stand on the shore. Taking the class that you talk yourself out of because of this and that. Finding a babysitter. Hanging up the vision board on the kitchen wall. The tattoo. Putting on the dress. Saying yes to the challenge. That nap.

(I know what you are thinking. Why didn't I just ask you to share it on FB and Twitter and blah blah! Because I want you to journey, I want you all to feel your sugar candy magic and claim that one thing.)

 

Sugar Scrub

2 cup sugar of choice (white, brown, raw)

1/3 cup olive oil

1/3 cup coconut oil

2 Tbl vanilla

2 Tbl of lemon zest

 

Blend all ingredients in a bowl using your hands.

Transfer to a pretty little jar.

 

Eggplant Fritters

Dice one large eggplant and lay onto a baking sheet. Cover it generously with olive oil. Add half of an onion, diced and a sprinkle of sea salt. Roast in a 350 degree oven for about 40 minutes or until soft. Allow to cool.

Give the eggplant a quick chop, this will be about 2 1/2 to 3 cups of eggplant.

Add eggplant to a mixing bowl with one beaten egg.

Add in 2 tablespoons of capers.

One cup of Romano cheese, grated, goes into the mix.

One cup of finely chopped kale leaves (about two kale leaves) and gently mix it together adding in 2 cloves of garlic, chopped and 1 1/2 cups of almond meal (or flour).

Place generous tablespoon sized balls onto a greased piece of parchment paper on a baking sheet. Press down slightly on each ball. Bake for 20-25 minutes until golden and firm to the touch. Allow to cool. Serve warm or room temperature. These are great topped with a yummy dressing and over salad. Often I make a dip for these with some Veganaisse, lemon juice, honey, salt, pepper and italian dried spices. So good.

 

Rosemary Cassis Bubbly

In a long stem glass layer in 3 blackberries, a splash of cassis and a stem of rosemary. Pour your favorite bubbles over and sip while laughing, playing, visioning, bathing, putting on sexy lipstick or cooking dinner with Bublé.

 

To enter the giveaway leave a comment at the bottom of this post playing with this question::

Close your eyes. Ask all of your senses, including intuition, to be present in that stillness. Enlist your senses as you ask yourself where you feel called to journey towards as you are pulled into your own fierce magic.

Winner chosen next week, 2/11/14  Congrats to Veronica who said, "I have quit teaching 2nd grade. I made a list of all I am and all that I am not. I was scared for a moment. It was like a reset button. In all the pain, transparency, acceptance……there was freedom. I am learning to dream again.

This fierce magic……right now……is calling me to Begin Anew!!!! SHINE!!!!! And photograph with dedication to create!!!!!!"

 

(Photo credits Chelsae Biggs, Sarah Rubin, Persephone Brown, Mara Glatzel and Gina Parker)

if you travel far enough.

"If you travel far enough,

one day you will recognize yourself

coming down the road to meet you.

And you will say

YES."

~ Marion Woodward

An answer to a beautiful question...

Sometimes I wake up and I have pains from my head down my jaw and into my shoulders. Maybe sinus,maybe clenching, maybe stress but most likely all three. I should take stock in Motrin.

I get panic attacks. They have become more like waves than sitting outside the emergency room waiting for the impending heart attack. Those were last year. This year the waves.

My kids fight a lot of the time and it brings me to my knees. And then I yell and knees aren't low enough for how I fall.

I put on weight when I am in a place of unknowing, or cocooning, or feeling scared. And then looking in the mirror is hard. I do it anyway and it can feel like physical pain to know that I am back here again. Learning the same thing over and over and over.

And over. And needing the next size jeans.

I forget to drink water. I wish I could be hooked up to an IV and hydrated once a week. Sometimes I even buy a gatorade and drink it as fast as I can.

I am driving on two flat tires because making appointments to have things or teeth or body parts fixed is not my strength.

I killed my daughter's fish, got mad at Patrick last night because I didn't think he was being supportive (think being the word here) and let my 8 year old stay home because I didn't want to be alone today.

When I got my circle tattoo on my finger they didn't close the circle. I thought they did. But they didn't. And I believe it is the Universe giving me a sign and maybe someday I will close it. Or not.

Sometimes I hurt when I think friends no longer like me or don't need what I give. When I put my heart into things and then feel sad. The fear of losing relationships a constant and getting lost in that, but more than that. Knowing that it does happen and I will be OK. I will be OK.

Some days I can't find my gratitude and I feel like I complained and hid and threw tantrums.

There are memories that haunt me and cycle back into my body and I want to free them.

I am intense and it can be a lot for others to hold.

At 6pm I realize I have nothing for dinner.

This is why my hot cup of coffee each morning made for me with love is sacred.
This is why I wear beautiful jewelry every day and dress myself for how I want to feel.
This is why I pray through words, altars, surrender, tea bags, giggles, connection, texts.
This is why fresh flowers matter.
This is why I send love notes through Fb, texts, the mail, feathers, lipstick, emails.
This is why the picture of the feather my daughter drew for me reminds me that she is watching.
This is why I circle with women who believe in magic and risk and doing things that feel out of their comfort zone.
This is why I keep trying and hoping when every sign points to the shitstorm.
This is why soulwork saves my soul.
This is why there are so many pictures of me on Instagram.
This is why one bite of a chocolate cupcake wearing a vegan leather jacket can feel like a tiny piece of bliss.
This is why gratitude looks like a piece of pie or meeting your girlfriend at the mall on a Wednesday night or patience for feelings you have inside.
This is why I often send out the SOS text for a bottle of red around 5:00pm.
This is why that hug on the beach, barefoot and crying will happen. Over and over.
This is why when I find a shirt that feels like heaven on my skin I buy 4. And then 5.
This is why I don't have to ask how you feel but rather how you want to feel inside of your beautiful dreams.
This is why your stories are mine. Mine yours. And every word is precious.
This is why beautiful is one of my favorite words and joy lives in my gut.
This is why I no longer try to make everyone happy but rather live in my truth.
This is why the irony of scared and sacred isn't lost on me.
This is why there is no doubt magic exists.
This is why love takes so many shapes. Even an unclosed circle.
This is why I love this life now.
This is why I say thank you to my own heart.
This is why when I go to bed I think about who I want to be the next day.
This is why waking up to that coffee is my starting moment, with each sip telling me a story of now.

This is why.

Because it isn't happening to me, it is happening within me.

This is why.

The shifts that I can make blow my mind. So can the sadness I feel. So can the love.

This is why seeing how much beauty exists, even inside of pain, forever guides me.

This is why I travel.

This is my yes.

***

(From Thursday morning love letter from me to you. Sign up in the box up there on the right to receive your little Thursday morning love.)

My answer.

Photo Ruth Clark Photography.

The Loft Autumn Series ~ Chocolate Night

Persephone Brown hosts Chocolate Night!!!

I am thrilled to welcome Persephone back to The Loft after her sold out (and then a few more squeezed in) Spring Feast where she brought us gorgeous food and wine and the understanding of each food's preparation. One of the women reported to having more fun than she thought possible at a cooking night!

The idea for chocolate night was cooked up I'm pretty sure as the Spring Feast dishes were being washed! I love food. I love Persephone. And I love bringing women together at The Loft, to feel kindred, to laugh, to rest while being nurtured.

Date: Friday, November 22nd, 6:30pm-10:30pm

Cost: $85 (includes a spot in The Holiday Joy Up, oh yes!)

 

"Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.”

― Joanne Harris

Celebration of life, settled on our tongue. Chocolate.

At the Loft we laugh. We celebrate. We dine, and wine, and sigh at the beauty and the goodness of it all. This chocolate night will be a heightened experience brought alive from the flavors, scents, and fluidity of this food from the Gods. The menu will vary from rich and raw to savory and simple. Wine is paired to take you further into the evening’s experience. Leave with a little something to take home with you, and an arsenal of new recipes which will bring love into your kitchen, the way only chocolate can.

 A perfect recipe starts with flavor, then color. A perfect dish grabs hold of all of your senses, you smile at the sight of its beauty, the textures dance on your tongue. A perfect meal nourishes you beyond healthy nail beds and belly, with story, and laughter, and soft colorful cloth napkins. A perfect meal is messy, and simple, and lovingly prepared. The first bite you dance, the last bite you sigh, and every moment in between, all that exists is love.

~Persephone

 

 

Our amazing menu:

Marinated Brussel Sprout Salad

White Chocolate Baba Gannouj

Cocoa ~ Mushroom Caponata

Cacao and Red Wine Braised Beef

Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

Lover’s Mousse

Wine, & plenty of surprises.

All dishes prepared will be gluten and dairy free.  Please let us know of any dietary restrictions you may have, and we will do our best to accommodate you.

 

 

 

 

Persephone Brown is a Certified Health Coach, with certification from the American Association of Drugless Practitioners. A graduate of the Institute of Integrative Nutrition and Columbia Teachers College of New York City. Spending a number of years cooking for herself (as a vegan, vegetarian, and now carnivore) and as the baker for the Juice and Java Cafe she learned the art of making healthy beautiful food that tastes good and warms your core.

Persephone uses her education and experience with food, to support women to clear the static and get real clear on what works for them. She has guided hundreds of whole food cleanses, teaching people to take that first step for their health and their life. Clarity is a beautiful thing when you're deciding where it is you want to go. A healthy digestive system and healthy mind help you get there.

 

 

#MeetMeAtTheLoft

To be clear, I am making this all up with each vision. The Loft, my best 3am wake-up, the decision that would begin my process of healing and rediscovery and give me physical space to hold others inside of healing and rediscovery.

I remember sitting inside her walls on the one piece of furniture and praying that The Loft, this leap of faith would not be a fuck up. I prayed that I realize all that I visioned and for surprises and trust and adventures.

In a sort of surrender to the next move, I find myself in her embrace. She is magical.

I hope that one day you will #MeetMeAtTheLoft

A weekend called, "Lift Up" where I gathered my friends, my soul-team and we dined on gorgeous plates, went out adventuring, co-worked on the living room floor and had our rather epic skinny dip. The "Lift Up" details I'll keep private but I believe that we each left the weekend feeling more loved, whole, real, right, playful and beautiful than when we arrived.

I have visioned living like this. Now I do. Now I can invite others to and inspire women to create their own circles of joy and lifting. It ripples. It pays forward in the most healing of ways.

Turning my attention to the downstairs, a desk set up and an entire wall to tape inspirations and press on sticky notes. I am in heaven. There is space enough for a small yoga class or a large circle. The bed feels like a cloud and the twinkles go on and on and on.

I have been visioning the space and slowly am finding the treasures that it will hold. I want you to feel seduced when you walk into this space. Seduction towards falling into yourself. Learning something that comes from the eyes or the yes of another. To circle, to expand visions for yourself. To know that ease and simplicity are underneath your feet.

I am learning to celebrate. In the past I get to the 'place' and then am quick to move on, suffering in many ways later for not pausing to acknowledge what I've created. A fear of being in my light. Of being open with my successes. A fear that I can't really feel this right now.

So now I pause. I celebrate. I stand in the mirror on the days that I work so hard to get to and I raise a glass. To myself. To this gorgeous space. To the hundreds of women who are claiming their light.

And the women who are coming to lend their voices. They are trusting. We don't know if people will come but we know that they will not leave the same. So we make these amazing nights happen. We circle. We sing. We vision. We lift.

Coming up::

More vision nights starting with "I am" night this month. (August 22nd)

#operationselfcarelikewhoa. (Early October)

Art classes. (Sept 14th)

More singing. (I mean, see that picture!)

Chocolate night.

A private weekend with my mastermind circle. (Early September)

More co-working.

An allowing of the visions to keep coming, to lead the dance. A trust that this is where I need to be. And an open invitation to you. To meet me at The Loft.

Dates and registration for events will be open in a few days.

Mini Manifesto

I've been exhausted lately. The result of going full force since about January. Travelling, getting a Loft and turning it into magic, running course after course, finding more space for social time than I have in years and some deep shadow work are probably why. Probably.

But I prefer to pretend I must have some wacky illness, be like, really sick. Something must be wrong for me to be tired. To take 3 days off from working. To sleep crazy hours. To skip yoga. To want to go back to bed an hour after I wake up. To feel my anxiety slipping in. To be so bloated and irritable.

Yesterday on my third day of needing huge space from computers and phones and the to-do list I made just to coax myself out of my exhaustion, I realized I was just tired. Tired. And maybe the stuffy nose and cough are showing up to slow me down just a bit.

And instead of anything getting crossed off the to-do list I quickly wrote a mini manifesto.

So here I am.

Learning to pace myself to the beat of my heart.

Later I'll probably take a nap and then make a beautiful dinner.

Might even have a grapefruit mimosa.

Sometimes we need to call ourselves back home.

***

After my days of rest I am going back into these days. This process and practice is what grounds me and helps me come back to me, to my home, to my ritual that keeps time. We start June 10th and the group of women joining is making my heart happy.

The Making Space Cleanse ~ Summer Solstice Celebration

• 10 days of Making Space at your own pace!
• June 10th
• All leading up to a Summer Solstice Celebration that you have just for yourself or invite others to!!!!
• Together with a group to inspire and support.
• New videos and recipes!
• Join with a friend option.

$79.00 $39.00 Summer Solstice Price!!!  

$49.00 Join with a friend price!!!  

 

How do we get from where we are to where we want to be? We make space for the joy in our now and watch the magic unfold.

I am staring at my piles of clutter, my unswept floors, the toys that fill baskets and are never played with and the Spring garden is begging me to weed it. And I feel panic. Like true, true panic. Where is the time, how did I get here again, where does all this stuff come from? The front door still isn't painted, well, is half painted and none of my boy's clothes fit them. Panic.

I remind myself that this is my life. This is my process. I will always be challenged by space and stuff and piles of clutter. And when I start to feel so disconnected to my home I need to slow down and go back into the process of making space. It is slow. It is guided. It works.

My vision of summer is not piles of stuff stopping me from packing picnics or having spontaneous celebrations with homemade watermelon drinks. I want space, sand on the floor, piles of shells and the sounds of laughter. I want to prepare my home for the change of season because I kid you not, the snow shovels are still sitting in my hallway!

I want to have a Summer Solstice Celebration. So I must make space.

I want to invite you along into ritual, trust and magic. I want you to prepare your home and your heart and your mind for an amazing Summer Solstice Celebration.

This is only the beginning of inviting the magic in and dancing inside of rituals that feed our spirits and trusting that we are not only enough, but if enough could spill into overflowing, that is what we are.

Our homes, hearts and minds are all a part of the journey. Focusing on those, we can then step into the loving task of changing our life through the food we choose to eat, the way we honor our homes and ourselves. This is as close to balance as you can discover. Balance is not a goal it is an action, it is what we are always swaying in and out of. Making space is seeking out ritual, knowing that you will fall out of alignment as part of life's dance and developing the skills to ease back when you do.

For 10 days, making space in our homes, hearts and minds

• One letter each day with a making space prompt, from visioning and clearing space to flipping negative thought patterns
• Small, simple gestures that you can take on at your own pace
• Look at why you hold onto things or have trouble letting go of stuff, thoughts, habits
• 10 days of learning how to listen to yourself, through reflection and meditation
• 10 days of setting aside soft space each day for dreaming, watching and simply being in your space
• 10 days to understand the power you have to control your desires by taking on simple rituals and making more space in your life
• A online FB group of women going through the 10 days with you

Making space in our bodies using thoughts and foods that bring energy, vitality and joy

• Never once will you be worried about breaking a rule
• One recipe a day, straight from my kitchen, very few ingredients, gluten-free
• Nothing is "off limits" (really)
• 10 days of starting each day with softness and ease for your body
• 10 days of learning that you are enough and deserve to be treated like a goddess
• 10 days of watching your body release the habits that are making you exhausted, frustrated and full of anxiety
• One letter a day for 10 days with a prompt to make more space in your body and fill your cells with love and healing

Who is this for?

• Anyone who is ready to make peace with their home and body and understand themselves on a deeper level
  
• Women who are feeling overwhelmed by the clutter in their homes and wanting to make more space and create living spaces that are inviting, cozy and beautiful
• Holistic business owners looking to connect to a deeper understanding of themselves, developing a deeper rhythm of self care
• Mamas needing a support system and guidance in creating more rituals in the home and looking to feel like beautiful women again
• Women who are ready to make more space and allow their spirits to soar

Before you sign up, please read:

• This is not a food cleanse.
• This is about creating space in your life, opening up, expanding.
• This is about you. Your process. You.
  

 

Ready to make some space like these amazing women?

"You can't ask for a more uplifting, motivating and spiritual cleanse! It was better and more inspiring than I ever imagined. You'll wake looking forward to a motivational email. It is all done in baby steps and achievable changes." ~ Sarah Rich

***

"I would recommend this enlightening, soul enriching experience, to all who believe there is more to this life that so easily becomes a rut. slightly resistant, I allowed and trusted in Hannah, one of life's angels (whom I had never met) and on this journey I evolved in so many positive ways." ~ Toba Dadd

***

"A favourite quote of mine is from The Buddha – Do not believe just because wise men say so. Do not believe just because it has always been that way. Do not believe just because others may believe so. Examine and experience yourself.

I experienced for myself the changes which occurred within me and my thoughts to myself and my home after the Making Space Cleanse and Hannah’s soft and beautiful wisdom. You will learn how making your bed with linen you love can become a sacred ritual. How de-cluttering your home and releasing those old toys and books can release you from old emotional patterns and ways of being. I learned that by de-cluttering my daughters old toys I had created a space that allowed me to prepare with ease and grace her moving away from home to University.

Yes, the simple act of releasing clutter from our homes can be that powerful. Through this connection, you will find new connections to your home and yourself. Do not believe, just because wise women say so, examine and experience yourself – welcome to the journey.

Love and Blessings to you" ~Debbi Jackson

A beautiful daily letter holding inside of it...

• My love letter to you and your gorgeous life
• A Soulwork prompt
• A video with me talking to you
• Recipes that are simple and delicious
• A chance to connect with me and other women going through the days on FB
• 10 days to go at your own pace, to discover a you that might surprise you, to make space that is sacred, joyous and yours

When does the 10 days start?

• June 10th, a Monday. I love starting things on Mondays!
• We will go through the days and they will lead us into the most beautiful of Summer Solstice Celebrations!
• One letter a day, for 10 days!
• Sign up with a friend for added support.

Questions::

I have done this cleanse before, is it the same? Mostly, the prompts will be much the same. Videos will be new, new recipes will be added and of course a whole new group of women going through the days together.

Do we need to buy anything? Nope. You can choose the level that you dig in. Mostly we are looking at clearing space not adding more. Sometimes in that clearing you may want to invest in an item that brings you more ease but that is all up to you. The goal is to make space inside of what you already have and learn to create sacred space inside of the home.

What if I am gone some of those 10 days? Often people are traveling. You can save the days letter for another time and add it to your soulwork for later.

How does the group work? The group is on Facebook. It is a private group just for this Making Space Community. Once you register a link is sent out to you with information of how to request into the group and a few other details.

Making Space is a way to change your life through simplicity, ritual and a little magic thrown in:

$79 $39

Summer Solstice Celebration Price!

$49 to join with a friend

"I loved Hannah's Making Space Cleanse. In this beautifully-crafted program, Hannah nudges you to make simple, gentle changes that give you room to breathe and feel more present in your daily life. This space-clearing doesn't feel like a chore and won't overwhelm you with more for your to-do lists. By adding simple, nurturing rituals to your routine, Hannah helps you to see the clutter that's occupying your physical space, dragging your energy down, and preventing you from inviting beauty and joy into your life.

I cleared a lot of clutter during the cleanse, and somehow this felt light and easy to accomplish. The more I moved away, the more energy I felt. I also discovered that I'd been storing some personal baggage in a place that felt stuck for me... a wedding album from an unhappy marriage stashed away in my office. I created a sacred space and stored the album there... I'm honoring the journey I've been on, with all its twists and turns, but now I've created the space to move on and allow new and wonderful opportunities into my career and personal life. I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next." ~ Eithne Egan trueessencecoaching.net

2013 The Making Space Cleanse ©

A love addict is not born.

A love addict was not how I thought I would be defined but once my marriage coach said it something stirred inside. I had this powerful yes float up from my gut to my head. I felt truth.

Our biggest fear as a love addict is being left, abandoned. We crave intimacy and connection and yet in love relationships we do not know how to receive postitive intimacy. We push away while being needy. If we start to see healthy intimacy we want to run. We have expectations of our partners that go beyond healthy. We are starving and feed ourselves only crumbs.

A cupcake is sickening when you are used to eating crumbs. Don't get me started on cake.

My hunger.

For the past few months I have been looking in the mirror and seeking truth.

I have been starving for freedom from this addiction.

Having this knowledge feels like the moment I first heard what a highly sensitive person was. It was like an opening for me to be myself for the first time. It has taken me years to start integrating the past sensitive me with the now sensitive me. It brings me pleasure to know the truth of who I am so that I can show up in light.

My light.

My voice has been quiet recently. Quiet in this public space, reaching out to only my closest few for support and intimacy in the healthiest ways I know. But I want to talk about all of it. I am not afraid to be vulnerable but I am afraid of stuffing this truth inside. I am afraid that if I don't start to talk about it my voice will start to fade.

My voice.

"Eventually, as Love Addicts try harder and harder to manipulate the other person to live up to the mental image they have created-- that is, someone who will care for and love them the way they long to be cared for and loved-- they experience repeated disappointments, because no one can satisfy these insatiable desires." - Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody (this is the book, if you feel called to learn more because I am giving very little description in this post, it is life shifting)

The love addict typically is in partnership with a love avoidant, who is also not born. He becomes as survival. (This is not gender specific, just for myself.) We are all born as pure love but every moment we are shaped.

I remember my first baby, two weeks old, she would cry every day for about a total of 9 hours. By the end of the day I would be a puddle of tears and anger and sadness and shame. Even her tiny two week old body was responding to her world, to her stimulus, to things that I couldn't find a way to fix.

My fears.

I am afraid of my loneliness. Of being alone after starving for so long. And that is why I am called to be with this, to be with myself and cupcakes. To accept that I can have that fucking frosting without freaking out.

Recently, I had this aha moment that I am not an introvert as I had always thought. I am a highly sensitive extrovert who craves people and laughter and connection but I can so easily become filled up and overstimulated and if I am not truly interested in the conversations or people-- 'pretending' is like kryptonite. I become weak.

I love being with my kids but I am so easily overstimulated by them that sometimes it feels like pain inside. I fear watching my daughter repeat my patterns and as I watch my husband start to change I see her move farther and farther from that repetition. I fear raising boys who will not know how to be present or show up in love and then my four year old touches my hair and sings, "Om Shanti Shanti" in the most loving way possible and my eyes fill with tears.

I fear that this addiction will never allow me to know the joy of being filled by healthy intimacy. With myself first. Without crumbs. I fear not being able to eat cake.

My truth.

I have been working my ass off the last few years to get to this truth. To be able to look in my own eyes and say, "this is me." This is me.

Now together with my husband we are showing up and doing the work together. He has a shitload to do and so do I. And I feel so gently strong and beautiful as I walk this path. We have no idea where we will end together but we are both willing to show up because joy is what we both desire as personal destination. Joy is our guide.

I have such love for who I am and who I am becoming and who I was. I fall into vulnerability regularly. I sit in silence with myself. I reach out when I crave connection without judgement, simply as my practice of healthy boundaries. I notice when it is out of desperation or truth.

My boundaries.

This is where I find myself landing now. Understanding boundaries.

My marriage coach has asked me to no longer take responsibility for others' feelings, because they are not mine. This is my hardest and most beautiful journey in this moment. To allow those who I have extreme intimacy with to have their feelings without it being about me.

I find an inbox filled with words advising me to change the colors of my daily emails and demands that seem to come out of nowhere. And I am learning to breathe and not take them on. They are not my story.

When my kids fight and I want to explode, I am clenching everything I can clench and counting to 3 as slowly as I can. I am praying that one day I won't be clenching, simply counting. For now, I must.

I am learning how to create healthy friendships where I don't get lost but can ask for support-- and this one, receive. Oh, receive. Without having to give as my exchange for receiving. Tough shit my loves, tough, tough shit this boundary work.

My thank you.

This is me. This, is me.

Fully, unapologetically, me.

Let's keep going. I am so ready for all of it.

Thank you for being here, for being a landing place for these words and for my prayer that all that I continue to journey through becomes what I teach and guide.

Thank you for the bravery to look into your own eyes and say...

This is me.

Resources:

The New Rules of Marraige by Terrance Real

Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody

Video with Terrance

I am...

Spirits of Joy is a course I am currently guiding all about making a vision book. We go through 30 days of guided prompts to help shift and vision and dream and be and process and give permission. But you don't have to make a whole book, you could start with a page. I am sharing one of the most powerful prompts for myself with you today from the course, if you feel drawn to create a page, please join us and tag your picture on instagram #spiritsofjoy.

To create your page all you need is a piece of paper, magazines you can cut up, glue stick and scissors. Go into your magazine and let your I am find you. Today my I am found me, I am the stars...

***

I am.

Express who you see in your visions of you, who you know in your spirit you are.

Here is the fun part, find it! Go flip through magazines or listen to some music until you hear or see your I am appear.

(Here is a hint...you can't be wrong!)

Spirits of Joy I am from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.

Password:: I am

The first time I did this I let go of anything that I thought about myself. I opened up a JCREW catalog. I flipped through finding myself drawn to the words that were used in their marketing.

I saw, 'a golden one,' and my heart said, yes! I even love the comma!

I feel a light inside that I am drawing forth, I love gold jewelry, I am trying so very lovingly to release some past yucks, I am learning to stand in truth.

A golden one,

Thank you JCREW, I'll take it. Often if we let go of what we think we are looking for, what then finds us is exactly perfect.

Goodmorning Beautiful Day. A gift in April.

:: 31 days of waking up to morning affirmation, intention, permission and joy in April (one bonus email on April Eve). My gift to you.

I'm on the computer a lot. I subscribe to too many things and while my email is sort of central operations for my business I am clogged with stuff. I want my email to be a place of ease, not drowning.

I decided that I would unsubscribe to everything that comes in that I don't open and read. There are a lot of them. And as I am doing that I am seeing the words of people who I adore and desire hearing from start to stand out and I have space to receive them.

Mornings have been a place of struggle for me. I could lay in bed with coffee and not move for hours each day but my life is full of kids and animals and a business that lights me up.

I look for ways to add layers to my morning rituals to add ease. I can go out in my jammies to bring the kids to school but when I shower and take time to dress myself beautifully I feel alive, fresh, peaceful.

Starting each day with intention or prayer or inspiration or blessing is for me a life-shifter. I can find myself falling into yelling, resentment, anger, frustration so easily.

If I can grab onto one thought that allows me to vibrate in a new way, which then is like a pay-it-forward effect, each day is gently transformed.

I enter the day with love rather than anger.

I find that I have more patience and time stretches.

I am more focused (and as an adult with OCD/ADD whatever it may be labled this is huge for me) with my daily practices.

You accepting space for my words in your inbox each morning is an honor and I am humbled daily that words I write have such beautiful places to land.

Remembering the good witch.

"I remember thinking this was the most feeling person I had ever found and I thought it was just all too much."

This was from one of the women in my tribe who has made such gentle, soft changes to her life over the last year. I was cracking up as she told me her reaction to my blog when she first started reading. She went on, "I thought it was too much but I couldn't stop reading it. I was hooked, I read every word."

What she didn't know then was that she was a highly sensitive person. While she had spent years being told to numb out her feelings here I was rolling them out for the world and inviting her along. Giving her permission to feel, feel, feel.

Often my clients say I have a magic wand. The wand is magic simply because we all are born with magic.

I found myself recently spiraling inside of created feeling rather than truth feeling.This is the place were you push the edge of sabotage. I wanted someone to get angry at me. I was searching for a push away so that I didn't have to feel that one tricky emotion that I have become so adept at stuffing down.

Sadness.

But more than that this time, a new sadness, one inside of dreams coming true. Sadness that must flow through as the magic twirls around.

Oh yes, the peeling. The layers. 

The feeling we have been dreaming into reality one day is there, shows up. And we want to run.

I wanted to run, to do something to prove I didn't deserve it. To go back to the old ways that I know so well.

I walk into yoga, the theme of the night is surrender. I spend time with a friend and find myself hearing the word surrender fall from my lips. I come face to face with how I want to feel but the layers of sadness must be shed first, surrender. I am slipping into a healthy amount of space so I can radiate my light, surrender.

The fish shows up. Spirit guide that won't let me turn away.

Evolution of spirit. Awakening of one of the senses. Visions.

Swim, slide, glide, vision, ease, grace.

Remember the good witch? She tells Dorothy she had the power all along but how would Dorothy ever have known had she not walked with her spirit guides, experienced the fear and joy, shed her tears and slipped into surrender.

There is magic in feeling, accessing that huge exhale of surrender.

Magic wands of feeling, visions that arrive at 4am, peeling our old hurts. Hearts desiring anything we can dream into reality.

I will link arms with the fish, the witch, the surrender and skip on those yellow bricks.

Like a dance of magic I will ask you to follow, follow, follow...into your own truth feelings.

We aren't ever off the path, this journey goes on and on. Spirit guides will change as we call them forth, lessons will be relearned over and over.

And dreams, they will show up, you won't know what they will like look but you will have already known the feeling of them.

Slip like the fish inside of these beautiful dreams and surrender to the moment when you will say, "I created this. This magic has always been inside of me."

So now I say, "I created this. This magic has always been inside of me." 

And it feels so fucking good, even in the tears.

***

Please join myself and the 80 gorgeous women who are ready to surrender...

I love this life. #operationselfcarelikewhoa

#operationselfcarelikewhoa came from knowing that I needed to heal this deep core lonliness I felt inside. It came from living so many years trying to fill myself with food, with stuff, with babies, with people, with wine, with work.

It came from knowing that for the first time in years I could fly and feel free. Asking for freedom was the hardest thing I've ever done. To ask myself for deep permission to be inside of free no matter what anyone else said or thought.

I got on a plane. That was the beginning of the journey. A plane to a place where I knew I would be wrapped inside of love and cared for but not given permission to remain stuck. (Yep, my friends are spirtual guides and healers!) A place where I would teach at a studio that years ago I had tucked into my visions.

One of the paralyzing parts of my anxiety over the years was that I was scared to do new things. Terrified. Once I started to crack and step inside the truth of my life I noticed the anxiety start to lesson. I was having a panic attack almost daily and suddenly they started to lift. It was sudden and intense. I was hesitant to trust it. I kept breathing and waiting for my heart to go into spasm.

Stillness.

No panic on the plane. I arrived in CA and sat to break bread (corn tortillas) with 9 of my colleagues and friends, some of whom I had never once pulled close and hugged. It was delicious. The women, the words, the food, the nourishment. It was not needy or forced. It was the soulfilling sauce that I crave each day.

And the tomato soup. Seriously, I closed my eyes with some of the bites and made noises of pleasure because it was like heaven, like whoa.

My spirit guides for the trip were magic, Tiffany and Rachel. There was visioning, sparkle lights, red lipstick, Prosecco, oysters, giggles, deep long talks into the night, cozy morning coffees, co-working bliss, beach walks with sand dollars and sunsets, secrets whispered and cried, aha moments, gorgeous food and California bliss.

#operationselfcarelikewhoa was in full swing and my belly felt joyful. I found I could eat almost anything and my belly didn't hurt. I was feasting on pure love for allowing myself to fill up without guilt. Without guilt. Without worry. Without regret.

I have been saying for years that people think I teach self care and that never rang true for me. And maybe in some ways I was, but my work has been formed around finding your truth. That deep truth of how you want to feel, how you want to move through the world. To know joy.

To thrive in heart-centered biz bliss. And this was is my journey. It doesn't happen in 5 days, it is a long, thoughtful process that weaves itself through your life.

The clear next step in my work as in my life is to practice the self care of freedom. Of knowing the peace. The peace.

The next step in the operation for myself was to find space. I want to find space gently. In a way that I can discover I am OK alone, with myself. I made a hotel reservation and packed a bag full of visioning supplies for the night in my own city. The kids went on an amazing adventure with their daddy (his work right now is about connecting, mine space) and filled up in their own way.

To look down on my city and see it with eyes that were all about self care was a beautiful moment. I celebrated dinner with myself and had the most delicious drink with gin and Prosecco and a stuffed salmon that I can't stop thinking about. Lick your lips, oh my god, grab-the-waitress-and-tell-her-whoa kind of salmon.

I did have text support from time to time with sweet friends checking in on me and making sure I was filling up on the joy of being with me. I won't lie, that helped!

The part that felt so real to me was learning that I could make space anywhere I was in the world. I can decide who to spend my energy with, who to share my words with, who to make space with.

I spent time with sadness. The last few months have been intense and led to so many unearthed desires. I spent time feeling it. I watched Castle reruns. Then I pulled out my vision book supplies and spent time with the prompt how do you want to feel inside of your 5 beautiful dreams.

Light, lush, WHOLE, earthy bliss, space and style, fresh stories. Each of those words finding me and becoming a feeling story.

FREE.

I stepped from the sadness into these feelings that are my gentle force. The 5 beautiful dream's cushions.

I wrote. I started my book. Oh honey, my book. I already see it. The colors, the textures, the words, the soulwork, the prompts. I see it, feel it and then release it. I will let the Universe play with tet feelings. It may be a bit lush and of earthy bliss! My job now is to fill in the words.

About two hours before it was time to go I released. I felt the exhale of the moment. I didn't want to pack up and go. Room service ordered I knew I would be stepping onto the rug and walking out the door. I wanted space to be my company, my partner. My joy.

The process is about learning to feel free and whole and carrying that inside wherever my feet guide me. The process for you is about learning to feel free and whole and carrying that inside wherever your feet guide you.

Beautiful work, yes?

I so love this life.

I love these breaths, this passion, these tattoos, my loves, the way my gorgeous goldfish swim at me each morning when I go to open the curtains. I can hear their noiseless cries for attention in the form of food. I love this life.

Even when it sucks and is raw and the tears and indecisions roll around.

I love this life.

***

#operationselfcarelikewhoa will soon be hosting an event in Providence so stay close. It is a movement so that the women who have been in the gorgeous positions of nurturing learn how to nurture themselves.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a full of self care, full of decaf, full of excitement for all that is, full of joy because this life is so beautiful kind of mama. (What we focus on expands.)

These days I rarely read many blogs, I tend to reserve my time for my clients and close friends who are saying the words my heart needs to hear. But on this day, I saw the title of the post and had to read it. So glad I did.

This is crazy making. Crazy making. Crazy making.

I'm a tad bit in love with this one right now.

Thinking so much about how much I really need. I'm giving The Making Space Cleanse a make-over soon and I'm going to be focusing on this idea of enoughness.

So yeah, I might kinda get this Molly!!!!!!

It is work loves. Hard, hard work. I promise you this. Stay in the joy no matter where you are.

Fish keep showing up in my life, perhaps a spirit guide whisper? (Beautiful and gorgeous too!) And we have a little giveaway on the blog, don't forget to enter!

I am soooo excited for this, I'll be there, will you beloved?

It's about inclusion. Doesn't that kind of make your eyes water? Feast. Feast. Feast.

Can't stop listening to this one.

So honored to be in this lovely space with this sweet one.

I'm working on 50% this and 50% deep connections. That is my year.

And you? Where have you found beauty and magic?

 

 

 

Story Whispers ~ Sas Petherick

I find myself eager for settling in with a cup of tea or glass of wine with those who I admire and hearing their story whispers. I crave these stories and voices.

The magic inside of the words, the treat of the truth and that moment of ‘yes, me too’ are why we must keep sharing our stories. I am making an effort to hear stories in person and through connection as well as tell my stories in whatever ways the words wish to flow out.

Today I welcome Sas Petherick in all of her fierce softness. I first saw Sas' face in an Instagram picture through a comment she left on someone's picture. I fell hard, the glowing red hair and that smile. So I did what any true stalker does and I followed her and said hello; she is now totally in my heart. 

Sas and I believe in that moment of time in your life when you are no longer willing to accept what is and you know that you, only you, are in control of this beautiful life. I am so deeply honored to invite her to share her story whispers with you.

Sas recently let soar into the world a treasury of wisdom called The Body Stories. It is an ebook, it is free, it is divine. Please make sure to get your copy and be forever touched and changed from the words and images that are inside.

Take us through your gorgeous life in terms of your senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound and any others that you possess.

I am woken each morning by BBC Radio 4 filled with world happenings. This is closely followed by purring nudges against my hand, from either Rex or Badger, requiring ear scratches.

I love the feeling of hot water teaming down my body while my mind dances (I have my best ideas in the shower); adorning my body with natural fibres in tones of chocolate brown, red, teal, purple, dark green, feathers and jewels.

Our home smells of rose essential oil or Nag Champa incense, and Arabica coffee beans grinding out the black magic. I adore the Bach cello suites of Yo-Yo Ma, and my husband is a massive jazz fan and so our home is filled with the sound of Monk, Coltrane, Davis: the greats.

Living in London I am surrounded by the great soup of humanity: it’s noisy and dirty and often overwhelming; but I will always be grateful to this place as somehow the harsh anonymity of it gave me permission to be myself.

The moment you knew you had found your thing, the one that would propel you forward because you can’t not do it?

I didn’t realise it at the time, but there was a moment when everything shifted for me. I was feeling sad, disconnected, my mind was scattered; mostly I was furious with myself, the universe and everything.

I went outside, and looked up and I was struck by an utterly overwhelming sense of being so vast, so enormously beyond comprehension, as though I was part of the star-filled night sky. I still can’t explain it.

After that moment, I felt compelled to change some things in my life, and it seemed the universe was conspiring with me. I started walking towards what I really wanted: I looked for ways to use my powers for good!

It has been a long winding road to here, but as the fabulously juicy age of 40 winks at me from around the corner, I am starting to make sense of the path that led me here. And it feels magical.

Feeling phrase: how do you want to feel when you are inside of your creative life?

Ripe, present, intuitive, energetic, and as though there are five baby rabbits doing flips in my belly.

Magical moments: what are they to you and how do you open to receiving them?

Roald Dahl said “those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” I love this quote! There is such magic in noticing your own life. Just being aware of frosty air on your face, the first bite of sea-salt chocolate, the sound of a baby giggling; these moments are tiny miracles. 

For me, magic shows up as synchronicity in words, numbers. And ladybugs: I will often hear the same phrase spoken by different people in the same day. And the number nine appears to be following me around.

My beloved Mum passed away ten years ago and I notice ladybugs (even in the freezing cold of winter) seem to be around whenever I really need her.

Ritual that you start your day with.

I love the few quiet moments standing in the kitchen waiting for the coffee, where I can stretch and take a breath.  

I often meditate in the morning (usually on a crowded tube). Just 20 minutes of stillness connects me to what is important.

Favorite part of your body, tell us why you love it.

My belly. It’s soft and a little squishy and I feel sad that for most of my life I have actively hated it. If only I had known how much it had to teach me! My belly is where my intuition lives; it is where I connect my body, mind, emotions and spirit together. My belly is where I am harnessed to my consciousness.

Favorite quote:

‘Nothing good gets away’ ~ John Steinbeck

A mantra or affirmation that guides you:

‘I am unlimited and abundant’

One of the things I have come to know is that I really don’t need much: just Mr P, our cats Rex and Badger, my tribe, and my inner guidance. (Okay, and my MacBook). The days I spend with them are the ones filled with magic, and this reaffirms that I am living and constantly co-creating a magnificent life.

The cosmic joke of being unlimited and abundant while actually needing very little is not lost on me.

Your guiding word/s for the year:

‘Amplify’.

For me this means living my whole life - feeling the full spectrum of emotions, being aware of and awake to possibility, and living in tune with what matters to me. I have a sense that 2013 is going to be pretty awesome.

***

Sas Petherick is a writer, coach and Life Transformer for people who want an Amplified Life full of WOO HOO! moments. Sas believes nothing good gets away – it’s never too late to choose a new story for yourself.

Sas spent almost twenty years helping thousands of people navigate change in their place of work, before a combination of loss and grief prompted my own transformation path. She is a CTI trained Co-active Coach, and is thrilled to be joining Martha Beck’s Life Coach training in 2013.

Sas is currently coaching 1 on 1, as well as putting the final touches on emBODYment: a juicy online programme for women who want to change their body story and can be found at her beautiful new website : http://www.saspetherick.com/.

You ask. I answer.

The questions keep pouring in from this post.

We can sum them up as, "How did you do it?" Here is how.

1. Be in it in truth.

I spent so many years with the pain in denial. I spent so many years with the pain in blame. I spent so many years with the pain in complete silence.

I didn't talk about it, no one really knew. I wanted to believe it was something that came from outside of me, that if I could just find the right pill to balance my estrogen I would be fine. But I eventually stopped even looking for the pill because nothing worked. And no one truly seemed to ever understand.

I remember the day I wrote to 3 of my sweet friends who also happen to be life coaches of the most amazing variety. It was a 'feeling sorry for myself' letter. I told them that I was so tired of feeling pain and flare ups and that I just wanted to sink into the couch and cry and pity myself. I was asking them permission to let it all go and just be in it.

They let me. They said, "Yes. Yes you deserve to feel pissed and sad and rotten. You deserve this moment to feel sorry for yourself. And now that you've had it, what now? What now? What is next?"

After I allowed myself to be in it, to finally surrender to the truth I decided to get help. Real help.

I am blessed to have an incredible Dr. to guide my way, but if I never told him or asked for his help I would just be living in the pain.

2. Stop doing it alone.

I went to the best of the best and got a million invasive sucky tests to determine what all of this was about. Then the specialist suggested surgery. I said no thank you. I was dealing with a triple of threat of issues, but it doesn't matter what they were, they just all needed to be addressed.

From there I found a physical therapist who specialized in pelvic floor and bladder.

I knew that the moment I walked into her office nothing would be the same because I was on the path to healing. Her work changed my life.

It is a huge commitment to go to therapy once a week. Huge. And I did it. I am still doing it. I am healing.

3. Deal with your shit. 

As I was doing the physical work of healing it triggered out all my stuff. All my stuffing. All my shit.

I tried really hard not to deal with it. One day I realized I had no choice.

Truth. Peeling. Allowing. Surrender. All of it. It was so flipping hard sometimes I couldn't move or breathe.

The amazing thing about the truth is that it sets you free to soar and it doesn't matter if it has been 20 years or two months. Do it, risk it, be in it and deal with it.

This life of mine is far too precious to be living any other way than in beauty. And it will suck sometimes getting to that beauty.

As you start to peel and tell the Universe what you want watch as every person who enters your life does so to support you moving into this truth. Every book you see, word you read and story you tell will draw you back towards the journey towards flight. Your flight.

Yes, it will probably rock your whole world and scare you. You will have to make decisions you've never wanted to face. You will risk hurting someone you love. And you won't want to do it because hurting someone feels wrong and scary. But what if your feeling good is the most truthful pure beauty you can bring to this lifetime? Wouldn't that mean that those around you could only be better once you started to fly?

Oh yes baby. Yes.

4. You deserve this.

Right? Maybe it takes you until 38 years old to know that. Maybe 56 or 87 or 28 (damn lucky 28 year old!). Your life has been guiding you towards this moment. The one where you stand naked and are vulnerable and raw and know that you deserve this.

To be whole. To be healed. To be so fucking in love with your life that you make everyone around you giddy with possibility.

Be in it in truth. Stop doing it alone. Deal with your shit. You deserve this.

That is how I am doing it.

Feel. It.

Wherever you find yourself on this Christmas Eve, at a party, in your bathrobe, wrapping under the tree or sipping tea with a few tears...

It is OK to feel it.

Be there. Hold the nowness of it.

Know that feeling joy in our lives means that we get to feel everything so much more deeply. Joy doesn't kick all the other emotions out, it makes space, it opens you so that you can feel it all.

Joy is like a deep breath for your body so she/he may know the beauty of this life. Every choice. Every blink of our eyes. Every needle of the pine tree.

Can you practice a little soulwork today and pull yourself into your now. Can you be right here, let your head stop flowing into what-ifs and regrets? Can you stop making up expectations and feel the reality of where you stand or sit in this one still and ever changing moment?

I'll meet you there today. It is OK to feel it. The joy, the sadness, the missing, the longing, the giggles, the anticipation. Feel it and let that feeling pull you into your now. This one very moment. This one now.

Let the now open space. Let the now be your guide into your next breath.

Sending blessings. xo

A blessing for battle.

 

You are beauty. You are grace. You are love.

You are not the voices that tell you that you are fat or unloved or without. Broken.

You are joy unfolding.

You are not lacking. You are not them. You are not wrong.

You are perfectly imperfect and passionate beyond your own knowing.

Open yourself. Surrender to that feeling defining you. You are safe.

You are beauty. You are grace. You are love.

Forgive yourself for one moment and feel the gorgeous reality that you are so OK.

Release into your flow that is your dance through this year and into the next.

Send the sparks of desire, the waves of delight and the echo of your dreams into this day. And into this
night.

This is your blessing. A blessing to carry into battle.

You are beauty. You are grace. You are love.

This Tiny Life ~ Part 2, The Living Room

It is the unexpected moments, market crashes, losses, diagnoses or stuck places that bring about beautiful gifts to our lives via the struggles and the challenges that guide and allow us to find our magic. If we choose.

Welcome to my living room.

I am an obsessive furniture re-arranger. It is lovely to know I am not alone in my shifting of stuff to make space. For years I was certain no one else ever moved a couch or table once, let alone every season. Now I know there are so many others who must move things around to shift energy and create space in their homes, hearts and minds.

I crave space with every breath I take.

Living life inside of a highly sensitive body that belongs to a highly sensitive soul has been a life of practice and knowing. It has taken me years to forgive myself such things as moving furniture around, forgetting that I own a black tank top and buying a new one 5 times, not knowing how to sit in a group of people talking with no one leading the discussion, waking up and just feeling so off that I must find a way to cry and inducing exhaustion after scheduling something to do out of the house every day for weeks and needing days and days of stillness to recover.

I've had to learn to forgive the guilt and the feelings of 'being too sensitive' as a negative. This is part of the beautiful work.

The living room is long and skinny, with 6 windows plus the glass door, 2 radiators and 3 doorways. As someone who must constantly move space, make space, feel space:: a challenge. Every time I'm certain I've found every possible way of moving the furniture another one presents itself. And move it all I do. And then I can breathe. The kids are calmer, play longer.

Change is scary but also brings with it opportunity for feeling new. Moving things in my space does this for me.

I've shifted furniture around even when we had big apartments. I used to re-arrange my dorm rooms and my memories of shifting go back to doll collections. My mom once suggested I look into staging houses for people wanting to sell because I can find space! Tiny house living was not a dream of mine, in fact we owe more on the house than at the moment we could ever, ever sell it for, so it isn't something that has saved us money. This is the challenge life has brought (among gobs of others) to see if I would follow it towards my magic.

If I could move today, get out from this mortgage, forget about the dream of turning the attic into our master suite and meditation/work space would I? Yep. In a second. I would love to be released and start fresh from who I am now, with the knowing I hold and the growth that I have discovered as I've surrendered to ease. Part of the reason I am who I am today, a gift of my house. Every room has its own stories to tell, to whisper, to shout, to hum.

What feels like failure is actually the clouds over our sun. Both full of beauty.

Patrick and I often get to a moment where we look at our choices and wish we could go back and choose again, as the people we have become. But it is these choices that have designed our next choices for who we want to be now. Just as I design my living room to flow with what is happening in our family, now.

When the boys need more open space or the season pushes us outdoors, each placement of furniture changes. As Chloe started to express the desire for her own room, we moved the table into the living room and put our bed in the little dining room. My shins are banged up because at night when I get up to pee there is very little room to walk around the bed. I dream of that attic space some day and know that giving Chloe her room was making space for her to grow up.

Baskets are sorted. Pillows are bursting with pattern and color. Furniture is soft and only sort of nice, I have two boys and a dog and they will beat up your stuff. Patrick walks through the front door each night and I get to decide how I will greet him. With the gratitude for what I have or the exhaustion from what I struggle with. I want to open the door with a kiss and acceptance the most. To meet him with grace. Often the tired lady opens the door and forgets to smile.

Grace is a way of living, it is a shift into living with elegance, softness, ease, love, kindness and flow.

This tiny life can make it hard for me to show up inside of that gratitude for what is.

This is why we make space. This is why we connect to our heart center. This is why we have to find moments to snuggle and cuddle even in the smallest of living rooms. My joy is my now. My now gets to dream of what is next.

***

Part 1 ~ This Tiny Life, The Kitchen

There is a story behind every program, every offer, every blog post, newsletter or picture of mine. Or of yours. I live for the story. I breathe the story. Story is my muse. The Making Space Cleanse is one such story. A story of falling in love with the life we have so that we can live the life of our dreams. This little 10 day program is the heart of how I strive to live, to create, to guide.

On the equinox.

I am embracing a new feeling of sexy. (Please know how terrifying it is to write that on my blog which I'm fairly certain more than 3 people read now!!!)

After my first pelvic floor therapy appointment I started to feel a release. My therapist told me that she couldn't believe how tight my pelvic floor muscles were and she spent about half an hour working to release them, which she will continue to do once a week for a month or so. I don't really know what she was doing, but I do know she used the word trigger points. It was a combination of pain and release.

I was not surprised at how tight those muscles are. I have a jaw that I clench almost always. I am a hyper-flexible body and I hold it as tight as I can. Always. My contradiction. My female story.

Part of my beautiful work for myself has been learning to release as I am a self taught holder. Often in the release there is a whole lot of pain that I'd rather not feel. And feel I am.

The night of my first appointment I was so tired. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I fell asleep with Lucas in his bed and then came up to bed. As a night owl I felt really thrown. Confused.

I climbed into bed and sobbed. Like buckets. Then I slept. I wasn't crying about anything but no amount of holding was going to stop those tears. It felt special to let them flow.

My dreams have been wild. I've been exhausted. My doctor told me I need to be careful about combining too much energy work while I am going through these appointments because I tend to be on the intense side. I understand now what he was saying.

My new desired feeling is sexy. To welcome back the knowing that my body, despite leaking and flare ups, can be and feel sexy. I've always been slightly afraid of being that. Feeling that. For some reason at 38, sitting here in the equinox I am ready.

Fall's arrival combined with my newest year always brings a rebirth of something. This year I am giving birth to feeling sexy. To the woman that is emerging as I work through the release. As I embrace what is next on my list of dreams.

Tattoos, truthful conversations, soft skin, deep release, bangles adorning, stories of abundance and sexy.

On the equinox.

What are you embracing on your equinox? Is there a story you are done with and ready to release? Where do you find yourself today?

***

The bladder story, for those who need to know they aren't alone.

Prayer. Feet. And the beauty.

As our body cries out.

The pain of the present.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a waiting quietly for my first baby to reach double digits and hoping that the day feels like the vision in her head, super excited to give hugs to some virtual friends in the real live world tomorrow and entering the two weeks of my monthly rhythm that feel like walking on air and gratitude kisses kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

Connection is the most important thing to me in my business. I love that Kate is opening up this conversation. She does so beautifully.

These moments can make you feel so alone until someone full of bravery talks about them. We are so not alone here mamas.

These are two of most favorite women, together on one page, smiles, hungers, gorgeous.

Jenn lines it all up for us here, and so honored she included me! xo

Have it. Adore it. Goes so beautifully with my tattoo love.

I am smitten with this prompt. Will be sitting with it, for now I'll just take the beauty of words from Liz.

Sometimes I wish I had found her all those years ago. But no matter, love that I have her now.

The nude.

Yes to turning waste into beauty.

Still obsessing.

***

Don't forget the Making Space Cleanse has a BOGO for the month of September!!!

And on September 20th I will be offering a FREE 30 day surprise so make sure to sign up for the weekly love letter (that cute little sign up box on the right) or pop on FB to see what it is!!!

Goodnight beautiful day.

Nightly Blessing: Goodnight beautiful day.

Removed the polish. Toes almost 38 years of age.
Stripped the dress off my humid skin and climbed into the jammies. Body that is starting to feel beautiful again.
Sat, still and present in the evening.
Felt the softness. In-spite of and at the same time against the hot cement.
Looked down to feel the ground support me.
Looked up to feel the moon tug at me.

"I see the moon, moon sees me. Moon sees somebody I wanna see. So God bless the moon. God bless me. God bless the somebody, I wanna see." ~Jim Brickman