Sugar Candy Giveaway

“We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.”

~ Sir Winston Churchill

What if for one night you could play as though you were sugar candy? At ease, in the flow, giggling, hugging, lounging, creating and finding some of your own magic as you traveled through different worlds…

20 women gathered together at The Loft and traveled through worlds making their own magic and now one of you will receive a box in your home to journey through and play as though you were sugar candy.

What you'll win :: Sugar Candy Adventure at Home

A jar of brown sugar foot scrub created by Persephone Brown just for you to give yourself some divine comfort.

 

A mini altar with sparkles, intentions and a prayer written to you from Mara Glatzel which you can hold in the palm of your hand and feel guided and grounded and open.

 

Inside of the altar tin you will find a reiki charged crystal that Sarah Rubin filled with energy and safety and blessing.

 

A crown, handmade with vintage materials from Chelsae Biggs who also will be including a secret mantra hidden inside the crown just for you. (See picture down below for beautiful women wearing their crowns.)

 

Some sugar candy for color and inspiration.

 

And I have tucked in a mini vision book (if you win and have no idea what a vision book is, email me, I'll hook you up), a few pre-cut words and images to start your journey towards dreaming and asking yourself this question...

To enter the giveaway leave a comment at the bottom of this post playing with this question::

Close your eyes. Ask all of your senses, including intuition, to be present in that stillness. Enlist your senses as you ask yourself where you feel called to journey towards as you are pulled into your own fierce magic.

A haircut after a year of ponytails. A plane ticket. Tea with a soulsister. Tears with a lover to find deeper laughter. Opening your body even through fear. Giving away the clothes that don't fit. Setting the coffee pot in the morning as an act of love to your future self. Writing that poem that aches to be set free. Blowing bubbles as you stand on the shore. Taking the class that you talk yourself out of because of this and that. Finding a babysitter. Hanging up the vision board on the kitchen wall. The tattoo. Putting on the dress. Saying yes to the challenge. That nap.

(I know what you are thinking. Why didn't I just ask you to share it on FB and Twitter and blah blah! Because I want you to journey, I want you all to feel your sugar candy magic and claim that one thing.)

 

Sugar Scrub

2 cup sugar of choice (white, brown, raw)

1/3 cup olive oil

1/3 cup coconut oil

2 Tbl vanilla

2 Tbl of lemon zest

 

Blend all ingredients in a bowl using your hands.

Transfer to a pretty little jar.

 

Eggplant Fritters

Dice one large eggplant and lay onto a baking sheet. Cover it generously with olive oil. Add half of an onion, diced and a sprinkle of sea salt. Roast in a 350 degree oven for about 40 minutes or until soft. Allow to cool.

Give the eggplant a quick chop, this will be about 2 1/2 to 3 cups of eggplant.

Add eggplant to a mixing bowl with one beaten egg.

Add in 2 tablespoons of capers.

One cup of Romano cheese, grated, goes into the mix.

One cup of finely chopped kale leaves (about two kale leaves) and gently mix it together adding in 2 cloves of garlic, chopped and 1 1/2 cups of almond meal (or flour).

Place generous tablespoon sized balls onto a greased piece of parchment paper on a baking sheet. Press down slightly on each ball. Bake for 20-25 minutes until golden and firm to the touch. Allow to cool. Serve warm or room temperature. These are great topped with a yummy dressing and over salad. Often I make a dip for these with some Veganaisse, lemon juice, honey, salt, pepper and italian dried spices. So good.

 

Rosemary Cassis Bubbly

In a long stem glass layer in 3 blackberries, a splash of cassis and a stem of rosemary. Pour your favorite bubbles over and sip while laughing, playing, visioning, bathing, putting on sexy lipstick or cooking dinner with Bublé.

 

To enter the giveaway leave a comment at the bottom of this post playing with this question::

Close your eyes. Ask all of your senses, including intuition, to be present in that stillness. Enlist your senses as you ask yourself where you feel called to journey towards as you are pulled into your own fierce magic.

Winner chosen next week, 2/11/14  Congrats to Veronica who said, "I have quit teaching 2nd grade. I made a list of all I am and all that I am not. I was scared for a moment. It was like a reset button. In all the pain, transparency, acceptance……there was freedom. I am learning to dream again.

This fierce magic……right now……is calling me to Begin Anew!!!! SHINE!!!!! And photograph with dedication to create!!!!!!"

 

(Photo credits Chelsae Biggs, Sarah Rubin, Persephone Brown, Mara Glatzel and Gina Parker)

if you travel far enough.

"If you travel far enough,

one day you will recognize yourself

coming down the road to meet you.

And you will say

YES."

~ Marion Woodward

An answer to a beautiful question...

Sometimes I wake up and I have pains from my head down my jaw and into my shoulders. Maybe sinus,maybe clenching, maybe stress but most likely all three. I should take stock in Motrin.

I get panic attacks. They have become more like waves than sitting outside the emergency room waiting for the impending heart attack. Those were last year. This year the waves.

My kids fight a lot of the time and it brings me to my knees. And then I yell and knees aren't low enough for how I fall.

I put on weight when I am in a place of unknowing, or cocooning, or feeling scared. And then looking in the mirror is hard. I do it anyway and it can feel like physical pain to know that I am back here again. Learning the same thing over and over and over.

And over. And needing the next size jeans.

I forget to drink water. I wish I could be hooked up to an IV and hydrated once a week. Sometimes I even buy a gatorade and drink it as fast as I can.

I am driving on two flat tires because making appointments to have things or teeth or body parts fixed is not my strength.

I killed my daughter's fish, got mad at Patrick last night because I didn't think he was being supportive (think being the word here) and let my 8 year old stay home because I didn't want to be alone today.

When I got my circle tattoo on my finger they didn't close the circle. I thought they did. But they didn't. And I believe it is the Universe giving me a sign and maybe someday I will close it. Or not.

Sometimes I hurt when I think friends no longer like me or don't need what I give. When I put my heart into things and then feel sad. The fear of losing relationships a constant and getting lost in that, but more than that. Knowing that it does happen and I will be OK. I will be OK.

Some days I can't find my gratitude and I feel like I complained and hid and threw tantrums.

There are memories that haunt me and cycle back into my body and I want to free them.

I am intense and it can be a lot for others to hold.

At 6pm I realize I have nothing for dinner.

This is why my hot cup of coffee each morning made for me with love is sacred.
This is why I wear beautiful jewelry every day and dress myself for how I want to feel.
This is why I pray through words, altars, surrender, tea bags, giggles, connection, texts.
This is why fresh flowers matter.
This is why I send love notes through Fb, texts, the mail, feathers, lipstick, emails.
This is why the picture of the feather my daughter drew for me reminds me that she is watching.
This is why I circle with women who believe in magic and risk and doing things that feel out of their comfort zone.
This is why I keep trying and hoping when every sign points to the shitstorm.
This is why soulwork saves my soul.
This is why there are so many pictures of me on Instagram.
This is why one bite of a chocolate cupcake wearing a vegan leather jacket can feel like a tiny piece of bliss.
This is why gratitude looks like a piece of pie or meeting your girlfriend at the mall on a Wednesday night or patience for feelings you have inside.
This is why I often send out the SOS text for a bottle of red around 5:00pm.
This is why that hug on the beach, barefoot and crying will happen. Over and over.
This is why when I find a shirt that feels like heaven on my skin I buy 4. And then 5.
This is why I don't have to ask how you feel but rather how you want to feel inside of your beautiful dreams.
This is why your stories are mine. Mine yours. And every word is precious.
This is why beautiful is one of my favorite words and joy lives in my gut.
This is why I no longer try to make everyone happy but rather live in my truth.
This is why the irony of scared and sacred isn't lost on me.
This is why there is no doubt magic exists.
This is why love takes so many shapes. Even an unclosed circle.
This is why I love this life now.
This is why I say thank you to my own heart.
This is why when I go to bed I think about who I want to be the next day.
This is why waking up to that coffee is my starting moment, with each sip telling me a story of now.

This is why.

Because it isn't happening to me, it is happening within me.

This is why.

The shifts that I can make blow my mind. So can the sadness I feel. So can the love.

This is why seeing how much beauty exists, even inside of pain, forever guides me.

This is why I travel.

This is my yes.

***

(From Thursday morning love letter from me to you. Sign up in the box up there on the right to receive your little Thursday morning love.)

My answer.

Photo Ruth Clark Photography.

Spirits of Joy ~ 30 days visioning you

header sept 1

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What:: 30 Days of Joy Up Soulwork Prompts for Creating A Vision Book and connecting back to you!

When:: September 1st, 2013

How:: An email each day for 30 days with a Vision Book prompt and some story telling from me, including videos from myself and some of my friends who are rocking their visions!

Soulwork is about connection to self, to the now and that future woman we see and want to flow into.

book covers 590

Allowing ourselves to make what become vision books, is powerful. We come alive as we find a part of ourselves that has been lost or longing to come out. These prompts not only become part of our books, but our daily thoughts and often allow our writing practice to expand and gain depth.

Through daily vision work you can allow each day to guide you towards living joyously, even when things are hard or challenges arise.

Know yourself. Use these prompts to spend time with yourself. To light up in a new way. To discover a you that may have hidden out, buried by the stresses of daily living.

Create pages filled with words and visions and feelings that surround them. As you do this you harness the true magic of the Universe. You vibrate in a new way. These books become a way for you to align what you want with what you have. They create manifesting magic in your life.

Visioning allows you to love this life now while creating a future of your dreams.

book with glue 590

Soulwork will prompt you into new places and ideas, it will ask you to push beyond that safe place and dip into seeing truth, beauty, connection, love, joy, dreams and ritual.

• 30 days of prompts.

• 30 days of soulwork.

• 30 days of creative exploration.

• 30 days of you.

• 30 days to creating a vision book.

• 30 days of connection to spirit.

• 30 days of the gift of joy.

Number 39

"I am missing Hannah's daily emails, it had become part of my morning ritual. I would read them on my cell phone before getting out of bed every morning. Then lay here quietly reflecting on them before beginning anything else."

"I have had so many little insights into me & my joy. I appreciate you and the tribe more than I can say ~ Namaste ~ Love to all " ♥

"Hannah, this beautiful journey has grown through love. Your love, that you share with all of us."

"I have included reading my prompts and taking the time to process your beautiful words in my ritual. So inspiring and a lovely way with a cup of tea to start my day. Please don't let me miss the next program. Thank you for changing my mornings. xxx"

"It is my turn to thank you (and everyone) for the tasks and gracious love that is here in this tribe."

"Thank you, dear soul...this month has been life changing for me."

"I am a believer now. A believer of visioning."

There is a closed Facebook group just for those of you working through these 30 days. You can share pictures, thoughts, aha moments and see the daily journey of soulwork from others who are going through the days. Totally optional but a beautiful way to connect.

free vision page

I've been visioning since I was young. As a highly-senstive child (who never knew that term) I had a brutal time dealing with my feelings. I felt overun by sensations and sadness and joy and every possible feeling you could have. One of the ways I learned to 'see' those feelings was to cut and paste. To go into a magazine and let the words and images talk to me.

Now I find it is the way I center. It is how I allow myself to know my dreams. It is how I manifest from a feeling into reality. It is a safe space to receive messages and words from the Universe through these magazines and let myself feel without fear.

Each time I complete a new page I want to stare at it for hours, sometimes I make free pages and hang them on the wall.

Vision books help us write new stories, chapters and pages for our lives. We don't have to stay stuck or in fear. We can step into our light. Maybe it seems crazy that a little book full of magazine cut outs can help us heal and create beauty in our lives. A little crazy never hurt! Let's play...

PicMonkey Collage chels and i am

Spirits of Joy - 30 Days of Prompts

Questions you might have::

Is this a journaling course? Nope, I've never been good at keeping a journal so I wouldn't be the one to guide you to that. But I do love prompts, writing exploration, vision board work and art books. I love cutting and pasting and exploring. This is about creativity and using our right brain to deepen our joy.

What if I'm not creative? What if? Hm, I think you might surprise yourself.

I've never been able to fully participate in long e-courses. What if I can't keep up? I don't keep up with the pace of others either. I do things at my own pace. You'll have all the emails that come to save and use for any time you'd like. Take your time, read the first 5, join in at the end. Whatever works for you. It is your 30 days.

Can I participate without keeping a book? Sure thing. Sometimes just being present to the thoughts and prompts is all you need. This is about you. Not me or them. What feels good to you? You can also create a vision board, a big huge poster of your thoughts and cut outs, a piece of art to hang on the wall. The beauty of creation is all yours.

What will I need? A blank book, I like this one, I love the gray and the kraft color, this one has a pocket to store your little cut outs for later and they come in many different sizes. Scissors, a glue stick and lots of magazines and old cards, quotes, etc will be needed.  A little time and space that you can carve out for you. If you have kids have them be part of this, get them each a book so that if you are short on alone, time you can still do some visioning each day.

I have taken this course before, is it the same? Yes and no. It will follow many of the same prompts. New videos and prompts will be added. What I can say is that every time I go back into my book and do my prompts again, the new layers appear. I am amazed at how quickly I can manifest the feelings and the visions. And of course, each group that comes together provides the magic that a course never can on its own.

Spirits of Joy - 30 Days of Prompts

 

#MeetMeAtTheLoft

To be clear, I am making this all up with each vision. The Loft, my best 3am wake-up, the decision that would begin my process of healing and rediscovery and give me physical space to hold others inside of healing and rediscovery.

I remember sitting inside her walls on the one piece of furniture and praying that The Loft, this leap of faith would not be a fuck up. I prayed that I realize all that I visioned and for surprises and trust and adventures.

In a sort of surrender to the next move, I find myself in her embrace. She is magical.

I hope that one day you will #MeetMeAtTheLoft

A weekend called, "Lift Up" where I gathered my friends, my soul-team and we dined on gorgeous plates, went out adventuring, co-worked on the living room floor and had our rather epic skinny dip. The "Lift Up" details I'll keep private but I believe that we each left the weekend feeling more loved, whole, real, right, playful and beautiful than when we arrived.

I have visioned living like this. Now I do. Now I can invite others to and inspire women to create their own circles of joy and lifting. It ripples. It pays forward in the most healing of ways.

Turning my attention to the downstairs, a desk set up and an entire wall to tape inspirations and press on sticky notes. I am in heaven. There is space enough for a small yoga class or a large circle. The bed feels like a cloud and the twinkles go on and on and on.

I have been visioning the space and slowly am finding the treasures that it will hold. I want you to feel seduced when you walk into this space. Seduction towards falling into yourself. Learning something that comes from the eyes or the yes of another. To circle, to expand visions for yourself. To know that ease and simplicity are underneath your feet.

I am learning to celebrate. In the past I get to the 'place' and then am quick to move on, suffering in many ways later for not pausing to acknowledge what I've created. A fear of being in my light. Of being open with my successes. A fear that I can't really feel this right now.

So now I pause. I celebrate. I stand in the mirror on the days that I work so hard to get to and I raise a glass. To myself. To this gorgeous space. To the hundreds of women who are claiming their light.

And the women who are coming to lend their voices. They are trusting. We don't know if people will come but we know that they will not leave the same. So we make these amazing nights happen. We circle. We sing. We vision. We lift.

Coming up::

More vision nights starting with "I am" night this month. (August 22nd)

#operationselfcarelikewhoa. (Early October)

Art classes. (Sept 14th)

More singing. (I mean, see that picture!)

Chocolate night.

A private weekend with my mastermind circle. (Early September)

More co-working.

An allowing of the visions to keep coming, to lead the dance. A trust that this is where I need to be. And an open invitation to you. To meet me at The Loft.

Dates and registration for events will be open in a few days.

What do you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams?

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” ~Rumi

I've arrived at several. My beautiful dreams come at me fast now, making me almost intimidated to do the work I teach; guiding women how to vision these dreams and connect to the magic inside of them.

This is a discussion we are having over in my Magic Making Mastermind Circle and I want to bring it to you. I'll wax a bit on it, but I am most interested in what you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams.

How do your thoughts start to shift and how do you integrate the arrival into the place you may have been visioning for so long?

Once I have stepped into this 'new reality' to quote one of my Mastermind women, I am often quick to move on. Lingering in the celebration of it isn't always my way. There is a depth of the shadow work I have done to arrive at many beautiful dreams and I am one of those people who craves the discomfort that growth and trusting the inner voice brings.

When I was 25 I lost my first pregnancy. Then two more. A baby was my beautiful dream and I walked through shadow after shadow, deep sickness and disconnect in my marriage to finally give birth to my daughter on Sept 15, 2002. For two weeks I was pretty blissed out. Even with the extra 40 pounds I was still holding, the swelling that refused to go away and the struggles with nursing.

At the end of week two she started to cry and didn't stop for about 4 months or so. I was inside of my beautiful dream and it kind of sucked. I was sucked into a deep depression, I felt alone and scared and disconnected from everything I had known.

My beautiful dream, everything I had wanted, to be a mom, to hold my babe. Here she was and my new reality filled me with fear.

It took me a long long time to dream again. Shell shock or high-anxiety or just pure exhaustion. I loved that little being to the core of my soul and I just couldn't imagine how a dream could feel so different. Looking back I know that I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to fill a piece of myself that felt empty, raw, exposed. I believed a baby would fill it.

I wanted to feel whole.

What the baby did was become one of my greatest teachers. All of my children become deep love in my soul but never filled me up. Never made me whole. Thank God I have them, thank God I looked to be filled through them so that they are in our life.

And thank God I saw the truth inside of the dream so that I could begin to dream again. I wanted to feel whole.

From that feeling inside the dream I have visioned my way into so many new realities. Each one lifting me up, each one teaching me that feeling whole is me becoming light. And so I dip into shadows, I come out and shine stronger, brighter.

It is the Awakening that becomes a layered goddess of story and experience and squeezes me in her fiery wild circle, refusing to let me go. "This," she says, "this is where you journey to feel and become whole. This is home."

And I love her. She found me at 19 when I longed to become whole through the love of a man. She found me at 38 when I longed to become whole through the love of my soul. She walks each day with me, visions the next beautiful dream, tells me stories of home.

As I journey and dream I am learning to celebrate the manifest of the dream, of the feeling. Teaching others how to celebrate the beauty and the joy and the desire in their lives is part of this dream.

Whatever shame I held in celebrating this life I am creating is floating away, popping like the bubbles in my celebratory glass of bubbly. This was a beautiful dream. Shining so I may give permission to others to shine. That is beautiful right?

Now that I understand it is the feeling inside of the dream that guides us, I draw these visions into my life at a pace I must account for. My world has been rocked over and over.

And I am also OK with the not knowing. There are some feelings that I want and have no way of knowing how it will look. Releasing expectation.  Arriving in perfect alignment. Finding ways to be there now.

What do you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams?

Breathe into it. Notice how you feel. Remember how you wanted to feel. Lean into the new reality. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the hell out of it. Keep visioning.

That is me. What about you?

(Spirits of Joy, the 30 day course towards creating a vision book where you will dream and dream and dream will come out of hiding for September. And the vision book will rock your whole world.)

Your touch.

In knee pile.

Forward bend with eagle arms.

Heated room. Forrest yoga.

She walks around the room pressing her hands on our lower backs and lifting us further forward, finding the space we didn't know was there. She walks to the person behind me and I hear, "I don't like to be touched."

My mind wants to understand this desire to miss what is my favorite part of the yoga practice. My heart understands the things that could make someone turn away from the assist of space finding. The hurts that must have come first.

Be present. Feel. The words from the teacher's lips guide me into stories of my own withdrawal from touch. When there is pain. When I don't want to connect in the physical world because words must be spoken first. Because I am craving the newness that comes from shattered moments of disconnect.

---

We throw off our clothes onto the dense sand, filled with shell bits that press into our feet as we step.

The air muggy. The glow from the moon giving truth to the stillness of the water. Our naked bodies glide in. Or fall in. Or slowly ease in.

Shivering. Joy. The touch of the water. Hugs from bodies we've known for years or only just met now vulnerable and open and real. Tiny bits of glowing lights surrounding us as we wave our arms under the surface of the waters.

Knowing that this a new way to be touched. By water. By other women. By being brave.

---

"I missed your lips."

Re-entry from a weekend of bliss met by touch. Fingers massaging my scalp as though telling me that the work I do, the way I have chosen to show up and lift others is seen as beauty.

My body surrendering after days of moving, doing, planning, making sure it is all just so. From the space found from her hands lifting me forward in that heated room, to the circling, to the waters of joyful baptisms to the comfort of my bed.

Surrendering into not knowing and loving that place because it is real. More real than any other place of touch I have been inside of.

---

Why space is a gift. ~ BlogLovin' Tour

The Declaration of You will rock your freaking world loves, with readers getting all the permission they've craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! My darling loves, Michelle and Jess asked me to post this as part of The Declaration of You's BlogLovin' Tour, which I'm thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more -- and join us! -- by clicking here.

***

For the last few months Patrick and I have been in marriage coaching. Not therapy, coaching. Real truths, no bullshit, coaching. 

In December I was sure that my marriage was over. After 19 years I didn't see that we were moving together, that there was joy in 'us' or that I could find my happy inside of where we were. I agreed to coaching because I'm a coach and I know how powerful coaching can be in changing your life.

In my journal from 19 years ago, my young self talks about losing herself in her relationship. She cries to the page about how she doesn't know how to continue to be herself.

My current self stares at one of the only things on her vision board, the number 39 and she knows that this year, 38, will be among the most life changing, full of knowing years of her life.

For 19 years there has been the deepest of love between us, but love is not something that comes with the skills attached. It is a feeling. And from that love we must learn how to live inside of it, thrive inside of it, feel it for ourselves and not get lost in it. I was lost in it.

Go through Jan, Feb, March, April, May and we land in June. Last night our coach is 'graduating' us as we have now learned major skills inside of our love and now we will continue to use these skills to further our individual happiness and desires in the world. We are learning a new way to be together with no expectation at all on the outcome of our marriage. (This is huge.)

She asks us what has made the biggest difference in our world.

"Space." Patrick says. (He says a lot more but I will keep those words his.)

When I was sure the marriage was over I found physical space, The Loft. It was part my place to find me, and part community space to guide and support other women and healers. Claiming this space was one of the most radical decisions I had ever made. I felt sure I could financially support the space but more than that it was me as a mother of three kids and married claiming a huge physical space of my own. It wasn't something written in the books about saving a marriage. It wasn't something I had ever heard of someone doing. And yet it felt like the most loving act I could make towards myself, to give myself physical space to heal, to learn, to discover me.

Patrick supported the decision each step of the way. He started to lean into the idea that making space was one of the most beautiful gifts you could give yourself and those you love. And he gave me space. And after years of attachment parenting, very little sleep and resisting living for myself I decided that I was ready to return to the place I got lost.

I entered The Loft at about age 19. Hungry for love and filling the hole I felt inside my gut.

Slowly I continued to claim space.

Tuesday night dinners alone after yoga with sushi and wine and a movie or show and a sleep-over in the most lovely bed at The Loft. Friday nights out with my girlfriend where we could talk about biz over cocktails and laugh and share stories far into the night. Taking the whole day on Sunday to work or read or see a friend or play or find more laughter. I started to feel myself move into my early twenties and then late twenties. (I think maybe that is where I am now in my growing.)

I struggled inside the space that not only I was gifting myself but that Patrick was gifting me. It was hard being alone. It was hard seeing him sad and not taking it on as my own sadness. It was hard accepting that he was giving me this space without any expectation or strings attached.

It was so fucking hard to claim that this space was part of my story towards living the gorgeous life myself.

I have been teaching women how to make space for the last two years, maybe longer without knowing it. Making space is how I re-language self care. If you do not have space you cannot fill up. You cannot be inside of ease. You cannot live gorgeously.

I have never in my life been given a greater gift than that of space. I have never given a greater gift than that of space, of learning how to make space.

When we have the space to be our most amazing, loving, real selves every relationship we have will become stronger. Starting with healing the one with our young self who only knew how lost she was from herself and longed for love that she didn't even know how to accept.

I love growing older because each number provides space inside of me. I look in the mirror with love, most days. Contributing to other's happiness is huge joy, daily. Claiming space in this world for me and the gifts I believe I was born here now to teach is the most humbling choice I make.

I am inside of a deep joy. A joy I choose. A joy that I want others to feel.

I am inside of deep healing. Lots of tears, questioning, longings.

I am inside of deep space. A claiming, a desire, a feeling.

Starting with the smallest inspired-action towards making space in your life will be a shift into joy.

It is a gift.

Space. And none of it will feel particularly easy when you start. And then it will save your life.

Story Whispers ~ Vivienne McMaster

 I find myself eager for settling in with a cup of tea or glass of wine with those who I admire and hearing their story whispers. I crave these stories and voices.

The magic inside of the words, the treat of the truth and that moment of ‘yes, me too’ are why we must keep sharing our stories. I am making an effort to hear stories in person and through connection as well as tell my stories in whatever ways the words wish to flow out.

Oh this woman. From standing naked in a forest with her snapping pictures of me to her raw truth and self love that comes through in her course. I am blessed to have Vivienne McMaster in my life.

 

I took Vivienne's course, Be Your Own Beloved, a few months ago and I was completely in awe of her way with words, photos, prompts. I take very few courses and this one I would take again and again. We are both at a similar place in our careers, gathering tribe, working on sharing more words and growing at a pace that is so fiercely magical and a little bit scary sometimes.

 

I am thrilled to be part of her life and watching her journey. Please fall in love with my girl, Viv.

Take us through your gorgeous life in terms of your senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound and any others that you possess.

Sight is always at the forefront. Noticing the way things sparkle, the words written in the pavement, the shift of one texture to another, the way light falls on the ground.

The other senses weave their way into the story too. The scent of lilac on the tree next door, the texture of a flower petal I can’t help but stop to feel, the sounds of a vibrant neighbourhood with lots of people engaging with one another saying ‘Good Morning’ and the very loud purr of my side­kick kitty Ladybug. The taste of really good coffee, apples and kale from the farmers market.

The moment you knew you had found your thing, the one that would propel you forward because you can’t not do it?

I feel like I’ve been on a journey towards my one thing, but it took a lot of little brave steps towards it. Right from the start of doing work around self­portraiture and inviting people to turn their cameras on themselves it has felt like my one true thing but it was only back in late last year when I made some shifts in the work I was doing to have more of a focus on self­love and the words ‘Be Your Own Beloved’ rolled from my pen to paper. It was the clarity of those words and the work that followed them that really made me feel like I really found my soul mission in life and I couldn’t not bring it to the world.

Feeling phrase: how do you want to feel when you are inside of your creative life?

At home, that it is a part of me the way when you’re riding your bike and it feels like an extension of your limbs.

In love, I want to continue to follow the lead of the places in my creative life that I feel head over heels for, that I just can’t wait to dig into.

Resilient. I want to be able to work through rough patches, blocks or fears as they are truly part of the process of living a creative life and allowing it to evolve and grow.

Magical moments: what are they to you and how do you open to receiving them?

I feel like our cameras can be an amazing tool for being open to magical moments. Sometimes they happen as I’m being open to finding a moment to take a photo and find something serendipitous on my path. Other times the magic happens within the camera where you capture a magical moment or something unexpected. I’ve also learned along the way (both with photography and life) the most magical moments happen when we thought we might have made a mistake, or we are outside our comfort zone!

Is there a ritual that you start your day with?

The morning is when I feel most alive, most clear and when I feel like I connect most with the writer in me and when the ideas are at the forefront. So to be honest I dive right into my work in the morning ... so my morning ritual is coffee and diving into the work that makes me feel really alive! I have other rituals within my day and week for self­ care but have learned to listen to that bright morning spirit in me that just wants to dive into work (and feel grateful that my work often feels like play too).

Favorite part of your body, tell us why you love it?

I’d have to say my eyes, which is kind of funny because I have really bad eyesight, but I’m not really talking about their physicality...rather the way they allow me to see the world.

I also am finally, after a long stretch of healing body image, am able to see the woman I am becoming and I am appreciating her curvature and shape as a whole....finally able to see the beauty in myself right here and right now.

Favorite quote:

One of my favourite quotes these days is about beauty and self­love, but I return to it so often and remember that in any moment we are the beholder of what is manifesting in our lives and  how we want to look at it.

People often say that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where other have not dared to look including inside ourselves.
­~ Salma Hayek

A mantra or affirmation that guides you:

One of my personal mantras that I use in my work and in my everyday is that ‘Playfulness is an antidote to fear’. I love being able to take something that might overwhelm us or bring out our inner perfectionist and find a way to reframe it or get past it through just accessing our creative or playful side.

Your guiding word/s for the year:

I feel like I’m still living and learning about the word I chose last year which was actually Confidence. I’m a fan of choosing words that really get to the nitty gritty of the changes I want to make in my life. Confidence wasn’t a poetic word but it absolutely transformed my life to choose it.

******************************

Vivienne McMaster is photographer and teaches online and in person workshops helping people to be their own beloved and see themselves with kindness through their cameras. Having found her way back to herself after a rough patch through the magic of photography, she believes that self­ portraiture and creative exploration can save our lives. She shares her colourful visual stories over at her website (http://www.beyourownbeloved.com)

See me.

(Photo credits. 1. Ruth Clark 2. Vivienne McMaster 3. Lori Massie 4. Vivienne McMaster

Mini Manifesto

I've been exhausted lately. The result of going full force since about January. Travelling, getting a Loft and turning it into magic, running course after course, finding more space for social time than I have in years and some deep shadow work are probably why. Probably.

But I prefer to pretend I must have some wacky illness, be like, really sick. Something must be wrong for me to be tired. To take 3 days off from working. To sleep crazy hours. To skip yoga. To want to go back to bed an hour after I wake up. To feel my anxiety slipping in. To be so bloated and irritable.

Yesterday on my third day of needing huge space from computers and phones and the to-do list I made just to coax myself out of my exhaustion, I realized I was just tired. Tired. And maybe the stuffy nose and cough are showing up to slow me down just a bit.

And instead of anything getting crossed off the to-do list I quickly wrote a mini manifesto.

So here I am.

Learning to pace myself to the beat of my heart.

Later I'll probably take a nap and then make a beautiful dinner.

Might even have a grapefruit mimosa.

Sometimes we need to call ourselves back home.

***

After my days of rest I am going back into these days. This process and practice is what grounds me and helps me come back to me, to my home, to my ritual that keeps time. We start June 10th and the group of women joining is making my heart happy.

Holding their feelings in your hands.

She sends a picture of a page in her vision book in a text. It is open and free and serene. A beautiful dream about love. Instantly my mind sees the words 'open my hand.'

I text back. "You totally don't need to do anything with this, but I had this intuitive hit and saw the words 'open my hand' and you can totally do whatever you want with it."

She responds that she has no idea what it means but will think about it.

I respond that I never get intuitive hits on people's vision pages, I don't know either. Haha!

***

I wake up and feel wrong in my skin. Everything I put on feels as though it is choking me or stabbing me. Even yoga pants and my favorite huge black shirt that falls off my shoulder, just the way I usually feel at home in my body, feel wrong. I want to run, cry, scream, howl at the fucking moon for having to have been full during an eclipse or whatever is happening.

And I'm starving.

***

We lay in bed naked. The first relief I've felt from my skin all day. He rubs my skin and I feel the discomfort of the day melt.

"Tell me one of your beautiful dreams."

"Explain the prompt."

"Something that you can see, can vision within a year from now. And then you find the feeling inside of it."

His dream made me smile in its depth of simplicity. About happy.

All about moving through this world as your soul longs to see you walk.

***

We lay naked. He rubs my skin. I feel myself yield. I feel loved. I feel seen.

He wasn't trying to fix it or change it or justify it. He let me have my feelings. All day I felt wrong in my skin and I stayed with it.

I felt seen in my own truth.

***

Sarah writes a blessing each week for our Magic Making Circle. She sends this week's blessing led by the quote::

"To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go."~ Lao Tzu

I cry.

***

I send her a text. "So, I kid you not, this just was sent to me." I share the quote.

She texts back. "I kid you not. A prayer I said last night.

let me be free. let me let go of control. let me find joy and just be."

We just met a few weeks ago.

***

I go to Wordpress and open the dashboard.

A post I started over a week ago. Only the title, no words.

Holding their feelings in your hands.

***

I make a strong cup of coffee.

I sit down and type.

The story isn't how I have been learning to no longer take on others' feelings as my own.

The story is hers. And his. The intersection between the vibration of what we are learning and the spirit guides that enter.

***

I go back and find a text that another spirit guide in my life sent:

Imagine living your whole life never learning how to receive big time love and making magic?

***

We are all just walking each other home. ~ Ram Dass

***

And so it is. This fierce, fierce magic.

***

Gathering. Choice. Power.

 

2 days after I talked with Tara about writing for the Grandmother Power Campaign I learned that my grandmother died. She lived overseas most of my life so my memories are few, but they are firm. Her house is where we gathered, I remember Chinese take-out, her making my grandfather lots of tea and my great-grandmother's room in her house where game shows were promptly watched each day. She never forgot a card on a birthday or Holiday, and as someone who barely knows what day it is, this always blew me away.

I think of the grandmother as the gatherer. The one that brings everyone together, who spends time in the kitchen around the rhythm of food, who makes a feast out of nothing. My kids gather often with my mother, especially around the celebration of Holidays.

I have gathering in my female blood, the howling at the moon, wild women part of me.

I see myself as a grandmother with dreadlocks and a tattooed arm around a fire pit, gathering my women around and serving from an endless pot of stew on the fire. A grandmother that does not look like the grandmothers I know, one I vision that has been born of the choice to accept nothing less than a life full of joy. A woman who walks this earth bare foot, earthing as often as possible, and happy. Happy.

She is wild like me, impulsive, so freaking happy in her life and surrounded by people who are turned on by life. She is the evolved 38 year old me. She is the 57 year old who has added another arrow tattoo to her arm. One for each 19 years of living. She often has no idea what day it is and forgets what she went into the kitchen for... that hasn't changed!

She looks back on the year she was 38 and told her husband she wasn't happy. She remembers the moment when he said that his intention was for both of them to be happy in their lives, no matter what that had to look like. She remembers the work they did, together and separately to heal and find their happy. And only she knows what 39, 40, 41 look like. I see her smiling at me.

She remembers those moments of bravery and fear when she surprised herself with her choices. When she spoke her truth because not felt like the scariest place she could live. She knows that the awakening that came was unlike what her grandmother ever felt, or was it? What secrets and choices are inside of the pasts of our grandmothers that we will never know?

We may question the choices of the grandmothers who seemed stuck in a world not of their design, wonder if they were happy or wanted more or different. Perhaps for her speaking the truth simply meant allowing herself to be where she was. Was the gathering a joy for them or part of struggle? But no matter what, their lives had power. Different from the power we vision perhaps, but power of their choice. To be in that life. To gather. To pass down their story. To teach us to see clearly what we want.

Gathering. Choice. Power.

These are my practices. My daily meditations. I write my stories today and they link to grandmothers of past and future.

That wild woman around the fire, she has always been me. She was born when I was. We walk together. She prompts me daily to speak truth, to vision, to be of a life that I create.

As we say goodbye to my grandmother and the circle of life and passing of time continue, so too do our choices, our gatherings. Our power. We walk together in a truth that is our own. When we are ready. Ready for the change, the surrender into this moment, now. They are different stories in different times.

Gathering. Choice. Power.

Yesterday I cried.

It took some Prosecco.

And a letter that stirred my emotions about connections and money and feelings.

I've been claiming space. Making space. Allowing space. And gifted with space.

Inside of this space I've felt less raw. More open.

I'm not crying as much. I am still always close to tears but in that delicious HSP way.

This space I've been searching for, searching for years. This knowing, this knowing that I've got this.

My dreams vivid, full of colors I never see in waking life.

There are days when I get in the car with a friend and we drive and plan and eat and lift our faces to the sun. Space. Pulling myself away from the computer where I've created deep love and success and giving myself permission to start living those things.

Feeling. Less raw. Filling in the gaps of times that never were.

The necklace I was wearing around my neck with the word light fell off the other day. It broke. And I set it down to fix it. I let it sit there for weeks.

I met a woman recently and I kept thinking of wrapping her in light. So I will fix the necklace and I will let the light carry forward.

Because when I cried yesterday I knew that I was already there.

In the light. In the space that I visioned forth. In the space that is rolling me in her beauty and guiding me in faith.

Tears of affirmation. Floating inside of fears and still paddling.

So that I may guide.

In the light.

As you lose your feathers.

I taught myself how to truly live in abundance through feathers. I tell the story in my vision book workshops and I will guide the community of The August Joy Up (yes, joy up is coming, its coming!!!) in learning to understand abundance this way. For now, I'll just say feathers became my thing. Quickly I was finding feathers where there never was a bird and my life started to switch from one of lack and complaining into one of abundance and gratitude.

As a highly sensitive person I tend to wear very few things, like only 4 of the shirts in the drawer and lots of leggings and yoga pants. I find a pair of earrings and wear them every day. I find a favorite shirt and I'll have it made in black and gray and white. I crave comfort and familiarity when dressing.

During my early practice with feathers I found these gorgeous, long earrings with feathers in my color story on Etsy. They were reiki blessed and held my favorite color stones. I wore them every day. They loved me. We had a love affair. They were soft and I really never felt them but always could glance the chains and stones hanging right by my chin and neck.

In Seattle this past April I was sitting in a gorgeous French Restaurant with Persephone. We had just taught at Feast Retreat and we were having a quick meal to celebrate our time and to give me a chance to sit in a city I had left 14 years ago.

I took off my coat and brushed my hair out of my face and on one side there was no feather. I looked in my coat, on the floor. Gone.

 I felt for a moment, frozen. Persephone knew how much those earrings meant to me, how attached to 'things' I can get. We kept looking for a bit and then sat down and ordered a drink.

"OK, so what are you releasing?" Persephone asks.

I think I probably threw my head on the counter and moaned. Damn. OK. Perfect.

I can't remember what I said, if anything good at all. But the truth was that I was releasing so much.

During the retreat Liz gave me full permission to show up as my highly sensitive self. To take time away when I needed it. To truly honor my needs. I didn't think I would be able to do it but once I got there I felt such deep permission, the kind that I give others but rarely receive. One day I even went to lay down and fell asleep before lunch. I never nap, let alone in a place outside of my home.

I released being afraid of getting my needs met while around others.

I had only a very short time in Seattle, the city where I lived for 3 1/2 years from 21-24. When I was there I was inside of a lot of struggle. I had huge body image challenges, I was in and out of jobs that didn't fullfill me, I was a struggling actor, I felt so distant from myself as a woman, from my sexuality, from being seen. There were decisions I made there that I had been holding onto with regret. There was a loss of self that I could never piece into the forgiveness that I have for myself now.

Being back in the city, as this woman who has journeyed, done the work, hacked joy, fallen in love with life, being there in that moment, as this me, was healing. Because I was ready.

I released regret, old stored pain and the fear of forgiveness. And I forgave myself.

I think about someone walking down the streets of Seattle and finding this feather earring. Finding a symbol of my release. Or maybe a bird will pick it up and add it to a nest they are making. I imagine that the earring's story did not end when it fell from my ear but simply moved into the chapter titled, The Release.

Losing my feathers, molting, this is what happens when we start to fly, to soar, to grow.

Let’s shed one fear, like a bird loses a feather in flight, by stating it, naming it and letting it flow off of us as though we are birds in flight, knowing that once it drops it will become a magical gift of release…

And the person who finds your feather, she is just learning about magic. 

***

Follow up:: I contacted the woman who made me the earrings so long ago and she is creating a whole new pair of them for me. I don't know what they'll look like but my heart is happy.

***

Community Grace starts Wednesday. Are you ready???

***

In just a few days the workshop series at The Loft in Rhode Island will be launched. Get ready for serious feather releasing magic.

Space without words.

Photo credit picture 9 Lori Massie-Spriestersbach, picture 10 Vivienne McMaster

I am beautiful.

Photo by Vivienne McMaster

4% of women think they are beautiful. What kind of fucked up is that? What kind of world am I raising a gorgeous daughter in?

I cried when I told Patrick about this video as we were lying in the dark. I couldn't talk about it without kind of falling apart. This is one of the reasons I am on this earth. Because I've spent most of my life trying to say those words.

I am beautiful.

I am beautiful.

I am beautiful.

And sometimes I see a picture of myself and I feel ugly. Sometimes I wake up and I see my neck starting to show my age, even though I love the age I am. Sometimes I look at my belly and want to hide it.

But still, I am beautiful.

I am beautiful.

I am beautiful.

When I removed all magazines, tv and other forms of beauty as defined by advertisers my world changed. And while I still don't think Dove is stretching itself to the beauty that is too far out of our American comfort zones, it is a start. And I feel blessed at any sort of start.

Chloe's dad tells her she is beautiful and smart and funny. I tell her that she makes the most amazing outfits and has a style that no other 10 year old has. She never sees commercials or magazine adds (well, she sees magazines, but ones that we cut up for visioning!) or has voices coming from outside of her telling her she is not living up.

At 10 years old I already thought I was fat.

At 16 I convinced myself I should stop eating so I could feel love.

At 18 I went into therapy for the first time.

At 24 I dieted my already tiny body down to a size nothing for my wedding.

At 34 after my third baby was born I dieted down to a size 4/6 and convinced myself it wasn't really dieting, just healthing living.

At 36 I gained 20 pounds.

At 38 I declared the war over.

At 38 I knew it would be the year that my life would change forever.

At 38 I finally saw my beauty. And it surprised me.

At 38 I knew that if I could see my beauty I could guide other women to see theirs.

At 38 I believed it when someone told me I was beautiful.

At 38 I have peace when I see my reflection.

At 38 I stood in the woods and let a gorgeous photographer take pictures of my belly. (More on that soon.)

At 38 I looked in the mirror, 20 pounds over the weight I had kept myself at for years and said...

I am beautiful.

And everything changed.

There is so much work I have to do on my soul and my past and my spirit. There is so much I am learning so I can show up as a guide and writer and friend and partner and mother.

And I love the work. I will do the work. And I will ask you to show up and do your work so that if you are not in that 4%, the 4% that makes me tear up when I think about that preciously tiny number, if you are not in it - good. Because I don't want you in the 4%, I want you in the 100%, the 100% of women who know they are beautiful.

Let's raise it together. Let's show up even when it is hard. Let's show up in our beauty. In this gorgeous life.

***

Here is how I can help guide you right now into this beauty. First as part of community who lift each other up, who hold the belief that as women who are gathering inside of community we see our beauty together. We hold space for our sisters to shine in their light and allow us to shine in ours. Community Grace starts May 1st.

If you really want to rock your world in May, join my sweet friend Vivienne in her course Be Your Own Beloved. I've done it once and will do it again. Looking in your own eyes really is life changing.

Let May be the month you start to let your light shine, your beauty radiate and where you know that there are circles of women who want that for you. They want to make that space for you to step into your gorgeous life. We are only beginning.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

 

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a woman united with a world struggling to understand, take a deep breath. Today I am love. Today we are love.

Look into the eyes.  {found from Susannah}

I am rather in love with this company. I don't own anything from them but these words, this understanding, this makes me .

Read this 17 times-ish. Felt more softness inside...

From an old friend and client. This.

I will never save the poem for just the end. This to me was such a brilliant emotional untangling.

There is a lot of juice in this one.

Just ordered this and can't wait!!!!

One of the loves in my life, who helps me heal, laugh and feel such joy.

 Anything Justine, but we can start here this week. "Epic is about bringing it." Huge crush on this woman.

Falling

In the cracks I am falling through your words.

In the cracks I am the hardness of your bicep where my head rests, has always known.

In the cracks I am inside your endless disregard of my zenith of awakening.

In the cracks I am the quiet kiss that the beep affirms, that plays with my pleasure - insatiable for your notice.

In the cracks I am your spirit lover, the one who impinged your feelings...the ones that my wings would soon set free.

In the cracks -your cracks- I am fucked-up, hands together over the place that holds breath -my breath- and I want my reflection back.

In the cracks I am your one time longing, feather falling, the one that swims through pulsing white rocks filling space of emptiness.

In the cracks I am young art, folded in wrapped scarves. Draping my belly from sight.

In the cracks I am the opening of my secrecy, my floating eyes, the clench of a pelvis searching for breath.

In the cracks I am slipping in each, in each, in each.

In the cracks I am falling through words.

A love addict is not born.

A love addict was not how I thought I would be defined but once my marriage coach said it something stirred inside. I had this powerful yes float up from my gut to my head. I felt truth.

Our biggest fear as a love addict is being left, abandoned. We crave intimacy and connection and yet in love relationships we do not know how to receive postitive intimacy. We push away while being needy. If we start to see healthy intimacy we want to run. We have expectations of our partners that go beyond healthy. We are starving and feed ourselves only crumbs.

A cupcake is sickening when you are used to eating crumbs. Don't get me started on cake.

My hunger.

For the past few months I have been looking in the mirror and seeking truth.

I have been starving for freedom from this addiction.

Having this knowledge feels like the moment I first heard what a highly sensitive person was. It was like an opening for me to be myself for the first time. It has taken me years to start integrating the past sensitive me with the now sensitive me. It brings me pleasure to know the truth of who I am so that I can show up in light.

My light.

My voice has been quiet recently. Quiet in this public space, reaching out to only my closest few for support and intimacy in the healthiest ways I know. But I want to talk about all of it. I am not afraid to be vulnerable but I am afraid of stuffing this truth inside. I am afraid that if I don't start to talk about it my voice will start to fade.

My voice.

"Eventually, as Love Addicts try harder and harder to manipulate the other person to live up to the mental image they have created-- that is, someone who will care for and love them the way they long to be cared for and loved-- they experience repeated disappointments, because no one can satisfy these insatiable desires." - Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody (this is the book, if you feel called to learn more because I am giving very little description in this post, it is life shifting)

The love addict typically is in partnership with a love avoidant, who is also not born. He becomes as survival. (This is not gender specific, just for myself.) We are all born as pure love but every moment we are shaped.

I remember my first baby, two weeks old, she would cry every day for about a total of 9 hours. By the end of the day I would be a puddle of tears and anger and sadness and shame. Even her tiny two week old body was responding to her world, to her stimulus, to things that I couldn't find a way to fix.

My fears.

I am afraid of my loneliness. Of being alone after starving for so long. And that is why I am called to be with this, to be with myself and cupcakes. To accept that I can have that fucking frosting without freaking out.

Recently, I had this aha moment that I am not an introvert as I had always thought. I am a highly sensitive extrovert who craves people and laughter and connection but I can so easily become filled up and overstimulated and if I am not truly interested in the conversations or people-- 'pretending' is like kryptonite. I become weak.

I love being with my kids but I am so easily overstimulated by them that sometimes it feels like pain inside. I fear watching my daughter repeat my patterns and as I watch my husband start to change I see her move farther and farther from that repetition. I fear raising boys who will not know how to be present or show up in love and then my four year old touches my hair and sings, "Om Shanti Shanti" in the most loving way possible and my eyes fill with tears.

I fear that this addiction will never allow me to know the joy of being filled by healthy intimacy. With myself first. Without crumbs. I fear not being able to eat cake.

My truth.

I have been working my ass off the last few years to get to this truth. To be able to look in my own eyes and say, "this is me." This is me.

Now together with my husband we are showing up and doing the work together. He has a shitload to do and so do I. And I feel so gently strong and beautiful as I walk this path. We have no idea where we will end together but we are both willing to show up because joy is what we both desire as personal destination. Joy is our guide.

I have such love for who I am and who I am becoming and who I was. I fall into vulnerability regularly. I sit in silence with myself. I reach out when I crave connection without judgement, simply as my practice of healthy boundaries. I notice when it is out of desperation or truth.

My boundaries.

This is where I find myself landing now. Understanding boundaries.

My marriage coach has asked me to no longer take responsibility for others' feelings, because they are not mine. This is my hardest and most beautiful journey in this moment. To allow those who I have extreme intimacy with to have their feelings without it being about me.

I find an inbox filled with words advising me to change the colors of my daily emails and demands that seem to come out of nowhere. And I am learning to breathe and not take them on. They are not my story.

When my kids fight and I want to explode, I am clenching everything I can clench and counting to 3 as slowly as I can. I am praying that one day I won't be clenching, simply counting. For now, I must.

I am learning how to create healthy friendships where I don't get lost but can ask for support-- and this one, receive. Oh, receive. Without having to give as my exchange for receiving. Tough shit my loves, tough, tough shit this boundary work.

My thank you.

This is me. This, is me.

Fully, unapologetically, me.

Let's keep going. I am so ready for all of it.

Thank you for being here, for being a landing place for these words and for my prayer that all that I continue to journey through becomes what I teach and guide.

Thank you for the bravery to look into your own eyes and say...

This is me.

Resources:

The New Rules of Marraige by Terrance Real

Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody

Video with Terrance

like this.

like this. i want to feel you harder.

like this. fly away.

like this. my hands together i release you.

like this. it pulls you back.

like this. the point that pricks me.

like this. dust in the sun.

like this. anger in my gut, anger down to my toes.

like this. that sweet bite, and the salt.

like this. morphing.

like this. i feel it in the cracks, the sticky notes, the marks down on time.

like this. i will scream.

like this. i will laugh while my side aches.

like this. slide down underneath the clock.

like this. now my sweet.

like this. i want to feel you harder.

like this.