As you lose your feathers.

I taught myself how to truly live in abundance through feathers. I tell the story in my vision book workshops and I will guide the community of The August Joy Up (yes, joy up is coming, its coming!!!) in learning to understand abundance this way. For now, I'll just say feathers became my thing. Quickly I was finding feathers where there never was a bird and my life started to switch from one of lack and complaining into one of abundance and gratitude.

As a highly sensitive person I tend to wear very few things, like only 4 of the shirts in the drawer and lots of leggings and yoga pants. I find a pair of earrings and wear them every day. I find a favorite shirt and I'll have it made in black and gray and white. I crave comfort and familiarity when dressing.

During my early practice with feathers I found these gorgeous, long earrings with feathers in my color story on Etsy. They were reiki blessed and held my favorite color stones. I wore them every day. They loved me. We had a love affair. They were soft and I really never felt them but always could glance the chains and stones hanging right by my chin and neck.

In Seattle this past April I was sitting in a gorgeous French Restaurant with Persephone. We had just taught at Feast Retreat and we were having a quick meal to celebrate our time and to give me a chance to sit in a city I had left 14 years ago.

I took off my coat and brushed my hair out of my face and on one side there was no feather. I looked in my coat, on the floor. Gone.

 I felt for a moment, frozen. Persephone knew how much those earrings meant to me, how attached to 'things' I can get. We kept looking for a bit and then sat down and ordered a drink.

"OK, so what are you releasing?" Persephone asks.

I think I probably threw my head on the counter and moaned. Damn. OK. Perfect.

I can't remember what I said, if anything good at all. But the truth was that I was releasing so much.

During the retreat Liz gave me full permission to show up as my highly sensitive self. To take time away when I needed it. To truly honor my needs. I didn't think I would be able to do it but once I got there I felt such deep permission, the kind that I give others but rarely receive. One day I even went to lay down and fell asleep before lunch. I never nap, let alone in a place outside of my home.

I released being afraid of getting my needs met while around others.

I had only a very short time in Seattle, the city where I lived for 3 1/2 years from 21-24. When I was there I was inside of a lot of struggle. I had huge body image challenges, I was in and out of jobs that didn't fullfill me, I was a struggling actor, I felt so distant from myself as a woman, from my sexuality, from being seen. There were decisions I made there that I had been holding onto with regret. There was a loss of self that I could never piece into the forgiveness that I have for myself now.

Being back in the city, as this woman who has journeyed, done the work, hacked joy, fallen in love with life, being there in that moment, as this me, was healing. Because I was ready.

I released regret, old stored pain and the fear of forgiveness. And I forgave myself.

I think about someone walking down the streets of Seattle and finding this feather earring. Finding a symbol of my release. Or maybe a bird will pick it up and add it to a nest they are making. I imagine that the earring's story did not end when it fell from my ear but simply moved into the chapter titled, The Release.

Losing my feathers, molting, this is what happens when we start to fly, to soar, to grow.

Let’s shed one fear, like a bird loses a feather in flight, by stating it, naming it and letting it flow off of us as though we are birds in flight, knowing that once it drops it will become a magical gift of release…

And the person who finds your feather, she is just learning about magic. 

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Follow up:: I contacted the woman who made me the earrings so long ago and she is creating a whole new pair of them for me. I don't know what they'll look like but my heart is happy.

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Community Grace starts Wednesday. Are you ready???

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In just a few days the workshop series at The Loft in Rhode Island will be launched. Get ready for serious feather releasing magic.