everything, sweet one, will.

stacks of magazines on white sheets.

torn pages. pages of white. pages turned before you knew.

everything will change.

i watch her cells turning time. her years in my heart twelve and a lifetime. she is laughing more. taking risks. telling me stories in the van. allowing me more than 2 inches between us when we walk in public.

everything will change.

do you believe in luck...

how much is spirit how much is you and are they woven...

each question brings more torn pages.

everything my love will change.

my twisted, dreading hair pulls up into a ponytail. neck exposed. there are the lines that a year ago spun me into tears and i cried to them that i didn't know what to do and that my neck was aging and how could i do this. how could i do this. everything will change. and now you see my neck. and you adore me deeper. everything will change.

you deserve this. you were born for this. everything leading up to now was drawing it towards you.

and if you believe in luck how do you define it...

if you are lucky what path have you dusted off...

how much is chance. how much is every moment you stung, sung, drank, pleaded, grasped, let float away...

leading up to this gift...

everything baby will change. everything my sweet will change. and i will hold you. protect you. guide you without changing you or me for you, only alongside you. and when you are ready and when i am ready and when we are ready it will become without expectation.

and the ground will expand...

he uses my vision board as a dart board. the words 'baby, you're a firework' and 'love life' in bold white words on yellow torn pages become his mark. old vintage darts that lost their feathers. he grabs three small oranges from the table. tells me he can juggle and i watch all three fall and roll. don't worry, he says, i will eat one and then it will be easier.

and the clock will speed up as i watch you... and the clock will know my name reminding me it is time for you to go now... and the clock will carry your luck if you choose to call it that to my breasts where i will grow you...

everything sweet one. will change.

blow the next exhale onto the path you've always been on. strip the orange down to sections. inch yourself further. let adoration lift your hair from your neck and breathe words you wrote while you were in the moment before you tore the page.

everything. everything. will.