When believing in dinosaur bones comes with a cost.


I was explaining to my circle the other day how I feel about dinosaur bones.

So... I feel like the existence of dinosaurs is a big leap for my brain to think of as true. My family loves to make fun of me. I just don't quite get it as something that makes full sense to me. And yet, there are bones, people will say.

So I have over time chosen to believe the bones as true and that makes things from there on out easier. Dinosaurs, still struggle with that.

When I was first learning about Abraham-Hicks, my brain couldn't believe this story about a woman named Esther who channeled this collective Spirit called Abraham. It blocked me from the richness of the teachings. I was just a big ole no thank you.

One day, after my third baby was born, I asked myself if I could simply receive it as true. Kind of like the bones. I agreed I could. Those teachings changed my life.

Sometimes I will make a choice, find big clarity, understand something new about myself or my beliefs and I will hear a voice.

It comes in the form of my voice, it just doesn't feel like it is me. I recognize it as something larger than me, maybe a feeling of GOD/Spirit.

All I know is that when I hear it there is a statement and a question. It only ever comes when I am in complete clarity.

The voice will usually tell of me of something that is to happen if I stand in my truth, my love, like the consequence of that choice and then it asks me if I am willing for that thing to happen? I have always, so far, answered yes.

I haven't questioned it or been afraid of it, I just say, yes, I am willing, it is too important to not be willing.

I think it would be easy to hear the prophecy of losing something and then feel like you are making a bad decision. This isn't that.

This is a place without fear. It is a little bit like there is a cost, but I don't feel it as a loss. I suppose it is more like, well Ok, if that needs to happen then I am OK.

I am OK.

The voice is the bones. I can hear it as true.

I used to tell the story of how I woke up one morning at 4am and I saw a space, a brick wall in a Loft building and I knew that I was supposed to be there. I found the space hours later and agreed to sign a lease for a place I didn't even know I wanted until that waking dream. (Turns out 4am awakenings are a thing.)

Now the story I tell again and again is that of kindness. Of choosing to embody kindness. Daily or weekly I would prompt myself with little challenges from what I would wear to how I was eating to the way I was communicating to how I was making decisions.

Kindness had costs.

My iteration into kindness meant being a larger size than ever before and loving every inch of myself.

It meant losing an identity of one who drinks into someone who is now mourning that self, learning how life with addictive behaviors presents.

This kindness exploration has me understanding and owning my codependence and learning to live inside of healing from that without a picture of the future.

Kindness wants me to find ways of meeting needs that is bigger, more, open (meaning less hermit days and more contact with humans, meaning vulnerable once again).

Most recently kindness has asked me to stop projecting into a future of fear and expectation and abandonment and high risk stakes and be right here, in the NOW which has been another loss of identity cause I love(d) that future fear game.

To walk with kindness I'm being asked to lay down the anger I feel, the resentment I feel and to look at the truth that all my creations, my reality, are mine, full responsibility, something I've been terrified of, because-cost.

I haven't fought against these costs. I just feel them as true. So that I can hear the teachings coming at me, so I can live inside the change.

Believe the bones, open to receive what comes next.

Can this be true?

Yes, it can. Simplicity.

There is a prayer that found me.

Please help me receive and live inside of what is true.

I hold the prayer as just that, the prayer. Not a need for a solution. Not something yet to come.

I am with it when it comes and I release it as quickly, I let it go. I let it go so I can be who I am now while all the magic is at work, maybe in some alternate reality where dinosaurs and voices and channels coexist together in a joyful land with candy rainbows and daydreams of what is.