"It is like magic making mothering."
One of my wishes last year was to be the most amazing mom I could be, meaning less anger and exhaustion and more fun and loving moments. I could see her. She used to be part of me. She is fun and spontaneous and she includes her kids in all the parts of her life, including her business dinners.
I wanted to fall back in love with my mothering.
The 7am wake up became dance party time. I would sing and dance and coax their eyes open with high vibration music (Katy Perry, ahem). They would groan and bury their faces under the pillows. My youngest would start to move his body, dancing half asleep laying in bed. That kid can't not dance.
They seemed to be annoyed with me. I changed my tactic. The alarm. I got up, made coffee. Then I would call from upstairs to them that it was time to wake up.
The other day my middle son says, "Mom, I don't really like the shout out from the kitchen to wake up. Remember the dance party and you being all annoying and loud? Can we do that again?"
Yes. I am in love again. It is like magic making mothering.
"Do you realize that you have created the most amazing life for yourself? Do you realize really what you have done?"
This last year spent in the reality of divorce, single parenting, surviving (supporting us) on my own and for the first time living alone without a partner or parent was exhausting. There is no other word for it.
And now I am the happiest and joy-filled and often the most miserable and scared I have ever been.
Yes. The two together. Like dance partners moving from song to song, changing speed and breath and rhythm over and over. Steady. Wild. Vulnerable.
So, I do realize I created the most amazing life. I manifest the shit out of life. But right now I feel so far removed. All I want to do is write and love and I am scared.
Yes, I realize what I have done. I am so proud. So filled with faith. And burning everything down. Tearing down all that I built.
Tearing it down is the most terrifying move you can make. We do it so we can fall in love. Again.
I need to fall in love in the ashes. With my work. My teaching. My writing. My words. My home. My body. My prayer.
My return to the soul-work and ritual found inside of past words written for me now. So I may shape-shift into teachings that are for the future.
I read the words from another. The gift. The beckoning to fall back in love. To once again cast out the invitation to sit in circle together as we tear down so we can lift up, lift up.
"Hannah walks her talk, follows the path so that it is illuminated for the souls she guides. She has her finger on the pulse of the universe, and embodies the sacred feminine."
I am understanding I don't need the answers. I just have to keep plugging in the twinkle lights and sitting under the stars while my body rains tears as it radiates energy and feels its connection to the stardust that is our bond.
"For maybe the first time, I feel worthy of having love and abundance in my life. Believing this, deep down in my soul, has changed everything. I’m so grateful to you, Hannah, for guiding me to my own light."
This is why I am falling back in love. The magic of women believing. Circling.
Because this works. Magic Making works. It leads us to our own light. And every time I fall out of love, it is waiting for me to return.
One blessing or prompt or adventure or word at a time.
This circle is creating sacred space, alignment of relationship, cleansing spirit and body (some of my favorite recipes/methods will be included), trust and faith, ritual, the unknown, expansion and contraction, parts of self, our yeses, fears that help us fly, rest inside of change, our becomings, soul dreaming, magic slips, magic jars, guiding words and spirits, inspired adventuring, spaces between, spirit guides, magical mothering/loving/businessing,
Each week will start with a Sunday blessing and then move into a prompt and video for the week. Every other week we will circle on the phone for some lifting up in real time.
We will start with one exhale where we let ourselves fully empty of breath.
The exhale will be the release of fears, anxiety, struggles. We will look at the different parts of who we are and how we are showing up. Boundaries. Expectations. Truth and lies.
That space between where we start to feel the life force that is our breath is where we will lift, dream, connect, spark and say oh, yes. This is where we will learn a new way to breathe spirit and magic and sensuality into our lives.
We will do the work of expansion and then pull it all together and inside of us to integrate and process with a deep, slow inhale.
Our breath which is our life force will no longer be the same inside of our magic making.