balance.

.......

She sent me my horoscope from Aquarius Nation's Instagram feed.

"Okay so with this time right now you are feeling very driven to move towards creating a nourishing foundation that can provide an anchor in your life so that you can put more focus into your relationships AND with giving more of yourself to the world. So this is about cleaning up all the imbalances on the foundation so that you are not always thinking about what is OUT of balance."

I accuse her every month of writing these horoscopes, "You can no longer pretend this isn't you writing them."

.......

Days before we are at a New Moon Temple Circle in California and I pull the balance card.

Hours before he texts me, "Babe, I just rode around the reservoir. I stopped to meditate with the sunset. I need more balance in my life."

.......

Divorce can woo you into a false sense of freedom. Especially divorce times two. Cigarettes on the deck late at night. Too many drinks in the name of de-stressing. Your body becomes exhausted. You try to combat the emotions that want to swallow you up with everything you can think of to numb. You lose yourself for a while.

This is all normal.

And the balance, even if you have waxed poetic on not believing in balance, is lost. You have no anchor of vitality. You go from soaking and sprouting your almonds to forgetting to eat meals and grabbing a handful of potato chips to keep running.

.......

In the New Moon Circle we created anchor archetypes. (You see why I think she writes my horoscope?)

I found storyteller-alchemist-servant-preist. Yes, this.

.......

We go for a walk down the boulevard, holding hands, feeling a summer day in March. I tell him more about my time in CA. He listens, beautifully. Allows me to download.

He tells me that he could feel my shift from across the country. He knew it had happened. We feel each other. It is as though something has happened inside of us. I can feel his ecstasy, his fear, his joy as if my own.

He was able to feel the green juice I sipped in his cells.

We were craving balance at the same time. He meditated on the water as I was meditating in circle. He called in balance and I drew the card. Our card.

Twin flames that have spent the last year in the push and pull of our connection.

"Remember that time at the lake house that we broke up?"

"Which one? The one where you left in the middle of the night or the one around the fire pit or the one at 3am?"

Yep.

"The entire purpose of the twin flame experience is to challenge one another and wake each other up to be the best possible version of ourselves—but not everyone is ready to be awakened.

Not everyone is ready to dive to the depths of their soul, to see what lurks there—and sometimes, no matter how our hearts feel, in the end, it is sometimes easier to run away.

The major theme to a twin flame connection is that no matter how many times we part ways—we always seem to find our way back to one another.

Time becomes irrelevant—because souls don’t understand the concept of months or years—we only understand the feeling of powerful eye contact and of the incredible soul shaking energy when our chakra points line up with another.

And it’s because of these intense physical responses, that everything else just drops away when two twin flames come into contact with one another." (Elephant Journal)

.......

This last year I have struggled to find the balance of wanting to give every bit of my soul and nurture to him and our children (I crave taking care of them) while still maintaining two businesses. One business that was iterating beyond my ability to catch it and the other that is growing so slowly and beautifully, I am catching my breath in awe of what it is becoming as we almost seem to be watching and listening to what it wants from us.

I remember a few months ago how much business and marketing light me up. I create a new program. I am starting to fall in love with my work again.

There are clear downloads of how I am shape-shifting into new areas. The money/sex connection. The ending of a soul contract inside of marriage. The newness of the most intense love. A growing family. My crazy passion for self led businesses of the heart.

.......

"And right now you are VERY aware of what is out of balance and no longer nourishing and supportive. You are aware of what is not having you feeling comfortable. And at this time you will work to MOVE towards breaking up some of those blocks. And honestly my love, this is all about you communicating with others, or being clear about what you need, or asking that adjustments be made. You are actually looking for ways to compromise. You are about bringing something forward so that they HAVE the opportunity to come together and know compromise. "

.......

We stay up until 1am making secret message cards for the circle in our hotel room.

She was.
In one week.
Persuasion of ease.
Of spirit.
It's not just a place.

Future selves beckoning us forward.

I am only just learning that I can ask for what I need and those needs might very well get met. And heard. Held.

"And you are being asked to be SOFT and speak CLEARLY, while at the same time expecting corrections to occur. Expect everyone to oblige to whatever you need when you finally ask for it. Face the imbalance with the knowing in your heart that you CAN balance it back out. Try that."

.......

I return to the East Coast and everything feels new, different. It is calmer than I am comfortable with. I don't feel the push or pull. I am clear. Grounded. Loving being in my skin again.

The first thing I do is soak my almonds in filtered water with pink himalayan sea salt. I watch over the next day as they start to sprout and I change their water.

I make him ginger-turmeric tea for his cold. I rub his feet with flower essences. I drink a glass of organic wine, and each sip becomes a meditation. Slow. Thoughtful. Gorgeous.

I dream of the someday Farmhouse, the place (that is so much more than just a place) with the disco ball hanging in the barn and kissing each of their foreheads every night before bed. I pray under the New Moon. I am so relaxed I don't recognize myself.

My heart is bursting with trust.

She was.
In one week.
Persuasion of ease.
Of spirit.
It's not just a place.

Secret messages becoming story. And I am a story teller. I snuggle into a sheepskin and I can feel him. I know now what the push and pull was for both of us. I finally understand it.

.......

storyteller-alchemist-servant-preist.

Now we balance. This story started at the push and pull, the angst, the passion, the fire. Now we balance.

.......

{Friday story prompts...she was...in one week...persuasion of ease...of spirit...it's not just a place.}