Frozen

Sometimes we have a way of doing things and that way is our guide post. I’ve been writing for my courses for over a decade now and at some point that writing and my newsletter writing took the place of this space, this blog. I started blogging right before my third baby was born, Lucas turns 12 today.

I love the practice of writing daily for my teaching, I get to tell stories. The stories I might not tell in such full detail publicly, the warmth of the circles and the knowledge of who is inside of them, allows a greater freedom and intimacy.

The last year I’ve been pulled back to this space. To just add a few words and record some details I might want to look back on. Every so often I batch some of my newsletters because they are much like blog posts already written.

I think Instagram rather swept us all into its clutches and with such ease we can share a snippet of a photo and story, similar to the way blogging allowed us to so many years ago. It pulled many of us away from a regular blogging practice.

Guide posts shifted. And. The feeling of blogging versus the feeling of Instagram; beyond different.

Rather than become frustrated that I’m not doing something I want to do, frozen is more like it, I’d like to just offer myself the kindness I am able to provide around other parts of my life. Kindness and little pockets of time.

I have to clean off my gardening and writing desk to make space for the kid’s learning at home this year. We need 5 spaces and I have a studio and this other nook so I need to share! It offers me the perfect chance to reimagine my studio. It is not the coziest room in the house so I find myself not being in there other then when I need to snap photos of clothes or do my packaging.

Time to give it a bit of a make-over and create some spaces I’ll want to use because I do think it will be a refuge for me when school begins.

I didn’t take to school once I began 7th grade. I have a lot of bad feelings and memories and I didn’t know I had ADD or inattentive ADD as I believe it is now called. For girls it often presents in 7th grade. So having the kids all here, doing school around me is incredibly triggering.

I’d like for it to become healing, I want them to have a nice experience in all this chaos that is the return to kind of school, but not really, but hopefully.

And this is how I am unfreezing. Again. Not what I planned to write about but there is an order to my excavating. I can’t skip ahead and write about canning salsa and applesauce if I don’t first sink into this very true moment.

Gratefully, here. Rooting and sober and happy.

xo