Those First Moments

The first moments alone I cried.

I needed to process the being alone part. In a gorgeous hotel, that I paid for from my business, allowing me to travel, dine, flow around at my will.

I feel different. For the last two years I've been trying to integrate that difference into how I feel when I'm at home, in my small space with noise levels that only three kids can make.

I stood up at my very first business/change your life conference two years ago, with tears in my eyes, and asked, "How do we integrate who we are in our work with who we are at home, because they feel like two very different people who are always mad at the other one."

What I didn't realize then was that this would become such a huge part of my work. My talks and emails with clients talking about how we often feel like fakes, as though what we talk and write about is off from how we live. Usually those of us with families, children or a whole lot of overwhelm.

Teach what you are learning, passionate about, heart soaring excited for.

I feel the most like myself when I'm writing, sitting and listening to someone, snuggled up with Patrick or reading quietly to one of my kids. I feel at peace and calm on the beach alone or with all the kids running loose. In the car driving, long and far, I connect to me. Skyping with a client or on the other end of Instagram. Cooking anything in a clean kitchen. Alone in my home. In the sun. My feet dirty in the garden. Here, writing. Surrounded by my favorite women.

I feel in the truth of how I need to be.

When I write, I forget about all else, I just let my feelings integrate onto paper. As close as I can figure, this is when I feel safe and calm.

But I get angry. I fight with Patrick, lose my patience 134 times a day with my kids, hold old baggage with family and friends that I'm learning to accept as simply part of being human.  I question if marriages really can last, if I'll ever be 130 pounds again or if anyone really likes me. My feelings get hurt and I have a hard time releasing it and moving back into a space where it feels safe to be there.

I get panicked when I think how much more I could be doing and all that I am doing. Those moments of not being present leading us into sabotage. I forget to tag my posts, have no clue about SEO and feel a deep desire to rebrand all of me.

I also look at all I'm doing and think, holy crap, look at all I'm doing. But not laundry.

Telling the truth is fucking hard. I rarely swear when I write but my three old uses the word damnit perfectly.

Walking into new places is one of my highest anxiety points and I'm afraid of how much I miss out on when I don't do because of it. Part of my beautiful work is learning ways to find the softness inside of that truth. Find a way to embrace the fear.

 And be so proud of all of this.

This beautiful woman whispered words into my ear that I'll keep in my heart, but remember always as why we take a chance on those first moments. For the connection, the deep gaze into someone's eyes, the way their hug feels, the door we walk through that changes our lives.

Those first moments, the kiss, the dance, the walk, the run, the breath, the song.

Those first moments: can I tell you what is in my heart? Those first moments: of truth. Those first moments: we need this.


Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a loving the no pressure-ness of Friday mornings, watching the kids ride bikes and then run inside from the rain and somehow between frozen blueberries, cereal, mangoes and granola bars didn't make one single breakfast kind of mama. I'm also blown away from all the love that has come my way this week. I must be doing something right.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

This is what I mean when I say 'your voice' and it moved me to tears.

I love a good confession.

Well now I don't have to write this.

Finally got my hug from this woman. And she inspired me to new places I didn't know I was searching for.

Gorgeous from gorgeous.

I am heading to this conference on Thursday, and already have my HSPP (highly sensitive person plan) in action.

I'm reading this and it is all me.

I have the black short sleeve and this on its way. Never have I ever worn anything more comfortable.

And is a tease! Will be released soon...

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a stuck in the chaos of a technical world I can't control but have two programs depending on, feeling the lack of sleep of the new mama variety yet without a baby, making eggs for supper but I'll be damned if I don't get this post done before midnight kind of mama. There may have been a decaf in there somewhere.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

She is magic.

Andrea posted this link on Facebook and the theme of I Am Enough is one I work with my clients on all the time. This was my first introduction to Vivienne. (I totally just did 3 links in one, how do you like that?)

I have no idea what Britta is talking about. ;) You are going to love her as much as I do. And she is only just warming up.

Every word of this became more exciting and touching. Totally moved.

Julie asked if I was an Erotic Visionary. I answered, "I so want to be one!" How about you?

From Connie, this melted my heart.

I've been thinking about courage these last few nights, I love that it is on Jen's list to heal the hurt. I think that is where my path is going...

Full of so much joy to see Stacy bring this nakedness to the world.

You are so going to want to splash around in yellow and make these.

The day the exact post shows up and sings to you. Karen often sings to me.

Chloe is part of this and Leah has offered all of my beautiful community a little discount. Use the code JOY.

I am highly sensitive with a belly and jeans have never been comfortable. Until now. They feel like leggings. I will need every color.

Don't forget Bootcamp of the soulful spiritual kind starts July 1st. Free to all circle members. Love our circle.


Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a scheduling this post on Thursday night because the big kids' first day of summer vacation is tomorrow and I'm kinda freaking out and I'm out of decaf for the morning bumming, but we are going strawberry picking with a picnic and I'll just do more work at night now and go find a coffee drive thru kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

My pleasure to announce to you that Jenn Gibson's Self- Love Warriors E-Course opens today. Today! I am proud to be a guide, but that is not why I want you to go check it out. This is heart centered work that will fill your soul, ease your fight and show you how loving up yourself will turn your whole life around. I adore this woman and her work with women that is life changing, no exaggeration.

Currently there are 118 comments on this post. Because telling the truth is so freaking beautiful and craved by our souls. Also, because Andrea is just that beautiful and loved.

I am an interview junkie. Amanda kindly fed my addiction.

From my sweet girl Rachel. And this simply gorgeous interview and words shared from both of them.

Moo Cards is having a free special on FB cards! I just connected my account and boom, the gorgeous timeline Michelle made is now part of my pocket cards for my conference!

Super cool, my sister has predicted this will be my next project...somewhere.

I will be seeing this in July in Portland, and they only have a small amount left to raise, crowd funding, community building...yes, yes, yes!

These two men are among my favorites and together, such shining! Bernardo's smile lights the screen.

So cute is my favorite, we also have honey fox that Lucas and I are sporting on our toes right now (pictured above both colors). But oh my, look at stoned! That is my new favorite!!!

I don't knit, thankfully Etsy people do. And my favorite color is gray! And mocha. I would like to knit someday.

The Making Space Cleanse starts June 21st, summer encore special price. Soulwork and recipes, making space in the body, mind and spirit!

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a decaf coffee but bummed I can't find my favorite mug, kind of forgot breakfast and just realized I'm starving, know this morning why I can only have one margarita --not two even if they are tiny, oy-oy-oy kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists. This one is bursting.

Crush on this site and Lisa. Make a mug of your favorite, if you haven't seen her photographs yet, you are going to get lost.

Another crush. If you asked me to pick a topic to sit around the fire pit and talk about I would choose voice. I'm cool like that.

Facebook conversations led me to this one. My twenties were an incredible time of growth and a whole lot of fight. I am so loving the wisdom of starting my flow into late thirties.

Number 8 is a tough one for me and got me into needless fights with my love this week. We get to learn these gifts over and over and over until we master the lesson.

A-ha moments like wow reading this one. Yep.

I had these glasses in 8th grade, a little more peach than pink. I want them again. Great lighting tips in this video.

Patti's honesty and raw love brought me to tears. Those of us raising kids molded and born with a magical uniqueness understand how vital discovering each of them can be.

This video I've watched 3 times now makes me want to be a better me each time.

Love Tanya's video because she is gorgeous and I am called to explore prosperity and what it looks like for myself. Maybe I'll write about it when I'm in the know.

Butter and softness. I'm going to make some millet toast and soften even more today.

Daydreaming is getting lost. I'm sad. I will be going offline even more to reconnect to my own practice because I used to be a kick-ass daydreamer.

All of these and I haven't even done my weekly Roots of She reading. Start here and just continue on.

Loving this wrist adornment. I'm a Virgo. Yes.

I launched a summer encore of The Making Space Cleanse. This is about space, spirit and thought. No rules, no diet plan. It isn't about food, but it includes fresh gorgeous summer recipes. The fact that women in the last round are signing up again makes me joyous.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a Decaf Coffee (not sure why I feel that must be capitalized), grilled cheese on millet bread for breakfast and they all ate it, no fighting morning -I swear it, holy moly do I need a shower and some yoga kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

Stacy has the most beautiful, helpful, clever opt-in offer on her site. This is how you do it.

Beautiful story from Bridget.

Have you met my newest online crush, Sunni? She wrote about surrender which means I'm loving her even more...

When you let your heart lead your truth, the outpouring of love that follows is amazing. Liz is a friend and I share her story in many ways. This truth is so powerful.

Amazing things going on...

A press release!!! Lori that is just so cooooool!

Wild Sister is out! I wrote about love, superheroes and soup.

Click here to visit Wild Sister

I love this idea for a course. (I think Nathan is offering a two for one deal for you all too!)

 Now I must, must, must go take that shower. And figure out summer camp for the kids. And get garbage bags and bird food. And make my to-do list for tomorrow's work day. Or just go sit in the sun while Lucas rides his bike!

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a Decaf Earl Grey, every sip devoured and desired, guiltily grateful my son wanted the pizza hot lunch so I only had to make one lunch and already spent far too much time online this morning (meaning, so has my Lucas) kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

Let's just start right here, with Liz. Feels better now doesn't it?

Then let's glide over to Amber, and go, ahhhh, yes! Damn, I wish exercise was my go-to place also...

Now we can laugh with Jamie, I was the mom who never had anything, always missing something, I probably still am, but always grateful I just know where my kids are!

Tears might fall when you gift yourself time to read this letter from Shawn. Drink in every word.

What does your mom want to know? Tanya shares her memory and the truth of a mother. Her heart is wide open.

There is life inside you, and you and you. And life and love inside of Alicia's heart. Silent blessing to this beautiful mama.

My sweet Stephanie wrote a love note. To her life, her choices, her bravery, her love. To the Universe. And to me and my cookies. xo

Amanda's most beautiful labor of love in book form is out today, so honored and blessed to be a part of her story.


Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a Om Time Tea in bed, sipped while steaming hot, watching my husband do the morning routine, feeling so much compassion for all that I do and grateful for the man by my side kind of mama. (We should all have more kindness and compassion for ourselves, shouldn't we?)

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

Leaning into my, "I am just love-ness" this poem affirms for me what I know. Thank you once again Karen.

Jennifer reminds us that there is always more to the story, Amen.

The Gratitude Tarot from Teresa, pure joy.

My girl Carmel, always posts the best songs on FB!

Loving this series from Jamie, and Julie's post took my breath away.

My newest book on the side of my bed.

Drinking this tea to help soothe and heal my bladder.

A very special project I'm working on starting with this magenta notebook. Just need to actually put something in it now!

How will you celebrate the powerful full moon tomorrow night?

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a red clover tea followed by an egg scramble with turkey sausage and avocado (only sausage and larabars for the kids), crayons and a big box for kids to draw in and a barefoot leap down the block to get the dog who escaped kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

My favorite post by Andrea so far, this has been on my mind a lot.

As I move towards writing with a bit more vulnerability (yikes) Meg reminds me why we must.

Look at how beautifully presented this is, I love a great idea coming to life.

I'll be there!

Lauren filled her shop with such beauty, have a peek.

I always said I wanted to live on a farm, but maybe I just like looking at pictures, we'll see!

Mmmm-Hmmm from Kristin.

If you are local (RI or close) this is a not to be missed event.

Loving my new mascara, worth the trip to the mall and over-stimulation that is Sephora!

What has touched your heart, made you laugh or tear up this week? Any fabulous finds to share? Love to hear all about them, leave a comment down below.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a teeny-tiny mug of watered down coffee with coconut milk (yes, missing my decaf quite much) followed by making breakfast smoothies that most did not drink, squeezing in a tiny bit of work, walking the dog, and going to buy a hose so we can water our herbs kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists. 

Chloe's tomato soup was included in Jodi's Tomato Thursday. Seriously, how cute is Tomato Thursday.

You can feel the energy and release from Jo Anna as she lets good go.

From Ruth, who I adore. So loving this momentum she is creating in her life.

Can't live without this stuff, and I just ran out. Yikes. Thank goodness they are having a sale! (P.S. I'll be doing a giveaway from Vapour next month during Beauty Week!)

Michelle's detox starts this Sunday, focus on new mamas.

You should like this Facebook Page, Daniel is an amazing spirit.

I've been busy, busy with kids home from vacation this week. I can only imagine how much more loveliness is floating around the inter-webs! Link to your favorite post this week in the comments.

With blessings for a gorgeous weekend!


Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a mug of decaf black tea followed by making one breakfast of tea and toast, a one egg omelet with cheese and a two egg scramble with capers, packing 2 lunches, loosing my temper at all the fighting from said kids whose breakfasts were made to order, coming home for chicken soup and wishing to crawl back into bed kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists. And I'm pretty sure as I hit publish it is now the afternoon.

Bernardo. You should know him. Start by watching this.

Amanda is amazing and I vote for her every day.

Wild Sister is all about beauty this month. I wrote about my mirrors and my belly.

I was blessed to be a part of the Luminary Profiles. I just read Aarona's. Loving her.

How blessed am I that Lucas gets to play on these logs once a week!

I have always wanted to read this, so I added it to Patrick's Kindle and am spending a few minutes each day simply reading.

I just ordered 10 of these. Hoping that these are going to be my new go-to for the kids. I have big hopes.

I need to do a whole post on feathers. #obessing

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

My vision board with my copy of "Soulfooting" by Pixie over it. Seems fitting, yes?

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a mug of decaf green tea followed by a raw chocolate smoothie followed by an hour of work, packing 4 people plus my juicer up to go to NY for the weekend, painting my toenails, driving all on my own to NY for the weekend with the kids kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

This will be my adventure trip in June, cannot wait to see the complete beauty of what Lori has created.

Patiently waiting to read this book of the heart.

I am a huge fan of boredom, my kids may roll their eyes, but it always brings us to special.

Turning 38 this year myself, this was extra special to read.

I love freaking cool ideas that become businesses, like this one.

Where I am soft gray, Teresa is a rainbow. This was a beautiful tribute.

Just look at that picture, the joy and celebration. From nursing and pregnancy books of my past into this, soon. Wow.

Tanya introduced me to this. Please watch the video, feel Erin's passion. We make a difference.

Funny thing, my three year old loves to smell mys arm pits, I happen to use the salt crystal.

Huge crush on Anthony Robbins, I like to call him TR, you know.

I am completely blown away by the Joy Up Tribe and the beautiful work they are doing. Feeling blessed and excited to know the next step of where the joy up will be going...oh yes! I'll share soon.

I am planning a small group program all about surrender and letting-go, details will go out first to my list and then to everyone.

Have the most deliciously beautiful weekend.

P.S. I did get the iphone, just for instagram. Oh full moon worshipping. Let yourself dream a little tonight and feel the energy. Howling optional.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a mug of decaf green tea followed by a kombucha green juice followed by making breakfasts, lunches, driving kids to school, coming home and having breakfast with my littlest (today we have my middle one home too) and then both of us all of us getting some screen time to chill out kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

We love chopsticks. They slow you down, make a huge mess of noodles on the table as the kids slurp and they are just so freaking pretty in a jar or mug. The kids use these and I use these (apparently sold out at the moment).

While I'm not ready, yet, to shave my head, women are freeing themselves from the notion that their hair is their beauty. Ozma has some serious superpowers of bravery and grace.

"When you explore you get more imagination then you already have." This video picks me up when I am down, it reminds me that each moment is divine joy, a gift, no matter what I am feeling or learning or expanding into.

Faith, Intuition and Nutrition, this is the power trio. As we start to learn how to explore these in our own worlds magic will start to happen. Thank you Heather.

Abundance is not the amount of money in your bank or pocket, it is your feelings, your thoughts, your practice of being in the now joyfully. This was a lovely look at how courage plays a deep role in abundance.

I am certain this TED Talk will make all Friday lists because this woman is a beautiful story teller/researcher.

I acknowledge that my whole life I will be in a relationship with my belly. I used to think if it was flat, that suddenly my life would shift radically. What I've learned is that when I stopped fighting so hard I could find love in the most unlikely of places. Melissa takes on this emotional subject, of developing our hara.

Spring Tribe has arrived, Alicia wrote on her dream list for 2012 to be included in the tribe. I swoon over manifesting.

Honored to be visiting::

Nicole Burley

The Joy UP starts in one week. Have you joined us?

Happy Friday ~ Little dinner

Sometimes dinner is a bowl of pasta for two little beings, a big bowl of kale for mama and Chloe, a glass of wine for the same mama and tomatoes picked right from the garden. Thank you for the green one Lucas! Capturing a picture of a completely ordinary moment after some late nights and a day of some serious sibling squabbles can be food for the soul. So are the gluten free brownies we are making today!

Wishing you some beautiful little dinners as you go through the weekend.

Happy Friday with so much love.

Happy Friday ~ Joining the Conversation

Michelle wrote this beautiful piece on PPD and asked for others to join in the conversation. I decided to record this and give a free flow of thoughts.

*Couple of notes, I was only on zoloft for 4 months but it taught me that I could feel better and I needed that knowledge at that point. I love being a mother. I love being a women. I love being this creature of change and power and growth.

Join the conversation. We are not alone. Ever.

Joining the conversation from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.

Happy Not-Friday from the Mini-Van ~ Project Finish

I know, it is Saturday. Good excuse, I was painting. Really. I so do love to get shit done, but I start so many projects it is getting out of hand. This weekend is project finish.

Lots of spackle, lots of beautiful no VOC paint. Making my wealth corner so beautifully abundant. Then I'm moving on to the bathroom which we started painting about a year ago! What???

What are you going to finish this weekend?

If you want some accountability, leave your project and I will personally check in with you on Tuesday to see how you did. Deal?

Happy Not Friday from the Mini-Van ~ Finish what you start from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.

Happy Friday from Infront of the Chalkboard Wall ~ Giraffe Costume

Yes, it is going to a good home. It was time to release and allow another child to make some memories. I have a long way to go to clearing the clutter, but I am determined to make it happen. And...feng shui is making it feel really positive, so thank you Tisha!

Happy Friday from Infront of the Chalkboard Wall ~ Giraffe Costume from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.

Happy Friday from the Mini-Van ~ Clut. Ter.

Let's do a giveaway of this amazing book, 27 Ways to Feng Shui Your Home! It is coming out in a new edition soon, so look for an interview with Tisha and another giveaway for the new edition! It is too good to wait, I'm so loving the changes Tisha's book is helping me to make.

Leave a comment and I'll draw a winner next Friday, June 24th, 2011.

Congrats to Nicole who said "Great give away! and I wanna win the book! Just yesterday, I added some purple and pink to each corner of my house to enhance wealth and love"

Happy Friday from the Mini-Van ~ Clut.Ter. from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.

Happy Friday from the Mini-Van ~ Patience My Love

Dear Patience,

I love the idea of you. Sometimes I feel the whisper of your name in my ear and the calm settles over me. I see you settled into others and feel a bit jealous of them, to possess you in a way I have never known. As I have started to release some control over every moment and know that I am not going to understand every intention of my children and make sense of the growing pile of shoes in the closet that I trip over, I do feel you coming closer to me. I want to know you better, patience, my dream noun.

Thinking of you on this crabby day,

Happy Friday from the Mini-Van ~ Patience My Love from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.