The sex of an oyster. Instructions for shucking her.

 

bwoyster

Insert the blade.

She is a filter feeder. She cleans your water and purifies your fears. The lust to taste her body your motivation.

Use moderate force.

You play until you find the right touch, the vibration that will allow you to be invited into her. Each time you hold her she will require a new touch, a force that you must discover as you hold her in your hand.

At the hinge, twist the blade.

Once you've found the spot where she opens, the vibration of the crack is now inside of you. You are the compulsion behind her opening.

Feel the pop.

Her flesh is now your gift, your longing from the purification that had been her only purpose.

Slide the blade up and disconnect that which still holds her together.

Her lips open. Draw her in and be there wholly in her unearthing of how present you are to only her in this moment.

Shucked. Now taste.

Soft, fleshy. She guides you. When you feel her on your tongue she yields and slips into you.

Repeat.

 

 

Choosing. A to-do list of surrender.

Surrender list Collage Sitting in deep surrender today. Letting her wisdom wash over me. Letting the uncomfortable bits settle down into my belly as I take a deep breath, all the way down to my pelvic floor.

I feel my pelvis relax, open and then slowly I feel it gently close, without the tension.

Surrender's prayer, "I feel uncomfortable and I want to hide from it. Please don't let me hide, numb, run."

Tears. Smiles. A release of the jaw.

Texts full of the words that only women who love you without fear or judgement can send.

Thoughts of a friend whose words I miss and the knowing that time is a beautiful manifestation of space. The vulnerability of a healing relationship, the journey that is not yours alone. A house sitting in clutter and humidity, holding my space. Writing from bed with his little body next to mine, my constant shadow, the grounding.

Poetry spinning in my heart, words like blessings, insatiable for time to be seen.

Today I choose to be gentle in my words. Today I choose to go get my bangs trimmed. Today I choose to put on clothes that feel sexy against my skin, that may be yoga pants and flip flops. Today I choose to mix accomplishing with rest, a challenge. Today I choose to call in my spirit guides, to allow them to hold my unknown. Today I choose desire. Today I choose to cut out words in magazines and let them lead me, the practice that heals my heart.

Today I choose surrender's prayer as my starting moment.

***

Second photo credit Vivienne McMaster. Third photo credit Chloe Marcotti.

 

 

 

Exhaling the truth.

You may not believe me when I say my mornings are really tough until you realize that I wake up just like you. I have three kids under 10 and if you have children you may understand waking up to more expectations of you then you feel capable of meeting. Yes, there are giggles and there is joy but it is hard work. Often exhausting.

And I wonder where I fit into that puzzle. I wonder where my marriage fits into all of it. Maybe you wonder too.

Recently Patrick spent the week at home with me and I realized how deeply, deeply I miss him. Our lives are so separate from what were once lives in constant rhythm.

And I wonder how to heal that now, not in 5 years when the kids are older. Maybe you wonder too.

You may think that the me you see here, in these spaces is me until you realize I am just like you, everyone of us who have online personalities are more than what we ever show here. This is our persona, no matter how hard we try to bring you the truth, it will always be limited.

And I wonder how to align the different parts of myself, so that there is less of a gap between the me that shows up here and the me that lives in real time. Maybe you wonder too.

You may think I have patience and never eat just a small bag of potato chips I grabbed at the gas station for lunch until you realize that we all have so many unseen unspoken moments. We are going at a pace towards the change we long for and sometimes baked lays just taste so freaking good when we are too tired to make a salad.

And I wonder what it would be like if we could share more of those moments and start to bridge the gaps of perception and reality. Maybe you wonder too.

You may think you see me. I may think I see you.

And we do. We see pieces of each other. Part of the work we are doing is learning how to fit these pieces together, make them flow together even when they don't fit. Even when they make us angry or wanting to be something entirely transformed.

What I love about this life is that at any moment I can change. I can make a choice to feel differently. I can drop the anger. I can find new words. I can cut my hair or grow it longer than its ever been. I can wear feathers, get a tattoo, sell everything I own and move across the country. Somehow. There is always the somehow. There is always a way to change, to choose, to grow, to evolve.

And I wonder if you feel the gap closing in your own world and if you can see me more clearly each time we exhale the truth.

This Tiny Life ~ Part 1, The Kitchen

How a woman with a family of 5 came to live in a 900 square foot home and captured the gift of joy and living in the now.

We start in the kitchen.

There is a story behind every program, every offer, every blog post, newsletter or picture of mine. Or of yours. I live for the story. I breathe the story. Story is my muse. The Making Space Cleanse is one such story. A story of falling in love with the life we have so that we can live the life of our dreams. This little 10 day program is the heart of how I strive to live, to create, to guide.

This is a story of space.

This is a story of a tiny house that I fell in love with when we were a young family with just my Chloe who was two years old. This house was to be the one we fixed up, flipped and sold within 5 years. 8 years later I look around and a whole lot of fixing up is left and selling is something that appears to us in a distant place.

A few years ago after Lucas was born I would have the occasional visitor remark on how small the house was and how they couldn't believe we still lived here. I was filled with shame. Shame for my choices, shame for not having fixed it up enough, shame to have people in my world who said those things to me. I stopped having people over. Combine a small house, shame and a third child who required a huge amount of my attention and I was really exhausted.

Shame makes you mad and resentful for what you have. It took me a long time to move through that word. So many layers helped me move through the shame of my home and into the now. That is how my program was born. From the life I was living. Still live. And believe deeply in.

The now is that this is my house. The house I fell in love with.

I remember taking a walk in our neighborhood when Chloe was almost two, or maybe just two. We had been looking at houses but anything in our price range guaranteed there would be holes in the floor and lead paint peeling all over. We looked at houses where they didn't even remove their 600 pound snake from the bedroom because someone would buy the house.

The day of our walk we turn the corner from our apartment and we see piles of garbage in front of a tiny little bungalow. We knew this house would have a for sale sign within days. We were the first people to look at it, no holes in the floor. Lots of work, but good bones. We couldn't do major renovations, every penny went into buying.

I saw what I could do with that sweet home with a yard for Chloe to play in. I saw freedom from volatile landlords and paint colors of my choosing. I saw my first home. I saw myself growing up, feeling like an adult.

And so we bought the little bungalow. My tiny life became one of the most amazing teachers I would ever find.

As more children have come into our life the house does feel smaller. We bump into each other and fight over the one small bathroom. When someone is making lunch in the kitchen it is hard to have more people wander in and fill up water bottles or pour cereal because there just isn't that physical space to do it.

I can get so crabby without space. My physical world became my guide for how our connected our minds and our stuff are. The more I started to make space, the more I found that space inside of myself. Shame was replaced with joy. I worked really hard for that one. This is the only way I can guide anyone to make space, because I have studied it, practiced it and come up against it every single day.

I started to focus on less stuff and sought out simplifying and ritual. Making Space became my daily mantra. I painted the kitchen white and spent so much time deciding what would be part of that space. The most amazing shelf from Ikea to hold cups. I took the cupboard doors off to give the illusion of space and so I could see my dishes. Only dished I loved allowed to stay.

White space became the truth of the home.

Those beautiful cloud white walls spread to other rooms in the house. It felt fresh, open and as though I could actually alter my perception of space with such simple gestures.

White walls, only art and pictures I love. The kitchen became my art gallery of sorts. It holds my vision board, gorgeous ceramics, lots of jars and vases. I think about every magnet on the fridge and paper that clutters up space. We got rid of things like electric coffee makers and use a chemex because it is small and also beautiful. We have food for one week, no storage.

Yes, it is so small. We are a large family. I am always brought back to one of the first lessons in joy that I learned. Stories about people who would seek out bigger, more, better but never feel more joy. They had more cars, money and huge houses but often could not cure the deep sadness or longing they had inside with all of that stuff.

Making Space is to me living in our now while preparing for the waves of joy and gratitude that come as we start to live as the person we desire to be. We energetically align the more space we make in our hearts, homes and minds.

Stuff can be lovely. I love my jewelry and throw pillows. But space? Space makes me giddy. Clean dishes and the garbage taken out and a plan for dinner tomorrow gives me the freedom I need to enjoy my life now. It opens me up to be creative and sexy and fun! I feel really sexy with a glass of wine at night, a clean kitchen and my favorite jammie pants. No joke.

When I am making space my body glows. When I'm making space I connect truthfully.

Making Space is my mantra. Now you've met my kitchen. It is tiny but it is part of my tiny life that I make space for each day.

That is the first part of the story. The white walls of a kitchen. The daily mantra. Behind the scenes of how I create my work from the life I live. I might show you my throw pillows in part 2.

Brave is our now.

My guiding word for the year is magic.

I like to give each month a name, or place a guiding phrase behind it so that I will know what I'm working towards. September is the month I am turning 38, an age I have been excited about for a long time. 38 feels solid, secure. I have my children and now watch them grow. I have a gorgeous business that I am nurturing and bringing to a new place. I have been married for almost 14 years, together with Patrick for 19 years. Oh yes, I said 19!

Things scare me. Jumping out of an airplane. Getting a tattoo. Having those conversations with my man that affirm that we aren't always connected, that a new phase of the marriage is coming. I think tattoos and conversations can be quite sexy, so the jumping out of a plane is not going on the brave list, not so sexy to me.

Being brave is saying, I am not feeling so happy right now and I need to tell you.

Being brave is going to the place in your heart that knows the little secret longing you have and listening to it.

Being brave is giving when you have little.

Being brave is getting that ink you have always dreamt of, even though permanency is scary as shit.

Being brave is connecting in new ways, when you are safe sitting in your house, on your couch, with your computer in your lap.

Being brave is choosing the path to healing, not the quick fix.

Being brave is caring for someone else when you most need to be cared for.

Being brave is taking a breath when you just want to scream at the kids for fighting, again.

Being brave is the 12th carload to the salvation army because stuff everywhere doesn't feel good even though letting it go hurts.

Being brave is letting them ride their bikes around the neighborhood without you.

Being brave is figuring out how to be sexy again, after years of growing children, nursing them, holding them every night.

Being brave is creating the next program, having faith that it is right, it is time, it is now.

Being brave is believing Oprah really is your friend on Instagram.

Being brave is going towards the unknown of all of it.

Being brave is saying Holy Shit!!! Holy Shit!!! Holy Shit!!! three times on your blog.

Being brave is that yoga class you swear you are going to start taking on Tuesday nights.

Being brave is public accountability for that yoga class, the tattoo, that next program. (What else did I just promise I was doing?)

Being brave is not having the bladder surgery and leaving pride at the door. Yep, bladder is gonna' rock it out in physical therapy.

Being brave is putting the four year old in one day of day care so that you can finally have one full day to work, co-work at that!

Being brave is our now.

Being brave is saying that jumping out of a plane is so not happening, cause I gotta' be me. This new version of me that is being brave. In my own ways.

Wanna join me? September, all I ask for my birthday is that we can do this together. Brave is our now.

 

 

 

Right Now Your Future

I have this well earned ability to compare myself to others down to the way they organize their Pinterest boards. Clever titles and things all neatly grouped. Mine are just a big jumble of beauty and inspiration. I finally pulled out all of my tattoo pins and made a board just for them. That felt like an achievement. No type A in this body, completely none. I'm like Z or Q or X.

I run with this mixture of wanting to be a stand out for my uniqueness and expressions and longing to blend into the pack just a bit more. I can lose site of my special in the world. Deep core needs created as a child blur the scene.

The magic is the deep core belief I also held as a child that I was going to serve and heal and make sure others knew how special they were.

Slightly frightening integrating all of this when creating a heart centered business, marketing inside of this New Economy we are reading about. Stand out, blend in, market with a formula, buck the system.

The very first program I created led to 1 and 1/2 (discount offered) people paying me. I asked a few others to join for free. I had a group. I had a program. I had a place to practice what I wanted to build. Those 1 and 1/2 people had enough faith in me to support my vision and want to be guided by me. And yes, things have grown.

They are the reason I kept going. That small amount of faith, those first 'yeses' were momentum and joy.

Your tiny numbers that get you down are actually your future about to stretch out before you if you let them. They are faith from the Universe that you can do this. Your now is creating your future.

Thank them. Honor them. Adore them.

Adore yourself while you are there.

I woke up with a fire in my belly this morning (hello FB status of the day!) wanting to call bullshit on labeling how people price their products and services. Pricing is an exploration, a practice. How many times I was told I was undervaluing myself when all I was doing was simply exploring, practicing, playing, creating.

There are plenty of ways to undervalue ourselves, it isn't just with money. And my prices don't tell you how I'm valuing myself, my actions do. The way I show up in the world.

My business has doubled in earnings every year since I started. As a mom who has been home with all three of my kids, currently still hanging out daily with the three year old, I am crazy proud of what I'm building. I love that my clients can email me when they are nursing their babies to sleep and I can email back when Lucas is watching a show or playing with cars and power rangers. I've raised and lowered my prices. I give a lot of it away for free. (I fully intend to free my husband from a job he hates.)

I connect, because that is one of my mad-hot qualities.

Our businesses need breathing room to grow. They also require us to tap into, fully, our gorgeous selves. The more I honor and talk about my sensitive constitution the more my business and life expand.

Today's email with a highly-sensitive client was all about her hair. How she could find someone to honor the natural flow of her hair and cut it in a way that felt good to her and was less of a fuss to style. The Joy Up Tribe chat was all about unruly, or what I love to call wildly gorgeous hair, for days. Pictures were taken, hair was left natural and we loved each other up.

My client hired me to coach her business. We talk about hair. And the flow of being sensitive. There are more ways to undervalue ourselves than just money.

I know you want, you want it. You can see it, taste it, you dream about it with tears in your eyes.

It is now.
Not in 5 years.
Now.
Those 1 and 1/2 clients.
The two words in your Ebook.
The kiss on the lips of the man you've loved for 14 years.
Wearing your stunning heels.

It is now. Prayers for tomorrow are created today.

Meet Kathryn Postulka and Leap!

After yesterday's post, thank you all so much for the beautiful emails you have sent about it, I'm beyond thrilled to share one of my beautiful clients, Kathryn Postulka with you. Kathryn and I have spent the last few months working together and nurturing her business, Inspired Healthy Life. Kathryn is also one of the voices on Mamacoach Circle, a group of holistic women and business owners who are supporting, inspiring and taking action together!

Please enjoy Kathryn's voice and the beautiful gift she has created for designing a personal manifesto!

Kathryn, thank you for all the joy you have brought to my world for the last few months and for all the energy and passion you share through your work and the way you live your life!

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It’s when you’re at the top, on the platform and looking out that the fear sinks in. Only a few moments ago, from the safety of below, it felt so doable. Fun even. But isn’t that always the way? Part of you never believes you’ll get there, all the way at the top, first in line and about to fly.

We don’t believe it, because it feels safer not to. But here you are, toes to the edge of the platform, only air as a cushion that doesn’t really look so cushiony. The instructor yells out what seems impossible – ‘lean over, lean forward, grab the bar with two hands.’ You are so far forward, you’re past the point of being able to pull yourself back.

So, you go.

Grab the bar, and jump off the platform. It’s the right choice, and you know immediately. You are rewarded with an incredible free fly through the air. It’s glorious, it’s beautiful! You have released the fear and you’re literally soaring!

I love the trapeze. It’s exhilarating and terrifying and way more fun that any adult usually has. It requires you to stretch yourself and your mind. It requires total trust when you can’t remember why it seemed like a good idea in the first place, and then it rewards you by sending you up higher and faster than you dreamed possible. That’s the beauty of it.

When Hannah pushed me to find my voice as a coach, I felt instant fear. It’s scary putting yourself out there, especially when your instinct is to stay private and hold back. It’s an easier decision to stand with the crowd, blend in and decide not to climb that ladder to the platform above. But I knew she was right. If I wasn’t willing to embrace all that I am and put myself out there in the world, how could I ever expect my clients to do the same?

Fear is a crushing thing. It can stop the unstoppable and you can easily miss out on the best ride of your life.

Frankly, it feels just like my trapeze experience. To me, it represents taking chances, leaning out further than feels comfortable, taking a risk and jumping. I strive to always challenge myself like that. That’s why ‘flying on the trapeze’ is in my personal manifesto.

I’m a big believer in visualization. I used this trick all the time in my younger sports days, and I’ve used it throughout my life. If you can see it, feel it and believe it, you can do it. This is why creating a set of statements that inspires, energizes and helps to create a mental picture of who you are and what matters to you is one of the most useful personal tools you can have.

Think positive. Be an active participant in your life. Eat real food. Indulge in good chocolate, a glass of good wine, cozy sweaters and awesome coffee mugs. That’s how my personal manifesto begins. It’s filled with things that I want to surround myself and fill my life with. On those days when everything is going wrong, I try to sprinkle some of these into my day to make it better. On better days when I’m feeling optimistic, I think about how I can move forward and achieve all that the manifesto is and represents to me. It’s my visional guide and my personal mission statement. If I can see it, I can believe it. And if I believe it, I can do it.

I don’t think I’m alone in that. What will be on your personal manifesto?

I’m really excited to share with you my free workbook for creating your personal manifesto. You can use your manifesto like a personal vision statement – a set of guiding statements of who you are, who you want to be and how you want to live. Fill it up with you and use it as your inspiration to live the best life you can imagine for yourself.

Sign up for your own personal manifesto workbook here...

The Pain of the Present

A night in the E.R. was a lesson in being present. Patrick and I were talking about how there is no better way to be in the moment, the now, then when you are in pain.

I kept trying to tell myself during the pain that in a few hours I would feel better. The pain didn't care. It kept on and I was in the now with each spasm and what I can only describe as labor pain.

I felt the pain of the present.

I had some sort of bladder infection that reminded me of my second and natural miscarriage which presented for me intense back pain. Pain holds strong memory. It is the sensory memory, just like the smell of coffee and cinnamon buns can transport you to a kitchen years past.

A perfect E.R. patient I am not. I am exhausted, not wanting morphine and quite confused as to why they would think I would have a kidney stone. (I do by the way.) I think at one point I mentioned my bladder infections never reading on a test as an infection, they were mostly emotional, something about homeopathy. Yeah, you can imagine.

Eventually the pain released somewhat and I relaxed  into the stretcher, which was quite comfortable at this point. I knew what my bladder was telling me, I've heard it before. We have strong connections to parts of our bodies, if we are open to hearing them, they will speak to us.

Louise Hay says what I know, the bladder is all about holding. It is a spot of held anxiety, of holding onto old ideas. Problems with the bladder represent fears of letting go. Of being pissed off.

My bladder has always spoken to me. After my first miscarriage I couldn't pee. It may have been from the surgery, but I remember staying up all night, eventually I nibbled on catnip (I know) and lit a candle and just prayed that my bladder would release. Finally it did.

I suffered a similar experience as this bladder infection when we were planning my wedding years ago. I had some old things that needed to be released, I had fears. It wasn't until I addressed them that my pain and bladder were able to heal.

It makes sense that my bladder is asking me to be present. There is a lot going on in my world. I'm shifting, I am having old feelings surface, I'm doing it all with three kids and feeling some guilt about my world mixed with theirs. I am ready to move into the next phase of opening space for myself. I am ready to cleanse*. Occasionally I get pissed off.

Louise offers us a new thought for healing when the bladder is involved.

I comfortably and easily release the old and welcome the new in my life. I am safe.

I stayed in bed most of the day yesterday. I thought I would just take the computer and catch up on some projects. Be really productive. All my body wanted to do was sleep and rest in the cozy blankets. I read a little bit. I felt some of my emotions rise to the surface. I woke up to find a message from a friend that said exactly what I needed to hear.

Being present means not always being strong. It means feeling tired or scared. It is understanding the fears so you can move through. Each time new space is coming in your life, something happens. It might be like my bladder or it presents itself in your own way. It is in the listening that you are able to move through.

You can be strong later. In the present you need to feel it to move through it.

*** *** ***

*During this cleanse I am going to add an optional component of releasing to our 10 days. We'll talk about how to release some old fears, or habits and how this cleansing time will be perfect for allowing you to make new space for yourself. I will be doing it right along side of all of you, ready to let go of some of my old stuff.

 

Oh Gwyneth!

Oh Gwyneth, thank you for sharing your joy with me, because it reminded me of my own. There is enough for everyone, it just may look different. Sort of like Gwyneth and I. ***

Are You in the Best Shape of Your Life?

"Yes. I never thought that I'd be considered to have a good body. I was bony up top and kind of dumpy on the bottom. But my trainer, Tracy Anderson, completely changed my legs, butt, arms and stomach. I feel better than ever, too." - From Self Interview

 

 

 

 

 

Are You in the Best Shape of Your Life?

"Yes, mentally. I never thought I could love my body until I had the flat stomach, the perfect media body. The day I gave that up and started to connect to the amazing person I am now, even with my post 3-babies-belly, my life felt calm, real for the first time." 

So What's Your Secret?

"I do 45 minutes of cardio five days a week, because I like to eat. I also try for 45 minutes of muscular structure work, which is toning, realigning and lengthening. If I'm prepping for something or I've been eating a lot of pie, I do two hours a day, six days a week for two weeks." -From Self Interview

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So What's Your Secret?

"Whenever I start feeling overwhelmed, fearful, I am not in the present. I am dwelling in what-ifs, or I should haves, all that does is draw more of that into my space. If I am stress eating, it is a signal that something it is out of whack, that I need more support. When I focus on what is beautiful and true, I receive more of it."

How Consistent Are You, Foodwise?

"I say I always eat right, but last night, I had fried clams, pasta with duck sausage and two glasses of red wine. When I want to lose, I eat less pasta, bread and potatoes. Before last year's Iron Man 2 premiere, I did green juices and salads for three days." -From Self Interview

 

 

 

 

 

How Consistent Are You, Foodwise?

"I love, love, love food. Food that makes me feel good. I love having a big lunch with lots of courses, like sauteed chickpeas, sausage from a local farm, gluten free cookies right out of my oven. I drink a green smoothie or juice every day. Tea time is one of my favorite rituals. Whenever I am tempted to diet again, I remember what is was like to live in the yo-yo world of body image."

ON HER BODY:

"I saw a shot of myself in Barbados and was, like, all my hard work paid off! I'm 38, I have two kids, and I feel good," -From Self Interview

 

 

 

 

 

ON HER BODY:

"Giving up dieting has meant looking at my body in a new way. I appreciate it, I am grateful for it. When I fill up with foods and thoughts that allow me to love who I am, I know that all my hard work has been so worth it."

None of Your Business

Actually it's none of mine.

It's none of my business what you think about me. This is from Dr. Wayne Dyer and a sentence, a statement, that my brain likes to roll over and over. I've debated it with friends, discussed it with Patrick and eventually fallen in love with it's message. Bald men can have that effect on me!

It really made me a little mad at first. I'm one of those quick reaction people. (Working on it!) How can it not be my business? We all love a compliment, a kind word, the encouragement of those we look up to. It's none of your business what others think of you.

Does this conflict with one of my favorite quotes (from Uncle Iroh-Avatar-the cartoon) that I have written on my wall?

How often do we write something or do something only to wait eagerly for the response of someone else? The anticipated response becomes the focus, not the action or words that for us held purpose. And if the response is not what we would have hoped, how does that affect our feelings on what we did, wrote, said? The experience has shifted, it is no longer ours because the power was given away.

I tend not to follow the book on most things. I don't run my business according to any strict formula or rules and I don't always say what you want to hear, rather what I feel honestly should be said. Kind of like when Wayne told me what you all think of me is none of my business! I didn't really want to hear that. If I'm going to not follow the book it seems that this concept needs to be embraced.

I gave a talk for a group of women recently. I instantly went into my head and wondered what they thought of me. I remembered that it was none of my business, which often serves to bring me out of my head. I shifted that focus to feeling the energy of what I created. I put some new ideas and thoughts out into that space. I pull things into my life when I am in my power, when I am believing in what I do, stand for, am. Being liked used to be so important to me.

If it is none of my business what anyone else thinks of me, what do I do with that? I shift the focus from the wondering, the what if's, into my joy. It is a powerful shift having nothing to do with being able to accept a compliment or learn of other's reactions. It's a place inside, of knowing that if you are acting with truth, love and joy you simply pull more of that into your life.

...but a little belief from others, goes a long way!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How do you feel about what I think of you being none of your business? What's your first reaction to this?

Right Now, in the simple.

I'm having a hard day. The kind where you cry one minute and feel angry the next. And just when you are settling into angry, you find yourself calm and quiet. All those emotions tangled, that for me is a hard day. Always connected to feeling a bit run down in the old gut - the immune system- the guardian of how I'm feeling. I still have trouble stopping and allowing myself to rest. My process is to go low, sink down and create. Create things that don't need to be there. Head drama. Fierce and fearful.

It makes me want to drink soy lattes all day. It makes me want to stop doing everything that is moving me forward. It says, there isn't really enough for everyone. Why do you think you can have it?

Yeah, I have bad days. Thankfully, so do you. Our bad days are a gift if we let them be. Right now, in the simple.

Here is the whisper if I allow myself to get really quiet.

Climb in your bed. Work from there. Read books to your boy. Drink some tea. Take a motrin, just do it. Talk to the man who loves you and let him be with you. Remember why you do what you do, pick one small thing and you will remember. Oh yes there is enough for everyone. There is enough room to rest. There is enough time to conquer fears. There is enough right now, in the simple.

I remembered my favorite "cereal" and thought it would help my tired stomach feel better. I think you'll like it.

Almond and Apple Cereal

1 small apple, diced handful of sliced almonds 1 tsp dried coconut flakes alternative milk, rice, almond, hemp raisins if you like them

Put it all in a bowl, just as you would cereal. Simple.

Hannah and The Fudge

Hannah has a beautiful piece of homemade (not by her) fudge before her. Knowing that white sugar and butter aren't power foods for Hannah, she has them only on rare occasions. Hannah sensed that tasting this fudge could bring some pleasure. Hannah was also alone, she rarely finds herself alone with butter and sugar. She unwrapped the fudge and as the crinkle of the package opened she smelled the chocolate and peanut butter emerge almost as perfume. She broke off a small piece and let it melt in her mouth. It was an explosion of flavor, intense and she indeed felt pleasure. She thought of how her husband would love the gooey candy. She imagined sharing the candy and taking pleasure from the enjoyment her husband would find in it.

Hannah struggles with over indulging as a result of all her years of deprivation. She became excited about the taste and wanted just one more bite. No one was around to share her taste experience, so just one more bite. This bite tasted much sweeter than the first. Almost too sweet. It was still good, but just not quite the same. She looked at the last of the fudge. Would saving this silly little piece of fudge for her husband seem strange. It was just one bite after all. So she decided to take the last bite and be done with the fudge.

This bite held no pleasure for Hannah. It made her stomach feel a bit sick and she was pulled suddenly into that whirl of sugar-buzz. She quickly grabbed for some water and drank. Later greeted by her sugar headache she thought back to the first pleasurable bite of fudge. Yes, that was a good bite.

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Imagine another story. One where the fudge was cut into 5 tiny pieces and each shared after a meal or with a cup tea among 5 members of the family. Each bite could bring a tiny little taste of pleasure without the ill effects of over indulging.