Dogs. Depression. Delilah and Dave.


They handed her to Dave like a baby and he held her over his shoulder while she shook.

We went outside after the big congratulations from the rescue group and before getting in the car we just sat with her on the pavement letting her work through her fear.

I held her as Dave drove. Within one minute I asked him to pull over so I could drive instead. She was scratching me up and I knew he could hold her to feel more secure.

I pulled into a Dunkin Donuts, I think that is now just Dunkin which is super annoying as someone who grew up with D&D, to go pee. We took the dog out and when I went into the building she stood crying for me. Attachment was already happening. She had never been on a leash, her confusion obvious.

I looked out the window and saw Dave snuggling her in the grass. I came out with hot chocolate and iced coffee and we climbed in the van and headed north.

She fell asleep in his arms on the way to the lake.

A few months back when Dave and I were in an awakening inside of our relationship I saw myself without him, living in little house with the kids, a tiny yard and I saw a dog. The relationship as we were in it was not functioning, it was highly co-dependant and unhealthy. He was inside of big anger from years and years of shit storms before me, but I was the one holding it and it was making me turn into anger. A mirror.

We agreed to work on ourselves and commit to our relationship while we did so. It was hard, hard work. I was getting sober, he was leaning into an understanding of depression.

Our entire selves became new. Our relationship healed and the man I knew I deserved started to be the man I was living with.

The rule we had made when we first met, no babies, no dogs, was about to be challenged.

"I know we said no dogs, and I want animal love in our home. For us, the kids."
He said he kind of did too, but he was concerned how much work it would be and that our kids wouldn't help.

It was months later that I found her.

This bulldog faced white puppy with kind eyes and a mom described as a gentle giant. The mom, Star had been found in a ditch with her five puppies, the only thing keeping them alive was that decision, as there was just enough water in the ditch.

I sent Dave a photo and said, "I need her."

I expected his usual talk about how much work, kids being blah blah. And he didn't. He told me a few days later he had wanted to go find her and pick her up and surprise me with her.

We looked at her siblings and Dave was quite taken with her sister. He said, "Let's get them both."

And we were off. Adoption forms filled out, requests made. The dog I had fallen in love with was in high demand as her photo was on Instagram and they said we couldn't adopt two dogs at once (which turned out to not be true, but another story) but that her sister could be matched with us.

Delilah Moon, we named her and waited. And then she was in Dave's arms shaking while he fell in love instantly.

Life is spiral. It is a contraction and expansion, the expansion being wider and stronger each time the contraction takes place.

After the contraction in our relationship our hearts opened up to more, other. Delilah is a healer, I can feel it in her. It is a shit ton of work right now, we are all in. Working with her is teaching us as a family.

I'm tired. We get up early to pee and I am off my own rhythm to care for her inside of hers. This morning I was so grateful to get my coffee poured before starting in on her training.

If I wasn't sober I would be losing it right now. Exhausted. Resentful of her needs. Pissed that I lost my rhythm.

Sobriety is the key to everything that is working in my life. It is my secret weapon, my superpower, my absolute love.

In just five days she is sitting on cue, mostly listening when we say no, really good at come, and because she has low drives (no food drive so far but she adores praise) we are overdoing the good girl, thank you words of affirmation. We hung a bell on the door and she went over to it for the first time today when she needed to go out.

Potty training is close.

This was a big deal for us. I believe she is Dave's dog, his animal love, here to shift the energy with him. And she is my vision now real after lots of action and becoming new to support her in our life, she is my next understanding of patience and peace. And the kids, they are so happy.

I've already planted the seeds for puppy two. For now, the expansion is taking us on a ride.

Things are settling in.

Welcome Delilah.