Stop giving up social media


We are in the second week of the Reset Wildthing, Reset : A summer awakening.

One of the things that comes up for people is wanting to take social media breaks. I wanted to share with you why I think giving up things for any arbitrary period of time doesn't work and how the resets support the reasons behind why we want to make change and the flow of our life.

We can give up sugar for 30 days and then on day 31 binge of cupcakes because the why was, give up sugar for 30 days.

We can give up social media for 28 days and then binge on Instagram and Facebook in our endless loop just the way we were before Day 1 began because our why was giving up social media for 28 days.

Most of us can give up anything for a period of time. That 'giving up' mindset makes us want the thing more. It almost puts this really pretty spin on, makes it shinier.

Instead of giving something up, the reset idea is about creating a life you want to be inside, that you feel yourself inside of.

If you know that apps on phones are making you stupider (this is researched, go check out Cal Newport) and your phone tells you that you spend 4 hours a day committed to becoming stupider, there is a strong likelihood you'll want to do something about that.

James Clear talks about habit change foundations, among them, who you want to be; I want to be someone who... and then that is what creates the motivation for change.

In iterative living, there are three parts that we play inside of.

She who was.

Who I am now.

My becoming.

The resets are how we use the data from all of these parts and try on who we want to be, inside of our now, using the knowings from who we were to source the changes we want to make. In other words, the parts exist and work together, challenging the classical way we think about time and choice.

If social media is clearly a problem in your work life, relationships, family, stillness and focus and productivity the way into the reset is thinking about what you do want, who you want to be.

For me, I want to be someone who works until Noon each day and then has the rest of the day to focus on my home and my kids and my health. Any work I do after Noon I wanted to be extra, bonus, getting ahead, or the occasional hitting deadlines for something bigger than the normal work flow.

If I spend my morning on social media this will not and does not happen. Social media is part of my business so it is worked into my time, but only after 10am unless my work happens to be done before 10am.

So rather than taking a social media break, the binge and purge cycle, I have created a few reset practices around social media not interrupting my brain during my work cycle which is, minus some commuting a kiddo to school, from 5:15am (soon to be 5:00am) until Noon.

The first reset began months ago by setting my coffee pot up at night as a sort of alarm. I don't want my coffee to burn so I get UP! I set my alarm for 10 minutes after the coffee pot starts brewing.

My big reset for productivity as a work at home mama was to start to batch work. Instead of floating all over the place from emails to social media to my FB groups to newsletter writing to course creation I decided I wanted to be someone who was done working at Noon with the potential to have entire days free from the computer once I got more efficient.

I work in a focused chunk of time in the morning, free of distraction. I don't exercise or meditate in the morning. I write. I take photos for my shop. I create new offerings. Some days I answer emails or work on deleting emails or unsubscribing to emails. I write down ideas. This works for me as someone who is tapped into a clear mind early, unless distracted by social media and my phone.

Later in the day I meditate, I walk, I post to social media, I listen to podcasts, I pay bills, I clean my house, I read, I wash clothes for the shop, I water plants, I prep meals, I garden. Sometimes I get inspired and I keep working, this is extra, bonus, above what needed to get done.

I didn't need to purge social media, I needed to build practices in my life that don't include the distraction of my phone. Sometimes I actually lose my phone during the day because it isn't part of my flow in the morning.

My biggest why behind everything; I want to live inside of kindness. When I'm feeling like shit about what I'm not doing because I'm lost in someone else's life on social media that isn't kind.

When I show up for myself and my business and my family, the time I spend on social media can reflect the kindness I want to feel. I can leave comments and blessings lifting others up. I can catch up on people who bring me inspiration and help me feel like a beautiful human on this planet.

The reset cycle we use in my circles is six days of a chosen practice and then on the seventh day we integrate and look at how that worked for us. This is the flow of Sabbath, the seventh day of rest. Using this seventh day to integrate the changes we made in our week, looking at who we are now.

Then we choose. And begin again. We keep going, we add on, we adjust, we rewire.

I love who I become inside of kindness. I love building a life that supports kindness practices.

The other day we were in New Hampshire on the lake and we don't have internet there and roaming doesn't work. The kids have just accepted this way of being there without much push back because I think their little brains are so happy to not have the constant pressure of the feedback loop of their phones.

We were standing on the deck watching an empty hole in the grass, waiting to see if a chipmunk would run out of it. We were quiet. We were in solitude together.

I said, "You know, this was what my life as a child was like. Staring at holes in the ground, sitting and wondering out windows onto the grass."

They laughed.

"We just want you to know this, to have moments where your life is filled with doing absolutely nothing or what you want to be working towards and it feeling so good," I told them.

We all stood there longer than it felt made sense to stare at a hole. The chipmunk never came out. When we got home we expected them to all run and jump on wifi.

The fourteen year old went out and played basketball. He wants to make the High School team. He wants to be someone who kicks ass in basketball.

After wearing himself out he put on a podcast and ate our entire pantry.

There are over 70 women participating in this round of the Reset Wildthing, Reset and I am in awe watching them navigate the she who was, who they are now and their becomings.

Every week (day, moment) we have an opportunity to begin the next week (day, moment) inside of new iterations of self and practices.

Instead of giving up social media if there are parts that you adore or use for work or to be inside of community, figure out who you want to become.

What is important to you?

In each day what do you want?

To feel yourself in your life, what practices do you need?

What parts of self can you try on, play inside of, experiment with?

A big shout of to the women of the reset; I see you. Keep going.

To the women in My Great Big Fantastical Life, who get resets and prompts each week for a year; I adore you. Keep going.

To all of you; I appreciate you. Thank you for being here.