On not using something old.


I've got a few pots I'm stirring.

A huge house cleanse and rearranging for a gathering I'm hoping to host in April for my circle.

When we saw this house I knew it would hold space for gatherings and then I found myself in deep pockets of shame and grief and smallness and I just needed to be there. In that.

It was a hermit like need. A cocoon. It is wild when you feel yourself coming out of those times. Like a winter frost melting by warm sun, like an invitation.

I'm working on the next iteration of my circle, I've got a six week resetgoing, my adorable shop is almost ready for in person visits, I'm looking at hosting a workshop series for the Spring so we can gather belly to belly and I've been rolling the idea of finally doing a Podcast (that one is still rolling).

Oh, and five kids, three of whom entertain us each weekend in about seven combined hours of basketball games and five hours of practice. I'm a total fan girl to my kids, I'll log those hours. One just started LaCrosse and all of them have the nasty winter cold thing wandering around New England.

Throw in the week of my bleed and I tried to convince myself I was overwhelmed.

I went looking for something I'd already written to repurpose. I read some cool things but the problem is, I'm not her anymore. I adore her. But to say hi to you today with someone I used to be feels like the opposite of what I've been working on these last few months which is...being fully present to NOW.

I'm not overwhelmed. Everything I have going on is chosen or manageable. Sick kids are cranky but they are also snuggly and a great excuse for extra pots of tea and layers of blankets. My knee injury sucks AND it has given me so much time to write again.

If I fall into focusing on ALL there is to do, sure that has potential overwhelm. Or if I don't section off my day into little parts and sections of flow, I get lost in it.

If I know where I am in my cycle, the sleepiness, hunger and tenderness are an of course feeling.

There is a huge bowl of bone broth I made earlier in the week when I was filled with energy that I have been using each day for bowls of miso soups with noodles or brown rice, beans, veggies, herbs, whatever I've got around.

I've got that feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin and also a flow to the day. A little guide to take me from NOW to the next place in my moments.

The story of overwhelm is not true. Searching for old words when words are not at lack is part of that story.

I've been asking myself one question when I need to ground in.

What is true now?

Like right now I need to pee, my lower back is done sitting in this chair, I'd love a cup of tea and the quiet of the house is mine for this moment.

It is mine for this moment. 

What is true for you now? What is yours for this one moment?

I see you. I appreciate you. I adore you.