The way all of the sudden

hannah nyc  

Once divided, nothing left to subtract.

~ Pearl Jam, "NothingMan"


The decisions you have to make because you are grown up.

A dog walk in the cold when you would rather curl up.

Watching the two new lovers make out at the end of the counter as you order your dinner.

Noticing the leaves turn your favorite orange and feeling the fear that you might have missed it this year because you weren't looking in the right places.

Bacon. For breakfast and after school snack. And then more bacon.

Wondering who loves you.

Waiting for the words that don't come.

Hot tea turning cold on the window sill as you forget what you did 10 minutes ago.

The way all of a sudden the weight is lifted from your gut and you can breathe.

Witnessing how beautifully they accept your knowings. And continue on.

Wondering why that person didn't just listen to you, believe you.

Boundaries flowing in as you tearfully join in.

Laughing so hard as you stand in the mirror with her on her birthday taking pictures.

Remembering when you were 27. Almost a mother. To the child who now hides in her room all day.

Broth from a carton because roasting the chicken right now needs to be someone else's job.

Becoming your own dramatic darling. Because oh baby, you draw in the drama.

Rearranging the furniture and hanging fabric on the wall and wondering who will be the first to come for dinner.

Laying on sheep skin rugs, naked, praying that your skin isn't lying.

More pictures. Of your skin and face and belly and maybe even your back. You have changed and it isn't stopping.

Having them both text you in their own love languages on the night you craved it from your soul.

Setting out the magazines, ready to vision into the next iteration, even though it scares the shit out of you.

Maybe bacon for dinner too.

Cause it is all going to be OK.