What I know from this lesson (and really didn't want to know) was that I struggle to let go of control. I am a supreme wanter of control.
In learning to work with the Universe you learn to tap into how you want to feel (I teach this and practice this through visioning), know what you want, get as damn specific as you can and then you have to let the details go. If you try to control the details you are stuck in the crazy-pants place of expectations and those expectations can do damage to our hearts. And spirits.
I started to run because I wanted to feel happy as part of a daily practice. I wanted the sweat and the, yes, control over being happy.
Then as it was rushing into my life, I had to stop. That day of being stopped brought me to an edge. I cried that day. In front of people, my kids, as much as I wanted to control my tears I couldn't. I cancelled plans to go out. I cried some more. It wasn't just about the running, it was about having made a beautiful decision to choose to sweat, to feel happy after hiding some deep pain inside of my cells, in my body. Other things happened that day that pulled me inside of sadness and I was pissed.
I found myself in a complete lack of control. I felt sad. How was this working towards my happy plan? And on the day I ovulate and everything feels more, bigger, stronger, so damn hormonal?
The light and the shadow. The happy and the sad. The full and the new. The bleeding and the ovulating. The run and the rest. The water and the wine. The high and the low. The wild and the safe. The yoga pants and the high heels. The doing and the asking. The giving and the receiving.
That is how it is part of the happy plan.
The story of a woman not running is the story of a woman who decided to feel happy and then opened to beautiful gifts that the Universe started to send because she kept believing it was time.