The beautiful words you write I long to read. I am buried in my own thoughts, too deep to go there, to let them in.

The emails that flow in I want to dive into to let myself loose in another place and yet I can't click them open.

I go to turn left on red.

This isn't how I thought cracking open would feel. Scary, real, raw, passion, intense, power, shifting, open...

The release work on my muscles has opened something up far greater than tension release. It holds up what I don't want. It lets me close my eyes. It is the exhale I have been searching for but so scared of the breath.

I don't want discontent. I don't want loneliness. I don't want hiding. I don't want drugs. I don't want pain. I don't want heartbreak. I don't want what?

I start there so the path to my dreams may become more clear. From the not wanting into desire...desire...desire.

At 38, a women growing into herself, marking time on her body, feeling her way towards the light.

The light. Stars. Twinkle. Shine. There is more. I stretch to find it. Please let it be gentle.

The pain that pulses each time muscles are triggered to release is the pain that is triggered somewhere in the chaos of change. I should sleep after and I don't because words won't stop fighting their way out. I go from fear of nothing to an uncontrollable tangle of thoughts, feelings. Feelings.

More connection. I need to see you and share space with you. I want to share a circle and show you how to crack in the most gentle, loving way I know. My calling is to guide you towards your light and the only way is for me to crack first. The only way is the crack, of being blinded for the shortest of moments by the light.

And when the time comes to open our eyes after the bravery of staring into the sun, we will be open.

Because we cracked.

And we'll crack again.

Because this life is beautiful.


A gathering. A circle. A cracking. Through vision work. Spaces are still available. This is one of the final workshops at the legendary Teahouse Studio. Come circle with us...


Here are some past posts about my journey healing my pelvic floor. We are never alone. Never alone.

Anxiety and Breathe.

On the equinox.

Prayer. Feet. And the beauty.

As our body cries out.

The pain of the present.