It didn't click until a loving call with someone I've known for years and she said, "You are a sensual being. You are going to reflect that in people around you, draw that into you." And I am. Because I intuit, because my senses are so wired for input, because I am the eternal feeler.
A sensual being.
When I look at my younger self, the one who was so scared, the one who was lost, the one who was needy, I have such glowing compassion for her. She was always stopping those sensual feelings because she had no idea how to process them. Her intuition was off, her fear of looking people in the eye always keeping her looking down.
It isn't until you come to where you are, till you see what you have become reflected in someone else's eyes, that you realize that this is the spiritual dance of living. And it is just getting started. And it is so beautiful. It stirs energy inside of you that makes you weak and ilogical for a time and you feel, you feel. You feel. You feel. Things come un-numb and that is scary and pulsing and vibrant and woah.
I have been afraid that if I close my eyes for too long everything I've built in my business will somehow fade away. So I've been pulling them wide, trying not to fall asleep or mess up or stop for too long incase I need to grab hold of it tight. There is a deep desire to translate this sensuality into my work, allow it to flow onto the pages, inside of my coaching, trusting my knowing inside.
Here I am tattooing myself and finally wearing this nose ring. Belly passion. Awakening and believing in the spiritual dance. The spiritual dance of this life.
As a woman we have this soft invitation to ripen. To take each year and pull from it the bits that we want to hold onto and blow the rest into the wind where it becomes part of the dance of the sky.
I'm holding onto the beauty. I'm seeing my eyes reflected in yours. I'm believing in us.
Sometime (maybe in past lives) I stood in the truth of passion, senses exploding, the gift of feeling and stepping back into it feels shaky and raw. Because stepping into it means it is me. Just me. No one can heal me or fix me or be certain it will all be ok. These senses and gifts and passions have become my now, my present tense.
And so the faith that I can close my eyes, that I can trust that nothing is going to fade away while I nurture this woman who is simply ripening more and more, is an answer to a question I asked. Faith. Faith. Faith.
A sensual being.