It is the unexpected moments, market crashes, losses, diagnoses or stuck places that bring about beautiful gifts to our lives via the struggles and the challenges that guide and allow us to find our magic. If we choose.
Welcome to my living room.
I am an obsessive furniture re-arranger. It is lovely to know I am not alone in my shifting of stuff to make space. For years I was certain no one else ever moved a couch or table once, let alone every season. Now I know there are so many others who must move things around to shift energy and create space in their homes, hearts and minds.
I crave space with every breath I take.
Living life inside of a highly sensitive body that belongs to a highly sensitive soul has been a life of practice and knowing. It has taken me years to forgive myself such things as moving furniture around, forgetting that I own a black tank top and buying a new one 5 times, not knowing how to sit in a group of people talking with no one leading the discussion, waking up and just feeling so off that I must find a way to cry and inducing exhaustion after scheduling something to do out of the house every day for weeks and needing days and days of stillness to recover.
I've had to learn to forgive the guilt and the feelings of 'being too sensitive' as a negative. This is part of the beautiful work.
The living room is long and skinny, with 6 windows plus the glass door, 2 radiators and 3 doorways. As someone who must constantly move space, make space, feel space:: a challenge. Every time I'm certain I've found every possible way of moving the furniture another one presents itself. And move it all I do. And then I can breathe. The kids are calmer, play longer.
Change is scary but also brings with it opportunity for feeling new. Moving things in my space does this for me.
I've shifted furniture around even when we had big apartments. I used to re-arrange my dorm rooms and my memories of shifting go back to doll collections. My mom once suggested I look into staging houses for people wanting to sell because I can find space! Tiny house living was not a dream of mine, in fact we owe more on the house than at the moment we could ever, ever sell it for, so it isn't something that has saved us money. This is the challenge life has brought (among gobs of others) to see if I would follow it towards my magic.
If I could move today, get out from this mortgage, forget about the dream of turning the attic into our master suite and meditation/work space would I? Yep. In a second. I would love to be released and start fresh from who I am now, with the knowing I hold and the growth that I have discovered as I've surrendered to ease. Part of the reason I am who I am today, a gift of my house. Every room has its own stories to tell, to whisper, to shout, to hum.
What feels like failure is actually the clouds over our sun. Both full of beauty.
Patrick and I often get to a moment where we look at our choices and wish we could go back and choose again, as the people we have become. But it is these choices that have designed our next choices for who we want to be now. Just as I design my living room to flow with what is happening in our family, now.
When the boys need more open space or the season pushes us outdoors, each placement of furniture changes. As Chloe started to express the desire for her own room, we moved the table into the living room and put our bed in the little dining room. My shins are banged up because at night when I get up to pee there is very little room to walk around the bed. I dream of that attic space some day and know that giving Chloe her room was making space for her to grow up.
Baskets are sorted. Pillows are bursting with pattern and color. Furniture is soft and only sort of nice, I have two boys and a dog and they will beat up your stuff. Patrick walks through the front door each night and I get to decide how I will greet him. With the gratitude for what I have or the exhaustion from what I struggle with. I want to open the door with a kiss and acceptance the most. To meet him with grace. Often the tired lady opens the door and forgets to smile.
Grace is a way of living, it is a shift into living with elegance, softness, ease, love, kindness and flow.
This tiny life can make it hard for me to show up inside of that gratitude for what is.
This is why we make space. This is why we connect to our heart center. This is why we have to find moments to snuggle and cuddle even in the smallest of living rooms. My joy is my now. My now gets to dream of what is next.
There is a story behind every program, every offer, every blog post, newsletter or picture of mine. Or of yours. I live for the story. I breathe the story. Story is my muse. The Making Space Cleanse is one such story. A story of falling in love with the life we have so that we can live the life of our dreams. This little 10 day program is the heart of how I strive to live, to create, to guide.