Ever notice that life keeps asking you to learn the same lesson over and over? My lesson has different levels of course, but for me it comes down to my reactions. How I react to my kids, how I react to criticism, how I react to disappointment and on and on. This has been my work over the last 10 or so years. Though getting better, the lesson keeps needing to be learned, and it comes back and reminds me.
Balance. Distraction. Forgiveness.
That is where I am. Years ago, if Patrick was to point out an obvious "flaw" in my inner workings, I would go a bit coo-coo. We have together come so far from our early days of heightened interactions. Before Lucas was born I decided to go on Zoloft mostly to help with my reactions, to my children, to my stress, to find patience and clarity. I was lost behind a fog and I prayed for a way to see clearly so that my children would not have to suffer from my reactions. They needed a mother with stability and patience, with confidence and calm.
When I became pregnant with Lucas I quickly went off of Zoloft and it was perhaps the roughest point of my life. That is when the decision to radically change my world was made, I enrolled in school to become a Health Counselor and my life changed forever. I learned about balance and how much we all need support. I grew from the mother role I was lost in, and discovered the woman who was so much more than that. During graduation I was asked to speak about the transformation I had made, on stage, in front of 1,500 people. I knew in that moment I could inspire other mother's to connect to the woman inside. The woman who so easily gets lost in being a mom.
I feel a bit vulnerable writing this now, it would be so much easier to give you a recipe (I will do that too). I feel as though I'm in a circle of balance, which doesn't always go around. At times it stops, it shows me where my balance is off. I used to get angry when that would happen, and it did a lot! I'm starting to learn that it is a gift when the circle stops and lets you see so clearly where you need to get out of your own way. Once you do, the circle continues it's path, going around until again, it must momentarily stop.
Today when I stopped to face the circle and it's stillness, instead of anger, I felt a sense of calm. A change in patterns that have held me back, a shift in my thoughts that everything in my life is as it should be. That this lesson that comes back to challenge me, all of a sudden doesn't look so scary. This time, it was a chance to try out a new way. Of taking a chance that this lesson must be here for me.
The circle spins, and everything is as it should be.
Even better with a chocolate frosting recipe.
coconut cream from a can of coconut milk (about 3/4 of the can, or use from 2 cans if less)
The coconut cream comes at the top of an unshaken can of coconut milk. I use 365 brand from Whole Foods and there is always a great thick cream on top.
Place the cream in a saucepan and heat on low. Add in 1 cup of dark chocolate (I keep a 70% bar and shave off bits as needed) and stir until melted. Stir in 1/2 cup of palm sugar, 2 Tb vanilla.Stir occasionally over low heat for about 10-15 minutes. Allow to cool, stirring a few times. Place in fridge and the mixture will thicken up and become a delicious frosting. We use this high protein cupcake as a vehicle to eat this frosting. Enjoy. Balance.