I am officially on my own. Patrick has returned to work and the first day I must have been propelled by post baby endorphins. Lucas slept and I did 4 loads of laundry, made pudding with Eli, cookies with Chloe...and Lucas kept sleeping. I swept the floor, vaccumed, took garbage out and washed dishes. Lucas kept sleeping, infact he has his days and nights so confused I barely saw his eyes. He was happy to show them to me later that evening however, for quite some time. Needless to say on day three of "on my own" and lack of sleep setting in I'm having trouble simply talking myself into taking a shower.
I am having left over pasta for breakfast and Eli has broken into the hummus and rice crackers.
My mind drifts to the two weeks I had Patrick here and the wonderful food he would make for me. His transformation as a third time dad is wonderful to watch. No nerves, multi-tasking laundry, making meals for all of us, and in the middle of it all stopping to scoop up the baby for me and get out a stubborn burp. I was able to rest and heal and it was one of the nicest times I've spent with my family that is now 5.
One day I asked for a fennel salad with apple and sheep feta and Patrick was happy to oblige. And if after 15 years together I ever wonder how he feels, the love letters still find their way to me in the most unlikely of places. That apple says it all, and it was a really good salad.