Write To Me


September 27th-October 25th

Workshop Style Calls with interactive lessons, planning and devotion, one on one messages from me and private Facebook group to share and inspire

Zoom Calls (recorded) Thursdays in October :: 3rd, 10th, 17th and 24th at 11:30am Eastern


I have called them love notes, stories, secret messages. I sent them Thursday mornings at the same time for years. I switched to Fridays, I often send them whenever.

They are communication between myself and the ones who have chosen to exchange an energy with me, space in their inbox for my stories, offers and sharings.

The email list is the heart of a business.

It is how we gather those who support and believe in us and offer them a part of us. We tell stories, share details, wonder, prompt, inspire, get vulnerable and share what we are up to. We often make an ask, a deeper exchange of time or money for our service or product.

This communication between the business owner and the one receiving the letter is sacred.

We are collectively overwhelmed, people are mass unsubscribing to emails in the chaos of too much noise.

This energy exchange of business owner to subscriber is not one way. We can remind those on the other side we are here and we want to hear them. My inbox will fill up after I send an email. This is a big responsibility to hold the words that come back.

“I’ve never found anyone who can write from a place I resonate with so completely.”

“I cried happy tears.”

“I loved this email!!!!!”

“This came at the PERFECT time.”

“I so appreciate you Hannah and the changes you have supported me through in my life.”

“Thank you for sharing your stories and your life.”

“Thank you for being you and your potent honesty. I adore you.”

I often sit down to write when I have convinced myself I have nothing to say because I value these relationships and want to tend them.

It matters. Find your voice. Send the letter.


You tell me:

I don’t know what to say.

I am not consistant.

I only have 30 people on my list.

I feel like I am bothering everyone.

When nobody responds I freeze and stop.

I have nothing to sell, just ideas for a business.

Watching my stats makes me crazy, especially when someone I know unsubscribes.

I don’t want to give things away for free.

The idea of being salesy stops me.

Family members are on my list and that makes me feel inhibited.

Honestly, my newsletter is boring, not sure I would even read it.

So many other people do it better.

I feel like a fraud.

I’ve been working in close circles with people beginning businesses for the last 8 years and this is the place where STUCK is the feeling that becomes the inaction.

I can’t teach you how to write, I can’t make you show up, I can’t promise you no unsubscribes.

What I do is teach you how to let go of everything you think about writing, I guide you to find your why inside of writing to your list and if you start sending your letters more often-with devotion and rhythm-unsubscribes are actually a sign that you are starting to have a clear personal voice.

When I was starting my business with three little kiddos climbing on me, the advice I heard from mentors I loved was to devote yourself to your list.

Everything else could fall away: imagine it does.

You wake up and social media is gone, your website crashed and the only thing left is your list. When was the last time they heard from you? What relationship have you established with them? Do they even recognize your name in their email or wonder how they signed up?

What if you took a year off social media? How would you continue to nurture and grow your business?


Years ago I was taking a course on business and I was asked, “Who are you writing your newsletter to?”

“To myself.”

To myself.

It is too big to think about every person you are writing to, even if it is 30.

You don’t have a voice to 30 people or 30,000 people. You have a voice to one person. You write to one person. Each person that opens and reads your newsletter becomes that one person.

Write To Me is you, me and a small group committed to making this Fall the time that they find that voice and share it.


The plan:

  • Map out 4 dates that you will send 4 letters to your list starting in October

  • Gather in workshop style Zoom calls each week to share some of your writing, ask for ideas, do live writing prompts together (11:30am Eastern for 4 Thursdays) and make a plan that I’ll teach you how to commit to (even the rebels and the unorganized)

  • Create a rhythm so that the letters connect your voice to how you serve and what you do

  • Lift ups from me, I will message you personally to check up on you and make sure you are showing up, and, offer ideas (ideas are my sweet spot)

  • Elevate what you currently are doing with your email list, go from silence to engagement

  • Create an image in your letters that tells the story of your business

  • Explore using video, voice recording, storytelling, art

  • Understand the difference between marketing and selling to your list

  • We begin September 27th, the eve of the New Moon

  • Zoom calls, workshop style and interactive, recorded, October 3rd, 10th, 17th and 24th (This is where I will teach so if you can’t make them LIVE you will want to set aside time to watch the recordings and then report back to us on the FB group

Who is this for:

  • Anyone who wants to have consistency, rhythm, truth, storytelling, connection and trust with their email list

  • Entrepreneurs who have already begun an email list, no matter the size of that list or the activity with it

  • Those who need accountability, help with ideas, a push to sit down and write

  • The person who apologized to their list for not having sent an email in so long (and I’ll share with you why you never have to do that again)

  • Anyone wondering if they can possibly grow their list and actually show up for those people

  • Writer-phobics (I’m going to give you all the reasons you don’t need to know anything about writing to be successful at this)

  • Those who need confidence that you can market and sell to the people on your list without feeling guilty or following bulk formulas



Your programs usually have a written component, is this different?

Yes, this is going to be VERY different than my previous courses. I don’t want this to be a course that can just get lost in your email WAITING for the right time for you to work on it. I want this to be you creating emails to your list NOW.

The course will be delivered workshop style through the Zoom calls, I will present information, tell stories and then give you writing prompts to do live, as we are on the call. There will be options to share some of your writing with our group,or you can choose to just witness. There is a chat box on the side of the Zoom calls, meaning you can type in thoughts and comments as the workshop is being held, connecting with other participants and asking me questions as we go along.

When the Zoom recording is sent out the following day I’ll have some written notes accompanying the recording link in response to our work together and a list of the writing prompts for reference and any other information that needs to be extracted from the call for quick reference.

Is this about selling through email?

We will talk about all the ways you can use writing to your email list, including: storytelling, list making, marketing, selling and promoting. Mostly, this is about connection and consistency. Showing up.

So what do I get for the $175.00?

You will have 4 LIVE workshops with me, connection with the other participants, writing prompts to give you a ton of ideas, a private group where we will share our progress and ask for support.

At the end of this course you will have sent out at least 4 email letters to your list and created a plan to add more names to your list and if you are promoting a product or service you will have a plan for how you’ll work that into your letters.

I will be checking in with each of you personally each week, through whatever you prefer (text, messenger, email). You are getting me one on one as well as in the group setting.

Why did you decide to create this workshop series?

The thing that comes up over and over again in my business coaching with young businesses is the confusion around email lists and an over reliance (frustration) with social media. There is so much fear/avoidance/frustration around creating an email.

Emailing my list is my absolute favorite thing that I do. It pushes me to become a stronger writer and communicator and storyteller. It pushes me to accept responses from others around intimate details I might share. It pushes me to accept love and praise (which is so HARD for me). It pushes me to value my work and talk about it. It pushes me to share opportunities to be part of my work in a way that allows me to feel in full integrity.

If anything, I want you to leave this time together feeling authentic, filled with truth and integrity around how you are communicating in your business.

I will never promise you that you’ll walk away with anything, what I do know is that showing up for ourselves is magical. I am pretty good at showing up and want to share that with you.

After you’ve read through this, if you have questions, feel free to send them to hello@hannahmarcotti.com

The dates are listed below and the link to sign up.

September 27th-October 25th

Workshop Style Calls with interactive lessons, planning and devotion, one on one messages from me and private Facebook group to share and inspire

Zoom Calls Thursdays in October :: 3rd, 10th, 17th and 24th at 11:30am Eastern


Moving goldfish.

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I've been moving goldfish around for about eight years. From one home to another. Moving homes, traveling, when I go away or when we go to NH for the summer.

I move a lot.

The goldfish ride with me in a glass jar and we move back and forth. This is the fifth summer the goldfish have spent in NH.

I've broken so many goldfish bowls.

Once I broke the bowl in the sink and caught the goldfish in my hands, both of us getting cut by glass.

The kids threw a ball and broke the glass, sending water squirting out everywhere, all of us yelling for a bowl to scoop up the fish.

The glass bowls have broken in the van because I didn't secure them while driving.

Last summer our oldest goldfish jumped out of the bowl and died. He was my first fish when I got my Loft all those years ago. 

I love our goldfish. I love how they have kept time with my life. I love that Patrick (kid's dad) has our first goldfish, still alive, almost eleven years old and the size of a baby shark.

On Friday I drove to NH and put the fish in the glass jar and something about moving him around felt different. It didn't feel like chaos, which it always has.

It felt like home.
Like my life.
Like the most beautiful blessing.

The van was piled with the puppies, the hamster cage, my plants, clothes, baby gates, the glass fish bowl, all the tomatoes from the garden. I could feel something changing. We were supposed to have a back yard bbq for Dave's friends the next morning and nothing was prepared and I wasn't stressed out. It was nine at night before I started driving home.

In the past, this is when the goldfish bowl would have broken. In the whoa-is-me-high-drama of my life.

Studying Enneagram since becoming sober has changed me this last year.

I am a Four, The Individualist.

When I first heard a Podcast with other Fours describing themselves I cried. Then listened over and over again.

This. Finally, I had a map.

From the Enneagram Institute's website ::

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

  • Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance

  • Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an

Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer."


The last few days I've been inside of the melancholy, the withholding, the moody. And. All of the ways I've wanted to lash out and react and blame and gaslight and go selfishly forth into crashing shit apart hasn't happened. 

I also haven't been able to speak. I know what I want to say, but every word that tries to escape gets gobbled up by inadequacies and fear.

The retreat of my four right now is about trying to find the words without the chaos. Without going back into the old ways.

I am up against how I've taught people to treat me in the past because of my behavior and my addictions.

I've been holding myself back from all my old shit-reactions, repeating wait, wait, wait-like I do with the puppies.

I've imagined writing the first chapter of a book on my sobriety.

My partner hasn't had a drink in almost four months and the whites of his eyes are shining, glowing with healing. He is challenging everything he had set up as truth in his past.

Pretty certain he is Enneagram Two, understanding that has brought me to a whole new place of healing our relationship. Everything I've ever read about our coupling from Enneagram to horoscope to woo-woo you name it insists that we make better friends and colleagues than lovers. I'm sure it's true given our struggles, AND, we we our each other's medicine.

The patterns we set up when we were in the heart of addictive behaviors haven't just gone away.

They are being gently re-worked. 

The way we see ourselves doesn't go away.

The amount of healing I've had this past year literally surpasses the healing of the last two decades of my life.

And. Now the hard part begins.

Not reacting in the same ways.

Teaching those we love who we are now.

As a four, I wanted the rescuer my whole life.

As a sober four, I realized as I drove the goldfish home (again) that the rescuer doesn't need to be called on if there isn't the chaos. 

Which also means the one doing the rescuing won't have the same job any more.

The chaos of all the moving and the goldfish dramas and the fights and the obsessing and the love addictions isn't happening and I am mourning what my past self set up as truth. (Oh, and the shame, the shame is starting to melt.)


"Mom, were you a drunk?" my fourteen year old asks.

"I don't know Eli..." I start to rehearse the words to tell him that addiction is a spectrum, not black and white and that it isn't always about the amount we drink but how and why we drink or do what we do, but his words are faster than mine.

"I like hanging out with you a lot more now."

"I like it a lot more too."


Probably a chapter in my book.


If you want to chat about Enneagram or relationships or sobriety or goldfish, I'm just here on the other end of this, leave a comment like the old days.

I see you. I appreciate you. I adore you.

Meet me at the dream.

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The kids aren't sure who to trust. Me. Or the rest of the world.

When they blow out their birthday candles I tell them that a wish and a dream have a greater chance of coming true the more people you tell.

Conventional wisdom tells them to keep their wishes secret.

I like to conspire with the Universe and with as many humans as I can. Meet me at the dream and it will grow. Meet me at the dream and together we can believe in it, nurture it, give it sparks of possibility.

I am new.

I've been saying this since I decided to release alcohol back in April of 2018.

I am new.


Healing relationship.

Deeper knowing of who I am through Enneagram work, Four Tendency understanding, Archetype embodiment, Tarot study.

Chakra healing. Oil healing.

Ever evolving Spiritstyle.

Physical therapy for my knee after not walking for months.

Becoming a puppy mama for two rescues( because one would be too easy???).

Simplicity practices, reset practices, beauty practices, body practices.

The voice inside of me is calling out to dream again. To release the she who was so the integration of this next becoming has a place to be held.

I’m (re)visioning the prompts for the dream work I have been doing for years in my circles and inviting in the magical child archetype to guide the work.

Five dreams. Visioning. Feeling inside the dreams. How we can live into that now. Our becoming.

My work right now in all my Enneagram Fourness is seeing and feeling the simplicity of what I have as my joy. Not constantly looking outside myself for something to complete me, make me happy, allow everything to be OK.

I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then. - Alice in Wonderland

How does that then match up to dreaming?

This is the trick. To use the dreams as a way to source the feeling inside of the dreams in your NOW.

The practice is one where we allow ourselves the truth that incredible possibility exists, perhaps is even alive and true the moment we think it, and then realize the feeling inside the dream, live into it, allowing faith and grace space.

Living into it.

I am not who I was yesterday.

I've let some big dreams that no longer align with who I am be released to make space for my newness.

There is that moment when I think I've failed, that I'm using fear to put a halt to those big dreams.

But when I get really quiet I realize those dreams were motivated by a need for attention, for feeling like I had something to prove. For looking outside of myself.

These new dreams that are emerging I can feel as part of a much younger self, a magical child archetype that keeps visiting me. The child who bought a chick from her friend at school for a nickel (he wanted a dime, I bargained). He brought it to me at school and the story goes that my teacher was chasing it down the hallway at recess. While my parents I have to imagine did not dream of having a chicken, they let me have her.

My father just told me some wild chicken like bird has come to his porch in the high dessert of OR, and has adopted him. He thinks it is the spirit of my childhood chicken come home to him!

I have let dreams that I once held in my magical child self go because they didn't fit into the world I was in with others. They didn't fit into what others thought I could or should do.

This time in the dreams I'm letting the voices of all else go and letting my magical child guide me.

I love magic. I love believing in things I can't see. And if we continue our Alice in Wonderland thread going, the Queen tells Alice that she must practice believing in impossible things, Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. (Yes, this might just become a visioning prompt!)

Carve out a couple of weeks to begin visioning, making lists and a few other creative projects, beginning under Leo's New Moon, August 1st. The daily emails will be short little bites of inspiration to allow your hands to be creative and your mind to relax into a practice of joy and allowing.

Five Beautiful Dreams. Meet me at the dream.

Five Beautiful Dreams {A Two Week Visioning Practice}


The first five dreams were written on a scrap piece of paper glued onto a vision page with the top reading, “Your Words.” I didn’t know then that this page would guide my becoming and that of hundreds of women to come.

Those five beautiful dreams began a way of living into feeling as guide, allowing the dreams to become visions and those visions to be feelings we live into in the now.


That little scrap piece of paper sent my life into a spin. I was asked to teach at a retreat, multiple ones. I started traveling my work, I healed inside my marriage before deciding to release it, my business became the most magical thing I could have imagined creating.

I started to teach the five beautiful dreams to others, using a dream to break down the visions of our lives (all the possibilities that exist), tapping into our intuition (sometimes a dream is just a dream and it doesn’t need to go further), sourcing the feeling that created the dream (so we can live inside of it now).

We created vision pages for each dream using prompts to dig into areas of lives, some tender, some playful, some adventurous, some held deep in shadows and shame.

The act of visioning allowed us to find language we might not have had, it gave our sacral chakra an outlet for creativity and sensuality, it offered us the way to see our dreams as reality right now, the abundance of what could become.


Recently I’ve found myself brand new.


Healing relationship.

Deeper knowing of who I am through Enneagram work, Four Tendency understanding, Archetype embodiment, Tarot study.

Chakra healing. Oil healing.

Ever evolving Spiritstyle.

Physical therapy for my knee after not walking for months.

Becoming a puppy mama for two rescues( because one would be too easy???).

Simplicity practices, reset practices, beauty practices, body practices.

The voice inside of me is calling out to dream again. To release the she who was so the integration of this next becoming has a place to be held.

I’m (re)visioning the prompts for the dream work and I want to invite you to work with me.

Five dreams. Visioning. Feeling inside the dreams. How we can live into that now. Our becoming.

  • Two weeks of email prompts with videos, photos and stories

  • Together we’ll find our dreams and vision them out

  • We will look at what our part is in taking action and in trusting/faith/surrender

  • Using the feelings inside the dreams we’ll unlock what already is

  • Our hands will be busy with magazines and glue and creating while our minds learn to relax into the process of making beauty and receiving messages

  • While we are working inside of our vision books (you’ll just need a blank book that you love) I will also show you how to make cards, candles and tiny altar tins

  • Gathering in a FB group we will be able to share our vision pages and discuss prompts inside of our practices, you can do the visioning practice without the FB group

  • This is a short, daily practice for two weeks to get us dreaming into our becoming while feeling and living into our now

  • The emails will be tiny daily bites, no overwhelm, no getting behind; use what you need now, save the rest for later

  • $49.00… beginning August 1st

Beginning under the New Moon on August 1st together we dream.

I tell my kids when they blow out their birthday candles that most people think you don’t tell your wishes so they come true, I believe the opposite is true. Tell as many people as possible your dreams. Give your dreams space to become.


What you’ll need…

  • A blank book of any sort, nothing fancy, a book you can glue and write inside of (I love Moleskine)

  • Magazines, catalogues, printed materials you can cut up

  • Glue, scissors, card stock, an Altoid Tin, a tall glass candle (like these you can get at Target and grocery stores)

I didn't write to you from the airport.


That feeling when you see your girlfriends after too long and have so much to say you are all talking over each other and the only thing that keeps you quiet is the food you are inhaling because food with them is so much better: that feeling.

I'll list it out.

  • I've been reading fiction and I have three amazing finds thanks to asking all of you on social media. I'm hooked. I barely remember non-fiction. Please hit reply and give me more ideas!

  1. All The Crooked Saints Here is a thing everyone wants: A miracle. Here is a thing everyone fears: What it takes to get one. (It was that line that pulled me right in. Brilliant.)

  2. My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She is Sorry At night Elsa takes refuge in her grandmother's stories, in the Land of Almost-Awake and the Kingdom of Miamas where everybody is different

  3. The Dreamers In an isolated college town in the hills of Southern California, a freshman girl stumbles into her dorm room, falls asleep—and doesn’t wake up.

  • Dave and I and our puppies (plural, I know, I know) have moved into our cabin in NH for the summer. The kids will be joining us soon for camp. Potty training finally got the best of me and we are trying a new plan thanks again to asking on social media. I love you all and your beautiful support and ideas.

  1. We changed their location in the house to a small area with no rugs and have only their toys and crates out for them.

  2. We are making a puppy schedule that will flow with my work schedule.

  3. There will be one door only for potty and going out for walks or the car. The other door will be to the back deck and yard for play and swimming.

  4. Crates, tethers, treats; we are getting there. I never thought I would compare a puppy to a baby, but I feel all the same feelings, like when do I get a shower?? Luckily, I know how by now!

  • We went on a seven day trip to CO and Utah with all five of the kids. Major family bonding. Dave and I felt incredibly proud. We saw my grandfather who was turning 99 and the kids adored him and thought he was hilarious. He is.

  1. Arches National Park blew my mind, I want a week there with Dave.

  2. We floated in the Great Salt Lake and that was the coolest thing ever, it is like you are bobbing out of the water because of all the salt.

  3. We went during a time when we don't have a lot of money to spare so we used points, brought a cooler so we could make sandwiches for lunches and made our own food when we could. We have a fourth grader and they get into all National Parks free so that was a huge savings. We spent $ on ice cream and the Hot Springs and some pottery in a thrift store that I carried back on the plane in a paper bag ripping along the way.

  • My grandfather asked me when I was going to write my newsletter. I told him, "In the airport." That did not happen. I had done all my work ahead and thought for sure I'd find time to write. What I actually found was presence. To just be where we were inside of what we all needed. Others things I found...

  1. Sleeping in one hotel room (we did it for three nights, the others were Airbnb) with five kids is not actually under the category of sleep.

  2. Dave bought me a ring at the thrift store and I lost it at the Salt Lake. The next day before the airport he drove us all the way back there to go find it. He made a grid pattern with all of us and our youngest found it. This is how he loves me.

  3. I don't need to always have something to say or share. I still have this weird personal pressure to. I have less of a need for attention and a deep desire for peace. I'm curious where this is taking me. I couldn't think of one profound thing to say, I still can't. This is so OK.

  • When we got back I realized I still have no internet, the operation here is tiny, try getting someone on the phone. I rescheduled a Zoom call and then because I was missing a whole day from travel forgot about a Live Chat. One of the ways you can see proof of your work is in how you handle personal failures. Rise or fall.

  1. One of the woman sent me a message asking if I was OK which seemed odd.

  2. I realized it was Sunday not Saturday.

  3. I was in awe that they held the chat anyway, supported each other and didn't really skip a beat. Blessed. Rise. Root. Take the puppy out to pee. Repeat.

  • A few things are grounding me right now, and grounding is how I feel Spirit. A bit unrooted as change feels oddly unfamiliar.

  1. 25 heads of lettuce in my garden. Please send recipes for your favorite ways to eat leaves.

  2. My partner. Two weeks together without the kids (we get very few days without the kids so this is HUGE) so I was joking that we are so tired from the trip and now two puppies that we are almost not speaking. I love not speaking with him. He has gone through the most beautiful changes and our relationship is at its most lovely.

  3. The lake. Falling into the water that feels like a bath and just letting my body stretch out and swim. Every single time I'm reminded of this life I called forth and want to be more and more inside of its beauty.

  4. Really bad TV. With no internet I'm watching TLC and Discovery channel, just needing to get lost into lives that aren't mine. A reset for my brain so I can pause. A break from all learning, just the ridiculousness of 90 Day Fiancé and Alien shows.

  • As I was writing this I took the two pups out to pee. They both did. Then I took them both out again as one was whining. They both pooped.

  1. I'm calling it the greatest success of my life.

  2. In the chaos I got these words written and a bunch of lettuce picked and washed.

  3. I'm using a hot spot to write this and still waiting for internet. La Croix by my side. Going to a friend's house for dinner with my fanny pack filled with treats and dreaming of puppy bedtime.

  4. Dave sent a text that said, "Thank you for being the best Mama to our puppies so that we'll have the most amazing dogs for our family."

That is my all the things check in. All my love from this little pocket of time. Send recipes for leaves and puppy stories. xo

Dogs. Depression. Delilah and Dave.


They handed her to Dave like a baby and he held her over his shoulder while she shook.

We went outside after the big congratulations from the rescue group and before getting in the car we just sat with her on the pavement letting her work through her fear.

I held her as Dave drove. Within one minute I asked him to pull over so I could drive instead. She was scratching me up and I knew he could hold her to feel more secure.

I pulled into a Dunkin Donuts, I think that is now just Dunkin which is super annoying as someone who grew up with D&D, to go pee. We took the dog out and when I went into the building she stood crying for me. Attachment was already happening. She had never been on a leash, her confusion obvious.

I looked out the window and saw Dave snuggling her in the grass. I came out with hot chocolate and iced coffee and we climbed in the van and headed north.

She fell asleep in his arms on the way to the lake.

A few months back when Dave and I were in an awakening inside of our relationship I saw myself without him, living in little house with the kids, a tiny yard and I saw a dog. The relationship as we were in it was not functioning, it was highly co-dependant and unhealthy. He was inside of big anger from years and years of shit storms before me, but I was the one holding it and it was making me turn into anger. A mirror.

We agreed to work on ourselves and commit to our relationship while we did so. It was hard, hard work. I was getting sober, he was leaning into an understanding of depression.

Our entire selves became new. Our relationship healed and the man I knew I deserved started to be the man I was living with.

The rule we had made when we first met, no babies, no dogs, was about to be challenged.

"I know we said no dogs, and I want animal love in our home. For us, the kids."
He said he kind of did too, but he was concerned how much work it would be and that our kids wouldn't help.

It was months later that I found her.

This bulldog faced white puppy with kind eyes and a mom described as a gentle giant. The mom, Star had been found in a ditch with her five puppies, the only thing keeping them alive was that decision, as there was just enough water in the ditch.

I sent Dave a photo and said, "I need her."

I expected his usual talk about how much work, kids being blah blah. And he didn't. He told me a few days later he had wanted to go find her and pick her up and surprise me with her.

We looked at her siblings and Dave was quite taken with her sister. He said, "Let's get them both."

And we were off. Adoption forms filled out, requests made. The dog I had fallen in love with was in high demand as her photo was on Instagram and they said we couldn't adopt two dogs at once (which turned out to not be true, but another story) but that her sister could be matched with us.

Delilah Moon, we named her and waited. And then she was in Dave's arms shaking while he fell in love instantly.

Life is spiral. It is a contraction and expansion, the expansion being wider and stronger each time the contraction takes place.

After the contraction in our relationship our hearts opened up to more, other. Delilah is a healer, I can feel it in her. It is a shit ton of work right now, we are all in. Working with her is teaching us as a family.

I'm tired. We get up early to pee and I am off my own rhythm to care for her inside of hers. This morning I was so grateful to get my coffee poured before starting in on her training.

If I wasn't sober I would be losing it right now. Exhausted. Resentful of her needs. Pissed that I lost my rhythm.

Sobriety is the key to everything that is working in my life. It is my secret weapon, my superpower, my absolute love.

In just five days she is sitting on cue, mostly listening when we say no, really good at come, and because she has low drives (no food drive so far but she adores praise) we are overdoing the good girl, thank you words of affirmation. We hung a bell on the door and she went over to it for the first time today when she needed to go out.

Potty training is close.

This was a big deal for us. I believe she is Dave's dog, his animal love, here to shift the energy with him. And she is my vision now real after lots of action and becoming new to support her in our life, she is my next understanding of patience and peace. And the kids, they are so happy.

I've already planted the seeds for puppy two. For now, the expansion is taking us on a ride.

Things are settling in.

Welcome Delilah. 

Stop giving up social media


We are in the second week of the Reset Wildthing, Reset : A summer awakening.

One of the things that comes up for people is wanting to take social media breaks. I wanted to share with you why I think giving up things for any arbitrary period of time doesn't work and how the resets support the reasons behind why we want to make change and the flow of our life.

We can give up sugar for 30 days and then on day 31 binge of cupcakes because the why was, give up sugar for 30 days.

We can give up social media for 28 days and then binge on Instagram and Facebook in our endless loop just the way we were before Day 1 began because our why was giving up social media for 28 days.

Most of us can give up anything for a period of time. That 'giving up' mindset makes us want the thing more. It almost puts this really pretty spin on, makes it shinier.

Instead of giving something up, the reset idea is about creating a life you want to be inside, that you feel yourself inside of.

If you know that apps on phones are making you stupider (this is researched, go check out Cal Newport) and your phone tells you that you spend 4 hours a day committed to becoming stupider, there is a strong likelihood you'll want to do something about that.

James Clear talks about habit change foundations, among them, who you want to be; I want to be someone who... and then that is what creates the motivation for change.

In iterative living, there are three parts that we play inside of.

She who was.

Who I am now.

My becoming.

The resets are how we use the data from all of these parts and try on who we want to be, inside of our now, using the knowings from who we were to source the changes we want to make. In other words, the parts exist and work together, challenging the classical way we think about time and choice.

If social media is clearly a problem in your work life, relationships, family, stillness and focus and productivity the way into the reset is thinking about what you do want, who you want to be.

For me, I want to be someone who works until Noon each day and then has the rest of the day to focus on my home and my kids and my health. Any work I do after Noon I wanted to be extra, bonus, getting ahead, or the occasional hitting deadlines for something bigger than the normal work flow.

If I spend my morning on social media this will not and does not happen. Social media is part of my business so it is worked into my time, but only after 10am unless my work happens to be done before 10am.

So rather than taking a social media break, the binge and purge cycle, I have created a few reset practices around social media not interrupting my brain during my work cycle which is, minus some commuting a kiddo to school, from 5:15am (soon to be 5:00am) until Noon.

The first reset began months ago by setting my coffee pot up at night as a sort of alarm. I don't want my coffee to burn so I get UP! I set my alarm for 10 minutes after the coffee pot starts brewing.

My big reset for productivity as a work at home mama was to start to batch work. Instead of floating all over the place from emails to social media to my FB groups to newsletter writing to course creation I decided I wanted to be someone who was done working at Noon with the potential to have entire days free from the computer once I got more efficient.

I work in a focused chunk of time in the morning, free of distraction. I don't exercise or meditate in the morning. I write. I take photos for my shop. I create new offerings. Some days I answer emails or work on deleting emails or unsubscribing to emails. I write down ideas. This works for me as someone who is tapped into a clear mind early, unless distracted by social media and my phone.

Later in the day I meditate, I walk, I post to social media, I listen to podcasts, I pay bills, I clean my house, I read, I wash clothes for the shop, I water plants, I prep meals, I garden. Sometimes I get inspired and I keep working, this is extra, bonus, above what needed to get done.

I didn't need to purge social media, I needed to build practices in my life that don't include the distraction of my phone. Sometimes I actually lose my phone during the day because it isn't part of my flow in the morning.

My biggest why behind everything; I want to live inside of kindness. When I'm feeling like shit about what I'm not doing because I'm lost in someone else's life on social media that isn't kind.

When I show up for myself and my business and my family, the time I spend on social media can reflect the kindness I want to feel. I can leave comments and blessings lifting others up. I can catch up on people who bring me inspiration and help me feel like a beautiful human on this planet.

The reset cycle we use in my circles is six days of a chosen practice and then on the seventh day we integrate and look at how that worked for us. This is the flow of Sabbath, the seventh day of rest. Using this seventh day to integrate the changes we made in our week, looking at who we are now.

Then we choose. And begin again. We keep going, we add on, we adjust, we rewire.

I love who I become inside of kindness. I love building a life that supports kindness practices.

The other day we were in New Hampshire on the lake and we don't have internet there and roaming doesn't work. The kids have just accepted this way of being there without much push back because I think their little brains are so happy to not have the constant pressure of the feedback loop of their phones.

We were standing on the deck watching an empty hole in the grass, waiting to see if a chipmunk would run out of it. We were quiet. We were in solitude together.

I said, "You know, this was what my life as a child was like. Staring at holes in the ground, sitting and wondering out windows onto the grass."

They laughed.

"We just want you to know this, to have moments where your life is filled with doing absolutely nothing or what you want to be working towards and it feeling so good," I told them.

We all stood there longer than it felt made sense to stare at a hole. The chipmunk never came out. When we got home we expected them to all run and jump on wifi.

The fourteen year old went out and played basketball. He wants to make the High School team. He wants to be someone who kicks ass in basketball.

After wearing himself out he put on a podcast and ate our entire pantry.

There are over 70 women participating in this round of the Reset Wildthing, Reset and I am in awe watching them navigate the she who was, who they are now and their becomings.

Every week (day, moment) we have an opportunity to begin the next week (day, moment) inside of new iterations of self and practices.

Instead of giving up social media if there are parts that you adore or use for work or to be inside of community, figure out who you want to become.

What is important to you?

In each day what do you want?

To feel yourself in your life, what practices do you need?

What parts of self can you try on, play inside of, experiment with?

A big shout of to the women of the reset; I see you. Keep going.

To the women in My Great Big Fantastical Life, who get resets and prompts each week for a year; I adore you. Keep going.

To all of you; I appreciate you. Thank you for being here.

A page a day and ordinary things


Each week I add one or two resets to piggyback the resets that I've chosen to live inside, to create this great big fantastical life, the life I can now feel myself inside of. I wanted to share what I'm working with this week.

My first is a book called The Book of Life : Daily Meditations, which I've owned for years and have tried to work my way into but couldn't attach to. Probably because it was long before I was living a life inside of resets that brought me to this awakening of presence. I literally followed through on pretty much nothing. 

This week I'm going in, I'm giving myself six days to see if it adds to my healing practices and feeling of presence and calm. I went back and looked at May 31st and the synchronicity was amazing.

He talked about habits and the resisting of habits, I wrote more about it here.

My second reset that I'll be piggybacking on is my practice of sharing simple and ordinary things that bring more beauty to our lives. I have wanted to start this on Instagram and perhaps pull them onto my blog, and I've come up with every reason to not do it.

I'm giving myself six days to create a ritual around this sharing then I'll evaluate if I want to keep going. I am going to plan what hashtag I'll use today.

I've started hearing from those who joined the reset and some of their resets are around relationship to sugar, the struggle in releasing, connecting to the sacred and devotion, being seen and the one we are all in on together, hydration in place of alcohol (which to me is the Grace of our Being, allowing ourselves to feel without the numbing of a substance).

My day today started with an omelette (which is one of the simple ordinary things I want to share), a reading from the Book of Life, getting my phone's hotspot to give me wifi to work, drinking water out of my Kombucha glass jar with unicorns on it, listening to Dave build our new garden beds while he listens to his fantasy book, floating ten feet off the ground looking at the picture of our *fingers crossed and don't tell my kids* new puppy who I want to name Delilah Moon, preparing for my Zoom call with my Business Circle tomorrow and checking in obsessively with the private Instagram account for the Reset Wildthing, Reset.

We need this. We've got this. Together. I am already so inspired by us.

Today is our preparation day, tomorrow we step into the magic of trusting ourselves. If I seem a little bit over the moon, stars and sun about this reset, it is because I am.

This practice saves my life. This is how I wake up and go to sleep each day. I choose myself in kindness, which then becomes how I show up in the world, in kindness.

And. I adore you. Thank you for being on the other side of these words.

Trade me your wasted time for some shape shifting magic


Trade me your wasted time and I'll show you how to create shape-shifting magic in your life.

Here's how we'll do the trade.

Go to your phone and find the thing where it tells you how much time you've spent on it. Subtract out the time that you consider a waste from what you consider productive time.

Take that number and trade me, for just six days, and in that wasted time we'll create magic. In fact, you may end up with time left.

Magic is active, choice, powerfully directed thoughts, the sacred infused with the practical.

If you say you don't have time to create a more amazing life, I ask you to look your wasted time, and I'll show you how to walk every day, how to go to sleep with the dishes clean, how to get dressed in your Spiritstyle, how to bend time to have more of it, how to make systems around food or any of the things that you've been wanting to do but say you don't have time or energy for.

My promise to you is that there is time and the energy comes from the practices.

The energy is sourced from the resets.

We begin in the morning and there is a private Instagram account (which will be linked in the morning email) where we will gather and claim our resets and check in with each other. I'll be in the Stories talking and telling stories to you.

Six days for your wasted time. I'm going to teach you to weave magic into your life, all I ask is for your wasted time.

My real talk about six days of no alcohol


The first thing I ask you to do in this reset is to switch alcohol with water or fizzy water drinks or, like I did, herbal tea. For six days.

On the seventh day, we will look at how you are/feel/want. That seventh day is the heart of the reset. It is where the data you collect gives you choice.

Choice is your superpower. 

I am imagining a few responses to the alcohol release reset.

  1. I don't drink. Easy. What else have you got for me?

  2. I have been wanting some space from alcohol, this is perfect for me right now to have the support of others doing this with me. 

  3. Um, nope.

Now group 3, you are my people. I was in the um, nope category until last year. I loved to drink, I thought I was quite good at it.

Releasing alcohol for six days will be harder for this group, it will test you. You will think about it and want it, your body will begin a slow detox or you just won't do this reset because,um, nope.

What happens when you give yourself six days free from being altered from a substance that doesn't allow you to be the fullest expression of who you are is magical. And scary. It is freedom and prison. It is expansion and contraction somehow swirling together.

I honestly thought releasing alcohol was the stupidest idea until one day it felt like the only way forward. If you are in this third group, I want you to know I'll be there, with you. Pouring more tea than seems reasonable and hoarding boxes of Lacroix in my van so my kids can't drink it all. 

I went from thinking not drinking was stupid to sourcing a sacred, open, free, expansive, beautiful, glowing life. I had no idea what living unaltered could be like. I had no idea what I was capable of, who I could truly become without it.

I had no idea how much it was taking from me, from my ability to love and connect and be inside of my life.

I am so wildly passionate about living this way that it is the foundation of this reset. For six days I want you to know that you can, that you deserve, that you are that worthy.

Reset Wildthing, Reset : a summer awakening


What if I could read this to you? Click here

What if you could step into the first day of summer with a full body and spirit awakening?

What if healing was something you woke up inside of rather than waiting for something to go wrong?

What if you could feel yourself inside of your life, connected and turned on?

What if energy was your renewable resource based on your daily choices?

What if weekly resets with the adoration of other women lifting you could guide you into summer feeling joy, calm and presence?

What if you could expand time, lead with compassion and deepen your conversations with the Universe?

What if your future self could ask these practices of you and promise you in return, three resets (weeks) later, your Wildthing spirit return?


I used to feel highly disappointed in myself, on repeat. I wanted to read more, I didn’t. I would dream of daily walks in the woods and then sit on my ass thinking about them some more. I wished I had more energy then would drink a bottle of wine. I had writing and learning dreams and then the phone would be in my hand and I would scroll, scroll, scroll and look at all the people who instantly would feed into my feelings of less than.

On the outside I looked highly productive, I was making good money, kids were seemingly fine, I had manifested a partner. But I was broken inside. I was disconnected from my integrity. I could feel myself falling further and further away from my life. I was functioning to make it all work, but I couldn’t feel myself inside of it.

Sometimes I would take vitamins. Every so often I’d buy a book, start it, leave it, no book would be finished. I kept thinking about those woods I could walk in. I was having great sex, but so much of it was make up sex after fighting; I was dreaming about the kind of sex that was like restorative yoga. Every time I sipped red wine my face would break out in these hot red hives and my fingers would swell, so I switched to white.

I have a rebel tendency which means I’m likely to say no before yes even if I want to and that anyone else telling me what to do triggers me into not wanting to. Here is the catch, even with myself. I will instantly push against anything I want to do. This can make change challenging, except for this one little trick I call, trying her on.

It might be my years of theatre or my enneagram four fantasy world, trying things on, playing inside of who I want to become, allows me to flow into change without the rebel yell of NO. My becoming is my guide as I try her on.

The other thing that was making change difficult was the idea of such long term commitments, 21 days, 28 days, 30 days; I couldn’t wrap my brain around that, I was quitting before I began.

So I made a little game that became known as resets.

Six days of trying something on, full on, all in. Then on the seventh day, rest and integration and the data collecting of how I felt, what worked, what I loved.

If I felt amazing and could feel myself more inside of my life, I kept the reset going for another six days while adding in a new reset on top of it.

I knew that I would only need to make space for change for six days then I would be invited back into choice.

I’ve been doing weekly resets for a year now and I feel awake, alive, connected, worthy, adored, valued, energized. I’ve shifted time, adding hours to my day even though it seems like I’ve taken on doing more. I am led by the ritual of my practices and the celebrations of simplicity.

All the things I’ve thought about doing for years, I now do, and they have transformed how I fit into my life.


Since starting my resets I…

am alcohol, caffeine, grain (while I manage panic attacks) and dairy free.

ended my salt addiction and have lowered my blood pressure.

walk in the woods daily, even in the pouring rain.

take vitamins, krill oil, cbd, and other supplements that support me.

have finished, finished, three books and started reading fiction again.

don’t go to sleep with dishes in the sink.

practice connected, calm, ritualized sex with my partner which helps both of us sleep better.

am learning about and diffuse essential oils in the house to support myself and my kids.

spend time in quiet/meditation or with a guided meditation.

have started cold water swims on weekends to reset my nervous system. (When I don’t want to my kids scream, “Mom, reset reset!!!”)

make magnesium foot baths with herbs and oils to calm my body.

infuse my days with Spiritstyle for who I am trying to embody, often athletic Spiritstyle now.

am studying and learning tarot, doing daily reads for myself as part of my integrity practice.

am starting to wake up at 5:30am to work for an hour before my kids get up, giving me more time in my day, even for naps.

spend time barefoot in the grass, earthing (sometimes just when I go get the mail).

can feel myself in my life.

(Keep in mind, this is my list, the things that I value and crave and need. Your list will be yours.)


How our time together will work

On each of the three Saturday’s, starting June 1st, I will guide you into the three resets that I believe are the heartbeat of a summer awakening.

The first, swap alcohol for water or fizzy water drinks.

The second, walk in nature.

The third, sit in quiet.

For each of these weeks I’ll ask you to design a reset around something you are desiring, needing inside of your life. If you already do the three I offer you, you can choose another one. You will piggy back the two resets together. At the end of each week, we’ll look at how you feel, what is new, if you’d like to continue with that reset, how it might need to shift. Then we will layer on.

The practice of a reset is based on simplicity and peacefulness. It is gentle. It is healing. It is beauty.

What this is not

This is not a fixed time challenge. This isn’t a 21 day exercise in what you can avoid and swim inside of lack and then on day 22 go binge and feel like shit again.

This is about waking up each day inside of healing. This is about who you want to become and then stepping into a six day reset to try her on. This is about adding practices to your life that give you more time, space, joy, healing, love, calm, presence, awe.

The idea is that at the end of only three weeks you will have a foundation for a life that you can FEEL, truly be inside of actively, presently, with a connection to Spirit/Universe/God that flows through you.

Each week you are accumulating practices that you’ll crave more of each week. If you don’t, you release it and try something else.

How I will support you

Each Saturday I’ll send out a Reset Wildthing, Reset email to guide you inside the practice of resets and share some stories and ideas.

There will be a private Instagram account set up just for us. I’ll talk to you there in the Stories and offer you support and guidance and I’ll be posting and asking questions on the feed. This is where we will connect. You absolutely can do this without the Instagram, it is another layer in connection if you feel drawn to that.

I want this to be simple so that you will do it, not just think about it.

I want to offer you practices that will bring you into a gorgeous summer awakening on June 21st and continue to support you after our time together.

I believe a gorgeous life has faith, grace, action, beauty, choices of integrity, devotion and kindness.

The resets will take you there.

Resets work because they aren’t about letting go of an identity, they are working towards a becoming of your choosing. When I was struggling with releasing alcohol it was the separation of the identity of being the host, the fun one at the party, the way I used it to play the part of an extroverted socially ‘on’ person. I was fun. Mostly, I wasn’t happy. I drank to find happiness.

Spoiler. Didn’t work.

Once I started looking at who I wanted to become I looked at people who had released alcohol for a gorgeous life and I knew that is what I wanted. Their eyes were shining and clear, they were focused on body healing, they were productive. And. They were feeling their feelings, being in time with what was real. It wasn’t covered up with alcohol.

This is who I wanted to be. Free of something that altered me out of integrity and kindness. Free of waking up feeling like shit. Free of not living fully into the most beautiful life possible.

Once I spent a few cycles of resets without alcohol I realized I was becoming her. I was choosing it.

Time expands. Healing becomes a daily exploration. Your nervous system will reset.

On the seventh days, we will ask ourselves if the reset gave to our life, lifted us up or if it depleted us, pulled from us.

We will look at ways to shift things around if something didn’t work quite as we hoped. When I first started getting up at 5:30am I initially didn’t have success following through because I didn’t know how to use the time. Once I realized I work incredibly well first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee and like to exercise and meditate later in the day, my wake ups have been awesome.

I’ve gained hours in my day for quiet and stillness and walking and reading. I don’t touch my phone, other than listening to stories in the van, until after 10am whereas in the past an hour of my day could have gone to phone scrolling before 10am.

I have been wanting to hold this reset for weeks, the missing piece for me was ritualizing and batching my work so I could add in. Once I found my flow using resets, ease carried me.

Each week I begin excited with what I could learn and layer in and let become part of my ritual of self and identity.

I want this for you. Clear eyes, excess energy, nature as your temple, Spirit whispering back to your prayers.

The resets are a devotional to who you are, who you are becoming.

The resets will change your way of being inside of your life.

The resets give you a way to feel yourself in your life.

How drinking moderately changed my life.


(The cards in the photo are from a participant in My Great Big Fantastical Life, an exercise we are doing making what we call, Grace of My Being cards. The Supra Oracle deck is one of my teaching tools in the circle and the pink salt is for sorting chaotic energy.)

Starting with, I have no idea what moderate drinking even is. There are guidelines, there are formulas, but whatever, to me it was drinking less. A shit ton less. Like three drinks in three months, not a daily drink moderation.

Recently I was asked why I didn't just land there, if I could drink less, why didn't I choose that? Why did I stop drinking?

I assumed that would be an easy answer but I've found myself thinking about the question for weeks.

It feels more like not drinking found me, invited me inside of it.

There was a insane amount of emotional space taken up when moderately drinking; should I drink at that party, if I'm not drinking will I fit in, one drink leading to the next day feeling to have another, not wanting to seem 'other' in social situations.

And the biggest one, I was no longer allowing myself to manage my anxiety through drinking, but keeping the door open for moderation was causing me deep anxiety.

I wanted to stop drinking but didn't want to BE a person who had stopped drinking. That was not the identity I had ever lived towards.

I realized those three drinks I had in those three months weren't about me. They were about wanting to fit in, conform, please others. I knew inside that my time with alcohol (as I always say, for today) was over. For today, I choose not to drink. The times I chose to were not for myself. 

Once you receive the invitation to release alcohol and get a glimpse of your own integrity it is really hard to take those sips without it consuming your brain space.

Thinking about if I would drink or not, or if it was moderate enough, was exhausting. 

More than anything, living into my integrity has been iterative living kicking my ass on most days. I can't play from integrity if I drink. I don't feel kindness when I drink.

Those were my deal breakers. It has taken this entire year to feel like I know what the ground is since I stopped drinking. 

You redefine everything, your identity, the way people respond to you, your position on alcohol, the way you look at people in a group who drink and slowly become other.

That is brutal.

There is a softening, it does come, and it feels in so many ways like starting over. A return to a young self that you get to raise through a smarter, grown up body.

Dave and I used to drink almost every night of the week and Bloody Mary on Saturdays. Now we giggle more, fight less, talk deeper and longer, eat cookies with milk, read more books, love sweeter, walk in the woods every day together at the time when we would have been pouring a glass of wine, begin Saturday's with pancakes and hot chocolate and honor each other in our choices.

I'm not writing this so I can convince anyone to stop drinking.

I honestly am not invested in your drinking.

I am invested in my integrity and living into what that means, one part is being honest about my journey with alcohol and giving space to hold my point of view and share stories just as I would any other part of my healing work.

Because this decision has redefined everything for me. I can't leave it out of the story.

And for you: to take care of you, if my stories about drinking/not drinking will trigger you or confront you in a way that isn't kind to yourself, please support yourself and stop reading.

Integrity and kindness. I'm in it.

I'm working on dreaming up some new offerings and ways of being of service. I imagine I'll start to attract more women who are sober curious or doing the dance of moderation that eats up their brain space, just as I was last year.

I want to infuse Spiritstyle and the parts of self and how integrity and kindness are woven into those in our adventures into iterative living.

I'm looking at healing as a daily practice and how integrity is leading my moves, holding space for me to fully feel myself in my life.

I'm writing weekly for My Great Big Fantastical Life and Business Circles and we are doing chakra work and stepping into archetypes and taking self portraits and playing with our sacred adornments.

And the sneaky whisper of living sober for almost a year and being blown away by how connected and alive I feel is becoming louder.

I'm not a brand.

I am a woman who a decade ago couldn't feel herself in her life and knew that she would do anything to find herself again. I went to school. I started a business. I left a marriage. I lost relationships. I made some shitty choices. I had ridiculous amounts of fun. I fell in love. I grew my family. And then I got sober (which is still HARD work) and started living through kindness.

I feel new. I can feel myself in my life. That's what I'll share with you here. My stories.

I'm also obsessed with the idea of sharing simple useful things.

Like did you know that snake plants thrive in neglect? Anyone who thinks they can't grow plants, go grab yourself a couple of these gorgeous plants and watch your neglect of them lead them to glory.

Or how an investment in a few specific throw pillows can transform your living room.

And how marinating red onions in lime juice is basic magic.

I may start a little Instagram thing around useful ideas. I'm going to go search hashtags.

My family is going to NH this weekend for a weekend of no Wifi and I'm going to have the kids plan and cook all the dinners. I'm going to swim twice a day while we are there and it is going to be freezing and I actually feel excited about that!!

I was there last weekend alone cleaning out the house and I found a half bottle of tequila, my favorite, my go-to drink. I poured it down the sink, while holding my nose and then I let the hot water run down over it and I said, thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you kindness.
Thank you integrity.
Thank you beautiful life.
Thank you.
I never wanted to be here, and this is the most joyfilled and peaceful I've ever been. Thank you.

I see you. I appreciate you. I adore you.


Did you know I have a shop on Instagram?

This gold and brown dress in size XL is available! Hop over here to browse. New listings are on Thursdays at Noon Eastern. Next week some beautiful Summer dresses, kimonos, Spring into Summer shirts and more. All sizes are featured though it will vary from week to week as thrifting is a lovely exercise in chance!


What I did wrong.


My tangle.

I tried to be 'better.'

On the outside, life is gorgeous. I can see the gorgeous life. I have even been waking up to catch the sunset and meditate.

On the inside, things are misaligned and the voices are cranking out words of suffering. There is a feeling of being irrelevant which hurts me because it is of my own creation.

The tangle takes shape. Twists. 

I live and teach and breath inside of iterative living. I know how to make change. I know how to become. I have learned over years of discovery how to teach iterative living.

Mistake number one is...making a change towards becoming so that you can be better, fixed.

I fell into the trap of the idea that something was wrong with me, so I needed to change it.

I know, 'being better' seems harmless, possibly even good (?) but here it was implying that something was wrong, broken, needed fixing.

Iterative living operates on the idea that you are stepping into something that already is. You embody this feeling/self fully by using change as the tool. Simply, your past self decides to start making the bed for your future self who is (already) adored. Or. Your past self walks past the mess of the bed and steps over laundry piles making a further mess, for your future self, who is, unworthy.

If you step into it as wrong, unworthy, less than, then that is what you get.

Imagine getting dressed in the morning under a feeling of being unworthy and choosing to stay in pajamas and then calling in 'sick' to work which feels awful in your bones versus embodying adoration and taking a shower, putting on an outfit that is a bit out of your comfort zone but allows you to feel like a rising star and walking into the office, red lips sparkling (or whatever it is).

So here I was. stepping into phase two of operation sobriety as though I was broken, uptight, too controlling, not free flowing enough. (Which by the way, is old old shit.)

Then when it felt like it back fired, this brilliant attempt of mine to be better, I didn't hold space for myself to feel like anything had gone wrong. I fought so hard against feelings of regret that I ended up all tangled.

Things that are important to me didn't get done because I was trying to be in a flow. Picture, long white skirt flowing while wearing a linen apron stirring cookie batter while conducting an orchestra and writing a book.

I am highly functional and one of the ways I do that is to make the cookies three days before the orchestra tunes up. This way I can usually crank out a meatloaf and some chicken soup too. Planning ahead. No white skirt.

And a little bit uptight.

Steps that I take to get from one place to another were tucked to the side so I could be less uptight.

I ended up falling behind, struggling to get anything done and feeling like a complete failure who refused to feel like a failure because she was trying so hard to go with the F-ing flow.

Then after days and days of wrestling with this part of me that didn't feel like me, I got the download. I call it God voice, I hear the words in my head.

The voice said, "You aren't trying to be better, you are trying to live inside the truth of how you are feeling. Remember the prayer you made to yourself?"

God voice is brilliant. 100% accuracy so far.

The tangle was I had taken my next iteration of becoming which was all around being inside the feelings of my truth and twisted it to look like certain things.

Somehow I got from truth of my feelings to convincing myself I was an uptight asshole.

The first thing I did was to give myself days of acknowledging what I felt I did wrong, where I felt off, stretched, wrong, pulled, silenced, overwhelmed, fearful.

The thoughts were loving. 

Hey, that didn't feel good and actually you weren't in your truth in that moment. Oh that is when you wished you had used your voice. OK, now I see where you over scheduled and over committed and what that left you with.

This let me synch back up with what was important to me, not what was important to being broken and needing to be somehow better.

I love looking at the data. I love seeing how experiences and plans look in reality. I love scratching stuff that doesn't work off the list or figuring out how to solve it.

I've been talking on Instagram and in My Great Big Fantastical Life Circleabout how I want to live inside of healing, wake up to it, make it my daily practice. I don't want to wait for something to break so I can go in and make it 'better.'

I am seeing this is connected to living in the truth of my feelings. Things break within me when I am pretending, pleasing and silencing. Then I get to be in full distraction of my feelings and fix.

In my untangling I am asking myself questions so I can source the truth of my feelings. I can get so lost in the stories of the feelings that I can't locate reality. Fantasy games of enneagram four. Anxiety as narrator. 

One of those questions is, what felt wrong? Owning that to me is owning that I want to live in adoration and trust of myself. 

Then I can get into the kitchen and make the damn cookies. White flowing skirt optional.

Add lipstick.

Let me make you a sandwich while I yell in my head.


I'll set the scene.

I've got one ten year old kid (who has been asking me to help him study for days and I keep putting it off) finally sitting down with a printable blank map of the Northeast US, which are not easy to find online if you are me.

I have another thirteen year old kid wrapped in a trauma blanket (weighted blanket) on the sun porch that has no sun, with a humidifier blowing the lamest amount of air, under strict orders to not leave the room.

The first kid who is as highly sensitive as his mama is talking about the lines to write the state names on. They are dotted. Not solid. And too short.

The second kid, who is incredibly sick and hasn't slept in days, snuck his phone into his deprivation chamber of wishful thinking humidity.

I sit down in my meditation chair, the one I like to feel all my calmness in and I am hearing about dotted lines not being long enough and potential meltdown voice is happening and I yell, "Just draw lines down on the bottom. This isn't hard to figure out. Why is this such a thing????" (Do you document the things you are completely ashamed of saying to your kids?)

Kid with the cough comes out and says he still can't sleep. Now, I had done something I don't normally do. I had given him some tylenol PM because he just needed to rest to heal. And it turns out nothing that makes other people sleepy makes him sleepy.

I say words that are like icing on my shit-cake, "Why are you on your phone? You are failing sleeping."

Incase you are skimming, I say to my sick, sick kid, "You are failing sleeping." Yes.

At this point kiddo with the map is crying because this map is seriously making him lose it. Or is it his ridiculously ranting mama?

I just stop.

"You guys, I am so sorry. I can't believe I just lost it on both of you. I think I am exhausted and overwhelmed and I just took it out on you. I am so sorry."

Turns out they still love me.

It gets better. The next day.


The next day.

Up till 2am trying to get the coughing kid to sleep. Back up at 6am to get kids ready for school.

Drive one kid to school half hour away, get home over an hour later and realize it is trash day and the trash is not out.

Take the trash out which involves 5 trips up and down the stairs to the garage, because I have to hold the railing for my knee, so I can't carry much at a time.

I hear Dave, my love, getting in the shower.

In my head a voice starts to yell.


As my cute little voice is yelling inside this head of mine, my sick kiddo says, "Mom, let me do that."

I tell him there is no way I'm letting him do it but how sweet he was for asking. Never fear, still irrational.

Dave comes down and tells me his alarm never went off because the sound machine we are using to drown out the cough noise drained his battery. He asks me what he can do to support me, if I need a hug, how he can help.

I can tell you I do not want a hug.

I can feel myself teetering between the yelling voice that really wants to be let out of her cage and the prayer of kindness that has been my constant this last year.

There is this moment of feeling stuck. Last year I would have let her out of the cage and Dave would have probably provoked her out, that little game of ours. We did not play in kindness.

My newest thing, a question I've been asking is, Where do I fit in this?

In these in-between moments when I want to fall apart, be resentful, unleash irrational anger because I'm overstimulated or exhausted, in these moments, the question.

Where do I fit in this?

I was battling the wildly irrational voice so hard and I was starting to soften. Where do I fit in this?

Answers started to download.

I was incredibly proud of how I was able to wake up without an alarm and go down and get my coffee going so I had two minutes before the other kids woke up. I was incredibly proud and out of my mind happy that I could walk down the stairs with the recycling, a couple weeks ago, my knee would not have allowed it. Also, in two years I've had to take the recycling out like twice. 

I still couldn't find anything nice to say to Dave. I couldn't hug him. I was in it. Deep. Hard. Silent. He was happy and smiling and I was...not.

The kindness Spirit whispered, hey, since you can't say anything nice right now and you realize you just need time to get over it, why don't you do something to show your love.

I went in the kitchen and made Dave a sandwich for lunch. Food is my love language. Dave said later that he was completely blown away that I did that. I told him I was still a while away from saying anything nice, but it was so important to me that he feel it.

Now is the part in the story telling where I start to wonder how I am going to wrap this all up in a nice circular story telling moment AND tell you about my new circle without trying to be pushy or promotey. 

It usually comes with writing a line, erasing it. Writing another, erasing it. Wondering how I can call myself a writer when I make up words and have zero idea how to use punctuation.

I am listening to video game playing in the other room. The coughs are getting slower. I just made a foot bath for my littlest who needed some mama attention. I am writing from my calm chair.

Last year when I decided to try leading a circle for a year, and I knew it would all be created from kindness, what I didn't know is that it was going to lead us all into a conversation of worth.

Kindness was the guide to worthiness. I could not access my shame, my grief, my anger, my WORTH until my curiosity with kindness changed my life. Kindness wants you to heal, to feel, to tell the truth and to be in direct communication with your worth.

Last year I wouldn't have been able to even source a question like, Where do I fit in this? I wouldn't have been able to quickly step back and say I am sorry. I wouldn't have been able to make that damn sandwich, possibly for days, the cycle of anger falling in on itself.

Where do I fit in this?

I've been asking myself this question in relation to how I wanted to hold space for and lead another circle. I loved the year time frame. I missed teaching business. I wanted to lower the price point. I dealt with major doubts last year as I was creating. This year, I am feeling so worthy of showing up, because I can feel myself in my life in a way I never have.

Where do I fit in this? 

What I am calling in this year to hold the circle, to become the guide? 

A few moments have pieced themselves together to become the blueprint for what will become.

The first was from Kristen Bell who talked about God as Ground of Being. You can google the phrase, I did. Mostly I just fell in love with that phrase, Ground of Being. We are beginning in the Root Chakra and this felt like a giant yes!!!!

Then the word integrity has been pulling at me, this might be something that comes up for people once they stop drinking and cease the run on making really truly honestly bad decisions. Often.

I spent some time feeling out if integrity could fit into ground of my being and it was like a puzzle piece that you are sure should fit but doesn't.

(Honestly, I think every single day I couldn't write a book because how would I ever find the words. I'm getting to the nice wrap up, I promise. Almost there.)

Every time I've opened a book or put on a podcast or just scrolled the entire internet to avoid the sadness of sick kids there was a word that popped up. And then this amazing interview where I heard Nadia Bolz-Weber talk about grace. How grace has nothing to do with making our worthiness, it just is. 

And pop. There it was.

Grace of my being.

This year where I fit in to hold this space, to create this container, to make a big ask of you to trust me to do that-this year is the grace of my being. Grace feels as much of a craving as kindness became. 

When I said sorry.
When I let the voice carry on inside of my head.
When I didn't try to make everything OK and pretend.
When I sat down in my calm chair.
When I made the sandwich.
When I wrote this instead of having a pity party.

Grace of my being. 

I believe it is going to be an amazing year together.

If you'd like to learn more, this is where I'll say, thank you, thank you, truly thank you, you can visit this link below.

My Great Big Fantastical Life 

Hi, and an invitation to gather our moments together.



In the exhaustion of some flu that captured me, I wanted to come say, just, hi. And brevity isn't really my jam (Twitter continues to confuse me) so I will continue on, but mostly, hi.

Hi, away from social media. Hi, in the moments before dinner is on the table. Hi, when you are cuddled up on the couch under a heavy blanket.

A hi, and, how about a story?

A while back I unfollowed a few people on Instagram. Not because they were doing anything wrong, because when they showed up something not-so-good would happen inside of me.

I had to examine if it was jealousy or a mirror triggering or what, because I thought they were lovely humans. I just got this response every time they would show up in my feed. I didn't feel good when I saw them.

Because there was so much 'similarity' in being moms and having businesses and being seen and growing a larger presence I had to unpack it slowly, I knew my reaction was taking me somewhere.

I asked myself a whole lotta questions. One specific thing that came up was in response to someone who said, "This course always sells out." It just hit me with pricklies all over my body.

Starting with jealousy, I asked myself if I felt jealous that someone could make that statement. Of course. Sure.

Then I looked at it a little more. One of the things Dave and I have spent the last few years on is not speaking in absolutes. The words always and never are part of our boundaries in heated conversations, we hold firm on redirecting the person who uses them in battle.

OK, so the word always triggered me, felt a little wounding.

But I still hadn't hit what was going on. Until I did. And it was so uncomfortable and sad and all the things.

I sent my friends a text and asked. 

The reaction I'm having to these particular people is something some people feel towards me, isn't it?

Their lovingly beautiful response, absolutely.

So I went into that. I lived in it for weeks. I went beyond the first layer of boundary work, which is that it isn't my job (or the job of these other women) to fix that or make it better for anyone else.

I went deeper into it as a true, honest feeling that isn't pleasant. I managed to stay out of my head that wanted to sort it and file it and research it and make it ok.

I stayed in it. I felt the grief inside of it.

Any instinct to want to return to the salvation of it not being my responsibility to take care of other's feelings was acknowledged and then I asked it to step aside so I could keep on feeling the extreme discomfort of what was coming up.

Being in a feeling, in a moment of our life that is so TRUE is inherently more beautiful than resisting it AND because it is often a feeling we'd rather numb, it is so convenient to choose instead, not to feel it.

I chose to feel. I made it through. 

Emerging from that discomfort was such a new iteration of myself that I put on a sweater I used to live in and it no longer felt good on my body. The whole day I was tugging and pulling and thinking about taking it off.

The truth is, I care so deeply, fully, intensely about how others feel.

My business is built on feelings.

In the rise of social media and the constant feedback of people liking you or not liking you because of a decision to hit a couple of tiny buttons on their phones I think there is this part of us that tries to numb out how much it hurts to not be liked by claiming to have good boundaries and not be co-dependant with our followers. 

But what if we go deeper? 

No one has to align with me on how I choose to show up and be seen, but I have needed to get honest with myself around it. My fear runs deep and feels primal, especially as this is how I support myself and my family.

In therapy I told my healer how angry I was that my love story with Dave wasn't the magical one I was writing, that I had convinced myself it was.

She asked me who I was angry at. 

I know, you know the answer. And, hi.


I was angry at myself.

Once I let myself feel these things and feel what was underneath them, Spirit and I have been on a wild ride of feelings, of gathering moments, of making space, of listening.

The sweater now belongs to someone who has become exactly who needs to be wearing it.

Today, in between sick kids and calls from insurance companies and making lasagna for my sort-of-mother-in-I-am-not-married-in-the-traditional-sense-law who broke four ribs, I will put something on that feels like me now.

And here is where I'll invite you to something that will become as we do. A thing that doesn't actually exist until we bring it to life. A something that came from everything before and waits in this quiet wondering of who will breathe their spirit into it.

This is the place I'll offer something that I need, that I believe in, that dreams of becoming as we gather our moments together and feel ourselves in our lives.

The little link to the invitation I'll throw in here is the result of that sweater no longer feeling right on my body and yet being amazing on someone else's. 

It will begin with a story. About meatballs. (I'll remind you here, brevity is not my thing.)

What it mostly wants to tell you, is that there is a place, a space, where your stories weave into mine into hers into theirs and our moments gather into something that I believe is great big, and, fantastical.

Our lives.

So, hi. Hi.

I see you. I appreciate you. I adore you. The invitation is below. xo

My Great Big Fantastical Life 

I deleted my About page.


I’ll be happy to read this to you…

All January I sat back and watched a whole lotta awesome people sell their services. Yearly circles, programs, memberships, courses. Incredibly brilliant things, many of them from friends, people I LOVE.

My yearly circle starts in April, that is my sacred month of magic, that New Moon is where all of it begins for me. Last year I saw all the launches happening and I couldn't hold myself down. I felt scared that I was missing out, I went full on into lack. I pushed it into becoming before all the bits were settled into place. I was racing imaginary beings towards something I had been visioning to birth for so long.

I don't look back and think, oh damn, I should have waited. I do look back and think, OK, that isn't going to be my story now.

So the feelings came. I watched all the freaking gorgeous offerings pop into my little corner of social media and my inbox.

Instead of freaking out I said my walking prayer.

I see you. I appreciate you. I adore you.

I thanked the energy I was receiving for bringing me to question if I was doing everything wrong. (Note, not right, wrong!)

I was deeply confronted and I stood somewhat naked in that confrontation.

For a while I fell into a wild stage of comparison and jealousy. We don't talk about that enough do we? I would love to sit over here pretending to be super evolved and tell you that it doesn't happen to me. This is an area of big ole' healing work for me now.

Maybe my evolution in this moment is being able to say, OMG there are days when I just can't. I can't look at anyone else's accomplishments. I can't look at a photo of a couple being so sweet together when Dave and I are fighting about nothing and it is the biggest deal in the whole world. I can't read one more positive freaking meme telling me how do something better/different/more positively.

Sometimes I have to unfollow incredibly positive people on Instagram because it overflows my capacity to feel my own life.

I just can't some days.

And those days are my biggest vulnerability and what I would love to hide from.

I can't.

I deleted my About page the other day. Because I can't. I can't spend another year of my life worrying about the copy on that page. 

All of the people I've spent time learning from, studying, all of the advise on how to make the About page leverage you or sell you.

I can't.

So it is gone.

Good business strategy? Probably not, but I've never been sold on a formula. I am a rebel tendency enneagram four who just can't right now.

I've had this knee injury and new insurance and no Dr. available within a six month time frame and I've been watching my body hold weight and I don't feel like me and there is no good way for me to move or integrate energy right now.

I want to WALK again. I want to hike with my kids.

We finally worked out with the insurance that the best way to handle this is to go to the ER. I can't go to a specialist until I see a Dr. and no Dr. can see me until July. I had a mini melt down and then decided that while it seems like the silliest thing to clog up an ER, this is what will happen.

Dave told me how proud he is of me for handling an entire month of these phone calls and dead ends and frustrations and that felt really really good. I was craving that, someone just saying, I'm proud of you. I don't need the praise as a general rule, I just need to process, but sometimes being seen for the things that are super hard for you when you are in the muck is a beautiful thing.

These are the places I fall apart, come unhinged. Making appointments and phone calls and getting taxes ready and adulting and waiting to launch my heart and worrying about stupid About pages and feeling jealous and like I've disappeared from my little corner of the world and become irrelevant. 

I just want to go in the kitchen and make broth and beans and mix herbs into pots and toast turmeric and infuse something and fully live in my Kitchen Witch knowing of rose powders and cacao.

When I conjure in the kitchen I am confronted with something else. A knowing. A deep primal ancestral knowing that I am one who blesses AND is blessed.

I am so OK without an About page. I am so OK in my vulnerabilities. I am so OK sometimes not being OK on social media.

I am transformed in the simple ritualizing of slicing ginger and adding it to a broth of cinnamon and cardamom and pepper and honey and coconut milk to calm my nervous system. 

I take my mug over to my little meditation/card corner. Many mornings I pull a card after asking one question. I add a gem essence to my potion. The steam rises and I feel back into my body. I can. I can be here now. I can follow the card's wisdom. I can sip. I can breathe.

The truth I know is that I can't do things any other way than what my spirit contract says. If I'm feeling jealous it means I have not been living in my full expression of self. If I am trying to do something just for money or fame my body will break. If I am letting others persuade me against my soul's song I will get angry.

My work for this last decade has been a combination of pure devotional spirit downloads of inspiration and deep dark wounded struggle. Every decision that happens within me is now aligned with the space between.

The peace, compassion and air of the between. There is an inordinate amount of waiting here. I have this little rule for myself that I don't go on my phone in any waiting room or line situation. Because I don't want to be looking down, I want to be there, to be noticing, to be present. I refuse to become a zombie with a little box in her hand.

This waiting is like that. To be bored enough to know myself. To live not in the pain of suffering or the high of the creation as the only forces all the time. To be invited into those spaces for times and then as Dave and I heard from a line in The Last Kingdom that we loved, "You may leave me now, my dear."

Please come in love, you are safe.

Now you may leave me, my dear.

This is brand new and my nervous system is loving it. I haven't had a panic attack. I can feel myself in my life.

I can feel myself in my life.

The space between extremes.

Sort of like I used to live in my house either completely chaotic with piles and messes and dishes or totally rearranged and photo ready but not functioning to stay clean. Now I have these little things I do, and have invited the kids to learn to do, that keep a home of peace; something I truly never knew as sustainable.

Or the space between intoxicated and sobriety. My love and I went to a Superbowl party and neither of us are drinking and I could feel us there, in that space between. Like we were almost giddy with our choice to not drink (this is not my common feeling of not drinking), to feel good the next day, to not worry about who would drive and how much they could drink, to be inside of something brand new and beautiful, together. We weren't in sobriety or intoxicated, we were inside of the space of a simple decision made within us.

To feel ourselves in our life. To live inside of our great big fantastical lives which is magical and mystical and often ineffable. 

Please come in love, you are safe.

Now you may leave me, my dear.

The circle I have been inside of with the most amazing women on the planet was first born of the work I knew I needed. I had to do. It was knowing that what had been could no longer be supported going forth and every week I challenged myself into the actionable places where change lives. 

Going in I thought I carried zero shame and I set out my empty baskets to receive truth and they were filled. With shame, with stories, with fear and with love, with kindness, with devotion.

The work we've done together enchants me, I am under the spell of these women who choose vulnerability, being seen and to look at their suffering as an act of compassion. I am awed.

You always see testimonials from the clients about their teacher but I am their testimonial. Women lifting women is the most powerful force I have ever witnessed. They have grown me, challenged me, formed me.

I am emerging cellularly new. I can feel myself in my life. And I am so proud of my great big fantastical life because I can see it and feel it and I am not alone inside of it.

People are always saying to me, "Hannah, you must get so lonely. How do you possibly stay alone all day?"

First I remind them I have five kids and they are my ground and my joy and so much freaking fun. Secondly, I am not alone. Ever. Not one single moment. My women, my circle, we are there night and day, the women in England reach out to us in the middle of their night because we will be awake when they are suffering.

Even the women who are doing the circle quietly on their own often email me and share what is in their heart and the ones who say nothing I still feel them, they are right beside me. Often I'll go pull up everyone's picture in our member list and just say thank you.

I have more trust and faith in my work then anything I've ever done. I was born for this. I was born to circle women. When we trust the thing that is our deepest knowing, our intuition, our ease: that is when beauty becomes.

My suffering has continued to be my work in relationship, in love, and the other day I told my healer that I had begun to feel my worth. I had prayed for that feeling. For that truth. And there it was. I am integrating the wild woman who stands receiving this knowing.

So in this space between, in this waiting, I have received. Here is where I will sit in-between the suffering and chaos and the downloads of creation and flow.

I have evidence to prove to me that both will return, both will continue to walk with me through life.

Please come in love, you are safe.

Now you may leave me, my dear.

(As always, I see you. I appreciate you. I adore you.)

On not using something old.


I've got a few pots I'm stirring.

A huge house cleanse and rearranging for a gathering I'm hoping to host in April for my circle.

When we saw this house I knew it would hold space for gatherings and then I found myself in deep pockets of shame and grief and smallness and I just needed to be there. In that.

It was a hermit like need. A cocoon. It is wild when you feel yourself coming out of those times. Like a winter frost melting by warm sun, like an invitation.

I'm working on the next iteration of my circle, I've got a six week resetgoing, my adorable shop is almost ready for in person visits, I'm looking at hosting a workshop series for the Spring so we can gather belly to belly and I've been rolling the idea of finally doing a Podcast (that one is still rolling).

Oh, and five kids, three of whom entertain us each weekend in about seven combined hours of basketball games and five hours of practice. I'm a total fan girl to my kids, I'll log those hours. One just started LaCrosse and all of them have the nasty winter cold thing wandering around New England.

Throw in the week of my bleed and I tried to convince myself I was overwhelmed.

I went looking for something I'd already written to repurpose. I read some cool things but the problem is, I'm not her anymore. I adore her. But to say hi to you today with someone I used to be feels like the opposite of what I've been working on these last few months which is...being fully present to NOW.

I'm not overwhelmed. Everything I have going on is chosen or manageable. Sick kids are cranky but they are also snuggly and a great excuse for extra pots of tea and layers of blankets. My knee injury sucks AND it has given me so much time to write again.

If I fall into focusing on ALL there is to do, sure that has potential overwhelm. Or if I don't section off my day into little parts and sections of flow, I get lost in it.

If I know where I am in my cycle, the sleepiness, hunger and tenderness are an of course feeling.

There is a huge bowl of bone broth I made earlier in the week when I was filled with energy that I have been using each day for bowls of miso soups with noodles or brown rice, beans, veggies, herbs, whatever I've got around.

I've got that feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin and also a flow to the day. A little guide to take me from NOW to the next place in my moments.

The story of overwhelm is not true. Searching for old words when words are not at lack is part of that story.

I've been asking myself one question when I need to ground in.

What is true now?

Like right now I need to pee, my lower back is done sitting in this chair, I'd love a cup of tea and the quiet of the house is mine for this moment.

It is mine for this moment. 

What is true for you now? What is yours for this one moment?

I see you. I appreciate you. I adore you.

One More Layer


(I wanted to share week one of the reset so you could see what it is all about! Just finding the reset, you can join here if you like!)

I was watching the movie Life Itself, because apparently I needed to cry, and in one of the fantasy narrator scenes the little girl says, "I want to live a great big fantastical life."

I grabbed my phone and sent myself a text.

I want to live a great big fantastical life.

I want to be someone who lives a great big fantastical life.

Zero idea what that means, but it feels soul-yummy when I say it.

The last few years I've had a story that I want everything smaller. Smaller business. Smaller visibility online. Smaller.

Somehow in that story of smaller I started to feel unhinged, uncertain and well, you probably can guess this, small.

I wanted to shrink and become unseen. It wasn't until I noticed my discomfort in the smallness that I could feel my Wildthing stirring around inside, wondering where she fit in, who was watching out for her in all the smallness.

The reset idea started with a woman in my circles talking about how she decided to take a picture of herself in the same place every day so she could show herself that from one day to the next, nothing had really changed about her actually body, it was the way she felt about herself.

I wanted to be someone who looked in the mirror and felt amazing about herself. So for a week I decided to play with this. In full on Spiritstyle. Also, I wanted to see how I could show up for myself more.

Reset = Show up for me.

Then I decided to piggyback another ritual on it, which was to do the dishes at night.

Now here is where we can talk about two important parts of this reset.

The first is why?

Like a bigger why than, because I want to have a clean kitchen. Why do you want to be a person who does dishes at night? What do you perceive a person who does dishes at night is? What is it about them that pulls you in?

The second thing is, how will you step into this challenge?

How many obstacles are in your way? Why might this be a walk into sabotage? James Clear talks about the first two minutes of any habit being the most important part. If we are set up for those two minutes to happen, the rest just becomes.

When I wanted to be someone who washed dishes at night, I wanted to be someone who went to bed in peace. There was a calm that infused my home when the kitchen was clean and the counters were ready for the morning.

When I wanted to be someone who looked in the mirror and felt amazing each day, I wanted to be someone who had a daily practice of tending herself. I work from home and can stay small and unseen and undressed or I can take time each day to plan an outfit that is moving me towards amazing.

The resets weren't about creating a ritual for life, they were about challenging a thought I believed about myself, a lack or limitation and challenging it for six days, then taking the seventh day to integrate.

After six days of reading daily, I started reading more.
After six days of washing the dishes at night, I got really twitchy if I went to bed with a sink full of dirty.
After six days of questioning my thoughts with a new question each day, I started to naturally flow into question rather than attack.
After six days of drinking more water, I could feel when I wasn't.
After six days of saying yes to green, I was wearing green and eating green and noticing green all around me.

Knowing something is only a few days long eased my anxiety around failing. This wasn't about success at anything, this was about trying something on so I could feel like someone who _______, then decide if I liked it.

I like to think about the day following the light. In our little hibernating New England Winter it goes a little like this.

Early morning dark
Magic Hour
Evening dark

I take each of those times and think about being someone who __________. I won't be the same someone in the early morning dark as I will during magic hour. Each part of the day affords an opportunity to reset, to whisper, Reset Wildthing, Reset. We can infuse these different parts of the day with challenges, rituals, we can try on our becoming through the presence of doing something now.

We can become someone who lives a great big fantastical life, even if we aren't sure yet what that is.


PS. No rules to this reset. Just play. Piggy back other things into your six days. Do something different. Ask yourself what you are longing for and look at how you could set yourself up for a reset in those things. Or, just follow along, one small challenge each week.


A Great Big Fantastical Life

I have a gazillion ideas and prompts for playing in the reset. I found myself trying to take out my favorite ones because of the voices in my head telling me that certain people wouldn't like that or that I couldn't do this or that because blah blah blah.

Small. The smallness will envelope you and this reset is all about living a great big fantastical life.

In this great big fantastical life, we aren't trying to find it, we are going to just live in it. We are going to become someone who lives a great big fantastical life.

The reset isn't about searching for anything, it isn't about being tortured and angsty, it isn't about shadows (because we've got enough of that work going on), it isn't about getting from point A to B.

The reset is about living in the now, the moment of, the act of, the trying on, the playfulness and joy of presence.

I was reading an article the other day as I was working on the Reset and it was about tidy people. In it she mentions that people who live in a tidy space don't save it all up until it is a huge mess, they are constantly looking for little resets here and there so there is never a huge mess to clean up. They are maintaining tidiness.

That is what this reset feels like to me each time I step into it.

I am living a great big fantastical life. Each little reset keeps me there, it keeps me from having to dig my way out of smallness over and over again.

Ok, I think that's enough set up for these six weeks. Ready? Let's play. And thank you for being here.


One More Layer

Let's talk about Spiritstyle.

Since I was young, I have lived inside of the idea that the outside directly impacts and transforms who we are on the inside. And the inside is our guide for how we layer on our clothes as the way of being in the world. 

Being seen. Being true. Being our most amazing version of ourselves.

The parts of who we are communicated on the outside.

After the dishes are done, rings on fingers.

After the leggings and sweater, boots, worn, loved. Leg warmers bunched.

A color story that washes over us and matches our now.

Spiritstyle. Matching the parts of ourselves with how we show up each day. 

The feeling and witness of who we are.

And it changes. All the time. Each day we can be new.


For this first six day cycle of the reset, I'd love to invite you to think about one more layer.

One more layer to your outfit. A braid in your hair, red lipstick, a couple of bracelets, fingerless gloves, earrings, scarves, vests, suspenders, hats, blazers, nail colors.

This is about becoming more you. The you that lives a great big fantastical life. The you who is someone who is seen.

In the photo above I started with my footless tights and a strapless white dress.

I added some long boot socks, a gray cropped shirt that I tied at the waist and my fingerless gloves.

I kept going. I added my favorite necklace and earrings and a stretchy brown belt to define my waist.

Later I put on a jean jacket and those cute brown shoes.

I kept adding one more layer until I felt like someone who is seen.

Now, I was going to Ikea this day with my girlfriend. I was not dressing for Ikea, I was dressing for me, for the woman who lives a great big fantastical life.

Each day of this reset can look different. The way in is to create the beginning.

I have one of those old accordion wooden hooks hanging in my office which is typically where I leave the house from. On it I hung a couple of necklaces, scarves, a jean jacket and two blazers, a hat, and a few other things that I wanted to invite into my reset. I found a couple things I hadn't felt brave enough to try on yet, and added those.

On my desk I made a little spot for a couple of earrings and bracelets and in the downstairs bathroom I put a little pouch with some lipstick in it.

I get dressed each day upstairs. I throw on a little bit of make up and I usually have on my standard uniform of leggings, long tight shirt and maybe a sweater or skirt.

But I spend my time in my office. I am mostly downstairs. I may not go back up once I come down.

So I set myself up to be able to add on one more layer in a place I'm going to be. Years ago I started taking off my jewelry at night and putting it directly into my purse because I would leave the house so early I knew I would never get that jewelry back on. So I brought it to where I would be later.

The setting up is how we live in the reset. The reset is how we live as who we want to be. 

I want to be someone who is seen. So I spend an hour going through all of my accessories and my closet and I pull out choices. I then put those choices in a place I will be, not stuffed in a drawer or lost in a closet. I have curated options for my great big fantastical life.

Then each day I can live in the Reset Wildthing, Reset. I already am actively engaged in what I've chosen. From those layers my past self chose, I can live in the beauty of someone who is seen.

Someone who is seen lives a different day than someone who is small.

They live in a great big fantastical life. 

They feel their beautiful Wildthing soul. 


With the sunset I took off layers and added a soft cardigan for curling up on the couch with. We can flow with the light and the dark. Begin as one someone who... and land as another. 

This week using the #resetwildthingreset tag I'll be sharing my layers with you. If you feel like being seen and sharing photos on Instagram you can use the hashtag or click on it and view others who are sharing inside of their reset.

I will send the emails on Friday evenings, allowing for Saturdays to be a combination of integration to feel how the past 6 days were and to prep for the following 6 days.

So, Saturday ask yourself if you could carve out some time to play in your stuff! What do you have? Where do you keep things?

Make a little pile of layers and then figure out a wonderful place to keep them so that you see them and have easy access to them. You might just fill a little basket with layers and put it next to your full length mirror.  (Don't have a full length mirror? You are too gorgeous to not see yourself. Consider it.)

Then Sunday, simply be someone who adds one more layer.

Next level. For those of you who feel like you are already the layering queens, ask yourself where you are playing it safe and keeping small in your own way. A color you haven't tried. A scarf in your hair rather than around your neck. Small braids in your smooth hair. Reset Wildthing, Reset.

Peeing on the highway covered in ice on NYE


I close my eyes and I watch two movies.

The movies created by my thoughts of a decision I thought I had to make.

On one side of the decision, one movie. On the other side of the decision another movie.

The movie keeps changing. One side will bring me relief then pain. The other side brings me pain then relief.

I step in and out of both exhausted.

The big stuff can feel like your life depends on it.

Last year on New Year's Eve I was driving in a minivan across the country. My only job was to drive and listen to music or our Audible book or to sleep and eat.

Something about that time was the happiest I've ever been. I didn't have a single decision to make. I did what was next, and then what was next after that. If the next thing was to go pee, I went to the bathroom. If the next thing was closing my eyes because I was falling asleep, I went to sleep.

I had imagined on the trip that Dave and I would have a big talk about something. That we would look at our relationship for hours and analyze and review and talk about everything we've done that was so wrong with us.

We never had a big talk. We just drove. And slept. And listened. And had sex in hotel rooms at night.

I would make tea using the hotel coffee makers and rub oils all over my feet. 

I felt safe that whole trip.

Even when we drove through an ice storm that was causing dozens of accidents all around us. I remember driving in it, crying and Dave having me pull over in the middle of a highway covered in ice so he could switch with me and I had to pee so badly. He told me to just hold onto the door of the van and pee. Right there on the highway, I squatted down, barely able to keep my footing and peed.

There was no decision to make. There was just me, my bladder, the highway and then getting back into the van to creep along some more.

Every year at this time I start to think I have to make a decision of what to do next in my work. As my income winds down and April gets closer I become splattered with decisions that don't feel comfortable.

The only thing that has ever worked is to just stop trying to make the decision and do the next thing. Write an email. Make a list. Run some numbers. Make a prayer.

I have never actively made a decision for what I will do in my work, it has just sort of happened; after a shit ton of movie watching of all the sides of a decision to the point of freaking myself out to wanting to just run away from my life.

I instead dropped the decision and found myself inside of it.

I know this. I can trust this. That decision is not mine to make. It isn't real. It is like this way I convince myself I have control over something, to believe that this decision will make or break my life.

When I get quiet and just do the next thing, when I see what is truly in front of me, when I choose just for this moment, the next thing happens too.

A decision can be a manipulation. A decision can be an excuse. A decision can be lack. A decision can be a fight. A decision can be part of a game. 

A decision can be control.

What if the decision isn't real?

What if the movies we play about all the sides of the decision are our way of suffering? 

Because we don't know. And every moment is new. 

My friend said to me that we don't owe consistency to anyone.

I change every single moment. 

I change my mind. I find grace. I surrender. I see myself in a new way after a bad choice. I see others in a new way after a bad choice.

What if we own that we are flexible enough to care for ourselves?

You know that cup half full or empty thing? I strongly don't like that. It isn't real. The decision to be one or the other isn't real. To think one way or the other isn't real. 

You know the decision you made not to text that person and then you do and you hate yourself for ten minutes (hours)?

You don't owe consistency to anyone.

You sent the text. It is only a text.

And maybe, the story you've created about it isn't true. And maybe it ends up being the most wonderful thing ever. And maybe it doesn't. And maybe it just was you, sending a text, being you, in that moment of whatever you were in. 

Maybe trying not to be who you are because you need to choose which half full or empty cup you see or which decision to make to fit into a perception of you is just not real.

What is the next thing?

When you open your eyes what do you see? 

No decision is ever more important than the person you are, right now, who is creating that decision.

Drop the decision and see YOU. Feel you. Are you being honest? Are you valuing yourself? Are you living in a projection or story? Are you trying to hurt someone so you can feel better? 

One more time on that one.

Are you trying to hurt someone so you can feel better? In parenting, in partnership, in friendship, in finances?

Maybe that decision, which I promise will make itself, is the way you stop yourself from the accountability of this one moment? From the accountability of showing up as love for yourself, first. 

When you are about to pee your pants standing on a highway covered in ice there is no decision to make. You pee. For the sake of the rest of the car ride, you pull your pants down first and squat.

If you don't, you'll be ok.

Stinky. But ok.

Today I got in the van, packed some snacks and drove. I found water, hiking trails (no, I didn't hike, I just observed for a while), other people sitting in cars with themselves. I munched grain free tortilla chips and a yummy granola bar.

I had no idea where I was going, I trusted that I'd find whatever I wasn't looking for.

I prayed to the water and the only thing I asked for was my own honesty.

If I can find that, why would I ever worry about a decision that isn't mine to make.

I see you. I appreciate you. I adore you.